DarkCh0c0

Let's start with breaking up with him first, healing and then you will consider whether you are ready to date. Baby steps. For now, you need to put your big girl pants on and break up with his sorry a$$. When you do so, don't allow for any discussions with him. He knows exactly what to do/sell you to manipulate you into staying, so don't even let him get the chance to do so. This might include guilt tripping you, gaslighting, getting angry, fake promises or tears. You gotta be strong and stick to it regardless. If you can break up over the phone and block him immediately afterwards, you would be doing yourself a favour. Tell him and his family that you are laying low for a while and would not like to receive his news. In that time, process the break up, start new hobbies, make new friends, learn to have some healthy adult boundaries and get some therapy if possible to assist you in rebuilding your self-esteem. Work on being single and happy. You can do it. You just gotta push through the excuses you're giving yourself for whatever reasons they are. He might have been your security blanket, but it's time to throw it away and put your happiness first. Life's too short. Please take care and love YOU 💚

A pastor cannot fix your guy. No one can. He may act differently after visiting a pastor, but it will be short lived. It's like when someone holds a gun next to you and asks you to behave in certain way. You will do whatever they want until the guy is away, and then you'll fall back in your habits. Same thing. Honey, what are you fearing? You can be single and happy. You don't need that guy. He can't give you what you want.

Retail work is not easy, specially if you're pregnant. It can be so stressful and tenuous on the body. I agree with checking if the doctor can sign you off work. This sounds like the best solution. Your health needs to be your #1 priority now.

See, you know on some level he's not good for you. What's the point of being with someone if you have to walk on eggshells all the time and not feel safe around them? What he's done to you before, he can do again to break your psyche and make you more dependent on him. He's a pr!ck. He thinks you're so desperate and have such low self-worth that you'll stay no matter what he does to you. And sadly, you exactly proved that to him. Please honour your feelings and think of breaking up with him. When you break up, cut contact (block him, yes), tell his family and friends that you don't want to hear about him anymore. Tell your mom the same. Learn to put some healthy boundaries and break your codependency with him. You are worthy of much better. You can do much better.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Just because he has some good qualities (like all people), doesn't mean you need to brush those major red flags under the rug. A red flag is a sign for you to STOP. It's not to a sign for you to see how red is the red flag. He has way too many red flags and you shouldn't proceed in this anymore. If you love yourself and care about your happiness, you should end this asap. And, it's totally okay to end a relationship when you have feelings for someone. Loving someone doesn't mean you need to stay with them regardless of red flags or incompatibilities. What grown responsible adults do is break up with someone despite their feelings for them because they know this situation is not sustainable in the long term. And that's why healthy people go no contact after break up. It's to allow themselves to process things and learn to find a better match and what they want in a match. Add to that, your bf has no reason to change. Why would he? He found a woman who puts up with his controlling behaviour and so that'll be the same loop you'll be stuck in if you marry him. My advice for you is to take a breather and reflect on this. Put love aside and think logically. Your future happiness is at risk. Maybe take some time away from him and stay with a trusted friend or family member. Write your feelings and thought process down and decided for yourself whether it's worth living in a controlled misery with this manipulative man-child just because you have feelings for this man or whether you would rather set yourself free, find happiness, and then find a better match with whom there are no red flags at all. You need be with a man who is honest, responsible, kind, loyal and loves you for who you are... Just to start with. These are the minimum standards to write down in what you want in a partner. And, I'm afraid because you didn't have too much time between your relationships, you didn't get to that part of self love and reflective work. Your bf knows that too. He knew you were in a vulnerable position back then and he stuck around because it's good for him. A lot of men like to prey on vulnerable women fresh out of break ups, but that's another topic. It's time to clean your glasses, see things for what they are and take care of you 💚 You got this.

It makes sense. But if this is the reason, it still doesn't work in OP's favour.

You're 44 and you house share? Can I know why? This can be a huge red flag and turn off for women. Women are attracted to secure and independent men who are able to provide at least for themselves. Women need to see/project a future with you to feel like they can be in a relationship with you. Living in a flat sharing will not work in your favour, and I mean to say this in the nicest way possible. But how if you can barely afford rent for yourself? I assume this is when you're done with your studies? No wonder you can't get dates. These factors are part of the problem. You're 44 and need to be independent for the least. If you don't have that, you don't have game and most women will just not go on dates with you.

And then She knows there's something going on between you two. How do you thing he treats his wife when HE spends most of his days chatting with you and bringing you closer to his daughter? How do you think HE treats his wife when he waits to go home and spends his time doing work instead of caring for his wife and daughter? HIM complaining to you about his wife is the first sign of emotional cheating. He tells you she's supposedly not good, and then he gets your sympathy and you feel bad for him. You start getting hooked as he plays victim to a situation in which he isn't one. And that's just the beginning! Absolutely get your CV out there and keep things professional in the meanwhile. It's a mess you don't want to be tied to. Don't even let him know you're job searching until you leave a job and give him your notice. I'm sorry this career move didn't turn out to be so great, but you'll be able to land something asap and move on.

So you want to date, but you cannot afford a dating app?

Can you try other apps? Swap Tinder for a better paid app. Tinder is for hook-ups, so it doesn't have your target audience. I agree with the rest of the advice above. Put yourself out there and mingle even if it's not to date.

I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds frightening. Have you sought therapy with a trauma-informed therapist? They are the ones that can you help you in the best way. Otherwise, I think each person's healing timeline is different. But with support and help, you will get there. The fact you felt awesome already shows that part of it has been processed, but there's more work to do and that's okay. Take care of you and give yourself a good hug 💚

Don't be his back up plan. He found someone he liked more than you, she turned him down and then he came crawling back to you for gf benefits (sex, intimacy, ect.) Don't let him take you for a fool. You'd be wasting your time on a guy who isn't that into you and who's treating you like some option to fall back on. Tell him to take his sorry a$$ elsewhere. Pick up your self worth and self respect. You're worthy of someone who commits to you from day 1. No toxic push and pull. Just someone committed and loyal to start with 💚

Let us know how the meeting goes. I'm with you and I get how you feel. You can't fully let it slide. Imagine you start dating a woman, get engaged and then one day this lady shows up with your kid and wants you to contribute. It's messy... But that's why ONS are so risky specially when men don't use protection. It's your load that got you in this mess. Hopefully she'll agree to the post-natal paternity test. Please be kind to her regardless. She's a human being after all and you both made/share this mistake.

My god! I'm so sorry. This is absolutely assault. Avoid talking to him from now on and wherever you see him, ignore and run. How dare he! This is not a culture thing. This is him taking advantage of your kindness to test assault you and see if you'd be onboard. He's being completely inappropriate and crossing boundaries. Run, run, run!

Have you contacted lawyers to just lay out your options in regards to the paternity test? If not, maybe it's something you should look into for peace of mind.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She cancelled the second date, so she's not interested. Absolutely cut contact and move on. Your time is valuable and should not be taken lightly by someone who actually cares about you. Even if she comes back and messages you to say hi, don't reply back. Her loss really.

Tinder has such bad rep. You would never find most of us on this forum on Tinder. It's a hookup app. Have you tried payed apps? I have friends who have had a lot of luck on apps like Bumble, ect.

Nope. Nope. I strongly advise you against this. A gentleman who is serious about you would not suggest this. Instead, he would make other outdoor plans and dates and follow up via text. Who knows if he's really not married or if he doesn't pull this same act with other ladies online. Plus, the whole asking if he can go to your place is a red flag for you to run from. It has booty call all over it. Don't stick around to see how red is the red flag. Just run. Block and delete him and then revise your dating standards and strategy as suggested by Andrina above.

Please make sure you use protection during intercourse (condoms and/or birth control pills) to avoid accidental pregnancies and STDs. You need to be living in your own apartment with both of you working so that you can raise healthy kids. As long as you don't live together independently from his mom, you need to make sure that kids are off the table. Kids need a big income from both parents and they need a safe comfortable home. Also, the least you want to do is raise kids around an alcoholic grandma and a lazy father. Hell no!

I think your issue is with him and not the mom. I agree with you in that you absolutely should NOT move in with them. Zero. Nada. Nope. Find full time work at another company and save up to move out on your own. Only move in with your bf if he has enough income to share rent and bills under an independent apartment. In the meanwhile, focus on being this brilliant financially independent woman and reflect on your dating standards. If you want a man who respects your space as a couple, appreciates your freedom and independence, is a responsible adult and has healthy boundaries with his mom, then you need to give it some time to see for yourself if he'll be up to that bar with his actions. Don't let him fool you with fake promises and don't set your bar any lower. You sound like a smart lady, so you shouldn't settle for any less just because you have feelings for someone. If he doesn't meet your bar, then you can move on to better matches while having your own place and financial independence. You don't need to settle for a boy who doesn't want to be an adult and who prefers living under his momma's house rent free. Girl, you can do better.

Then you are both not mentally/emotionally ready to be in an adult relationship. This isn't how adult relationships work. Relationships are smooth sailings. You're not supposed to be always "working" on something. If you're constantly working on things, then you're trying fit a square peg in a round hole. That doesn't work in the long term. Anyways, you've got a therapist so they will help you out as you said.

There's no committed relationship here. You never met, kissed nor hugged. For all you know, he may have been talking to 1-2 other ladies. Or he's a married creep. Be safe and block this chat buddy everywhere. Get out in the world and start making friends. Life is outside the screen and it can be beautiful! 💚 You can totally live without him. Once you get into hobbies and build friendships he'll be history.

Just call him and tell him you're not on the same page and that this doesn't work for you anymore. Break ups are hard, but they're part of life and they'll set you free to better matches. Afterwards, go low contact to facilitate the healing and move on more quickly. You got this! It's one of the first steps of adulthood.

It's great that you're in tune with your feelings. Be brave and do the right thing for you. You got this. You will later find a healthy partner who makes you feel safe and at ease. A healthy relationship is a smooth sailing. Keep that in mind going into the next one. And that's okay. We're all work in progress. Just make sure to build healthy habits in your life (therapy, guided meditation, exercise, hobbies, ect.) and you will attract healthy people. Having anxiety doesn't mean you don't trust your gut. It's quite the opposite. Our gut is our supernatural power in some way and, as an anxious person, it'll help you avoid going into painful situations like the current one.

She's an emotional mess. Look at her using the push-pull method to keep you attached to her. And the visitations arrangements are not working, so why not just admit the incompatibility instead of making YOU feel guilty for having time with your kids too. I suggest you run to the hills. This is because of the push-pull manipulative cycle you're caught up in thanks to her. Read up on this and listen to your gut.