codaaurora

That's no problem annie, you didn't know cause I didn't go that deep into it. Just to give you a taste, she called me a "Frigid B" and that was just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, and there is no way on God's green earth that he is getting my car when he can't understand why I would be upset if she were in it. NO WAY. Oh well, I'm going to contact him once more today (I have to for reason's other than stated here, it's actually in re to what we originally argued over) and then I'm done. Let him call. Let him threaten to not speak with me again....I can hear it now..... "Ok, well since your not returning my calls, I guess that means that we aren't even friends anymore so I'll stop calling you, have a nice life and if you never hear from me again, you'll know why, this is just like you, blah blah, blah". Lord give me strentgh.

Oh and please don't take offense, I just saw that you are 24. I'm not saying that all people in their early 20's are immature. I'm just saying that she and her co-horts are. I find that people who spread information like that are usually either just doing to be mean or to start drama but you see the drama thing more with people that are immature or young. BUT not in all cases!

Hey Annie, actually, she doesn't have any children and she has since quit the 10 hour a week part time job she had at Starbucks cause "it was like tooo difficult? and like I never see any of my frieeends?" getting my drift? Plus, the people that told me about it originally came up to tell me what she was saying about me. I suppose to start drama as they are all 22-23 themselves. Not my friends, just people who happen to be interning in my company, they were here before K and I broke up so knew about him and then this started. I did ask them not to tell me anymore. But some of the things she was saying about me....well.....let's just say weren't very mature. I never mentioned those things to him, I figured let him find out for himself what type of person she is.

Muneca, Thanks hon, that actually felt good. Someone seeing it from my perspective, he was my best and only friend for so long, that I sort of lost perspective of the real world and lived in his "world", which I beginning to see as being all a one way street. CHAI Thank you so much for that. I have been working out, but since last night I've been on a major funk and have this scared, I did something wrong feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think I'm going to not even return the calls he makes to me. Before, I wouldn't call him unless he left me a message, now, I don't think I will do even that.

Yes, this is it exactly. Plus, I was always the nuturer, I always took care of everything and everyone, most importantly him. I felt obligated to. I had this voice in the back of my head telling me that I HAD to take care of this. So I would. And now, even though a part of me is screaming "This is BS" the other part, the part still connected to him, is saying "You must do this, you must take care of him". I just want this all to be over. I'm going to give him some of the money in a lump some (I can't afford all), call him to tell him I deposited it and why I couldn't give the full amount and then stop calling him back period. I don't care if he threatens to never speak to me again or not to be my friend or that I'm being a selfish B or anything. I love him, but by God I need some peace and some healing. I can't take this anymore. It feels, well, it feels almost abusive.

Muneca, Yeah, I'm sure that I was never doing them. For example, he said that everytime he came to me with an idea, I would fight with him and it was impossible to talk to me. So, to offset that, here is something of an example. He came to me back before 9/11 and wanted to invest 5 grand in stocks, he felt confidant that he could double this in a short time. I said that was fine, I would rather it pay off the bills but if he didn't think it would hurt us financially to go for it. So he did and then 9/11 happened and we lost it all. I didn't say anything, it wasn't his fault you know? But then after that he wanted to invest another 5 grand (around Jan of the next year) and I said no, I don't want to do that again, it's not the right thing to do right now and we got into an argument and I finally got tired of battling over it and said to do whatever he wanted to do and he did and then lost all of that. I never said anything about it at the time because I was so mad. After I calmed down I tried to talk about it and he started an argument by saying that I argued with him about it in the first place (the first time). His perceptions of me I believe are a bit scewed, it's like he WANTS to believe this about me to make it easier on him??? I always tried to talk to him first, always, and he would then say and do things that would set a match to the fire and when I would ask for a time out so I could calm down he would throw in that that was just like me, getting in what I wanted to say and then cutting off the conversation. I would tell him, no, i just don't want to be angry and not hear you, let me calm down and he never would and then the battles would grow. I mean, I'm a psychology major, I know how to diffuse situations before they turn into an argument, but with him it was almost impossible. If I just told him I was going to take 5 mins to calm down and go to my room and shut and lock the door, he would stand outside the door yelling about what a B I was being and how he was going to leave and stay gone. Of course, that would pull me out and the fight would be on again. Sometimes you just couldn't win with him.

Oh V, I am so sorry that things were that bad for you. I wish I could have known you then, I helped a friend through something like that a long time ago, but am so proud of you that you found the strength to rise out of that time and get to the strength your at now. To be honest, I don't want to give up hope of someday having a future. I know that we sometimes say and do things to hurt the ones that we love the most. I just don't want to be hurt anymore right now. So I am going to put in a large amount of money (not all, I can't afford that) and that should make him happy and then just go back to making payments to him every month and if he brings it up again, I'm going to have to put my foot down and tell him I'm sorry, I'm not being mean, but I can't afford to pay a lump sum right now. I just wish none of this had ever happened.

Thanks DN, I know it seems that I'm obsessing over the younger girl because it's "not me" but truly that's not it. He dated another girl closer to our age and while it hurt, it wasn't as bad you know? I was happy cause he seemed happy with her, but that only lasted 2 weeks. Now this new girl, I don't, his being with her (and she is very immature from the things that people tell me, w/o me asking) makes me feel.......I don't know.....like, did I ever really know him and then that makes me question myself. You understand? I'm trying so hard to just move on. I go out but I'm not ready for anything serious and tell people this. I'm taking it easy, working out, reading and writing and not calling him or contacting him unless it's to return his phone calls to me. I never told him that I wanted no contact and I think he would respect that if I asked for it. I am just at a loss as to what to do anymore.

Thank you so much V, I really needed to hear from one of you. I've been upset ever since then and I didn't sleep at all last night. I've somehow lost my way here guys. I was one the path, it was a little rocky, but that's ok, I had my hiking boots on, but then night came and there were no stars or moon and I fell off the path. When morning came I was in this desolate, barren wasteland and God can't hear me calling for help. That's the way I feel you know? I need a lifeline here. I feel almost like maybe it's my small hope of a future with him that's causing these lows to be so bad. Maybe I should just let go of that hope too? But just thinking about it makes me feel like I need to crawl in a hole and die. Perhaps I'm in denial? Maybe I need to decide that we have no future and whatever happens happens? I don't know if I can do that and make it through. Help me.

Hey guys, well, I called him and I wish to God I hadn't. He wanted to talk finances, he wanted me to help him revitalize his real estate career (which he hasn't worked on since our initial split back in October) and to give him 2 grand of what I owe him in a lump sum instead of making payments like I have been, he said whats the difference in making payments to him or to the place where I have credit available (I brought up interest and he put that down to, how small my interest was, blah blah blah) he kept saying that he owed / maxed out all his credit cards and granted the new ones weren't my responsibility, I had helped him on the old ones and me making little payments every month wouldn't help him start the Real Estate and that I was giving him the shaft after him taking care of everything for us and me for almost 9 years and when I said that I just wasn't prepared to do this yet, take all that money out of my credit and owe interest and got a little mad he said that by me saying that he wasn't being fair, I was calling him selfish. It turned into this huge nasty fight. It was horrible. He said so many terrible things, he accused me of going back on my promise to help him. I tried to explain that that was when we were together and he said friendship shouldn't change a promise and I said fine that he promised to marry me, is he going to follow through on that and he said that was different and I said it wasn't. Finally, after much argueing, I got tired of it and tired of feeling like I was starting to hate him and finally said I would do what I could to get him the money. We tried to have a civil conversation after that and then he asked if he could ever borrow my SUV for the Real Estate (we had bought it with this in mind, even though I made the payments, it was really for me and the Real Estate). I said I would consider it but only with the understanding that his new girlfriend could not be in it and do you know what he did? He ask me why not. He asked me WHY NOT! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was more hurt by that than any of the mean things that he said to me earlier. I couldn't believe that this person that I had loved, still love, could even THINK that it wouldn't be a problem with me that his new girlfriend be in MY vehicle. It's not that he doesn't know how I feel about him. He does. I had told him earlier that I felt like he was using my feelings for him against me. I told him that I still loved him, that I knew we weren't together anymore, but that I felt that he was using me and then later, he asked me that question about the car. That devastated me. It hurt that he would even think that he could. It hurt that he didn't understand even after I explained it to him. It hurt that he thought I could just stop my feelings for him as easily and as quickly as he did for me. It hurt that someone who said that they still love me (even if it's not romantic love) could DO that to me. I began to have these feelings of hate towards him and then felt guilty for having them. I began to question why I still even had feelings for someone who would be so callous. I began to question everything. I don't know what to do now guys. I stayed calm and got off the phone with him. I cried for like an hour, tried to reach Keefy on Yahoo sametime, called a friend in San Diego, cried some more and questioned everything. I'm going to get some money out today and put a lump sum in his account, I have too, I already said I would so no changing that. But now what do I do? I told him that I know all about Liz and to stop denying that she isn't his girlfriend cause I was sick of it and he wanted to know what I knew and I told him perhaps he needed to start teaching her to keep her mouth shut the way he harped on me for 8 years about not talking about HIM to my friends (insinuating that I heard stuff cause she was running her mouth). I apologized later to him for telling him that stuff and that I shouldn't have and that he shouldn't be upset with her for talking to her friends, it wasn't her fault her friends talked outside of that. But still. So many things were said that I dont' know if any of it can be repaired on my side. I even told him that I didn't like the person he was becoming and he wanted to know what he was becoming and badgered me into telling him so I did. I told him that he was becoming callous towards other's feelings, that his behaviour was immature, that he wasn't taking care of his responsibilities, that I questioned the motives of a 35 year old man dating a 21-22 year old girl and thinking he's in love with her after a week, especially a girl who would sleep with a guy after only knowing him a day, I brought up everything. The only thing he pounced on was that she wasn't immature and that I didn't know her and I said "Oh K, please, ok? Give me a break." So then he said something that really ticket me off, I can't remember what it was, but it was something typically inflammatory and I told him that I didn't believe that he had ever truly loved me that he might have at the beginning but that everything after that was him just being comfortable with me and being afraid of leaving that behind and he didn't disagree with me, he said nothing. This devastated me too, I mean, I asked for it, but I didn't REALLY believe it you know? I was baiting him I guess, to see what he would say and HE SAID NOTHING. But later, he asked if I was seeing a guy and said his whole name and I have NEVER mentioned this person to him and I asked how he knew about him and he said that he has his sources. Then he kept asking about the guys I was seeing and if they made any moves on me. I tried to change the subject and he mentioned that I should think about buying a condo and I said I didn't know what I wanted to do and that I might move in a few years and he was like "Oh, now you don't want to live in CA?" kind of accusatory and I was like no, it's not that, just thinking of moving someplace weird for a year but that's in the future and he was like where? So I mentioned Washington state and he was like Seattle (?) and I said yes and he said he wanted to move there and I said yeah remember we used to talk about it and Seattle was one of the places we thought about. Shortly after that, he asked about Jason again (my Brad look alike friend) and I mentioned going to the beach to take pictures (by myself) and taking pictures off of Jason's boat and K said he hated Jason cause he wanted a boat too. Actually, Jason has everything that K wants in life, no bills, owns a condo, drives a bmw, has a boat in the marina, is finacially secure in a job he loves. I just don't have any feelings for Jason and I can't make those happen you know? I'm so wracked up right now. I cried so much friggen last night and I hate being alone when this happens. I just want to be home with my friends, so I can curl up with them and cry and have them pat my back and tell me that I'm going to be ok, it hurts yes, it feels like I'm dying yes, but that I am going to be ok and I CAN'T DO THAT! OK OK, enough, I'm getting upset again. I don't want to cry at work. Ok, waiting to hear from you guys. I need some words of encouragment here.

You know the old story of miners who find what they think is gold, they fight for it and die for it and finally get it to town after hurting everyone in their path, sometimes even themselves, only to find that the gold that they found isn't really gold at all, but Fool's Gold? That's the way I feel right now, like both the miner and the victim he ran over on his way into town. My ex has been seeing someone, he met her about 6 weeks ago, and she is 13 years his junior and is in her very early twenties. Okay, fine. That hurts on several different levels. Not just the fact that he is serious with someone, of course there is pain there because of that, but that's natural. The hurt and anger is from....how could someone his age become serious so quickly (after only a couple of days) with someone so much younger. It makes me wonder what type of person it was that I was with for almost 9 years and whether he ever really was the person I thought he was. He said some pretty mean things yesterday, he made some horrible statements, he accused me of things that he should know that I'm not and never have been. Then, after one problem was resolved, he asked if he could use my new SUV (that he helped me buy when we were still together, not montarily, but he helped me get all the research done and to get the loan) for a business venture that we started when we were still together. I told him I would consider it, but only on the understanding that she (the new gf) would not be in my vehicle and he asked WHY NOT. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He said he didn't understand and asked why I hated her. I told him that I didn't hate her but I didn't want his new woman in my car. He brought up an ex who's gf I was friends with and I was like "Yes, but that was more than a YEAR after we had broken up, not two months after." I was more hurt by this than any of the mean things that he said to me earlier. I couldn't believe that this person that I had loved, still love, could even THINK that it wouldn't be a problem with me that his new girlfriend be in MY vehicle. It's not that he doesn't know how I feel about him. He does. This devastated me. It hurt that he would even think that he could take her in my car. It hurt that he didn't understand even after I explained it to him. It hurt that he thought I could just stop my feelings for him as easily and as quickly as he did for me. It hurt that someone who said that they still love me (even if it's not romantic love) could DO that to me. I began to have these feelings of hate towards him and then felt guilty for having them. I began to question why I still even had feelings for someone who would be so callous. I began to question everything. He was such a good person. We didn't break up because he was a mean, horrid, wretched man. We broke up because I felt ignored, because I felt he was spending his life in studying and not setting time aside to spend with me, because I didn't FEEL loved anymore. No other reason. He was always good to me, he could be hard to live with, no doubt about that, he could be a real tyrant sometimes, but he always gave me everything I ever wanted. He was thoughtful and considerate (when he had the time to be LOL). He is/was a very good man. When I was little, I had an image of my prince charming, an image of a man with a bright smile and blue flashing eyes who was quick to laugh. He was someone who made me laugh all the time and that I could be myself with, totally. Someone who would hold my heart as much as my beloved father did, who I could talk to and say anything with and who would respect me for my mind. My ex was the first man in my life to be all those things and so much more. But people change, and I hope and pray to God in Heaven that he is NOT changing into this person that he is being right now. I pray that he is reacting to a situation that he is unhappy or scared in. I pray that it's anything but him changing into this new person, because I don't really like this new person. You know, people change with their environment, their influences, and the people they associate with. So the only thing that I can hope is that he isn't really this person who could say mean and horrid things and is just reacting to the new behaviour that he associates with. I can only hope that the person he used to be, the kind understanding person, is still in there somewhere and is just in hiding while he is busy trying to impress this new girlfriend, that he isn't turning into someone I don't know and wouldn't want to know if I was only meeting him now, for the first time. I have to believe these things; otherwise I have been deceiving myself about who he is all along. The hard part is, if it is true that he is allowing other people's character or personalities to influence him, it will be hard understanding that he is weak enough in character, in who he is as a person, to allow outside influences change who he has been. This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation and I hate it. I hate having these bad feelings for someone that I was going to marry, that I committed my life to, that I still love. It's confusing and hurtful and I don't like it. God help me, I don't want to dislike him, but I feel myself slowly sliding towards that.

Blue, send the card, Keef's right, she won't forget it and even the best, sweetest girl in the world won't let you live it down. Sorry I didn't pick up on that before. V, listen to Keefy, he's the most level headed of us all at the moment, I'm sure the tables will turn after a while, but we're all used to that by now. Keef, shut up, I hate it when your right. LOL. No seriously, it really is ticking me off about the age thing. If he was seeing someone closer to our age group I wouldn't really complain, honestly. I would be happy that he is finding healthy relationships. BUT this is not healthy and it makes me question what the heck I saw in him for 8 and a half years. You see what I mean? Anyway, I can't push him the way you guys can nudge girls. Guys have a tendency of getting thick skulled and bull headed and even if they want something, if you TELL them they want it, they'll deny it just to be contrary and not agree with you in the area of emotions or relationships (I'm talking in the situation we are in now, not in general, just after a breakup). I have to treat him with kid gloves, and unfortunately I don't know how far I can go and what I can do. I'm just at a total loss. So I remain in NC and only call him when he calls me and leaves a message. Plus, he doesn't bring up his "not gf", he brings up MY friend Jason (the one I told you guys looked like Brad Pitt and who he calls Brad and is positive that I am seeing seriously no matter what I tell him and I usually don't tell him much other than I'm not or to change the subject and ask how his gf is and then he just laughs). ARGH You guys are impossible sometimes!!!! I quit!!!!!!!! Gonna join a convent!!!!!!

I one hundred percent agree with Chai! Usually right anyway!

I personally don't see a problem with remaining friends with an ex, I have in the past and actually wound up introducing one to his present wife and another to a gf that he had for two years. The only difference is, that I didn't try to have that friendship with them right away. Remaining incontact so soon after a break up of a long term relationship is not being just friends, it's being confused about what you want, about keeping incontact with someone just in case you were wrong. My previous ex's and I had no contact for some time until we came to a point where all residual "love and emotions" were understood completely and we could move on to have a mature, adult friendship. I wouldn't put out an ultimatum. You're not serious yet. You've only known each other a few weeks. What I would do instead is just explain to him that while you really like him, really love spending time with him, that he makes you laugh and feel special, you were really feel like it's too soon for him to be in a relationship other than friendship right now and that you are glad to be his friend but that you don't want to get any more involved until he is in a better place with his ex. This is your decision and you aren't forcing someone to come around to your terms, which is a bad way to start any relationship, you savvy?

OUTOFTHEBLUE9, No worries, we are all in this together! Oh the girls are our mutual pets, not real flesh and blood children. It that was the case, no way I would deny him. V and Keefy, Thanks guys for responding. You know, a very small part of me still wants to call him, but this larger more cynical part of me is getting tired of his behaviour, of his dating someone so young and immature. It makes me feel weird knowing that I was in a serious long term relationship with someone who would get all serious so quickly with what is basically a child. I don't know, I'm not really mad at him, just getting fed up with it all you know? And afraid, afraid that if I call him and he comes over and we have a good time talking and laughing (like I know we will) then my hopes will go up again when they shouldn't. I know that he is on again off again with this chick (his profile is off of yahoo again so they must be on again) and I spoke with his friends who said that he went on and on the other day about how hot she is. (argh) But, I just, ......I just don't know how I feel right now. You know? I think I'll wait and see how I feel later today. It just doesn't feel right, playing this phone tag game when I know he misses them pretty badly. (Especially the oldest, she's his girl more than the younger, she follows him everywhere when he's over and she's out). Once again, I wish we all lived closure. You guys need to move to Southern Cali ok? Come on. You know you wanna.

tarheelfan, I'm so glad that I was able to help you out. Like I said, come one here, we really do manage to keep each other sane with some pretty darn good advice. You should have seen me back in December/January. Can you say train wreck? Omg, I was such a mess. Anyway, I really hope to see more of you on here. Oh and by the way, the Cavaliers are SO much cooler than the Tarheels, like for suuuuurrrre! UVA and JMU RULE! LOL

Well, I can tell you that for each person it is different. I have MAJOR problems sometimes just getting through a day of not picking up the phone and atleast texting him. It's like a diet, what will one little candy bar hurt? Anyway, the way I get through it IS to think about it. Granted for only a few minutes, but then I rationalize with myself about all the reasons why I shouldn't. You see, the hardest part is getting through the SPONTANEOUS need to call. We usually call in a moments notice. After you think about you are able to rationalize it a little better and see the reasons why you shouldn't Another way I get through the bad days is coming on here. It's become an addiction in a way. Helping others, commiserating with them, seeing others going through the same thing helps me to be stronger. Watching movies, reading books, reading, browsing the internet, watching TV, fantasizing about marrying Brad Pitt (I don't know if you'd want to do that but maybe just switch it out for Jen?) Anyway, I do pretty much anything that really makes me happy anf forget the consequences for right now. If it's against my diet or I should be cleaning, I stop feeling guilty about it and just endulge. You'll finally get to a point that your like "I'm bored, my house is a mess, I've gained weight, this sucks." and you'll start doing the things that are right. By then, you won't be so fixated on wanting to call the other person. I also started a personal journal, joined here and on myspace, that helped too. I write out my feelings alot. Especially here, where people can see them and help me from making foolish mistakes. Does any of this help you out? I hope so. Let me know or PM me if you need anything or want to talk further. We're all in the same boat you know?

V, typical behaviour. I really am not liking the way she is treating you but you know, each person reacts differently to each situation and I think that she really is confused about her feelings and what she wants. You did right to stick by your horses and take control with just meeting them wherever. I'm so proud of you. K called today finally, this time he left a silly message (my cell number is one off from Mercury Ins. so I get calls on this all the time with people leaving their policy numbers and checking account numbers to make payment - idiots), anyway, I have on there that Noooo I am not Mercury and please only leave a message for XXXXX (me). So he left a message saying that he is trying to reach his Mercury agent XXXXX and would she please return his call. It was typical funny him, just like the old days. I am at a loss as to what to do. I called him back on Saturday to remind him to give me notice when he wants to visit the girls and he didn't return my call or respond to my email until today. I know that he spends the weekends with his "not gf" and doesn't come back into town until Monday night when he has to go to work. So this is feeling like the same thing here for me V. He calls me when he can't be with/talk to the "not gf". To be honest, I don't really want to call him. The "southern girl" part of my upbringing is argueing with me that it's not the proper thing to do, not to return a call from someone who left a message. The dumped part of me is like "He friggen returns your calls (the few that there are) at his leisure so turn about is fair play Bub.". argh. I guess I will return his call later today, he called this morning so returning it around 5 (when I'm pretty sure he will be asleep) should suffice. If he asks if he can come over, I honestly don't know what I'll say. I already told him no twice before now, he hasn't seen the girls since March 19 and I am starting to feel a little guilty over that. I know that he misses but I see how it effects the girls, they miss him really bad. I know, I know, their animals, but you don't understand, to someone with no children and WANTING children (and I have a big mushy heart when it comes to animals anyway) THEY ARE my children and I am empathetic to them. I don't know. What do you guys suggest? Now watch, neither one of you will be able to respond until tomorrow when I already had to make a decision. Is this year over yet? LOL

There could be many reasons why and not all of them are because he found someone else. He could have realized that he no longer wants to be with you, that he doesn't have feelings for you, that he doesn't think your two are matched, that he needs to be alone for a while, needs to focus on his own life, that he has issues that he wants to deal with, doesn't want a "relationship", has a new interest, etc, etc, etc. But none of that matters, he's told you to date someone else. I know that this is probably not what you want, and you probably are not physically able to DO that right now. That's ok, you don't need to. Be on your own for a while, institute NC with him. That means, don't call him, write him, email him, text him, nothing. Let him see that you don't need him to survive. This might bring him sniffing around, if not, your beginning the healing process. I hope this helps and just know that we are hear for you ok?

Keefy hon, I'm very proud of you. Everytime you feel frustrated or upset and are able to keep it from turning into an episode is an accomplishment. Actually, I've been feeling pretty apathetic myself lately. I guess this is just another form of healing. Allowing myself not to care so much in order to heal a little from the pain that his constant stupidity causes. LOL Anyway, you both are doing so well. Stay strong and just remember, we all are going to continue to have our moments of impatience and insanity. What is the most important thing, is remembering the times that we were happy and content. To focus on these and not let our minds create a situation that our mouths act on and we regret later. Keep coming on here and writing things out before you act, thus giving you an opportunity to think the situation over and others to give you guidance and support.

And really hon, this is the most important thing of all.....YOU. You are the most important thing in your life. Taking care of yourself and doing whats right for you is the most important thing. How can you possibly love someone else, truly, if you can't feel comfortable in your own skin, if you can't "love" yourself? You know, you and Keefy are both such wonderful men, able to express your emotions thoughtfully, to recognize your faults and where you were wrong and to try to win back what you want without acting like a Bull in a china shop. Do you realize how important that is? How much of a great trait that is in a man? Any girl would be so happy, proud and grateful to have those traits in a man. You are the ones that are always taken. The guys that we girls sit around wishing for. Don't forget that (don't let it get to your head either or I'll kick your backsides). I know that everything is going to turn out right for us in the end, whether its what we want or something that we never dreamed about.

Hey guys, sorry I've been absent for a little while. Things here with me are average. I spoke with K on Saturday. He called me twice last week, I didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. Then Saturday he called and I returned his call this time. We only talked for about 10 mins, he was on his way out to his "not gf's" home I suppose as he said he was driving in San Dimas and she is out that way. I also had someone come up and tell me all about her, apparently she is a friend of a friend of a person I work with. Let me tell you, this chick runs her mouth something fierce and I KNOW that drives him nuts! He hates it when that happens, we used to have fights over that stuff a long time ago. And now, here's his new 22 year old girl, that he is only "just seeing, not dating", going around telling her friends with loose mouths that she has to have blood work done and a PAP cause she has an infection that she isn't so sure about. EWWW. I wish I could tell him about that, but I don't want to seem as if I am hunting this info down, so am going to leave it. It'll come back around to bite them both in the butt sooner or later. AND, I figure, that's what he gets for dating someone so immature. Blech. Other than that, I haven't heard from him. I sent him an email but it was only 3 sentences long and consisted mostly of "Hey, how are you, here are the most recent pictures of the girls, have a good day" kind of stuff, with new pictures of the girls attached. I know he opened it but he hasn't responded. I also spoke with his Mom on Monday and she said that she talked to him too on Saturday and gave him a hard time about saying that he was going to come over to my house last weekend and then ditching, she told him he was becoming rude, inconsiderate and irresponsible ever since meeting "that 22 year old" (that's what she calls her haha). You know, you go through periods where you want them back more than anything, that if you can't just speak with them you will bust, your positive that if you can just tell them how much you love them and need them it will make a difference. After all, you were once in love and everything was great, why the heck can't it be that way again. Then, the more that time passes, you start to not feel that conviction so much anymore. You start to realize that while they are still great, you see the things that they really let you down in. The things that bugged you the most in the relationship that you forgot about or didn't think mattered anymore once the painful breakup began. That's when you start to realize that while you still love them and would like to be with them, it might not be the end all be all of your life. That there might be someone else out there for you. You start to get a little excited at the prospect of a new person. It's scary but exciting. You don't feel so guilty over having these feelings, like your cheating on your ex or something. These are the things that I've been coming to terms with. I still am not really dating anyone. I've gone out, but I refuse to have a relationship with someone until I am where I want to be. Until I am comfortable being with myself and can just as easily stay in as go out. Until I am happy with my body and have it back to it's athletic state. Until I'm happier with ME, instead of relying so much of my happiness on someone else. I guess what I'm saying is, that maybe this is something that we should all be doing. Stop caring so much about them and getting them back and start caring more about ourselves and getting US back you know? Cultivating friendships, hobbies, studies, OUR OWN LIVES. I missed you guys. And yes, I am feeling better thanks. Still sick, but better.

Twiggy and Ashchoon, LOL, I am the last person on earth to ask on how to "move on", to get past the need and want of talking to that other person. I'm still wallowing in it myself! However, I have found that by just taking a time out for myself. No expectations, no crazed diets, no rash behaviour, nothing, and just sitting around, writing, reading these boards, reading, watching sappy movies or girl kick tail movies and just OWNING my pain, letting it come....well, I'm getting better without ever having known that I was working on it. I find each day easier and easier, of course, I still go through periods of depression and anxiety. That feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach, waiting for a call that your positive is not going to come is an old "friend" of mine. Why, just last night I couldn't STOP thinking about him and just finally went to bed after reading and working out and cleaning and cooking didn't work. Either way though, one day you'll wake up and the need, the pain, won't be as sharp and you'll TRY to make it so, feeling guilty for loosing your feelings. Your not though, your just healing, as we all will if we would only allow our bodies to do so. So find an activity (or non activity) that makes you happy and do it. Spend time with yourself. Learn about you again. Get happy just spending time with yourself. Everything else will follow and you'll find the harder stuff becoming easier.

Hey Hon, let me just say.....DO NOT DO THIS. What you are feeling right now is common and natural, but if you want to have any hope of a future with this girl, you need to NOT say how you are feeling. She already knows, if she didn't she would ask. You should only say something if your feelings change or you feel that you are at the "critical" point but from what I can tell you aren't. Granted YOU are at that critical point but she isn't. You need to continue to "be" there for her, make sure that she knows how much you truly enjoy your time with her and that you really look forward to time together in the future. However, setting her down for the "serious" talk right now would be wrong. You would be putting pressure on her. Let me put it in perspective for you. A)She already knows that she is in a relationship with someone that does not make her happy for whatever reason, but is not yet able to let go of it. That causes TWO pressures. One for being unhappy and another for wondering why she is being so stupid. B)Whatever pressure he is putting on her as he obviously knows now (this is prob why you haven't heard from her, she is TRYING to keep the peace, but this will grow into resentment VERY quickly). C)The room mate knows. Whatever could the room mate be saying? You have no idea if it's for you or for him, but either way it's pressure on her. D)Does family come into play at all for her? What about other close friends? E)Her own thoughts. These are the worst as they are always with her. Now, ask yourself this. Do you want to be number F? Do you want to be another pressure? Another "this is not an Ulitmatum" BUT.....here is what I want. What you need to do is be that one person, that one PLACE that she can turn to with no pressure, no ultimatums, no "me me me" instead of what "you need and want". I know that what she seemed to be doing was playing you and maybe in some small way she was. Maybe she was to cause a majore blow up with him, thereforeeee giving her subconscious a reason to leave him. Maybe not. Maybe she is only confused. Girls are emotion driven V. Do you want to add to those emotions in a negative way? I know you are having all these feelings that you feel you need to just get out to her or BUST. But you shouldn't. Give them to us. Write me and Keefy PM's, heck write us letters, reems and reems of it. Email us. Whatever it takes. Just dont' tell her these things RIGHT NOW okay? Trust me on this one. The more you pressure, the quicker she is going to run, whether you guys were on the path together or not, she will leave it just as quickly.

Twiggy, No problem! I'm going through a similar problem, except that my ex and I stayed together for 8 and a half years before splitting. Looking back on it, I realized that we moved in together too quickly. We didn't really get to have that exciting "dating" phase, where we anticipated seeing each other, spending time together and then going to our separate homes to MISS each other. You see what I mean? I know that this sounds bad, trust me I've gotten the same advice over and over on here and STILL get it when I get into one of my "moods". Start working on yourself, find out why you let some much of yourself go, why you felt you needed to delve so much into his life and then FIX IT! You need to be YOU, the person he fell in love with, the person that everyone respected, including yourself. Without that......how can you expect ANYONE to love and respect (want) you if you don't even feel that way towards yourself you know? Get to that point and then see what happens! Maybe you two were meant for each other, just not right now, you get me? Either way, come here, vent, write. It helps, trust me!