LootieTootie

Probably because as he said, he didnt have the mental and emotional capacity for you. He is taking care of himself on his own, unfortunately. You're probably asking yourself why he doesn't want your support after everything that's been said and done? People with depression know they can be a burden on others and/or they think others don't understand their pain and so they rather suffer/power thru alone. I think you did the right thing. Give yourself space and give him space. Mental disorders are tricky. My husband has bipolar and he still gets mood swings once in a blue moon even tho he's on top of his medication and works out. I think chronic depression is totally different and theres really no cure to it except being consistent with your medication if you ever find the right doses. Again my heart goes out to you.

So I recalled you said you guys don't have a lot to talk about. Can I ask what you guys talked about ? If you don't want to share, thats fine too. I just hope he isn't just talking about himself and is enthusiastic in treating you like a queen when he gets back.

I wholeheartedly agree. I would also stop using reddit and enlisting the help of a 'psychic'

I think that this is a question only for you to decide. My husband committed suicide once when he was 23 (long story) and he told me maybe a year in to it when we were together. I have never seen any signs of him being that low to go there again, so I'm not too worried about it. He is now 35.

Yea I thought that was weird he offered to tell Alex how many times he masterbates - way too early to offer that info esp when you just did a poor job in bed with her the other night. I also would think he would be too embarrassed about his performance that he would still try to rectify it by wooing her pants off tonight before a week vacation. Yet it seems like he is nonchalant about it all, which is why I feel bad for Alex.

I am sorry how you're feeling and it sucks but I would believe him. If he tells you he doesn't have the emotional and mental capacity to invest in the relationship, it means he's checking out and will now do so physically. When you have a loved one who is chronically depressed (my dad) and being around them regularly, it can be draining. Maybe he knew this and didnt want to do that to you, knowing you already have a high stress job. Sending good vibes to you and just know you need some space to heal.

why do you need new clothes for a vacation with mommy and daddy?

I'm sorry Alex. This guy just flat out rejected you while spending mommy's money on new clothes to meet new ladies. This guy is a tool and you need to wake up.

Yes this with my husband. Once you settled for scraps and crumbs from mr/ms. wrong... What you are essentially doing is you're stopping yourself from actually finding someone who can tick all those boxes you had on your checklist prior to meeting this mr. wrong or ms. wrong. Even if it can't be all those boxes, there has to be someone way better than your guy right now Alex. Because he aint ticking even a few of the boxes you had previously. I dated many guys in my 20s and they were all very young-minded. I bump into some here and there and it's crazy how these guys are about to be 40 and still act very "bachelor."

I don't think Alex is lying... I know people who maintain the depressing status quo because its better telling themselves they aren't alone. I also have met plenty of people who love the idea they're in a relationship but they do nothing to show they're in a relationship. This is true for guys that are still very young-minded. Guys who want to keep living the bachelor life but also have a woman to come home to that will let them live however they please, cook and clean up after them, coddle them and agree with them. This is a parent-child relationship and there are men who look for that in a partner, someone who is maternal in their love style. The thing is, a person who sees you as a maternal figure isn't going to be in to you, because they recognize you as a mother figure first before anything else. This will affect the romance between you and in to the bedroom.

Same song, different tune. I'm sorry but this guy is wasting your time and you are letting him. 6pm on Friday night with his friend ? Sounds like he rather act single on a Friday evening with his friends.

I don't know but this kind of got icky. Okay.

I think my coworker (and we are not friends so that is why I call her coworker) keeps me around is because I don't have Facebook. Now that she's in Georgia, its even safer for her to tune me out when needed. She really did live in this alter world, and it was so unsettling sometimes I had to stop her and question her sanity.

I'm not struggling. I think Alex is lying to herself. She isn't honest with herself or to us and ignoring all these flags. For what? To maintain a shallow status just to say: "I have a boyfriend." Alex you deserve so much better but if your way is to live a lie, then it's your decision. I had a coworker who's exactly like this. No doubt she had a big heart but she lived a very shallow and vain life. She was unhappy but as long as she can tell people she had a boyfriend who made 6 figures, a house, and a Tesla, everything was right in this world. Eventually they couldn't afford the house any more and sold it so they can move to Georgia, where its a lot cheaper. Just so they can keep their Tesla and get a bigger house but both starting all over at entry level jobs. Their life is still one hot mess. I still get random texts from her about things he does 🙄 and when I give her advice, it falls on death ears. Sure she will say I know you're right but the next day, everything is great again. I don't understand how people have so much energy for BS.

Shocker

He's feeling pressure and I know plenty of folks who have sensitive stomachs, they will start having the runs or cramps when they are under stress. You know he might not be able to perform or finish every time you guys do the deed. His health is deteriorating, and thats sad because he's very young but the guy with his drinking, smoking and eating fast food, he isn't healthy and it affects him down there. Honestly, this man got way too much baggage on top of being a first-rate flake. Alex, there has to be other men out there that are better suitors for you.

I totally agree... I guess I am looking at a quick exit for Alex (even tho I know she is not inclined). But the quickest way out right now is to stop being stuck on this guy if she found other potential matches. The more she just focuses and "wait around all day" for him, ugh thats more time wasted and invested on him, an unworthy suitor. Sorry Alex, but you are worth so much more and need to be a priority and this guy doesn't see it.

Hi Snoopy, I would have never guessed you were 50 going off your original post. This is a you problem. You care about him showing you off on social media. You think you're attractive, talented and accomplished so why doesn't he want to show you off? How about because he doesn't put much stock in to social media like you do and doesn't care what other people on the other side of the screen thinks?

This guy is just a hot mess... I think maybe he didnt want to do the deed with you Saturday night. I mentioned to you about not putting a date when to have sex because it puts pressure on you and on him. It doesn't mean he's not attracted to you. He could have felt it was too soon but wanted to say whatever to keep you happy. I'm sorry Alex, this guy is a very low bar you set for yourself 😞 Maybe get back on OLD and look for more matches?

I also wanted to point this out but forgot. Alex, what you want is to be treated with decency and so you are not expecting more. You are expecting common decency when you make time for someone. Constantly cancelling on someone is not normal. It's unacceptable. If you're always cancelling on someone, do you think they would be satisfied with you? Of course not and it doesn't matter what the excuse/reason is for someone to keep cancelling. Because bottomline, when you keep cancelling or changing your mind on someone, it just becomes RUDE. So please don't think for one second you are the problem here. Because you know, deep down, you are not and thats why you got emotional about it. That is your gut telling you this man is screwing with you and puts his feelings over your feelings without a blink of an eye.

Alex, don't feel bad. He's the one that is screwing with your head and sadly your heart. I am sorry that he's lying to you and being manipulative. I'm sorry you don't have a good friend to tell you that this guy is no good for jerking you around when all you been is understanding and patient. I would never tell a good friend "oh yea, thats how guys are - they go with the flow. Bail out on you and don't say sorry. Make plans but keep changing them on a whim." No, most guys are not like that. Most people are not like that. You know why? Because most people actually care about making firm commitments and following thru. Please for your mental health, block this guy. He is immature and deceitful. He has a ton of issues: 1) can't prioritize 2) doesn't understand how his actions have consequences - hence, not apologetic 3) always flakey but doesn't mind sending tons of text emojis (child brain) 4) changes his mind about plans which is aggravating to other parties involve. When they change their mind so much, this help change their stories to help their narrative in whatever way they want to spin it. IT's EXTREMELY EXHAUSTING keeping track of their tales. 5) crappy financial management (this is to his buying ton of concert tickets yet can't afford groceries for camping - do ya know how expensive concert tickets are these days?) 6) and just to be petty - the man can't even change a flat.. and if you don't have a spare, call a tow/friend to go to the shop and put a used tire on for $60 at least. used tires are not expensive but they are temporary fix. Any way, just to reiterate, I implore you to block this guy and move on. However, I know you probably won't... So just be careful with your heart. You're already crying about this guy way too early. Step back, and put up some walls so you can stop getting sucked in by his sweet nothings because thats what it is, its all sweet NOTHING. He has done a poor job of showing you that your feelings matter and you're a priority.

It just sounds like you're not ready for marriage. That's ok. You don't have to get married because you're in your 30s and feel like you are behind your peers. You're perfectly fine to pace yourself. Talk to your fiancé and let him know how you're feeling.

If you only like him as friend, make sure you don't drink around him and please tell him what your boundaries are with friends. No touching, no kissing and no making moves. However, I think you should bail out on this guy even if he's been kind to you. I think he has ulterior motives to have sex with you and thats why he is nice to you. He tried to take advantage of you while you were passed out. That's a pervert, a creeper, a criminal, and someone who has no self-control.

Did I read that he has pets too? Wow I wonder if he neglects them as he neglects his commitments. Alex, I am with Night time, I think you need more experience in dating. If you are still going to give this guy another chance, just know that you have to own your decisions. Also, if you're already crying this early on, this is a really BAD sign. First, you shouldn't be so invested in this person emotionally to cry about him. It's too early because he should still be trying to win you over (which he isn't doing a decent job in). Secondly, he hurt you and doesn't even realize it. He just told you to pretty much "get over it by making plans without me." Did he even apologized at least? Because from what I read, it sounded like he wasn't apologetic and detached. Which again, is rude.

I think I recalled you mentioning this friend, and you were saying a lot of unkind things about her husband's finances and you did not want that in a partner. Any way, I digress. Good luck Alex.