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So this a long a story but the background behind is the reason I am so unsure. so around 2 and half years ago I met this man let’s call him b, I was his manager at the time. I valued my job but in out line of work we would end up doing 12 hours shifts together just the two of us. Over time we grew close. And couldn’t deny that it was more than a professional relationship and we were both developing feelings. B is a widow and quite a bit older than I am. However before anything developed between him and I. I fell pregnant with my long term ex after one lonely night. I explained this to b and he accepted it and said he still wanted to give us a chance but to keep it a secret until I went on may leave so neither of us had to stop working. he told me he had been in a long distance relationship with a lady let’s from German but that was over. b lives and hour away from me. my due date was 7 days away and b phoned me and said he was going to Portugal. when he got back baby was born and we made arrangements for me to go see him and meet baby. When I got there his flight info was on the kitchen side it said hr had flown to Germany. I immediately showed him and said I thought you went to Portugal. He turned things to me saying I shouldn’t have looked. Said it was all to much with the baby and decided he didn’t want the relationship anymore. We got back together after 6 weeks and everything was good. I was still questioning if he had told the truth but had no reason to doubt he had been to both. He said he was still in contact with the lady from Germany occasionally like at Christmas and birthdays. However I have a gut feeling this is again half the truth. The reason for this feeling is in more than one occasion when I have been to visit him I have come across letters from her telling him how much she loves him and misses him. Everytime he has said something along the lines of he can’t control what she said and then get angry I saw this. Even tho they are just sitting on the kitchen side. If her name comes up on his phone which he keeps very secretive he will quickly try to ensure I don’t see it. We don’t have a lot of time together with him being an hour away and me having three children. My older children are 7 and 9 and he wants to start coming to my house after nearly two years it would seem like the most logical next step. However I still have a gut feeling he is lying to me about the woman from Germany and perhaps there is more to it. I know she is in a different country but it to me if he is still having a long distance relationship whatever that may entail this is a deception. I have callled him out on this and explained my doubts about him getting to know my children whilst I have these doubts. He says I’m paranoid because of my past and I need to trust him. I found a letter less than a week ago and it has her contact details on. I have considered contacting her. If he is lying to us both then she should know. And if I am being paranoid I can put this all to bed and let him be part of my family and maybe get myself some help from my past. I really don’t know whether I should contact her. I don’t think if he found out regardless of what she says he would forgive me for contacting her. But I also don’t feel I can let him get to know my children if I have any doubt. any advice would be welcome as I’m going round in circles in my head
The issues in my marriage stem from my husband was married to a horrific hideous obese woman before me and it made me feel like I lowered my standards being with him. Yes I know it is a mentally messed up issue all on me but it is what it is. In return the issue caused me to welcome attention from other men to boost my ego , even though it never went further than just flirting. That caused a sick cycle. My husband would get mad resulting in fights where he would scream, cuss & call me every name possible to hurt me for hours on end even though I would ball up in a corner begging him to stop. This became a constant cycle for years. Even though my flirting stopped and I purposely do not have friends, because I don't want to expose anyone to his fights they have progressively gotten worse to physical abuse. Now to make matters worse when one of his fights happens and he goes outta control, he will go and broadcast everything bad about me to anyone he can find to listen, even posting publicly on social media how awful I am. He has said he will stop and has gotten a lil better but the fact is he did it in the 1st place. When his fights happen, they ignite from anything and it's like he is another outta control person that I don't recognize. What do I do stay and try to help him or run like hell cause someone like this can't change!?!