LootieTootie

I don't think it really matters how socially awkward someone is or isn't when it comes to dating. If someone really is in to you, they want to hear more from you and know more of you. If this has only been 2 or 3 weeks and neither one of you find each other interesting to poke for more information, I don't see you both lasting except when you both just want a good romp.

When I was 27, I was working a part time job on the weekend. I was working there for 3 months already and was done with the cattiness of the office manager and administrative girl. So I called and put in my resignation. The office manager decided to keep my last month's timesheet on "hold" without notifying me. It was 2 weeks by then and didnt get an email or call. So I called and she or the administrative girl were both hanging up on me. So I go to the work place, and asked to see their boss. I forgot what his title was but he pretty much was like the CEO. He didnt have time for me, but the Office Manager said that she didnt have my timesheet even though I know I submitted one every month. I said "Ok, well let me go ahead and redo the timesheet while I'm here." I redo the timesheet and handed it to her and she said "You know we will have to verify by watching the tapes if you came in and when you left." I said "Please do. You would see I was here on time and left on time. 5 hours each for Saturday and 4 hours each for Sunday. As we have agreed to." I walked away hoping that this would work out now that they see how serious I am about my last month's pay check. A week goes by and I call the office not hearing from them AGAIN, and I get the usual hang up click on the other end ...AGAIN. So I called the state's Labor Union. Best thing I ever did. He not only educated me but he gave me some great advice. So I do some research on this company using google of all things, and find out who their parent company is. I also see that they were restructured a few times, and who actually managed them (another company), so I called them. "Excuse me, is this the headquarters for so and so businesses? I haven't been paid by [business name] and I called the state's labor union and they said I should call and ask if you were aware this was illegal not to pay your employees?" The lady said "That's strange. Whats your name?... We don't have your timesheet." I answered "So they still kept the timesheet after I went in last week and re-submitted it. So now you're 3 weeks late in paying me and you can get sued." She asks that she calls me back and check with business name. Took less than 5 minutes for a callback and confirmation that they have the emailed timesheet and they must have missed it. Riiigh... obviously I know they called the business and the business had to cough over the timesheet. I got wired my last month's pay on the same day. Finally... arigato suckers. I'm telling you my experience with a bad part time job because I can relate and I hope my experience empowers you to do what's right for your sanity and self-care. Even if you must fight them til the very end, you can. You just gotta be willing to and not be such a pushover wherever you go, whoever you meet. There's a lot of employers out there who don't care about their staff, and this weekend job you have, sounds like one of them. Not worth the pay, not worth the hassle.

Nobody has a crystal ball why he hasn't asked you out yet. But if your gut feeling says this man isn't that into you, then be brave to speak up: "Hey I know you're on vacation. But I really like to get to know someone in person and not over texting. Let's reconvene in person once you get back ;-)" Then start to steer that direction with little or no texting back. See if he actually wants to plan the next date/meet that isn't at his house. If he isn't engaged in that dialogue then at least you know.

I'm so sorry about your dog, Lost. You are so right about dogs. Especially if you get a puppy, they are chick magnets everywhere you go with the dog.

Is that $120 or $150 a month??? Read that and was just thinking how inflation got OLD too now.

Please call the police when it happens. You and your brother should not be in the care of your parents any more. I also think you would not get deported. Were you born in the US or another country?

Thing about friends is that its like dating ... its really hard to come by someone you just instantly click with. So, be ready that not every "first date" with a potentially good friend is going to hit it off. You will need to keep hanging out with them and really tap in to your positive Alex side that is sweet, upbeat, thoughtful and open-minded.

I've always thought 3 months mark was a good indicator if you wanted to continue a relationship or not. It's short but gave each other reasonable time to get to know each other. If you decided not to continue, it was easier to move on instead of not and thinking "well, I've already invested so much in to this person already..." Any way, I think it's fine. I know you kept saying No one is perfect and I am happy you found out that there are things that are dealbreakers for you. People, including me, always talk about how terrible dating is but dating really is a great self-discovery journey.

If last week to now he is refusing to hear your side and is still easily irritable, this isn't an ideal situation to subject you or your kids to. He needs to get reassessed soon and not be jumping from one psychiatrist to another just because he isn't hearing what he wants to hear or seeing a quick fix. He has to stick with one dr, try their prescribed treatment plan and be consistent and diligent about it before any progress shows.

Alex I am going to skim thru all the not so good stuff because I am so friggin happy that you are going to go hang out with NEW people! Bout time you find new friends and hang out with new friends. I'm hoping that you make some lasting friends that will be kind to you and elevate you.

I just want to be clear I've done nothing for my husband when it comes to his mental health. It's all been him. I don't go with him to see his psychiatrist, I don't look at his treatment plan or even know his prescriptions. I play no active role in him getting his mental health together. If I had to, I would have not been with him. He joined the military and they made him do all that before he got with me. What I see is that he takes his medication, I see that he goes to the gym three times a week, and gets his 8 hour sleep a day (he's always stressed sleep), and if he drinks, he has a glass a wine on a weekend with dinner but thats it. So if I am doing anything... it's probably just listening to him when he has one of his episodes, which is once in a blue moon. We been together for close to 8 years. Any way, how it starts is nonstop talking about random nerdy stuff like string theory or AI or his next big plan. But it's all connected and very free flowing even if you know logically its very out of wack. Sometimes I chime in here and there but I've learned that when he is in this state, I let him talk until he exhausts himself - which takes up 2-3 hours. Part of this too is that he can be loud and he is not a loud person. I sometimes have to tell him "Honey, I'm right here" and he does bring the volume down but talk so fast that he brings the volume up again. Thankfully he has not done this in my sleep time because I would not have the patience. His sister and his uncle both have auditory and visual hallucination - and the uncle actually will have suicide tendencies. They both have been admitted to numerous hospitals. Thats why I said his is mild compared to theirs, where he doesn't have that and he is actually aware when he starts having an episode. The other siblings and mom's are not as severe as sister and uncle but they go thru depression and their highs are a mixed bag (feeling unstoppable, overly flirting when they have a partner, gambling, blowing up people's phones, getting irritated over nothing but not being upset/bothered about something severe). My husband always joked "aren't you happy that you got the one that just talk nonstop about Star Wars?" He also was keeping a journal for awhile when he had these episodes per his dr's order, and he said it actually helped him see early signs of an onset. One of those onsets is stress. If he feels under immense pressure by demanding bosses or pressure to be the peacemaker between loved ones, he would be unable to sleep and then start getting irrational self-negative thoughts that would spiral and then turn into his great plan to solve it all that would sound like a big budget unfeasible movie production, 90 actors and 50 moving pieces shot in 5 days. Of course he would wake up and read his journal entry and just realized how crazy it was and how much of a madman he sounded. 2 things that has helped him really is a low-key job with a good boss, and moving 3,000 miles away from his crazy family. I do there are a range when it comes to bipolar and just like autism. I also think everyone reacts differently to certain treatment so he might have to do a bit of figuring out but if he was hospitalized in the past and was really intolerable and insufferable that you had to leave your home for a few days, then its probably a lot more severe. I would have some trepidation about keeping my kids in the same household until he gets it together and show you.

I think this is just talking and not doing, and it looks like you are taking a backseat and buckling your kids in for the ride. Even if he incorporated some changes, it's going to take awhile for any of it to show. If he wants to try a different therapy, he will get re-assess again and its really on him if he wants to take the dr's orders or not. My husband's bipolar is mild compared to most of his family members. His sister is bad and one of his uncle is really bad. I do think that the more severe someone's bipolar is, the more they don't do what the dr order. I remembered my husband and I were visiting his sister and her kids asked her if they can come stay with us and she asked why. The oldest son who was 12 at the time (out of 4 young kids) said "Because Uncle Log isn't unhinged like you." She snapped back and said "because the dr drugged him up." Any way, the reason why I brought this up is that kids are intuitive and when they see that their parent is sad, sick or stressed, they can't help but feel the same. This affects a kid's development into adulthood and their relationship with others. The oldest son I was talking about is now 18, and he still has a hard time reconciling his feelings about his mom. She sometimes calls my husband and ask him to talk some sense into his nephew. Apparently he blows up on her for no reason. She thinks its because he is mental but when he talks to my husband, the kid has a hard time reconciling his emotions about his mom. He loves her but he has lots of unresolved feelings about mean things she has said to him and other people and mean things she did when she was having her episodes. This is why I don't think kids should be around untreated mentally ill people.

Being the "cool girlfriend" always backfires... Once I turned 30, I became no non-sense and actually found my backbone and my voice. Once all that, I was able to find my guy who actually treats me good and loves me for me and don't even think about another woman (except Scarlett Johansson).

Listen to your gut feeling. I am also interested to know how long have you been together?

These are not reasons to hold on - you have to ask yourself what is he doing actively to recognize early signs and what treatments are he doing. If he isn't doing anything but think about it, then bow out because your kids don't need to be around this instability. This is coming from a woman whose husband is bipolar. Bipolar runs in my husband's gene pool and so he has always been keen on his medication, his exercise, sleep and diet. It's an every day maintenance thing and even that, he can still get episodes. If I had it my way, I think he should do counseling too. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision for your children.

So it always confused me that if someone can't find a job, what is so wrong with just getting a job at McDonalds or for bagging groceries as a part-timer or being a Walmart greeter on the weekend so you can help a little with the finances? I mean it can be a downgrade for some people, but there's a lot of no-brain part-time jobs around. In college, I did a "front desk" weekend job at a senior facility just saying hi and bye to people. Brought home $400 a week. I think some people just don't want to hustle when they already getting handouts. Saying that, when my husband (back then boyfriend) moved in with me, he was working all kinds of odd jobs. At least he was working but then he went to trade school, something we both agreed he should do, and I had to support us for awhile. But that was the plan so he could stop working at these dead end jobs. So yes, like any other couple, decisions were made and sacrifices were made. If your partner keeps throwing it in your face that they sacrificed so much for you, then they clearly lack perspective because relationship takes a lot of work from both sides to maintain and nourish.

Alex, have you thought about making new friends? Going on Tinder and looking for friends with your same interests? Or joining some local meetup groups with same hobbies or goals? Or joining a church single group?

There are many people like you Alex, single and feeling left out. My 30 year old sister is one of them and I tell her all the time, there's pros and cons to both side of the coin. Enjoy what you have now and make the most of what you have. Once you dwell on the things you don't have, you can't enjoy life. Again, I really think you just need new set of friends who are single or who are dating. Have you thought about using Tinder to find friends? I believe they have that feature now.

I remembered you first post about this guy and you are STILL wasting your time. Do know that if he wanted you, he would have already made it happened. Once you realize all this, it will be easier to let go and stopped being taken advantage of. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. This guy is all kinds of bad for you.

Yes, I still am shocked Kim is here and still very much composed. I think it's ok to just text if thats what you're comfortable with. I mean it's not like its serious between you guys. And if he doesn't like it, well, he just isn't for you. I think a lot of people have their own mode of communication and if phone calls aren't your thing, its not your thing. There's this funny line from Parks & Recs where the guy goes "My friends know I have a no phone call policy." LOL

Sounds like a misunderstanding between your parents and uncle/aunt. If you find yourself getting uncomfortable or upset on behalf of one of the parties, then please know that you are allowing yourself to be emotionally involved in their fight. Step aside and learn to say to yourself: "This is not my battle. I will love and support both my parents and my aunt/uncle and not allow myself to feel bad or sad for one or the other. This is not my battle." My big family have these type of tiffs all the time, mostly my aunties ha. These tiffs are beyond stupid - not worth any emotional or mental strain.

Get him a bike, a helmet, some elbow and knee pads.. since he's such a baby.

Meh its ok. Sounds like you guys only messaged/text a few times... I am a strong believer of going with your gut when you're dating early on. If your gut is telling you that you guys lacked chemistry, its ok not to meet up. I recalled talking to this guy on the phone, after he messaged me on a dating app. He was good-looking and seemed like a well-rounded person who did a lot of traveling. When I got on the phone with him, I didnt feel any spark during our phone conversation. So I ended the short call saying "I'll text you my availability for a date next week." I did NOT send him any messages and he didnt send me any LOL... I think maybe inside, we both knew we wouldn't work out. Don't be hard on yourself... Online dating is already hard as it is. I also think dating should be fun, and if it isn't fun, you probably need to take a break ha.

If a guy rather smoke and get high with his friends than be with you, then yea, it means he's not that in to you. He probably smokes with his friends a lot, so if I were you, I would not try to date this guy.

Even if you feel like you're caving to your daughter, you're doing right. Your grandkids need their grandma! So I applaud you for doing what's right for the grandkids first and hope your daughter follows your lead.