codaaurora

Good Luck Blue! We are all thinking about you and I know that you are in my prayers!

Too funny! I like the letters and will have to keep that in mind for future use! I know that our management team here will get a real kick out of it! I'm glad that post helped you as much as it helped me, I know I was crying the first time I read it. Hope you all have a great day!

Keefy, hon, we all go through this period, some quicker than others, some more frequently than others, some harder than others. What you need to remember is that you were fine yesterday. But then you had all day today to chew this bone and suck all the marrow out of it and then crunch on the bits left over and go snarling around looking for more. You are THINKING about it too much. You are putting to much into it. I know what you are doing Keefy. You sent her an email last night, a stand offish, non commital one that you were hoping was going to reel her in or atleast have her calling or texting. You are putting to much expectations on things and you need to stop it!!! You know what? That is one thing that I have mastered. I do NOT expect to hear from him. I do NOT expect to get an email. If I never do again, it will eventually hit me, like months down the road, but by then I will have moved on enough that it won't be so devastating. BUT more likely than not, I DO hear from him or he does call/email. And THAT is a pleasant surprise. Please hon, just stay calm and start focusing on being the best you you can be. Study for your tests, Ace the heck out of those things. Watch a favorite movie. Hang out with friends. Go to the beach and read a book. Whatever you need to do but stop expecting things from her. The moment you truly do this, and in your heart believe it, watch and see what happens.

You know, you never know what the future holds Blue and nothing is over until the day you die. What you need to do right now is focus on yourself. Join a club, group, go to book/poetry readings, do whatever you find interest in that means meeting other people. I know you don't feel like it, but you NEED to. For you and for any future you would like to have with her. Look, she is still calling you and texting you and then getting upset when you don't respond right away. If I didn't care for someone on a level other than friendship, I wouldn't be so frantic about it. I wouldn't even bring it up unless I was picking on them. But she is going to eventually stop doing that when she realizes that you haven't grown at all in your time apart. That you are the same person with the same insecurities. You two broke up for a reason, perhaps not that you weren't meant to be together, but that something happened that caused one or both of you to stop growing. Will a fire continue to burn without fuel or oxygen? No, it won't. So why expect her love to continue to burn or even to re-ignite? Become the BLUE that you should have been becoming, keep growing and learning and spreading your wings. Realize your desires, don't let life or circumstances steal them from you. As soon as you can do this, as soon as you can be happy with yourself, others will see it too.

Blue, She is very confused right now. Let me tell you a little something. When K and I first broke up, it wasn't because I didnt' love him or want to be with him anymore. I did, very much, but we had gotten to a point in our relationship where it had become stagnant and we weren't moving forward. During that time, he did everything he could to be with me, essentially he chased me. He was nice or mean depending on the mood he was in presently. Either way, it didn't get him what he wanted. I was so busy being upset with him for not giving me the space I wanted or at the very least the answer that I wanted, that it drove me away from him at that time. Later, after he stopped, I was able to see that he was what I wanted, no matter what, the things that I had done wrong in the relationship and what I could do to improve myself. Unfortunately, by then it was too late to immediately reconcile. I don't give up hope for the future, but still......Do you see my point?

Yeah, today was one of those days that I really needed to laugh and got lucky enough that a friend felt it and sent this to me.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing Cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Sexual Favors." 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 8. dontuseanypunctuation 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 11. Specify that your Drive-through order is "To Go." 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard." 17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!" 19. Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." And The Final Way to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity....... 20. Send this E-mail to someone to make them smile. Its called therapy.

But in the spirit of this.... He has good teeth and makes me laugh.

Ok, I sent it exactly as you saw it. I hope that works. But you know what though Greg? I'm kinda pee-od off at him right now cause I KNOW he has been saying things about me behind my back and thinking that they wouldn't get back to me. They did. Atleast mine was out there and in the open and there was nothing derogotary in them about him you know? But things have gotten back to me (and a few that I've seen for myself - in a post that he left open on his computer when we were still living together) that really hurt me and made me mad. When I brought it to his attention he didn't seem to think it should be any big deal when it was (his version) of the truth, shouldn't it be that way for me too? This is one of the things that alwasy bothered me about him. That I couldn't really talk out my problems or issues with other people because that was talking about him behind his back, but if I tried to talk to him about my issues, it never got anywhere or it turned into a fight. I'm wondering what I can do about this for the future. I mean, what if we did get back together? I don't want to go back to that behaviour, I want to be able to express myself to other people to get opinions beyond my experience, knowledge or understanding. But he hates that. I think that is why he and his gf are having problems right now because he learned that she's been talking about their relationship and it's getting around (I've even heard some stuff). This is going to be a hard one.

Okay V, but I have to respond to his email. It would be wrong of me not to, if I don't, he'll think that i'm ignoring him on purpose. So what should I write? Give me an idea, any idea. What about this?

You know what? I just reread my post in Myspace and no where in there did I quote him and use anything he said or take anything out of context... It's the same post I put up here link removed The title was: How can he do this? Read it and see if I'm right. The only thing I can think of is that he told me Sunday that he was just joking about the car thing and I said "No you really weren't, I know when your joking and you weren't" and when he argued with me about it I said, "Ok fine, if you were joking, it was in poor taste and not only did it hurt me, it made me really mad at you and you knew it at the time, so you had a chance to say that you were joking, instead you just said that you didn't understand why I would be upset but that you respected my wishes, that says that you weren't joking". He kept trying to argue that and I hung up. So, with this information, help me write up a really good email. One that will show my independance of him. I don't care if he thinks I'm running my mouth about him behind his back or not. Everyone has to have an outlet and you know what? He told numerous girls about our sex life which is humiliating to me.

OH and also, I was thinking of putting something like this in too.... "Oh, and since you don't trust me, does this mean that you also don't trust what I say about the Real Estate? I don't know, help me out here guys.

OKAY Really need you guys help. He sent me an email. I was right, he is checking my profile on Myspace. Here is part of what he sent me... "Btw- can you please stop posting what I say > on your myspace bullertin board. One reason is, cause you're quoting me out > of context and making my humor sound like a dead on comment and two, you're > doing the number one thing that I've asked you not to do. Otherwise..... > I'm starting to watching what I say to you, cause I don't trust you and > will be thinking that everthing i say is being used against me and til you > act differently this is my stance." I was going to respond with this but want your opinion first before I send it.... "On the other note, I could say alot about that, but I won't. I'll make you a deal, I'll stop posting stuff that you say and stick to my feelings and thoughts if you stop making assumptions about what I'm doing in my life okay? If you wonder about something ask me, I'll tell you the truth." HELP!!! I don't like this. I want to make the email upbeat and happy like I could care less what the hell he wants but will also respect his wishes. Help me out here guys, what would YOU want to hear?

As for me, my weekend went ok I guess. The ex called on Saturday and I ignored the call and he didn't leave a message on my cell phone, a few seconds later someone called the house phone and of course I didn't answer that either. Sunday he called again and this time I was cleaning and didn't catch that it was him and I answered. He had a little bit of an attitude which I found weird as we had ended on thursday (or was it wed., I can't remember) on a fairly good note. Not great, but still not bad either. So here he is Sunday with an attitude AND asking me for another favor. We both had started doing Real Estate about a year ago (when still together) however this was something that he wanted to do and asked me to do it with him. Well, Sunday he asked if for the next six months (I don't know why, but lately every time he talks to me he keeps bringing up the "next six months", that's weird cause that's how long he wanted to "take a break" for before we actually "broke up", then again, maybe he and this girl are getting married in six months LOL, but I doubt that cause he would tell him Mom), anyway, he says that I know him better than anyone and what his strengths and faults are and whether he can call me to ask for help/advice in the Real Estate without me feeling used (which is something I said to him during our original argument earlier this week but with good reason). I kind of laughed and said I guess so as long as he understands that I won't always be able to help him and sometimes not right when he asks and that he can't get mad at that. He asks, kind of snidely, "Can I get that in writing?" and he was serious! I laughed and said, "Whatever K, I promise to help you when I can as long as you promise to not get mad when I can't". He had me on speaker and he started saying something loudly and there were curse words and so I cut him off and said "First off I can't understand you and second you can stop talking to me like that". He stopped. That was done, then he said, with a really bad attitude, "Well, I am going to be in your area in a couple of hours but I guess I wont' come over because I didn't call your Friday and ask permission first and I'm not giving you four hours notice." I was like "HUH?". He got very upset then and I was like "K, I never said that....I said that I would appreciate 4 hours notice and that if you couldn't and called at the last moment, that I would appreciate you not getting mad when/if I said no". He got beligerant and said that that's not what was discussed. I was like OMG!!! I eventually got it resolved (he had hung up on me) so I called him and left this hilarious message that I know made him feel like the rear end of a donkey and he called me back and we had a really good conversation. But it was weird that he had all this time to call when he ALWAYS spends the weekends with his girlfriend. However, his mom told me that he and his gf had a fight this past week so who knows. Anyway, some very dear friends from here seem to think that I need to see this as him still being VERY much involved in my life and not willing to let it completely go yet. I know that he goes to my profile on Myspace often, he went on the 13th and again early this morning (around 2am). I'm thinking that they might be right, but it's hard to think that this is what it is when he has such an attitude about it. I'm getting to the point now, that I am caring less and less if he is mad for whatever reason and am taking more control over an attitude of "That's your problem man." What is your take on it? Does this sound like a man who is just trying to stay in my life anyway he can without admitting it? Maybe even being angry with himself? I know that he is still angry with me for what happened at the beginning of our break. He still says stuff like "Well, you broke up with me to go out with so and so" even though he knows that's not true. What is your take on it?

V, Don't forget what I told you before and we'll finish that test so that you can feel alittle bit more decisive. Keefy, Hon, I already told you this I know, but just remember...you wouldn't expect anything back from a friend and right now that's all you are. I know you hate to hear that or feel like that after being with her, but it's all she's prepared to give you right now. Revel in that. She's hasn't totally gotten rid of you. You are still a part of her life. This gives you the chance to show her that you can be all the Keefy you can be and the type of man that she will miss. Blue, Just keep up the no contact. Stop being so readily available for her. The more this happens, the more "mysterious" you become to her. The more available you are, the more you jump to help her, the less respect she has for you. I know this sounds really weird but it's human psychology. You need to show her that you can live without her and have a life w/o her. This will show you to be strong and independent and there is something wonderful in that, for yourself and for your future relationships.

BUT if you have really decided that you MUST say something, let me know and I will come up with something suitable for you cause I knew that we (as women) are weird in the way we take things. Blue is right there.

I'm going to have to agree with Keefy here guys. If you truly, in your hearts, minds and souls did not want to talk to these girls any longer, you would have no problems with just saying "You know, talking to you is not right for me right now.". But neither of you are prepared to do that yet. I also believe that neither of you are in a place where you are secure enough with yourselves, your emotions or your decisions to even be talking to them, period. NC isn't going to hurt anything here. Whatever your decisions are. If you choose to have them in your life (in whatever fashion) after long NC, just let them know, hey, I had to take a break from talking to you to get a few things straight. If you choose not to have them in your life, well, it's already done and if they call you (by the time you've actually made the decision and lived with it longer than a week) then you can explain, I'm sorry, talking to you is not helping me. Either way, we are humans and have a tendency to make split decisions and then convince ourselves that this is a decision that's been long in the making. It's usually not. Yes, it may have been an idea knocking around your brain for some time, but you can't just pluck it out and say "Ok, I've been thinking about this for some time so it's my decision and I'm gonna act on it now". No. You have to make the decision and then before acting on it, live it out. Live it for a while. Swim in it until your fingers get all pruny. That is making an educated decision. You've come to a conclusion, tested it and found the answer to be the same. Anything else is just jumping the gun and may (and usually does) cause regret for the future. I'm not saying "Wait cause there may still be hope.". Whatever you decide and can live with is what is best for you. All I'm saying here is don't make any rash decisions. Okay? Oh, and by the way guys, how's this for stressed out. I got home yesterday, cleaned my fish tank, fed my Guinea Pigs, read and then laid down for a nap around 6pm (setting my alarm for 8pm) I woke up this morning at 4am. My back is killing me! I can't believe I slept that long! Well, I hope to talk to you guys soon. This is going to be a long hard weekend. I'm not going to the beach this morning as my back really is hurting, but I'm going to go tomorrow morning. Today is going to be the hardest I think. I'm going to be active on AIM and Yahoo so write me sometime ok?

One can only hope annie. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't want to completely move on as I feel that if he and I can get past our insecurities we would make an awesome couple (we did even with the insecurities), but I want to be at that place where it doesn't hurt so much when he does things like this. That I can not feel the need to defend myself and just say "Well, I can't change what he thinks by reacting to him". That's what I want most of all. To be in that place.

Well, he originally "broke up" with me, but it was an agreement that we wouldn't see anyone else or talk about the relationship for 6 weeks, I waited 8 and then tried talking to him and he kept changing the subject for a couple of days. A week later I told him that I wasn't going to keep living in limbo, living a lie, I was taking off the ring and going out with other people if I got asked but that I would much rather be asked by him. I went out with someone two days later. He eventually started asking me out and I would go with him, cancelling plans to go with him but would still go out with others if asked and he didn't ask me. He wasn't. We got back together for a couple of days but then he broke it off with me, he said on Wednesday that he did that cause I wasn't really back with him cause I was still talking to J even if it was just as friends and he knew that's all it was but I don't think he can truly BELIEVE it you know?

Oh yeah Keefy, your a real hard nose! Hon, I don't think you've said one thing that we either didn't need to hear or shouldn't have heard and I know that for me personally, as my friend, I would be more upset if you didn't call me to the mat occasionally. No, you are not to hard on us. I'm actually feeling better. Why is it talking to you guys always makes me feel better? Either way, I am. I didn't make any plans this weekend as my friend is in Canada and she won't be back until Monday. I'm thinking about going to the beach tomorrow morning and taking some pictures though. I've been meaning to do it. Maybe nows the time. I haven't been to the beach w/o him so this should be good for me, cathartic. I'll leave my AIM and Yahoo open all weekend and just make myself invisible to him (LOL). Don't think it will matter though, he and his gf are back on again (his profile is off of yahoo again) so this equates him not being online much, thank goodness. I wish I could go to Vegas in two weeks V, you SUCK! LOL

Okay, I'm going to address this as I think you need to see it from a girls perspective. She asked you if you were angry. She wanted you to be because that showed you care. She didn't want you to be because if your angry your angry with her and that could cause you to stop having feelings for her. Catch 22. Either way man, your up the creek w/o a paddle on that one. How you should have addressed it was like what I read out of that book I told you guys about. Express to her that your sorry she isn't feeling well and that you understand not wanting to do anything, that your dissappointed in not being able to see her and spend some time with her, but maybe when she feels better you can get together. Then tell her you hope she feels better very soon and END THE CALL. What you did V, was disregard that she was SICK (whether she really was or not) and focus on YOU. She wanted to see if you would focus on HER. That's why your a MF to her or why she called you that (by the way, she shouldn't have that was mean and your not). Look at it like this..... I'm looking forward to spending some time with you, you don't feel up to it for whatever reason, you tell me at the last minute that your sick (either way your not "feeling well" whether its physically or mentally it's the same thing) and instead of me saying "I'm sorry your sick.....take good care of yourself and we can get together some other time" I say "I knew last night we weren't going to hang out tonight" how would you feel? You would feel like I didn't care that you didn't feel well. That I was being selfish and only thinking about myself. That you EXPECTED this kind of behaviour or response out of me cause I've done it the past before and you were kind of hoping that I wouldn't this time and maybe this was a test you were pulling and I failed and now your MAD at me. Do you see? She's not mad at you because she DOESN'T like you. She's mad at you because she does. If she didn't care for you at all, she wouldn't get mad. I've cared for exes before and as soon as the love changed to a feeling of just friendship, well, I would get disappointed in them but never mad.

Oh and I did tell him yesterday before we got off the phone how I felt about him, that I loved him and still had a small hope for a future but that I wasn't waiting and I was moving on and seeing other people, I just wasn't getting serious right now and he asked why and I said because I wasn't ready for that right now, that it wouldn't be fair to me or the other person. I also told him how I really do wish none of this had happened and that I never wanted to hurt him and he said that he didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to hear "could have beens and if onlys" so I dropped it.

V, yes I did say those things over the phone, I am ashamed to say and alot else. K knows me better than anybody in the world and he knows that I can't stand to have someone say something about me that isn't true, I stand up and defend myself. He DOES know the buttons to push and he does so gleefully. Has been doing it for years. I agree with the pact, but what happens if there is an emergency like what I had the past couple of days? Unfortunately, I could only call someone that already dislikes K and I let them influence me incorrectly. Maybe we can give each other email addresses or sametime (instant messaging). I don't know. I'll tell you what though, I was ready to scream not being able to talk to you guys Wed night and Thurs night when this was going down. Talk about time of need. Keefy, do you really think that he still cares or is it just a typical man thing, like "That used to belong to me, I don't want it anymore, but I don't want you to have it either." You know what I mean? I mean, here he's got this shiny new model, why would he want the beaten up old Ford? I mean the new model runs great while the Ford is Fix Or Repair Daily. You know? Why would he want to trade in a new model for an old model? Would you want to? I mean, I know I would, I get attached to things and love them even with their downfalls or quirks, they have more personality to them, their more comfortable or I have good memories in them. I know that guys can be that way, but can HE? I'm questioning that. He doesn't want to talk about our past at all. He keeps making sure that I understand that he doesn't love me "they way you want me to" and that we aren't together anymore and for me to move on. He says those things, even though I'm not calling him or hanging on, or saying things to make it seem like I am. I just don't understand. I'm tired and honestly, no matter how much I want him back, another part of me is getting tired of this BS. He already knows how I feel about him, I already wrote that letter to him back around Christmas and he has kept it saved in his email ever since then. It's the oldest one in there and he doesn't save many. How do you know that he's not just keeping me around for a comfort fall back? For me to be there when he is lonely or needs help that only I can provide (like Real Estate info or Technical Expertise or Car problems). I just don't know what to believe. I haven't seen him since March 19th so can't read the body language and the don't understand the "words" as he is so contradictory.

Hey guys. Not doing so well today. Blue, don't call her and if you don't feel ready to take a call from her then don't. If she leaves you a message then return her call, if she doesn't then don't. You know guys, unless the girl is just a B, she's really not using you if she calls you to help her with things. A girl knows that asking a guy to "fix" something for her is a boost to his ego, makes him feel good and no matter what you think she should know or not, we all question WHY. Why should the other person care about us? How do I know they aren't lying? What if their just saying these things to get me back and then hurt me? So when she asks you for help, it's usually just an excuse to be with you. I called him yesterday. Talked to him for 3 mins. Told him that I had put x amount of dollars into his account and that with the x amount that he owed me, it equaled what he had asked me for. I had woke him up so he was a little groggy but he agreed and said thank you. I asked if there was anything else, he said no and I said I have to go, bye. He called back about 5 mins later and wanted to "go over" it one more time so we did and then discussed my payments on the Wells card, I told him with what I owed now on my money market account (because I took out a lump sum) I could not afford to pay him the full amount we originally agreed in. Let the fighting ensue. I don't know how it started because when it "ended" we both were saying that we were arguing a point that we both agreed on. It was insane. It was a fest of him saying that I helped him get into this debt and was trying to get out of what he and I agreed that I owed him (which was less than what he said I should be paying if it were equal) and that I should be thanking him for not making me pay more. I said you've got to be kidding me. YOU broke it off with me. YOU moved out. YOU chose this. AND, I just gave you a lump sum that hurt me financially when I've been making payments and that's all the law requires and I should be THANKING you??? So I hung up on him. He called back and left me a message to give my drama and guilt trips to my bfs and that was why he wasn't with me anymore and that this is what I did every time I tried to get us back together and that I hung up on pple w/o giving them a chance to have their say. So I called him back and told him that I didn't want to fight anymore, what were we fighting about, he had his money, I was making payments for the Wells, what is the problem? And he said that I was the problem for thinking that he spent all the money and I didn't and that he had supported me when I was out of work. I told him that when I was out of work, we only lost 400 a month because of the unemployment I got. That in almost 3 years I only bought maybe two pairs of pants and a couple of shirts and underwear and socks. During that time he was in school and always had to have new clothes, new books, new programs......don't tell me that I was spending all the money because I wasn't. He brought up spending 1000 for me to have new clothes recently and I said that was almost a year ago now and he did it cause I needed clothes to do the Real Estate with him, not because I JUST needed the clothes (which I did). AND let the fighting continue. I finally just told him look, I don't want to fight with you anymore, I'm tired of this, I'm done with it, and can we please stop fighting? He said he could if I could. So once again we tried to talk about civil things. He asked if I thought about Hootie (my little boy guinea that I had to put to sleep back in October, that just about killed me) and I said yes and started to get all teary and he was like "I'm gonna let you go cause your getting upset." And I was like no, I'm ok. And sooooo we talked. Now here is the kicker....in 2002 we were on our way to the Aquarium when we were hit in his new Mustang by a Tractor Trailer and almost pushed off the side of one of the bridges in Long Beach (over water, loooong drop). Since then, it's been a "thing" for us to get back there, we would laugh about it and always planned on going. Of course, we never went. Now, back in December he told me about a site called Myspace and how cool it was. I didn't think anything of it. Since then, a friend at work invited me to join and I did. (Here is my site: link removed The guy that I dated when K and I first split up is on there and is listed as one of my friends. I haven't dated him since November, we only went out 5 times total so I never really called it dating anyway. Either way, K hates this person. So yesterday, he said "So I see that you and J went to the Aquarium together" (very nasty tone too) and I was like "What?" and he said he saw the picture I took of J at the Aquarium and I was like "What the heck are you talking about? I've never been there, that was OUR thing." And he said whatever he saw the picture and it finally dawned on me that he was talking about myspace. J put up some new pictures TWO days ago of him at the Aquarium back in May of 2004. I barely talked to him back then, except when I needed him to fix something at work. Thank god he put the dates in there and I pointed this out to K and was like you need to stop accusing me of stuff you know that I'm not doing. He got mad and I said "Look …..friends right?" cuz I was crying I was so upset and hurt and angry and he said yeah and I said ok, I'm gonna go before we fight again and he was like I agree because your getting upset again. I hung up. Here is my question guys. WHY THE HECK SHOULD HE CARE??? Why should he care if I'm dating J.B.? Why should he care if I went to the Aquarium with J.U.? Why does he always ask about my friend Jason (BRAD he calls him). Why does he always have a snide attitude about it. Why is he going on Myspace to look for me and doing it recently if he doesn't care???

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. You know, I know that I have painted a very bad picture of him, but honestly, we all act crazy when we are in love or in pain. And people in love tend to cause each other the most pain. When we were together, he was not this horrible person. He has his faults, but so do I. He's not a terrible person now, I just think that right now he's in a situation that he doesn't know how to deal with and he's taking it out on the one person he always felt comfortable with, me. But I'm not going to be doing that anymore. I'm not going to be answering his calls anymore. Maybe someday when I feel better, but not right now.