treasure_island

You need to figure out why you buy these things. Is there an emptiness somewhere deep inside you that you want to make up for it by buying stuff? Addiction of any kind means there's emptiness somewhere, and you are self-soothing yourself by purchasing stuff. Then you get "high" and you feel great, but it wears off, and you start all over again.

I don't give myself a pass, but it's safe to say that southern california is more materialistic then, say oklahoma. No I only look someone deep in their eyes if I'm attracted to them. It's sacred for me. I don't do that with someone I'm not attracted to. I didn't do that with this particular guy.

This one was actually pretty good looking too. And yes I did evaluate his other personal characteristics, I just didn't write about them on this forum. This post is specifically about whether or not he's stingy, and I received a wide range of answers. It's such a controversial topic with no right or wrong answer. And I did tell him (twice) that I don't wanna continue dating him, but he tried to change my mind. And I did date men from all income levels and have fallen in love with both stingy and/or generous men. I know my post sounds like I'm the stingy/materialistic one, and I apologize for that, but it was just a question that happens to revolve around money. Of course deep down I know that not all of life/relationships revolve around money. I apologize if my post sounds that way though.

yes, it's so subjective. So many factors are involved. I understand that my post mostly revolves around money and how the guy spends money on the girl, so therefore other people might think I'm just some materialistic girl who is looking for a rich guy. But truth is, of course I evaluate other qualities of this guy too. My question on my first post was very subjective and obviously there are many answers to this controversial topic. It's just that people are different, with different dating styles and different expectations. To each their own. I think sydney probably has amazing ferries and I wouldn't mind going on a date on those ferries. However the boat ride he suggested was more like the picture below. I just didn't feel enough trust or attraction toward that guy to go on a boat like that.

Yeah I've dated all kinds of men from different income levels. Some were stingy and some were generous, and it had nothing to do with their incomes. And I have fallen in love with both stingy and generous men in the past. This particular guy wasn't flashy at all (which I liked) and seemed very humble. And after the first date I was actually still interested in seeing him again (despite the bad restaurant). But when we talked on the phone and he suggested coming to his place for 2nd date, everything just fell apart in my eyes... and my guards went up and I started dissecting everything that happened the first date, and everything he said and did on second date. It just wasn't meant to be I guess. Like you said, they won't change.

Back in the day when gender roles were more prominent, there's no way a guy would ask a girl to come to his house for 2nd date. Especially if he didn't put in much effort for 1st date. He's not weak b/c he's not spending money, he's weak b/c he's being too "chill" and not properly planning dates, while at the same time hoping to sleep with the girl asap.

I don't expect prestigious 5 star restaurant on the first date or any other date, but I did expect that he take me to a normal, basic restaurant. He didn't work that day, so he had time to look up restaurants, rather than finding something on the go. And after that first date that he didn't plan out well, he had the guts to ask me to drive an hour to his place. Not that I would go to his house even if he took me to a 5 star restaurants....but still. He seems to me like he doesn't know how to properly court a girl.

It all sounds fishy. Trust your gut. If you believe that he's cheating/lying, then you have your reasons and you are probably right. Make your decision to break up with him and be firm. Don't give in to his "explanations" and "apologies"

yes, it's like gaslighting and he's a full blown narcissist. they blame everything on you. You're insecure, or this or that, that's why the relationship isn't working. So it's all your fault. If only you weren't so insecure, then you deserve his love.... it's all bull***. Run as fast as you can. Besides, I never liked when people call their partners insecure. He probably made you feel insecure, doesn't mean you are insecure. The most confident people can feel insecure b/c they are dating a narcissist. Narcissists do that. They lower your self esteem, degrade you, then call you insecure and leave you. Then they return to see if you have worked on your ''insecurities"'. Classic.

Don't pressure her into climaxing. Some women fake it b/c they feel pressured and don't wanna make the man feel bad. In order to orgasm, the woman needs to relax physically, mentally, emotionally. If the woman doesn't feel like orgasming, then she shouldn't. There should be no pressure. Sex can be beautiful without orgasms too. Just make her feel comfortable. Tell her that if she doesn't want to climax it's ok, and to enjoy the moment. There's no confrontation in that. Either way, you make sure you are pleasing her very well.

Don't date projects. Date someone that is good to your heart and your soul. That you can build a peaceful, flourishing life with. You have to make a list of your must have's and dealbreakers to get to your goal faster and not waste time. But of course also have realistic expectations. I know it's frustrating.....I'm going through the same thing. But right now I'm at a point where I'm happily single and taking care of myself, and not dating just anyone that comes my way, just because I wanna be with someone. It's somewhat liberating to know that I don't have to deal with relationship bs. But don't get me wrong, I also love being in relationships, as long as it's healthy and deep. But right now I'm not that lucky. But I make the best out of it. Keep yourself busy and do things you truly enjoy doing. I know it's cliche but these things really enrich your life. Become obsessed with a topic, or some sort of activity. Read about it, learn about it. Shoot a text to an old friend to catch up. Enjoy nature, make meal plans and cook new recipes. Bake cookies and bring them to work. Your coworkers will appreciate it. If they go to happy hour after work, join them. Therapy can help too. Helps you dissect everything to look at things more objectively. All I know is life is short, and it's meant to be enjoyed (without hurting anyone in the process). What were the chances that your parents met in the past and got together? Then it took 1 out of the millions of sperm and 1 of the 100s and 1000s of eggs, and you were created? Chances were actually very low that you were created, but it happened and here you are! Healthy! Life is truly a gift. Ok. I'm getting way too philosophical. But it's true..

so basically you're not on talking terms? you can still be in contact with her, that's not a problem. Check in with her periodically and keep it low key (if she even responds). Then, once the cycle is over, that's when you talk about where your relationship is going. If you want to break up, I wouldn't start dating anyone right now though, b/c you two are still together. You gotta stay loyal. Most important thing right now is WHAT you wanna do regarding your relationship, not WHEN you're gonna do it. If you wanna stay with her you stay with her. If you wanna break up, you should break up once the cycle is over, but not now, b/c she's not hearing you.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's very tough when your partner has condition that isn't even her fault. Truth is, with manic/depressive states, it's an ongoing cycle. She will need ongoing therapy, and even if one med works at one point, another problem arises. I'm no mental health expert, but I know that for you as the partner it takes a toll. You have to make an executive decision at this point. I assume you haven't officially broken up. You need to plan long-term and decide if you want to be with her for the rest of your life. The cycles will keep happening, question is, are you ok to stick to her while they're happening? If yes, then you are still a couple and you should take care of her, it's your responsibility as an empathetic partner. If you're not ok with the cycles, if they affect your mental health and your aspirations, then you need to leave for good. It's a tough decision. I know you love each other and that makes it harder. If you do decide to break up, wait until she calms down and she can hear you. That way you can openly discuss everything with her. Only you know what's best. Good luck!

It just shows that you have empathy and you try to grow and learn from your mistakes (if you even made mistakes...maybe you didn't make any mistakes even?). Remember, he raised hand on you, so that tells you everything you need to know. That guy is a pos. A man who raises hand on a woman is not a man, no matter what mistakes she made. Always remember that. Sometimes we think of our exes maybe as a way of self-reflection. Sometimes it can be nostalgia. Do you really miss the old times with your ex, even the good times? What I do is ...even if I remember the good times, I quickly remember the bad times and it's like ok...nevermind...that guy was a jerk. Talking to a trusted person helps too, someone who knows or has met your ex. But remember how far you have come, you found a man who adores you. And that's so so important. Having a caring nice partner is one of the most important things in life, and you have that. You got this!

That's because you two already had a history and there was some sort of attachment already. You already saw each other in every way beforehand. You were not strangers. Totally different dynamic. Men don't directly ask us to spend money to look good, but every man wants a good looking woman (for the most part), at least presentable woman, especially when he first sees her. And that involves spending money in order to look presentable. Unless the woman is so absolutely gorgeous that when rolls out of bed she attracts any man she wants without even washing her face. I'm no Angelina Jolie so.... Also, if a woman takes care of herself, her clothes, her skin, her face, hair....not only does she have higher chances to attract men, she also shows the man that she loves herself, she takes care of herself. It's visual attraction first, then personality later. I dress by occasion, of course when I go on a hiking date I don't wear a dress and heels, but I make sure my hair looks nice, my eyebrows are not a jungle...you know? Getting eyebrows done costs money...LOL.