DarkCh0c0

You could end it, but it sounds he's aware of the possibility that you'll leave at some point so he's just rolling with it 🤷‍♀️ My sibling had a bf who was planning on leaving to work in Canada. Supposedly, he was preparing documents, ect. She stayed with him knowing he might leave and told me she liked him enough to stay regardless of that. His plan didn't pan out and they're still together. I guess if I was serious about someone and he told me he was planning to leave, I would break up because I'm looking for something long term-ish like marriage, ect. In your case, it's your bf would be more likely to call the shot. Same with my sibling. She could have walked away and said that this doesn't work with her, but she chose to roll with it.

@mylolita I think you are one of the minorities who have had an age gap relationship that has beautifully worked. I'm not saying they all don't work. They come with their own challenges/cases and a minority is able to work through that. In OP's case, it's 2 decades of age difference. That's a lot. I've heard about 10-11 years difference, but 17... It sure raises a brow for me. But, to each their own. OP didn't even ask our input on this, so of course he could take what I say with a grain of salt.

I agree to disagree on this one. Wrong timing means wrong match. I say this from experience and friend' anecdotes. And, this isn't about a case of being busy with studies, an operation, ect. This is a case of someone not being single on paper. Legally, she is married. So he would be pursuing a married woman. Add to that, she might be working through break up baggage. However, I did mention that if he insists on asking her out, to go slow or respond as you advised. I know life is life and people are different. There isn't always a straight right or wrong answer.

I wholeheartedly agree. It's a huge gap. Almost 2 decades. They are in very different life stages in practice and they'll be like that for a long time. 🧐 Can you elaborate?

Separated or divorced? Until she is fully divorced, I advise you keep your distance. Yes, this includes the 1 year wait to legally finalize the divorce. Imagine if she changes her mind. Say, her ex pulls some romantic stunt and she goes back to him while dating you. That won't be fun. However, if you insist on asking her out, I recommend you take things slow. If she declines your invitation, I recommend you respond as lolita advised: Keep it lightheaded as you'll be coming back as a customer and you don't want it to be too awkward.

Yea, exactly. It can be a "I'll cross that bridge when I'll get to it" kind of situation. Once you're all set to leave with a job/study plan secured, you can simply part ways. He's aware of it, so he might not be that upset. I know a young couple who was engaged, and then one day the fiancé got a work opportunity in the USA. He left and they parted way peacefully. No bad feelings. My friend found another man shortly afterwards and it was someone who wanted to stay in the country, build a family there, have his parents nearby, ect. They are married and have two kids now. Nothing wrong with any of these people. You just need to make sure you are looking out for your best interest in the long term, cause no one else will do that for you.

Nope. See if they'll bring up the disagreement. If they do so, they have to apologize first. If they don't bring it up, then just pretend nothing happened and keep your distance with them. Alternatively, you can do as Boltnrun mentioned: Whatever you do, don't apologize for standing up to yourself unless they apologize for treating you poorly. That's key.

If they are "popular", it doesn't mean they get away by acting like entitled spoiled pr!cks. Please consult your teacher again and let them know what happened. If your teacher doesn't help, tell a supervisor. It's their job as adults to handle those kids. And, it's good you stood up to yourself. No need to apologize unless a teacher brings them in and gets them to apologize to you first. In the meanwhile, keep contact to a minimum with these kids. Avoid them where possible.

Be proud of yourself and take care 💚

🏆💪 Absolutely! You've come a long way.

There's no middle-ground. You've just grown incompatible and that's OKAY. I've been through the same thing with my ex. We didn't want the same things. I wanted a better and healthier life/future, but he didn't mind settling for the corrupt broke country we were living in. He had his routine and life there and he didn't want better. He just complained about it all the time, but didn't act on it. Talk is cheap after all... It doesn't make him a bad person, but I definitely wanted something better for myself and that spoke of our core values being different. Hence, it's an incompatibility that can't be met in the middle (brother or no brother). Nobody needs to bend themselves like a pretzel to un-necessarily fulfill the sole agenda of the other partner. The adult thing to do is to accept this incompatibility and walk away. You just want different things out of life. Happens in relationships. It's totally fine. Just make sure when you break up with him to go low contact so that you can heal and move on quickly. Don't go back and forth and make this a toxic waste of time. Bonus: I left that ex, moved to another country and my life has completely changed and improved. It still is getting better. No LDR, I'm free to explore and date other men, make new friends, ect. The world is your oyster. You won't regret leaving him and looking out for your best long-term interest. It's your responsibility to look out for your own best interest and happiness in life. At some point later, you'll meet a man who is a better match.

😨Holy ... I'm so sorry about this 💚

See, even her mom knows you AREN'T a narcissist. Your fiancée is gaslighting you and feeding you lies about yourself so that you feel you don't deserve better. As you take this negative talk from her, you become more and more trauma-bonded and you feel stuck to her/ as if you can't leave. It all works for her interest, rather than yours. It's manipulation. Someone with a healthy self-esteem would know they have flaws like everyone, but they would never accept that someone else dictates who they are. There's a difference between being humble and being a desperate people pleaser with no solid self-worth and boundaries. I really urge you to get into therapy and make a safe exit plan in case you live together. You and your child do not deserve this. You have done NOTHING to warrant such bad abusive behaviour. Also, maybe read up on trauma bonding (link included) to help you understand better the abusive cycle you are stuck in and why you need professional help. Right now, you are in the thick of it, so it's hard for you to see how bad it is. A good trauma-informed therapist will give you a hand and lift you out of it, so to speak. Once you leave her, reflect with your therapist on your self-worth and on why you just don't simply walk away from people who treat you like trash. You need to learn to walk away from the earliest sign of abuse. As you build up your self esteem, you'll start attracting healthier people in your social circle and you'll be able to experience more stable, fulfilling and uplifting relationships. I'm so sorry again it's like this. It's scary. I sympathize with you.

Bring it up and see his reaction. I would out personally leave because they have NO reasons to stay in touch (even if he tries to convince you otherwise). He's not over her and still has feelings for her. Hell, he's willing to help her with money! You're here just filling the partner void he has. I'm sorry. You deserve better.

What she's doing is abuse. The withdrawal effects don't make someone rage on their loved ones and deliberately say hurtful things to them. She uses withdrawal effects as a scapegoat to her trash behaviour. The truth is, she has anger issues and she gaslights you. When you stay with her despite her pulling those stunts on you, you show her that you will put up with it. So, she has no reason to change. All she has to do is play victim, tell you a few nice words and you stay. So sad, but this is part of the toxic abusive push-pull cycle. Please leave asap and while you can. Absolutely don't put you yourself nor your kid through this. I'm very sorry, but you need to be safe. You have done NOTHING to warrant her abuse nor toxic reactions. You are worthy of better. Maybe it's time to stay single for a while and work on your self-worth so that you no longer stay so long in such terrible relationships. You need to to train yourself to leave as soon as you see red flags. Edit: when you do break up with her, do it in a public space. Don't fall for any take tears, faker promises, or succumb to her gaslighting/guilt tripping. Just rip the bandaid off and leave. Make sure you have nothing at her place and that you've changed your home's locks before hand so she doesn't show up unattended.

The fact he removed all evidence from your phone shows that he doesn't want you to have evidence specially for a divorce case. When you take him to court for cheating, they will be very strict with him when you show the evidence. You'd win the case. Please collect any evidence and bring up the topic again but while recording him as proof. Be smart and change your phone's lock. And ofc contact a lawyer asap and get checked on STDs. It's so infuriating. How dare he take you for a fool. You need to trust the evidence and yourself on this one.

Utter BS. That's another lie. He betrayed you and his commitment to this marriage. I'm so sorry you are going through this 💚 You might be in the shock/denial stage right now, but you need to contact a lawyer asap.

POS!!! You mean he didn't want YOU to have evidence to bring to the court as you divorce his a$$. It's ALL BS. He's selling you BS. He's a selfish liar, cheater and he belongs to the street! Your gut knew something was up and that's why you looked on his phone. Why on earth would his friend message via his phone? And his friend happened to leave work at the same time? BS. Please consult a lawyer asap confidentially and start keeping records of your conversations (voice record him for example when he admits to more) and change your phone's password. Don't let him take you for a fool, cause that's what he's doing now. I'm pretty sure if you probe him more, he will tell you a slightly different story/details that don't really line up. That's what cheaters do. Also, please get checked for STDs asap. I'm sorry it's like this. It sounds terrifying but have the upper hand and stand up to yourself. You have done nothing to warrant such trash behaviour from your husband. What were you thinking of doing? Please don't naively believe in his crap story.

I don't see anything that needs forgiveness here. You've had a time period where you slept around to fill a void and that's okay. It happens to many people. Nothing to be ashamed of. Add to that, your past belongs to your past and in my opinion you don't need to tell anyone about it. You don't owe it to anyone. If you feel the pressure is a lot, I also suggest unpacking this with a therapist. I'm sorry you feel this way 💚 You are worthy regardless of what happened in the past.

So, you're upset that she has old sexual posts from an old situationship and you now can't see her the same anymore. I understand that. Add to that, you don't know if the baby is yours. I don't know how you would deal with this if you'll notice 10 years later that your child looks more like her ex or has some of his features... That in mind, I think couple's counselling is your best bet. Have some professional third party help you work through this. The marriage sounds toxic with poor foundations of trust, honesty, ect. It'll be a tough one.

Damn. I don't know how you can sleep at night not knowing if the child is yours. Your sense of denial is real. When did she stop posting about the sexual content?

Did you text him again and check if he's up to meet this week? If you did/do so and he's all "I'm busy" or "I don't know", then it's possible he got what he wanted and it's over for him. Another possibility is that he didn't find chemistry/ compatibility under the sheets. Who knows... In all cases, don't let him jerk you around. If he's making excuses, then it's time to excuse yourself too out of this.

This should be the least of your worries... Why you took her back after she f*d her ex during the break is beyond me. On paper, you were still married. And the fact she went back to him immediately shows that she still had feelings for him. Did you sleep with someone else too during that time? You need couple's counseling if you want to stay in this toxic marriage. Was the baby even yours? What has prompted you to check her reddit account? Were those recent posts?

She likes your attention and she's jerking you around her wishes. Your best friend knows what's up. I would avoid this lady who seems to hop from one man to another. Just cut contact and stop wasting time on someone who is not that serious about you and whom you're also not that serious about. Move forwards and not backwards in your life.

???!! I'd be fuming!! And then he phoned a massage parlor? Yeah, you know it's for some happy BS ending! You have all the red flags. Trust your gut. He belongs to the streets. He betrayed you. He betrayed his loyalty to you and this relationship. You owe him nothing! I'm so sorry 💚 You're better off without him 💯