LootieTootie

If your gut is telling you that he's pulling away, then yea, it is what it is and there's nothing you can do to rewind and choose differently. If you feel hurt about it, I'm sorry. Sometimes when we open ourselves up to be vulnerable, we leave ourselves to be at risk of being hurt by the other person. But if you never open yourself up, you won't ever find your forever person.

You write her a scathing "professional" response and she calls you and tells you she's sorry and all is good in Lala Land? I am sorry, I just don't know how to say this any way that's not mean but you have to realize how dumb it is to play CEO with a minimum pay when you are a 30-something year old American who went to grad school and have had jobs in the past and should know that if anyone pays you minimum wage, its because thats how they see you - an undervalue staff. You going the extra miles - that is on you and demonizing her for wanting to run her business how she see fits. Just wow.... the oblivion in you is strong, Alex.

Exactly. & stop selling yourself short... with strangers, with guys, with employers, with friends... If you don't like something, just don't do it or don't go. You don't need to be emotionally invested in everything and everyone.

When I was living with roommates in college, there were always ground rules. Do you have rules for not laying in each other's bed? Thats very cute that the dog loves you and misses you.

This...and what Catfeeder said about the word "hot"... Sorry, sex trafficking is real and there are so many creeps out there that if you told a random stranger they were hot, don't blame them for not taking it as a compliment, regardless how good-looking you are.

Is this Joe guy really worth the hassle? Your family doesn't like him. His family doesn't seem to like you too. He keeps telling you he can't move because he feels obligated to take care of his mother in law. And you are still probably doing his laundry... right? Oh... and you don't need Joe to drive you. There's ways to get somewhere without relying on someone to drive you.

Thats fine, but calling someone who wants to multi-date to see which guy she vibes better with makes her needy and an attention seeker?

One of our local bookstores in downtown have a whole aisle dedicated to living or being alone, haha. I then met the bookstore owner and yes, he was a single old guy! Jolly fella. Any way, I do think there are some people who prefer being single and see relationships as distraction or unnecessary to happiness and they will write about the pros of being single. But there are pros and cons to both side.

Sorry. You're logic doesn't make sense. A woman who multi-date more than 1 guy early on means they are needy and have low self-esteem. Are you sure it's not because you have a low self-esteem?

It sounds like you need to work on yourself a little bit more. You look great on paper, but when they get to know you, it's a different story. Are there things you think you need to improve on? Self-awareness is BIG when you are trying to put yourself out there. If you are unaware of how obtuse you may be coming off, you will always find yourself in the same place you started. So instead of thinking about giving up, maybe think if there's anything else you might need to work on. Once you have a list, even if its super long or super short, you can go from there in how to work on those areas.

🏃‍♀️ that would be me!

I get that sense too. I also agree with others that you're getting paid way too little for someone who is trying to market/revamp a business. I think you need to go back and read your job ad and ask if these high-level tasks were part of the job ad or the agreed upon job duty statement. If it is then I think you need to find another part-time job. This isn't exactly a minimum-hourly paid job, especially part-time. The things you are doing for her, you can do with some other small-owned business for much more, you can try to negotiate a reasonable pay for what you'll be doing. If you don't want to find another job but want to help her business grow, you have to just suck it up. Also, I think you put way too much emphasis on her being old and her target audience. Her target audience is fine because seniors prefer working out with seniors. I think maybe you have ideas in how to bring more people in, but your ideas would not really work with older people. Older people or older generations still find face to face meetings impactful so you might have to sell the old fashion way - knocking on people's doors. If you live in a city, try going to senior living facilities. There are also senior daycare centers where people come in and play cards, chess, drink coffee and chit chat, do tai-chi. There are also knitting or crafting meet up groups - which in my area, mostly are older ladies (50-70 years old).

Hi Evami, Unfortunately even tho it's a small simple human gesture, doesn't mean people will give it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't, and if they don't, you shrug and move on. You are going to run into people who are like this, especially online. They will try to sell you this image of them, and then go lukewarm on you... maybe a few weeks/months goes by, and they're back into selling again. In friendships, people come and go, so you need to accept that friends can go cold. In situations where it seems more about dating or signs of interests in dating, people who come in hot whenever they feel like it, are not relationship material. They are looking for an ego-boost. Not sure how old you are but please be careful falling for people online when you have not met them yet.

This. Seriously girl. No one thinks him mentioning a girl after just doing the deed with you is weird, normal or funny. It's extremely creepy and insulting to the person he just had sex with - you. If you really don't know how to feel about this, you really need to do some soul searching.

You mentioned multiamory. Are you wanting to open yourself to other type of relationships out there and finding that having a lived-in girlfriend will be difficult for you to have that type of lifestyle?

Got it. Yea, number count does not matter. You know that saying "Men and their egos..." Well you might meet a guy who cares what your number count is and I can just tell you, you don't have to tell them. Thats your business.

This is messy... But if you both are willing to make it work, there's hope. Some people do change after they have their own kids... they grow up. How many times do this friend group hang out? Does he want to hang out with them every week? I think when you have a young family, especially a newborn, and a mother who is going thru postpartum, both parents have to be heavily involved. Are you afraid that if he hangs out with his friend group again, this might make him less engage/available to help you and the kids?

Well, I would never use the adjective that rhymes with shore to describe anyone. I also think your past is your past and your entitled to keep that to yourself and not share if you feel the info will not serve anyone well. Just reading your post, I think theres some things that need to be addressed thats more important than your body counts. You mentioned you never had a real gf-bf relationship and that means you don't have a lot of experience in being in an actual relationship. Do you want a real relationship? Why didnt you want a real relationship before?

No, your poor decision is making you feel like ***. Own your decision and live with it. It will make you a better person and a better girlfriend. If you don't own it, you will never learn. Respect his desires to remove you from his life.

So I think the bigger issue is that you don't want to be single. Do you have any friends or hobbies? I don't see anything great about a guy who comes around just to flirt with everyone and you're bothered that he's not giving you a chance.

As someone who grew up in a sheltered childhood, I can empathize with you. Of course I never had to worry about bullying from my siblings, and there was 9 of us, but my parents were overbearing! All my siblings, including me, have said they felt this "awkwardness, imposter or inferior" syndrome while in college. It also carries after college. Some of my siblings left college, and some left in their professional career - over this feeling they couldn't shake. All I can tell you is that I survived both and its because I did a lot of self pep-talks and forced myself to mingle. College became fun after I forced myself to join some clubs. Career-wise it was a bit harder but there were many times I was in a toxic work environments where I was subject to harassment, bullying and unethical work practices by bosses, but I always took the high road and that toughness and perseverance really comes from having a not so great upbringing and overbearing parents who taught me early on how to handle crazy authority figures with grace and dignity. So even if you feel like you're socially behind, I assure you, you are not. You just have a different narrative than most people and you're blaming yourself for not being "interesting" enough for others. Just like you blame yourself for being "inferior" to others. You're not. You made it this far in life with a tough upbringing so give yourself credit. You're even aware of what your gaps are. So as Batya said, don't focus on your parents' shortcomings, focus on you. The gaps you have and what you need to do to close those gaps in your life. If you feel like you need a social life, then yes, find ways to join meetup groups that peak your interests. If you don't know what interests you're into, start somewhere and pick a random group around your age group. If you want to start dating so you have more experience in that, then start working on a dating profile. If you want to bond with your coworkers more, without having to talk to them, bring in a board game or play card with them. I had coworkers who played Mario cart on a projector screen during lunch just to bond. Any who, you have to stop thinking about the past. You have already recognized how your past has shaped you but you are not weak, not inferior, not interesting enough... You just need to be you and once you're you, accept you, own you, love you. Then figure out from there what's missing in your life and how to fix that.

It really depends on your local jurisdiction. I would google local domestic violence shelters and call. My city has a hotline and I believe they do put women in mental health facility for a day or two to figure things out. Emotional/Verbal/Mental abuse is considered domestic violence.

220 for a 5'10 guy is still pretty big but any way I digress. Yes, you are in a highly abusive and dysfunctional relationship. There are services for women in abusive relationships. I would google local domestic abuse shelters and try to get in as soon as possible. Once you go there, they should be able to provide references and other sources for you.

It's funny that the ads below this thread is all about dating older women. Any way, I think its fine to have a close and dear friend that's the opposite sex, but I think when there's regular blurred lines going on, I think it's best to be direct. And if she says she doesn't like you in that way or see you that way, I think you should cut back on these daily routines you have with her if you do harbor some romantic feelings for her. I asked if you were putting yourself out there because you are putting so much time and energy in a friendship that somehow has met your emotional needs but not your physical needs. If you cut down on your time with your friend, you might actually have more time, effort and opportunities to meet someone who can give you both.

Got it. If you were bothered the whole time you were dating her but didnt voice it and didnt do anything to alleviate your concerns, then one, I think you need to ask yourself why you prolong this? Is there something else that bothers you about her? Or are you just someone who ignores and ignores until you can't ignore it any more? So yea, some self-reflection is needed. And two, you need to have a heart to heart with her. Tell her the truth. That you can't picture your future wife as someone who has had a sexual intercourse with an older female. It's understandable. I've dated men before who told me they would never date a stripper/hooker or someone who have had a threesome (2 men and 1 female) because they just felt like it was below them and yea, it is judgmental but it's you being true to yourself. Good luck.