LootieTootie

Again, this is part of growing up. Learning yourself and knowing your boundaries. Your mom is always gonna be just who she is. If you know you can only take a small dosage of her because the longer you guys are together, the more likely you both will just butt heads, then stop inviting her over. You have to protect your mental health, and part of protecting your mental health is not spending so much time with your mom. You should not be spending every weekend with your mom as a single 30 year old. Let me rephrase, as a single 30 year old woman who wants a relationship, you need to be working on making Alex appealing, attractive, and alluring. And I can tell you "spending my weekends with my mom" doesn't fit that bill for most people. So think of ways to get out more and make some new friends. Even if you're not the most gregarious person in a room full of people, the more you show up, people will want to know you and talk to you.

Everyone's input has been on point so I won't repeat. I am just curious to know... Alex, are you being proactive in looking for new friends? You sadly rely on these fake friendships but have you tried to at least go to a social event, meet-up group, church event, etc.? You love cats. Have you tried to join a local cat lover community? Try a new hobby? Finding new friends is like finding a partner. You gotta be proactive. That requires you to get out and mingle and put your best face on and work on your personality.

Alex, I'm not sure if you're aware of this but when you look down on someone you consider "a best friend" or "close friend" - you are not a good friend. This isn't the first time you have posted about your friends and everyone has recommended you find better quality friends. I will still advise you find friends at meetup groups or trying new hobbies. Or maybe detox from friendships for a good few months. I know this is hard to do but I think it would be a good break from the friendships distress. When you're young, you hang out with people who you think are friends but you realize that you really don't even like them or/and vice versa and there's nothing substantial there, so that friendship just fades out. Thats the natural process of it and its part of growing and part of learning who you are. If you maintain a friendship just out of convenience, just know that it is a reflection on you.

This isn't an ego thing. This is about a relationship that isn't working. When you tolerate someone who uses you and doesn't show any appreciation or effort to return the kindness and support, you absolutely have every right to be "***ing." This relationship sounds exhausting and this man doesn't respect you to keep investing in him.

I don't think you did anything wrong so trying to figure out why she had a nightmare of you cheating makes little sense. The dread you're feeling and her nightmare might be a product of current instability or current insecurity from one or both of you.

Have you thought about going to the gym with him? The gym is self-care and might be good for you to release all those endorphins.

I don't want to hijack Alex's thread but I just wanted to echo Catfeeder's comment on social capital. No doubt social skills is a plus in any work setting and when I have to be in social events for work-related conferences, believe me, I'm faking it to make it. In my line of work, sometimes you just have to be a social butterfly in order to get the job done -whether its closing a deal or you're motivating your staff. One time, a developer who had seen me multiple times at our events said "You know when you said you're an introvert, I just didn't believe you. Then when I visited your office a couple of times, you hardly said 3 words to me and just looked at your screen the whole time. Thats when I started to believe you were actually on the quiet side." I said "yea, because we needed you to make the deal work and I had to pretend that I could be someone you can trust and banter with. Did it work?" Of course it did. There are work places that it doesn't matter how likable you are, you can still be like less because of so and so. And thats okay. But if you are being overlooked or feel that way, then you need to bounce! Don;t waste time thinking "oh the atmosphere will change one day... Or maybe someone will finally recognize me... Or maybe...." The job market right now is an Employee Market, take advantage of it. I learned long time ago that office politics, office popularity contest and office work in general should not ever stress anyone out to the point where they are losing sleep or posting online about it. There are so many jobs out there and when you're young, be willing to move for a good fit at a company who truly deserves you and what you bring to the table.

I'm pretty much the same. I am one of those people who keep my personal life and work life separate. And it never bugged me when I wasn't invited to an event or to an outing because I could care less. All I did was kept my head down and work. What did irked me was being passed for a promotion even when I would go over and beyond and take on more assignments than others. Every time I was passed for promotion, I always knew it was due to (1) not being chummy enough with the hiring manager or (2) office politics. Every time I got passed for a promotion, I just went and look for promotion somewhere else, and always got the job. It is the best revenge - the sweetest. Not only was I getting paid more than the person you passed me up for, you are going to have to fill in my shoes or hope to find someone who can- ha! So if you know you aren't getting your dues, you need to ditch your employer. Who cares what so and so is doing or saying to get bosses to love them and overlook you. Thats just high-school mentality distraction that is keeping you from realizing that you need to go elsewhere to get recognition.

Uh yea, he's been telling you he doesn't feel the same way about you. Very direct if I may say. You have been with this person for a year, and have lived together. If he isn't seeing you as a lifetime partner by now, he is never going to see you that way. He has made it clear, he has not seen you like that. If he had, he would not be moving away from you, period.

Stop communicating with her until you've actually meet. You don't want to get emotionally invested in someone you haven't met in person. Sometimes the person on the other side of the line/screen is totally different from the person in real life. Not saying she's a catfish but she may be the person she say she is, but could be very different in reality due to insecurities when eyes are actually on her. if you're lonely, maybe pick another career. Or if you just need to hear someone talk, listen to podcasts. At least you won't end up sending nudes to podcasters.

Exactly. When I met Mr. Right, I never once doubted his commitment to me and to us. It just never crossed my mind. Totally different from the rest of the guys I dated, and I dated some pretty awesome guys! Larissa, every time you start getting wrapped up in to your "buts" and "whys" - stop yourself and just say "I should have been smart enough to know." Once you take full ownership of your mistakes, you will grow from your mistakes.

I am sorry you caved in to this Loser again. Sometimes you gotta hear someone's ugly truth to know exactly how they see you so you can finally accept closure and move forward. Please don't let this one experience dictate your dating life. There's a lot of losers out there who are looking for ego-boosters and it doesn't matter who they get it from, how they get it and what they'll do to maintain it. Now you know not to get emotionally invested in someone who doesn't commit.

This is guy is obviously using you. For almost 2 months, dating and courting you, he drops a bombshell and now expects you drop everything and help him? Nope.

I'm happy to hear that your cats are doing well.

Hate to be judgey but why are you crying over a guy who has spent over $1k on gemstones (that you know of)? Whatever it is, this should probably be a clear indication this guy isn't great with priorities and you are crying over someone who doesn't care to put you as a priority. If you are miserable where you're at and you're looking for a partner to rescue you, you are going to be deeply disappointed with life. Life favors the bold. You need to make some changes and if that means moving away, do it. Start looking for jobs nearby. Don't stay in a town where there's no opportunity for much. Also find hobbies outside your brother's home. IS your brother married? If not, I'm sure he would like privacy and be able to bring a date over without worrying.

Girl no. He is playing with you. If anyone has time to go to the gym, they have time to see you. Stop stroking his ego. He is not worthy of your time and effort.

If you need to, keep posting on here so people can encourage you not to contact him. I mean after you did one of the bravest acts by breaking it off with this non-committal guy, he adds his ex-gf as a friend? Again, another sign that this guy is a LOSER. You deserve a WINNER! YES YOU! Don't ever forget what you bring to the table and a man should be of that same caliber.

If your manager had gone back and looked at your presentation recording, would she have seen that you were actually off camera the whole time or a good large amount of the time?? I do understand her position tho. If you're doing presentations, people need to see your face so they can see if you're actually moving your lips just incase they have audio issues or you are still muted, especially when no one is talking. I give people a heads up before the meeting that if I turn off my camera, it's because I have connectivity issues. People are visual creatures so I realized that once you tell them this, they totally understand. Technology is great but it's also not. Others already pointed out this to you but how you came across to your manager's critique was very defensive and victimized. No managers want this especially if you don't want to burn your bridge. Believe me, crying to your manager is not going to make them apologize so don't ever expect an apology after crying at work. I tried it once when I was young and now I look back, I cringe. Because even if that moment you felt misunderstood and you felt wronged, the best way to get her off your back was to say "Geez I thought I had my camera on. If someone had told me before, I would have absolutely checked on my end to make sure it was on. I was not aware but now that I am, I'm going to go back and check the recording and my equipment. I'll follow-up with you on what I find." Therefore it sounds like you and your boss is on the same page and you're not being defensive or Uber-sensitive and she's not being a bully because no boss wants to be a bully (even if they are). Also if you are thinking about reporting her to HR, please save yourself some time and just find another job and then quit if you get another job. What I've learned from my experience in the corporate world and any job actually is that HR is not there for staff. They are there just to protect the company and will find ways and loopholes to do so after complaints are lodged.

FWB or no FWB, this guy is possessive and that's not a good trait. I would block him. He has issues he need to work thru and you should not be subjecting yourself to his antics.

Yes! Try a new church every 3 months to get a feel if you aren't finding a match there.

Did you not read any feedback? Why are you still with him?

Have you thought about joining a different church, same religion, in your town?

This guy is very high on the creep alert bar

You guys don't sound like a good fit for each other. Also, can you provide a specific example? Tell us one of your jokes where she had an outburst. Also how does she react when she have an outburst?

Once that stuff is recorded and saved, and it doesn't matter if it's been deleted- it can be restored and uploaded anywhere on the web. There are really sick people out there who hack people's phones and try to see if there's anything they can make $ off. This happened with the celebrity nude photos that were attained by hackers after they hacked celebrities phones. Please be careful.