DarkCh0c0

Where I am, I actively ask for it as part of the STD tests. It's an STD after all, and sadly a life affecting one, so I always include it.

I'm aware. I meant from the outbreak if he's having one.

You both didn't get tested before sleeping together? How old are both of you? You were running wild and having sex with different partners without getting tested? That's irresponsible sex. You need to get tested between partners. I hope you have contacted all your previous partners and informed them of your STD. They need to know. Or, you can ask the clinic to call them for you if they have that service. As for your ex, well she's right to be mad. Tough lesson for her to ask a man to disclose his STI results before sleeping with him. I totally understand her anger. I suggest you let her go for now. It's probably her deal-breaker. She might or not come around. Focus on healing yourself and getting proper treatment. I'm sorry it's like this. I wish you a speedy recovery.

So he wasn't that into you. Yet, you kept giving him yourself, your time, your attention, and commitment. Next time, stick with a man who's on the same page as you in terms of relationship status. Don't stick around in a situationship hoping it'll become something it's not. A man who's truly into you would not risk losing you. I think you're better off without him, even if it's hard for you to see it now. Hopefully, the next guy you'll date will want the same things as you. Don't settle for any less than that.

So, from what I understand, he had a trauma surface just before you were exclusive? If yes, then he wasn't ready to date. Point blank. Why did you feel the need to say that to him? You shouldn't need to say that to anyone. Not directly at least. You should have trusted your own assessment of the situation instead and walked away. I think your alarm was correct, but you chose to blurt out the above as opposed to walking away. But, I get it. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I might be wrong, but I think he trauma-dumped on you. I think it was too early for him to do that. When you're dating, you're going in with your best foot forward. If his best foot forward includes trauma dumping on you, then he wasn't ready to date. And as you see, he came back to that conclusion. However, let me clarify one thing. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you. When we date, we have the opportunity to learn about ourselves in the process. It's a try and learn kind of thing. None of us here is perfect at dating, and if we do it well, it's because we've had our share of mistakes too. It's okay to make mistakes. Give yourself some grace. At least it was just 3 months, so you have not wasted too much time. Next time, check the red flags and don't stay to find out how red are the red flags. Guy won't commit? Bye. Guy trauma dumps with puppy eyes from the first dates? Bye. Guy is flaky? Bye. Know your worth and you'll get there. Don't accept to be treated by someone any less than the way you treat them. Stand up to yourself and your standards. I hope you've got some ice-cream to sooth the emotions 💚

How long did you two date before he opened up about his trauma? What was the dating like? I don't think you were wrong for giving him the benefit of the doubt and seeing the good in him. But, I need more context from the above. It seems he opened up too quickly, which can be a red flag. I'm sorry about the break up. Time will heal. Hang in there 💚

OP a healthy man does not come with red flags. You might have been swept off your feet by him, but believe him when he tells you he's still involved with her. You can do better. Don't stay and put up with such nonsense. There's no need to bend yourself like a pretzel for someone who doesn't give a **** anyways. Walk away with your self-respect held high.

Yes, but by staying with him you show him that you will put up with it. Staying close to an ex, even if online, is a major red flag in a potential partner. You need to do the right thing and walk away from his emotional mess (and cheating). He's not "the one". I assure you.

It's a 12 hour journey and it's a not at all a small ask. It's as if you're in a different country, so they can't expect you to fly over to their place when you're not ready nor comfortable doing so. Let them know that they can come when they want, but for now you just can't see it happening from your end. You need to put your own and baby's best interest as a priority. Anything else comes afterwards. Will they be upset? Sure. Do you have to do more about it? Nope. Not really. All you can do is suggest they visit occasionally. You both as parents can't people-please everyone. You have to be okay with the fact they're upset. It's their problem and they'll deal with their own emotions. If they keep bringing this up, just change the topic to something unrelated or nod and say that will happen at some point later.

I'm sorry to hear this. Just for more context, why won't they travel to your place instead?

Boyfriend and daughter's opinions aside, what do YOU want? Remove all the pressure, put your hand on your heart, and close your eyes. Just ask yourself and answer honestly. "What do I want? What makes ME happy? What am I worried, confused or inadequate about? What can I do about that?". Whatever you do, be true to yourself and slow down the people-pleasing.

1. Yet he told you he gets obsessive. 2. He doesn't want the same thing as you. You need a relationship. He needs sex and affection. 3. He acts like a boyfriend? A boyfriend would commit to you and ask you to be gf. So, NO. He does not act fully like a bf. He's acting like some kind of f* buddy or fwb. It's up for you to choose whether you want to see the red flags and run (like most women would do), or settle for a man not wanting to commit to you, but who will get slowly obsessive. How old are you two? How long have you known him and why did you sleep with him so quickly? It seems for me that you caught feelings for him and that you're willing to settle for some fwb role. I do not recommend that. I recommend standing up for what you want and walking away to find a man who is on the same page as you. You can do better.

Why won't you talk to him about this?

😌🥰 Loving this post! I'm happy for you.

The problem is your low self esteem. Why on earth you still think of her and want to reach out to someone who treated you so condescendingly is beyond me. You need to investigate what's behind that. And, I get that your pride was hurt, but it shouldn't be. You should be self-assured and not depend on her opinion or any woman for what it's worth. She was a jerk to you and you need to move on. Find closure in blocking her, taking pride in your own work and start seeing women who appreciate you for who you are as a person and not just what you do for a living.

Are you doing this for research? Why are the titles your posts talking about "a husband"? Why won't you give more info? This is sus.

Kick him to the curb. He has a porn addiction and you are not equipped to deal with this. Don't try to play therapist nor fix him. Just walk away. How awful of him to put you through this. There's an episode in Sex And the City whereby Miranda is with a guy who is exactly like this. You can watch it to feel empowered. I think it's Episode 6 Season 2.

I get it on the alcohol part. I hear you. You are aware of it and you know it's not a slippery slope for addiction. It's some temporary relief to cope and you'll stop it when you see you see fit in a matter of days . That's fine as long as you can pace yourself. Now, let's get to the positive part. Okay, good. That means you have a lot of income coming in in case you choose to go back to your country and buy a house there. That's in your favour. That's really good. Tap yourself on the shoulder for this. You've got interviews lined up in the midst of the chaos and you'll have the opportunity this time of being picky and choosing a work and workplace that are healthier and make you happy. You will need to forget about what's happening in your life and prepare yourself like a chief to these interviews. Perhaps having a job again will bring back some structure and less unknowns to your personal life, if you know what I mean. And if you want to leave at some point, you would have tried something better and seen what it's like to work at a different company. Good. Good. Focus on being a good father role model and talk in an adult way to them about mom. They will not understand everything, but if you tell them mom and dad still love you and act loving towards them, they'll come around. In the meantime, can you take the kids with you on a holiday? Maybe use this time to go to a fancy hotel to use the spa, watch the kids play in the pool, get some nice fancy food, ect. Treat yourself while you are going through that tough time and give yourself a break. Don't ask ex-wife to be around and decline if she asks to join. Limit the relationship to cordial interactions.You need to focus on taking care of yourself and the kids. Taking care of yourself, feeling the value of the hard work you've put in that last workplace and just giving the kids a good time might help soothe your stress levels in this tough time. Dad can be single AND happy. I'm sorry it's so hard, but you need to take care of you 💚 I'm also sorry to hear about your father, but you need to take care of yourself to be able to be there for him and to step up for your kids. I hope the above helps.

Romance her and do fun light things together at the beginning. Get to know her before she can come to your place. This is great advice. Pick any of the above for your dates and have fun with it. Whatever you do, stay out of each other's apartments for the first few weeks.

Then you absolutely need to have that conversation. If the drive is gone, what is he willing to do to your sex life as a couple? Gauge if he's open to find a middle-ground where you're happy too. Also, if he tends to be on and off with antidepressants, that's a red flag and it shows he's not stable enough to be a good partner. I know this from first hand experience and I have put up, like you, with BS because of it. If he didn't seem to care enough about your needs and doesn't take his mental health seriously, then it's your time to go indeed.

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Exactly. We don't know if this is who he is or there's something else behind it. If she leaves him out of the blue, he'll be blindsided. I certainly would want to have this topic talked about before my partner makes a decision to leave me. Communication is key.

If he was like that in the honey moon phase, then no wonder he dropped to 0. I'd say you've given it enough time and you're not happy about it. You can't ask him to be what he isn't. However, if this is the only thing that isn't working, I'd have at least one conversation to see his pov. This way, you would know you've done your best and can leave if the conversation isn't that helpful.

It's not your job to play his mother, therapist, nurse, ect. Next time you go into a relationship, think of yourself as partner. If the man needs mothering, he can go to his mom's place and he's not partner material.

As a recruiter myself, yep go ahead. Let them know that you've received an offer and ask when you can expect to hear back from them. Also, ask the recruiter about the salary range. Sometimes if candidates share they've received an offer and we were considering sending them an offer, we speed things up. However, be wary that a lot of people are on leave now and many companies have put recruitment on hold for 2022 due to other deadlines/reports that staff need to submit. So, you might not hear back from them until after the new year. You reach out to them and let them know that you're very happy to hear that you've got an offer. You can then explain something in the line of "After thorough review of the salary offered and the worth of my skills in the market, I'd like to ask for my salary to be X. I'd appreciate if you can come back to me with said salary and I'd be happy to sign the offer asap. I'm very excited to be closer to joining the team". They will then either offer the salary you ask for or a middle-ground depending on their hiring budget. If, however, they don't offer a better salary, then it's just not the right place for you. You don't need to sell yourself short. Once you're happy with the offer, you can absolutely accept it and then withdraw if you get something better later. I've had candidates do the same, and I don't blame them cause they need to look out for their best interest by the end of the day. Congrats on the offer! Pat yourself on the shoulder! You've done a great job. New year, new job, new you! 🍷