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She was young; life stolen from not only her but her family and friends. I certain your mother still misses her. As my father said when my grandmother passed, you never get over it, you just get through it. I’m sorry this happened to her, your family, and hers. and you seem like a genuine soul to be on this site helping others after all you have endured.

Thank you- it is appreciated. When my therapist had asked what was keeping me here I said fear of his reaction/retaliation and I don’t want to lose or leave my house. She said those were not superficial reasons at this time. And no, I don’t want to remain in the marriage. I almost feel as though I’ve been in mourning for the past year or so; for the person he used to be. I don’t think he’s coming back, and now I’m married to a stranger and I don’t wish to be.

I am so sorry to hear this; so horribly sorry.

See, THIS is where I feel crazy. When you say things like him killing me, and he’s never put his hands on me, it makes my head swirl. but yes, I did text my therapist and I told her the abuse has escalated, though not violent, and we need to talk about how terrified I’ve been and the steps I’ve been taking, as well as how to handle the upcoming weeks when I start speaking to lawyers.

I do need to vent; you are not wrong. But I have taken actions in the last few days that, for me, are pretty drastic. i confided fully to 2 people in my life about what’s going on, I’ve started putting documents and valuables in a safe box that he doesn’t know exists, I packed a Togo emergency bag, my aunt has offered her P.O. Box and a list of legal contacts. all of that has happened within the last 2 days/nights. I know I’m probably not coming off as doing much, but these are really big steps for me.

Thank you Wiseman. I am certainly tired from putting on a facade; it’s exhausting. i also must keep working and it is a very busy time of year, but I do find joy in my career. I am also an oil painter so I spend a lot of time in my studio, and he doesn’t care to come up there. I have discovered that the positive of him being so stoned at night is that he doesn’t really notice lately whether I’m around or what I’m doing. He also has memory lapses. This means I can easily hide things in my safe, and go to the quiet solitude of my studio or office without him bothering me for the most part, while he smokes up our den. I’ve been keeping our cats with me in my office so he doesn’t bombard them with smoke. not that it matters, but my friend mentioned that she wondered if the significant amount of marijuana was impacting his brain chemistry to the point that he had some sort of psychosis or something going on. That’s not my wheelhouse, but considering that this is not the man I married, I imagine so. I never thought weed would be so harmful. people have asked me if it’s more than weed. If it is, I’ve never seen it. It’s not booze: neither of us drink.

I’m slow at moving forward with anything. So, I guess my words right now would be to bear with me. I told my aunt and my best friend everything: absolutely everything. It was hard. My best friend wanted me to “just kick him out” immediately but I can’t/wont because I want the house I paid for, and I fear his response. My aunt has a P.O. Box for me to use and several legal contacts to consult. I have a safe box that he’s unaware of and the last two nights I’ve been putting things in it such as important paperwork and personal valuables. I have also packed a mini Togo bag just in case I’d need to grab something in a rush. i changed beneficiaries on several documents. I have an appointment Monday with my therapist, and I will contact my aunts legal referrals to seek the best options safety and financial wise. in the meantime, I’ve been avoiding most contact or just behaving the same. It’s much much easier on the weekends because he’s baked out of his mind to the point that he grasps the rail to go Upstairs and it moves- he’s going to end up breaking it. after I speak with a lawyer… I don’t know. But I need to find the courage somewhere.

This is the truth. When I had mentioned I shut down the other day and slept Wednesday into Thursday, I didn’t mention that I have narcolepsy. to keep it as short as I can, there are times with narcolepsy (around once a month) where I’ll just sleep for around a solid 24-36 hours. Stress, hormones and severe sleep deprivation are triggers. This isn’t news to him. Thursday, he began coming into the room every 30 minutes and shaking my shoulders to wake me, telling me my parents were worried about me and that it was clear I needed medical intervention. He told me that if I didn’t get up, he was going to have my mother come to our house. when I finally got up and he asked me what was going on, I started crying, and told him he should know better by now that I have these episodes, what they’re triggered by, and that his unpredictable behavior lately was likely contributing to my stress. he immediately raised his voice at me, said I was attacking him, telling me that he had “been without a wife” for the last two nights while dealing with some tough things, and that I had just completely blindsided him. He said I was acting like a “***” because he was trying to check in on me and take care of me. He knows better. He knows narcolepsy can cause these episodes.

Thank you.

It does help, merely because I feel insane. Every time I try to tell him I’m worried, or that I am concerned, he blows up and flips it back onto me. I guess I just need confirmation that I’m not crazy, as stupid as that sounds.

No. Prior to marriage he had the sweetest demeanor and what I loved the most about him was his sense of humor and laid back attitude. he smoked weed maybe once a week, on weekends. then he got a medical card, started smoking daily, and gained weight, his personality changed and he just morphed into someone I don’t know.

I confided in my mother, father, close aunt, and his best friend who has noticed the same things. My parents are willing to help in any way. I have a psychiatrist appointment coming up as well as a meeting with my therapist. He tried making me into a “***” tonight. He hates me.

I could deal with him gaining 30,40,50, even 70. But he’s gained 160+ pounds. This isn’t a vanity issue, it is a cry for help.

I slept for 2 days straight because I’ve massively depressed over all of this and I also have narcolepsy type 1. narcolepsy can cause me to sleep for long periods from time to time. This isn’t new, it isn’t frequent, but it can happen, especially if I’m overwhelmed or depressed. my husband kept coming into the guest room where I was asleep and attempting to wake me. He kept asking what was wrong. I told him I was exhausted and to please let me sleep. when I finally got up to shower he came into the bathroom while I did so. It was a bit creepy as he stayed in there the entire time I was showering. he asked me “what that was” alluding to my excessive sleeping and I told him I was exhausted and depressed. I told him I was tired of being worried sick about him not caring for himself, and it was, in turn, wearing me down. I started crying, telling him that his fits of anger, his overall health, and his marijuana use have shaken me to the point where I don’t feel like I know him and it’s just worn me down as I have faced empty promise after empty promise that he will begin caring for himself again. he raised his voice, telling me I’ve been acting like an utter “***” while he’s just trying to look out for me and I’ve been sleeping, leaving him “without his wife” while his mother is in the hospital with kidney failure. he said I’m flipping everything around on him when the real issue is “why were you sleeping so much???” he told me I was a liar, then stomped up the stairs and slammed the door to our bedroom. Apparently I have no rights to that or the bed I bought.

He soiled the bed last night. The one I paid thousands and thousands of dollars for that I cannot use due to his size, smell and jolting. it was not just urinating; it was excrement and not easy to clean. He was bleaching everything all morning and then snatched the freshly washed comforter I use on my bed to sleep with before I could get it. I missed work, I don’t know how I’ll go tomorrow, and I’m angered. I slept all day because I shut down. I’m thinking of a vacation to get away for awhile. I also am suspecting he knows how badly I am dispising him.