DarkCh0c0

OP a healthy man does not come with red flags. You might have been swept off your feet by him, but believe him when he tells you he's still involved with her. You can do better. Don't stay and put up with such nonsense. There's no need to bend yourself like a pretzel for someone who doesn't give a **** anyways. Walk away with your self-respect held high.

Yes, but by staying with him you show him that you will put up with it. Staying close to an ex, even if online, is a major red flag in a potential partner. You need to do the right thing and walk away from his emotional mess (and cheating). He's not "the one". I assure you.

It's a 12 hour journey and it's a not at all a small ask. It's as if you're in a different country, so they can't expect you to fly over to their place when you're not ready nor comfortable doing so. Let them know that they can come when they want, but for now you just can't see it happening from your end. You need to put your own and baby's best interest as a priority. Anything else comes afterwards. Will they be upset? Sure. Do you have to do more about it? Nope. Not really. All you can do is suggest they visit occasionally. You both as parents can't people-please everyone. You have to be okay with the fact they're upset. It's their problem and they'll deal with their own emotions. If they keep bringing this up, just change the topic to something unrelated or nod and say that will happen at some point later.

I'm sorry to hear this. Just for more context, why won't they travel to your place instead?

Boyfriend and daughter's opinions aside, what do YOU want? Remove all the pressure, put your hand on your heart, and close your eyes. Just ask yourself and answer honestly. "What do I want? What makes ME happy? What am I worried, confused or inadequate about? What can I do about that?". Whatever you do, be true to yourself and slow down the people-pleasing.

1. Yet he told you he gets obsessive. 2. He doesn't want the same thing as you. You need a relationship. He needs sex and affection. 3. He acts like a boyfriend? A boyfriend would commit to you and ask you to be gf. So, NO. He does not act fully like a bf. He's acting like some kind of f* buddy or fwb. It's up for you to choose whether you want to see the red flags and run (like most women would do), or settle for a man not wanting to commit to you, but who will get slowly obsessive. How old are you two? How long have you known him and why did you sleep with him so quickly? It seems for me that you caught feelings for him and that you're willing to settle for some fwb role. I do not recommend that. I recommend standing up for what you want and walking away to find a man who is on the same page as you. You can do better.

Why won't you talk to him about this?

😌🥰 Loving this post! I'm happy for you.

The problem is your low self esteem. Why on earth you still think of her and want to reach out to someone who treated you so condescendingly is beyond me. You need to investigate what's behind that. And, I get that your pride was hurt, but it shouldn't be. You should be self-assured and not depend on her opinion or any woman for what it's worth. She was a jerk to you and you need to move on. Find closure in blocking her, taking pride in your own work and start seeing women who appreciate you for who you are as a person and not just what you do for a living.

Are you doing this for research? Why are the titles your posts talking about "a husband"? Why won't you give more info? This is sus.

Kick him to the curb. He has a porn addiction and you are not equipped to deal with this. Don't try to play therapist nor fix him. Just walk away. How awful of him to put you through this. There's an episode in Sex And the City whereby Miranda is with a guy who is exactly like this. You can watch it to feel empowered. I think it's Episode 6 Season 2.

I get it on the alcohol part. I hear you. You are aware of it and you know it's not a slippery slope for addiction. It's some temporary relief to cope and you'll stop it when you see you see fit in a matter of days . That's fine as long as you can pace yourself. Now, let's get to the positive part. Okay, good. That means you have a lot of income coming in in case you choose to go back to your country and buy a house there. That's in your favour. That's really good. Tap yourself on the shoulder for this. You've got interviews lined up in the midst of the chaos and you'll have the opportunity this time of being picky and choosing a work and workplace that are healthier and make you happy. You will need to forget about what's happening in your life and prepare yourself like a chief to these interviews. Perhaps having a job again will bring back some structure and less unknowns to your personal life, if you know what I mean. And if you want to leave at some point, you would have tried something better and seen what it's like to work at a different company. Good. Good. Focus on being a good father role model and talk in an adult way to them about mom. They will not understand everything, but if you tell them mom and dad still love you and act loving towards them, they'll come around. In the meantime, can you take the kids with you on a holiday? Maybe use this time to go to a fancy hotel to use the spa, watch the kids play in the pool, get some nice fancy food, ect. Treat yourself while you are going through that tough time and give yourself a break. Don't ask ex-wife to be around and decline if she asks to join. Limit the relationship to cordial interactions.You need to focus on taking care of yourself and the kids. Taking care of yourself, feeling the value of the hard work you've put in that last workplace and just giving the kids a good time might help soothe your stress levels in this tough time. Dad can be single AND happy. I'm sorry it's so hard, but you need to take care of you 💚 I'm also sorry to hear about your father, but you need to take care of yourself to be able to be there for him and to step up for your kids. I hope the above helps.

Romance her and do fun light things together at the beginning. Get to know her before she can come to your place. This is great advice. Pick any of the above for your dates and have fun with it. Whatever you do, stay out of each other's apartments for the first few weeks.

Then you absolutely need to have that conversation. If the drive is gone, what is he willing to do to your sex life as a couple? Gauge if he's open to find a middle-ground where you're happy too. Also, if he tends to be on and off with antidepressants, that's a red flag and it shows he's not stable enough to be a good partner. I know this from first hand experience and I have put up, like you, with BS because of it. If he didn't seem to care enough about your needs and doesn't take his mental health seriously, then it's your time to go indeed.

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Exactly. We don't know if this is who he is or there's something else behind it. If she leaves him out of the blue, he'll be blindsided. I certainly would want to have this topic talked about before my partner makes a decision to leave me. Communication is key.

If he was like that in the honey moon phase, then no wonder he dropped to 0. I'd say you've given it enough time and you're not happy about it. You can't ask him to be what he isn't. However, if this is the only thing that isn't working, I'd have at least one conversation to see his pov. This way, you would know you've done your best and can leave if the conversation isn't that helpful.

It's not your job to play his mother, therapist, nurse, ect. Next time you go into a relationship, think of yourself as partner. If the man needs mothering, he can go to his mom's place and he's not partner material.

As a recruiter myself, yep go ahead. Let them know that you've received an offer and ask when you can expect to hear back from them. Also, ask the recruiter about the salary range. Sometimes if candidates share they've received an offer and we were considering sending them an offer, we speed things up. However, be wary that a lot of people are on leave now and many companies have put recruitment on hold for 2022 due to other deadlines/reports that staff need to submit. So, you might not hear back from them until after the new year. You reach out to them and let them know that you're very happy to hear that you've got an offer. You can then explain something in the line of "After thorough review of the salary offered and the worth of my skills in the market, I'd like to ask for my salary to be X. I'd appreciate if you can come back to me with said salary and I'd be happy to sign the offer asap. I'm very excited to be closer to joining the team". They will then either offer the salary you ask for or a middle-ground depending on their hiring budget. If, however, they don't offer a better salary, then it's just not the right place for you. You don't need to sell yourself short. Once you're happy with the offer, you can absolutely accept it and then withdraw if you get something better later. I've had candidates do the same, and I don't blame them cause they need to look out for their best interest by the end of the day. Congrats on the offer! Pat yourself on the shoulder! You've done a great job. New year, new job, new you! 🍷

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the heartbreak you're feeling. Honestly, you were in an abusive relationship. You had bent yourself over and backwards to do whatever he wanted and that's not healthy. And, you still are under the influence of this man. To correct your post title: his actions AND words say no. It's sadly your wishful thinking that's clouding your judgement. I would suggest you go no contact with him, his friends and his family. You are still in the thick of it, so to speak, and you still want him back in some way. So you take space away from all this so you can see clearly in your own eyes that he was a bad partner to you and didn't treat you right. He is negative, manipulative, criticized you and made you responsible for his feelings in an attempt to change you to whatever he wanted, and he never validated your feelings. Whatever good qualities he has go out of value because of how much of a pr!ck he was to you. Please take some space and focus on loving yourself and surrounding yourself with good friends and family. If you love yourself enough, don't allow him back in your life. Don't let him jerk you around anymore. He says he's not ready for a relationship... Agree and kick him to the curb. You've wasted enough time and now it's time to be single and happy you. Use this time to reflect on your low self esteem and see why you've dragged yourself through this. You don't want to repeat the same pattern with another guy. Consider getting therapy or reading books that talk about emotional abuse. Please remember that a healthy relationship includes a partner who makes you feel loved and heard. A healthy relationship is stable, consistent, and kind. A healthy partner would love your for who you are and not despite of it 💚 take care.

There's nothing confusing really here. He told you clearly from the beginning who he was and that he was not ready to be in a relationship. He also gave you mixed signals which were a red sign that he wasn't that into you. Yet, you chose to dive into this relationship while ignoring all these red flags. You even ignored his own words. And then what you ignored came back at you and he broke up with you. I'm sorry it's like this. Next time you date someone, don't wait around to see how red is their red flag. Just leave at the first sight of a red flag. Healthy relationships do NOT have red flags, mixed signals, ect. Healthy relationships feel assuring, consistent and stable. You don't deserve any less than that 💚

If you're not feeling it now, you're not going to feel it later. A spark is essential at the start of a relationship, and if it's not there, it's not there. And, it seems she checks some of your boxes on paper, but there's the chemistry and dynamic irl that's not working. You've given it 3 months, so best break up and find a more compatible partner.

Learning to not expect it may feel safe, comfortable and like a coping mechanism, but it won't serve you well in the long term. How about doing things differently? Maybe learn to put yourself first and only stick around people who do so too instead? That'll help you steer away from toxic people and gravitate towards healthier people who appreciate you for who you are and want to genuinely include you in their lives. You got this 💚 Have fun! 🍷

But you're not his gf. You're still fwb. If he wanted you to be more than that, he would have had that relationship convo with you. Instead you got: Whether he finished it with love or not, I would say he still sees you as a friend. Are you hoping for more? Why not have that conversation with him where you talk about this situationship and learn about his intentions?

Oh Oh. That was your red flag that he is on the rebound stage and not over his ex. I would have not spoken to this guy anymore after that date. He's not consistent. He's not that into you. He's not over his ex even if he's trying to convince you and himself that he is so. You need to block and delete this man from your contacts list. You are missing out on available and better men by sticking around to this man full of red flags! And, learn to leave from the sight of the first red flag and always believe someone's actions. Don't settle for breadcrumbs and don't ask someone to love you. Up your standards and b.l.o.c.k. him. You can do better! 💚