DarkCh0c0

You need to muster the courage to take care of yourself and walk away too. He is is what he is and he enjoys controlling you. You can't change that, but you can walk away and live a happy life.

Absolutely. OP if you live with him, totally walk away while he's not at home. Ask a friend to help you pack and leave. Make sure to get the most necessary items to make sure you never need to go back there. And, have a plan to stay somewhere he doesn't know and tell your people to block him or pretend they know nothing. Sometimes, you have to leave when the other person is not around. If you do it when he's around, it can require a lot of strength for you emotionally to leave. The same applied to me with my ex. As long as he was around, he'd block the door physically and he'd block me mentally from leaving by using different manipulation tactics. Enlist the help of friends and family to have your back and ensure you don't go back to him 💚 I'm sorry it's like, but you need to take care of you and free yourself to a better life.

Next time he comes near you, tell him you'll call the police. If he persists in showing up near your place, consider getting a restraining order. What a pos. He's doing all this because he thinks he can break you so that you go back to him. He's even using his daughter as guilt card. How low. Good job on standing up to yourself. Keep blocking him everywhere and whenever he sends a message/email, don't bother reading it. You need to heal and move on.

You need to break up and NOT allow for discussion. If you don't live together, break up over the phone or in a public coffee shop. Tell him very briefly that this isn't working for you and it's over. Get up and walk away. Block him everywhere and tell all his people you don't want to hear about him anymore. You need to do this in order to support yourself in moving on from him. He is toxic and does not respect you. You owe him nothing. You just need to use that little strength you have to go through it and block him. If you have a trusted friend or sibling, ask her to be with you and to make sure you break up with him. Keep in mind that he begs you back because you act like a doormat despite the cheating. He insists you don't break up because he wants the easy gf benefits you provide like sex, intimacy, listening to him, helping him in the house, ect. But that needs to stop. You cut that at the source. You stop allowing someone to use your kind heart. You're worthy and can find a quality partner.

That is extremely poor communication. Yikes. You want to talk about an intimate topic via text?? And you want to question her orgasms via texts?! That's the easiest way to NOT get an honest answer and to put her on the defensive side. What you need to do is to find a comfortable time to have this discussion face to face. Tell her that you enjoy having sex with her, compliment her and then ask her if and how she enjoys it too. Ask if there are things she'd like you to do so that she can enjoy herself more. Listen and show her that you're willing to try new things for her. You've been physically intimate, so you can carry an intimate convo. If she doesn't suggest anything, then you either realize you're not compatible or you accept it for what it is.

Now that I read more of your answers, I can see more where you're coming from. I'm more on the side of @smackie9 and @Cherylyn when it comes to dating. I like to be courted and I like a man with a plan. It's the little things that show their character. There's no right or wrong about this. I see that you are aware that you are indeed materialistic in some way. You have x income and have a certain lifestyle. You'd like to find a man that matches that. I get it and there's nothing wrong with that. Though, I'm definitely not moving to Southern California soon after reading all those horrible dating experiences! Any chance you can date less rich or outside of that area? Or maybe date from your social circle? (friends of friends). Maybe, because you're so focused on the material things, you've attracted men who are the same? Have you considered that? Instead of just looking for the matching $, look for character, having a good time/laugh, ect. Moreover, try not to stay too long with men who show you who they are from day 1 and expect them to change. If he's 50/50 on dates 1-3, chances are he'll be like that all the way. That'll help you screen out quickly the ones who don't match your criteron so you can waste less time on wrong matches (like that 8 months guy).

She's toxic and you should keep your distance with her. Keep info sharing to a minimum and accept that this is all she can give. I would give a heads-up to your bf regarding your relationship with your parents, if you haven't done so already. And, if you still want to go to that dinner, keep it short and leave early. I'm sorry it's like this.

Understood. Then maybe give it some time and try opening up to friends?

I'm sorry you've been through this. I can't imagine the pain. Have you considered unpacking to a therapist or at least speaking to a friend about it? In my opinion, bottling it up does not help you heal. It's the opposite. It's as if you're a cooking pot with simmering content, but you are keeping the lid on. As long as you don't open up to others, all of what happened will stay in your mind as you ruminate and try to make sense of it... Until it becomes too difficult as you are struggling now and the lid breaks/falls. Talking to a friend would be a very good start. I advise therapy because you mentioned this isn't your first time in such abusive relationship. The right therapist will help you understand the mechanism as to why your stay in abusive relationship and they'll give you tools to do things differently and unblock you. I say this as someone who has been in your shoes and have endured an abusive relationship for years. Once you start appreciating your worth and develop self-confidence, you will attract similar partners and you'll steer away from toxic people at the earliest sign of a red flag.

You have a good point. What stood out to me is that despite the many red flags, her focus in the post title and question is on the whether he's cheap. It's as if she's willing to put up with BS as long as he flexes his money(not happening in his case though).

You're not. Don't question yourself by going out on a couple of dates with a stranger. You need to have a better sense of self and confidence. And please don't be naive about his intentions. He wanted sex for free delivered by you on your own car expenses and own time. What a pos. Raise your dating standards and learn to leave when you see the slightest red flags or turn offs. Over analyzing him only wastes your time.

See, he's so persistent and he's trying to convince you out of your feelings!! Major red flag. Disrespectful selfish sicko who won't take no for an answer. Also, the moment he invited you to his place on the second date you should have declined the whole second date and blocked him. Yes, some men need to be blocked. I'm pretty sure he has a hard time finding a woman who will put up with his act, so when you keep channels of communication open to him, he goes for it. Add to that, he's just off about money, where you ate the first date, ect. He doesn't sound appealing at all. Another red flag for you to run. You don't need to check how red is his red flag. It's really bad. He's selfish, inconsiderate, and he just left his gf hanging elsewhere as if she's some possession who will wait on him. Stingy, selfish, inconsiderate, looking for sex on the second date, ect. You tell him nothing. You owe this guy nothing. Just don't be naive and fall for his BS excuses/chat. He's an adult and he knows very well what he's doing including making you feel uncomfortable regarding your own feelings and decisions which is a major major red flag. I imagine this is the kind of guy who will not take a NO in the bedroom once he has you there, and that is a scary situation. Block and delete him asap. Like, right now. Learn to cut the bad apples at the soonest sight of red flags 👍

This is not a healthy dynamic. He has a role in this, so pause on your self-blame for a bit. A normal healthy person does not respond back with insults. Also, he's old and set in his ways. Most people after they hit their 40s-50s become set in their ways. I would personally find his response upsetting and disrespectful. I would not put up with that and I would leave. You cannot be in a long term relationship with someone who does not respect you. You also cannot walk on eggshells for the last decades of your life. Try to stop believing in what he's saying. Stop on succumbing to your self doubts. Stop your nagging if there's any. He is part of the problem here, and I'm afraid no matter how you raise a comment/question, you will be met with the same insults. It's just a toxic relationship dynamic, and the insults are just the tip of the iceberg. Reflect on whether this is the type of man and relationship you want for the rest of your life. If you don't live together, it'll be easier to cut ties and live in peace.

Just for some context, how old are you? How long have you been together? Do you live together? Correct. He's doing that to you. The way he's reacting to you does not sound healthy at all.

You gave him sex on the second date. It was so easy to get you in bed. He got what he wanted and left. Easy 🤷‍♀️ Next time, don't sleep with someone before you get to know them, trust them, and you are at least exclusive. Just think of it as a fun sexual experience, and next time don't be in a rush to share your intimate body with a stranger. Take your time, look out for red flags, check if they are actually caring and thoughtful, ect.

You could end it, but it sounds he's aware of the possibility that you'll leave at some point so he's just rolling with it 🤷‍♀️ My sibling had a bf who was planning on leaving to work in Canada. Supposedly, he was preparing documents, ect. She stayed with him knowing he might leave and told me she liked him enough to stay regardless of that. His plan didn't pan out and they're still together. I guess if I was serious about someone and he told me he was planning to leave, I would break up because I'm looking for something long term-ish like marriage, ect. In your case, it's your bf would be more likely to call the shot. Same with my sibling. She could have walked away and said that this doesn't work with her, but she chose to roll with it.

@mylolita I think you are one of the minorities who have had an age gap relationship that has beautifully worked. I'm not saying they all don't work. They come with their own challenges/cases and a minority is able to work through that. In OP's case, it's 2 decades of age difference. That's a lot. I've heard about 10-11 years difference, but 17... It sure raises a brow for me. But, to each their own. OP didn't even ask our input on this, so of course he could take what I say with a grain of salt.

I agree to disagree on this one. Wrong timing means wrong match. I say this from experience and friend' anecdotes. And, this isn't about a case of being busy with studies, an operation, ect. This is a case of someone not being single on paper. Legally, she is married. So he would be pursuing a married woman. Add to that, she might be working through break up baggage. However, I did mention that if he insists on asking her out, to go slow or respond as you advised. I know life is life and people are different. There isn't always a straight right or wrong answer.

I wholeheartedly agree. It's a huge gap. Almost 2 decades. They are in very different life stages in practice and they'll be like that for a long time. 🧐 Can you elaborate?

Separated or divorced? Until she is fully divorced, I advise you keep your distance. Yes, this includes the 1 year wait to legally finalize the divorce. Imagine if she changes her mind. Say, her ex pulls some romantic stunt and she goes back to him while dating you. That won't be fun. However, if you insist on asking her out, I recommend you take things slow. If she declines your invitation, I recommend you respond as lolita advised: Keep it lightheaded as you'll be coming back as a customer and you don't want it to be too awkward.

Yea, exactly. It can be a "I'll cross that bridge when I'll get to it" kind of situation. Once you're all set to leave with a job/study plan secured, you can simply part ways. He's aware of it, so he might not be that upset. I know a young couple who was engaged, and then one day the fiancé got a work opportunity in the USA. He left and they parted way peacefully. No bad feelings. My friend found another man shortly afterwards and it was someone who wanted to stay in the country, build a family there, have his parents nearby, ect. They are married and have two kids now. Nothing wrong with any of these people. You just need to make sure you are looking out for your best interest in the long term, cause no one else will do that for you.

Nope. See if they'll bring up the disagreement. If they do so, they have to apologize first. If they don't bring it up, then just pretend nothing happened and keep your distance with them. Alternatively, you can do as Boltnrun mentioned: Whatever you do, don't apologize for standing up to yourself unless they apologize for treating you poorly. That's key.

If they are "popular", it doesn't mean they get away by acting like entitled spoiled pr!cks. Please consult your teacher again and let them know what happened. If your teacher doesn't help, tell a supervisor. It's their job as adults to handle those kids. And, it's good you stood up to yourself. No need to apologize unless a teacher brings them in and gets them to apologize to you first. In the meanwhile, keep contact to a minimum with these kids. Avoid them where possible.

Be proud of yourself and take care 💚

🏆💪 Absolutely! You've come a long way.