secretcheb

A combination of severe anxiety and the fact, y'know, it's the holidays, no real good time to talk about it without taking time out of something else or possibly ruining our holiday - until today. We had a pretty nice chat about it and while I'm not gonna go too into detail, we both kind of laid out how we were feeling and laid some boundaries on what we could expect from each other. He also apologized and assured me it wasn't an attraction issue at all & apologized he'd made me feel that way. I'm feeling astronomically better & now that we know what to expect from each other the air is a lot less awkward. Many thanks again to those who commented :) happy holidays folks & i hope you have a great day.

He's definitely not on and off - it was his first time on them, he was on them for a while, and he addressed the things IRL that were causing him issues (old job stress, etc) and moved on to the point where the medications he was on weren't helping him anymore & he was stable enough on his own to go off of them. I think you've hit it in the first part of your post here - I definitely do just want the assurance that attraction is still there. If it is then I'm willing to wait a lot more than if he's just lost interest in me. I'm mostly just hoping at this point is that the wild swings are just part of the process while accepting it's ok to not wait forever. I suppose it's also important to clarify that by "low libido" I meant compared to me (once a day most of the time kinda person) he was lower, but it wasn't abysmal. I've never expected that out of any of my partners and it's never caused issues for me in the past, i really just do need a little attention from them when they're willing to give.

He's actually been off the meds for a couple months now - i wanna say since maybe late summer? early fall? he was weaned off of them appropriately and, for a while, things seemed to get better before they just plummeted again - his words when ive briefly mentioned is that he doesn't have issues performing anymore, the drive is just gone, and i don't really want it if he's not a willing participant ya know? it was something i was very aware of anyways since i also have a history with antidepressants personally, it's just a question to me of is he still dealing with side effects or is there something he's not telling me? he's a pretty honest guy admittedly but has skimmed some stuff in the past to keep from hurting my feelings even if i tell him i can handle some hard honesty lol. i guess it is like you said something ill have to wait and see - kids aren't a concern, neither of us want them at all (one of the reasons we got together in the first place was that compatibility) but i do bond pretty heavily to my partners and comparability long term is one of my big concerns.

hey folks - thanks for all the responses, definitely more than i was expecting and above all, thanks for being kind. w/ seasonal depression and this issue i was very, very sensitive last night and posted this from a place of hurt. im feeling a little better now but figured id respond. a lot of people mentioned that they agreed we moved in too early - and i definitely agree! we had our reasons though. it was technically long distance & unfortunately, even though I could take my work anywhere, plane tickets were stupidly expensive, as was gas, making visiting consistently very costly. we were both also burned by our last long distance relationships & didn't really want that again. regardless, it's a lesson learned for the future if i need it. whether to split or stay together, y'all were right that i should bring it up with him first. i really do love this man and id be losing out on so, so much if i didn't even try. i guess im just a little trigger happy because my last relationship left me in a sore state where i put up with way too much stuff i didn't deserve, and during my off time i told myself i wouldn't put up with being unhappy in a relationship again. some people are worth working on so im gonna give it a shot for at least a little longer and see how it goes. thanks again for all your advice folks & if you have anything else to add, id love to hear it. much love <3

hello, looking for advice. me and my partner have been together for about 10 months now, but we've been friends for years. (went out to visit as a friend, realized we liked each other, got together). due to our history i moved into his place pretty early in the relationship (about 5 months in) and, realistically, everything is fine. we get along well, share most of the same beliefs and ideals, and have a rough future plan of what we want. from the beginning though, he has always had a seemingly lower libido, at least lower than me. it has never been my expectation for him to match me as, while i love intimacy, i don't need it all the time. im perfectly capable of taking care of myself most of the time. that being said, it IS a requirement for me in a relationship. im feeling stuck now because that lower libido has basically dropped to 0. it has been about a month since anything has happened, and im pretty open about what counts as intimacy. it doesn't have to be sex, i just need to be able to feel that bond with my partner. in his defense, a few months ago he was on antidepressants but has now stopped and while i know this issue likely isn't his fault and i try to be understanding, I'm not gonna lie and say it's not hurting me. my self esteem is rapidly dropping (especially since i wouldn't consider myself a pretty woman by any standard) and i wonder if he's just... bored of me. we don't seem to spend much time together anymore as he's gone back to working. i find it impossible to bring up because making him feel forced to be intimate with me feels just as bad and i don't want him to feel guilty about what he can't help, im just terrified of a dead bedroom & don't want to be in a long term relationship with somebody who isn't able to do a very, very low minimum. as a sidenote, i don't think he is cheating. he doesn't disappear, act weird, and he's a very cut and dry person - if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't. is it too soon to call it quits? do people come back from this?