eljose

If I may, most of my long term relationships were with women that were friends first and they were great relationships to boot. I have also been friendzoned a few times as well and know the feeling. There is a logic to this whole issue, but it is difficult to describe as it is not a black and white issue. I used to be brutally shy and that is when I got friendzoned the most. In going through that, I learned a few things. One, I learned to relax with myself and accept who I am. For the most part, I found that in that state, I am very good at making women laugh and loosen up. They seem to find that attractive Two, I never talk about serious relationship issues until they have been bringing it up a good bit. Nothing serious here, but I just found that things work better when they process their feelings with out the pressure of what I think or want out of the relationship thown into the mix. Three, I have generally found that "super-model" type women are not all that attractive to me. Not unless they are really comfortable with themselves, are intelligent and have a good sense of humor. In other words, they have to have that "spark" that is a reflection of being at ease with themselves, with life and with the world around themselves. That is probably pretty circular, but the looks come secondary, and that is a good thing. I can't change the way I look, but I can change the way I relate to myself and others. If you get that down, everything else will resolve itself. I hope that helps.

Why does he not want to be friends? That's simple, you broke his heart for no particularly compeling reason. Who needs friends like that? You wanted to move on and experience college, now is your chance. Do it.

That is wonderful. Confirms what I feel about a love, it does return, and moves us to some place new when it does. Enjoy it for all it is worth.

That my friend, is the ultimate blow off. You drive two and half hours, and even if she was getting her nails beautified, she does not remember to call you when she is done? That's pretty low on the pecking order. With gas at 3 dollars a gallon, do you really want to make that trip again?

Yes, I remember the my first love dumped me on my birthday. Ouch. It bothered me so much, I instictively went into No Contact. As much as I wanted to see her, I just could not believe a decent person would dump someone they loved on their birthday. Stone cold. I found out two months later that she was dating someone else. Other than a few whiny calls right after she dumped me I had no contact with her at all. Six months after the break, she called wanting to go out, we went on a date, I was upbeat and having a good time. As we wraped up the date, she came clean, admitted she had made a mistake and said she wanted to start seeing me again. Is this the kind of story you had in mind?

Thanks Shadows, but don't get me started on Love. I can not explain why, but I have always had faith in love, even when it has disapointed me. I have had my heart broken and I have broken a few, but I would not undo any of it. It has been worth every ache and every sleepless night. I have no doubts about love, it has conquered me.

Alright, I think it does conquer all, for the precise moment in time when it is occurring. And that is enough. That is more than enough. I eat, and I have to eat again. Same with sleep, entertainment and everything else in life. Not even matter itself will survive the ravages of time, why should love? I think it is best when you realize it is one of the most dramatic, intoxicating things that can happen to you — and enjoy it while it is happening. If your lucky, it will come around again, when you are ready. And trust me, I am not 19. I am just wrapping up a painful divorce and there is always hope. And my friend time.

For sure. Never jump into an early romance with heavy artilery. The minute you put the "I love you" business on the table, people start to process their emotions to the nth degree. Kind of kills the flow don't you think? And I am only saying that, because I have done it, with similar sorry results. Just play cool and hang with her, but never bring it or the relationship up again until after she has.

This has happened to me before, so yes it can work. I guess the trick is you have to love yourself more than the other person. I don't mean in a selfish way, but if you need someone else to make you happy, that does repel, no matter how many and good your other qualities are. Also, in my case, the woman was very slow to fall in love, very guarded of her emotions and it took a certain patience to overcome that. When I put it on too thick, it forced her to think about the relationship and she would start to worry. By keeping things light and being confident, she was able to accept the relationship without over analyzing it. I am actually dealing with a similar situtation now. Too early to tell and I have a few other complications, but hopefully I will be able to post about it soon. Having been thru it before, I am guardedly optimistic. Good luck! P.S. Surely some of the women on this board have some input about this issue! Post.

She sounds like the worst kind of trouble. Let's face it, to do this to someone you would have to be a self centered liar of the worst kind. She is, and you deserve way better than that. Just imagine if you had married someone like this?

I can never figure this one out. I find women with small breast very attractive and I am totally turned off by fake breast. The love of my life was essentially flat chested. It NEVER bothered me. I always saw it as a positive. You may not find them attractive, but someone will. Trust me on that. Do you want someone to be attracted to you as you are, or as someone else?

Monsieur, no offence, but you are thinking about all of this way too much and way too deeply. There is an ebb and flow to life and relationships. What works at one moment is incorrect two seconds later. You are off of the mainstream no doubt. Try to accept and empathize with some of the advice you have been given as opposed to picking it apart and making it fit a text book. There is a subtly to this that seems to be escaping you. Assume it may be true even if it makes no imediate sense to you. It may make alot of sense to someone else that you are trying to connect with. Relationships are rarely orderly. It helps to loosen up. I have a close female friend that picks her relationships apart in the same way and she has been alone for decades. She is bright, funny and attractive but all for no good. She is excessivly rigid about how relationships and people should be and sends off major vibes that scare away men. She dislikes being alone, but does not want to accept that people do not think and relate to each other the way she would like. Good luck.

Its all good.

BigJim, It is not odd. Most likely both of them are true. She IS mixed up and depressed and believes the BS she is telling you. Because of that, she IS also being a "b!$%h" who treating you like hell. That is the conflict you are dealing with. If she was treating you this badly without any mitigating reasons, you would have figured this out and dumped her in 5 minutes. Nonetheless, she is treating you this way, and she is determined to keep doing so, on her own. There is nothing you can do to help her but walk away, and let her really learn the lessons of her behavior. It may take her 10 years to sort this stuff out, but you should not have to suffer through it. Somewhere out there, someone wants to love you right. You deserve that, instead of this.

At 35, this should not be that complicated. If he is this confused or commitment phobic, you do not want to make it convienient for him to take care of his emotional needs at your expense. If I may, let him call, when he does, explain you feel that he needs to either work this out on his own, or be capable of working it out WITH you. The former has no commitment strings attached, the later does and should. If he really wants you around, then he should be comfortable commiting to a relationship. If he is not comfortable with a relationship, then NC all the way. You have emotional needs too and that does not include being strung around. P.S. I know when I have loved a woman, I would overcome hell or high water to be with her. My 2 cents.