LootieTootie

No you weren't wrong. This guy seems lazy period. Is he a team player? No. Looks like he does the bare minimum to keep you around, and then fight to do the minimum. Ask yourself, are you worth the bare minimum?

If you have friends/acquaintances or even old colleagues that you know are really good at looking at CV or Resumes, I would message them for a favor. Another pair of eyes, the better. Good to hear your actively searching. Your sanity and health are so more important than money or reputation. Be kind to yourself, Rue.

Obviously he doesn't want you enough to change. If he had realized he needed to grow up, he would have jumped on the opportunity long time ago. Time to accept him for who he is instead of making excuses for him.

Ruede, Are you actively searching for other jobs? The reason I asked is because every time someone is obviously unhappy at their current job, and it's not their fault (especially in your case), I wonder if they are actively searching? If not, why not? If yes, what are you doing? I got a friend who complained so much about the condition of his job and the treatment he got. So when I told him I was hiring for a senior analyst position (he is a jr analyst) he was thrilled and then got cold feet on the day of the deadline. I believe it is because he has been working for 6 years as a jr analyst that he doesn't want to go somewhere and start fresh, not knowing what is on the other side.

Sorry to hear, Sera. My condolences to you and your family 😔

It sounds like you both got a history of slights and drama. When I hear people talk about their "friend" doing and saying x and y to them, I wonder why they stayed "friends" or even remain friends? Is there a shortage of people out there that you are just picking whoever is willing to talk to you? And are you really doing her a favor if you are expecting compensation for feeding a rabbit? I watched an acquittance's dog (a 1 year old Australian shepherd) during thanksgiving week while working from home. And I didn't expect anything in return. Just HOPE... hope that maybe one day if we need their help with my dog they will happily help us without expecting compensation. I guess I am old school too.

This is why I don't lend but give away. Because that means, I have no use or care for it. You need to write this off and by that, I mean write this friendship off. If you need a copy of the books, check https://www.thriftbooks.com

I feel like we are not getting the whole story. How did you meet this guy? Also why don't you just get a new number?

Stopped reaching! He has already told he doesn't see you more than a friend. Dating is hard but keep yourself preoccupied with friends, hobbies, and extracurricular activities. You can be single and happy.

What catfeeder said. You need to stop engaging. My ex-bf even when I blocked him on phone and email, three years later he reached out to me via yelp! I had to deactivate my yelp account. Of course I could have told him, "sorry I am now happily married. Leave me alone loser." I didn't. Do not engage. Some people are just so toxic that when you are out of their reach, you need to stay that way!

Hun, it's not a good sign. You been together for 7 months and you're telling me he is still figuring out what he wants? If he was inclined to choose you, you would not be in this situation 7 months in to the relationship. Meaning relationships take a lot of work and it takes two. This guy might like you but he doesn't like you enough to put that extra work in. I have a similar story to bolt and we might as well have been dating the same guy. Knowing I was just a convenience to this guy, it bruised my ego and made me second guess myself after - never thought I would say this about someone I was very compatible with and someone with great chemistry with. Luckily I cut it off 3rd month when he uttered "don't want to put all my eggs in one basket" speech. Then get this? I met my husband right after. So give this guy a week as you've planned. Me, personally, I think he has had sufficient amount of time to figure out what he wants. Just imagine the next time you guys have another disagreement. I wouldn't be happy with someone sulking or wanting space for 2 plus weeks.

I got it an email by a friend who found it online. I got this a LONG time ago when I was 20. I just turned 37 not long ago, haha. I am not sure who wrote it but hey you can definitely tweak it if you like.

OP, I implore you to come back and write your perspective when a decade has pass, and the decade after that, and so on. It's strange because I once read this online when I was 20 and I couldn't relate but now I Can! Sharing with everyone reading this: A Geography Of A Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful. Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages; only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. The Geography Of A Man Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts. *Sidenote - I disagree with last sentence LOL I'm sure it's a joke.

Sorry to hear you have covid. Hope you recover soon. I think this might be a midlife crisis situation but then again, nobody really knows what why when or who except your wife. What anyone knows is really what she has been doing or not doing. I think your eldest is correct, she cares more about her new life. Kids are perceptive and typically when they are pre-teens and in their teens, they aren't as forgiving. You can't make it up to them that easy. Her first priority should always be her young children and she has left that role. If you are hoping she might come to her senses and come back home, ask yourself if you will be willing to forgive and forget. It is hard to trust someone after they do something so compulsive and turn it around to just blame the other party of not seeing it coming. Are you 100% you want her back when you know she might do this all over again without any warning?

Congratulations, Jibaltra! You are too good (for them) and too smart to be stuck in a hell-hole job so I am beyond happy for you. Vindictive bosses will be hard to walk around after you put in your notice. I had to worry about a vindictive colleague and he actually just gave me the stink eyes here and there at the end of my stay and I would give him a smile and wave. He actually wrote a thoughtful message to me on my last day so kindness goes a long way. When I put my 2 weeks notice in for my old job, a lot of my friends-coworkers asked me why I was leaving. I couldn't believe why they even asked when they've complained privately to me about how the job and people at the job. I think the only person who congratulated me was the CEO haha... My answer was just "I need a change." Which is true but I could have said a lot of other things that were true and my coworkers would have agreed with it because I know them. But I also know it would be bashing the employer and who knows, since I am leaving, it would get out that I was bashing them in the end and they would make it hell for me. So I kept it to "I just need a change." Then there was that question "How long have you been looking for a new job?" I would just say "Oh I've always looked occasionally just to see what's out there even before this job. I'm just a curious person." I don't know why but a lot of my bosses were wondering if those "sick days" I called in were for interviews and yea they were but who cares! I don't know maybe it would make good gossip. Any way stay professional and kind when it gets out that you are leaving. And if Simon gets you riled up, have a mantra to say to yourself in your head to calm you down. Mine was "In ______ days, you will no longer worry about this circus show."

Yep, I was friends with everyone at my old job including my bosses. The ones that were playing office politics were people I've dined and drank with, met their families a handful of times (for four plus years). The bosses that listened to me but did nothing - I still like all these people. I just don't like their work style that have perpetuated a broken working culture. This type of work culture is a constrained work environment. People who want to grow because they know they can perform better in other areas (me) or people who like to problem solve (like you) will never thrive in constrained work environments. That to me, has always been a top to bottom problem. I know people are going to say "Hmm that's everywhere you go." No it's not. That mentality people have is also why people stay in these sh8t places. In the end, if you have crappy bosses who don't want to manage, bosses who don't want to hear any criticism, bosses who arent open to change, bosses who don't care about their employees' mental state, bosses who lack the foresight - the work culture will suffer and work isn't work any more. It's a toilet hole environment. I would just be happy your time there is coming to an end and just keep thinking about that and not focus on anything else.

I think you handled it well. The work environment is toxic and you shouldn't have to push a heavy rock up the hill every day you show up to work. It becomes a matter of "what's the point?" I think you finally hit that moment and you handled it well because you're right. What's the point? You are leaving any way and these guys are still turning it around to "well you are not performing up to expectations." They want you to shut up and do your work, like most shytty bosses. In the end, they are just another example of companies that don't know how to keep smart and capable people and they keep wondering why they only have incompetent or lazy workers.

Pulling for you, Jibralta. I feel like when you start taking mental heath days off, it's time to look elsewhere.

Yep....Right now I am just not trying to let things get to me. My boss has been super moody and I am chalking it to her being stressed out. I left my old job to get away from office politics and that was exhausting! So what I think I'm going to do now is just keep doing my job the best I can, keep my contact with my coworker who is a *** to a minimum and stand up for myself if I feel like people are being rude/unfair to me. I am not afraid of getting fired too. I really am tired of office personalities. I think I'm going to be patient (hoping things calm down), or until I'm fired haha, and maybe think about opening a small business so I don't have to put up with people.

Wow, that was fast! That email from Bill looks promising. Fingers crossed. I have been reading this thread and it does remind me of the personality dynamics I deal with on an ongoing basis at work. I am still a newbie and reserved. Everyone on my unit is talkative and animated. You also have my boss who is foreign and has a thick accent. I noticed everyone cuts everyone off mid-sentence during meetings, and I wonder why people can't say "sorry can I interject you there?" I think it's just plain rude but I must be the only one who thinks this because I try not to interrupt people, and even when I start to say something another person just starts talking right over me. It's frustrating because either I need to cut everyone too or be louder. Which I think both are just obnoxious. Jibalta, I haven't had time to read all your posts on this thread but I was able to tonight and you are right about better to put a fight than not. Being naturally reserved, I noticed in my current work environment, people assume things about me. That I don't know what they're talking about because I am not interrupting them and talking over them. I also don't like some people's tone so I have been more assertive (I could be misinterpreting people's tone because some of these people are just blunt and loud). My boss had implied I deleted a template in a group email and it infuriated me why she couldn't email me to ask directly before making me look bad . I took the high road and said "I was not in the folder today to touch the template (that was true btw) but I certainly will save a new template that is in the back-up folder" (which is something she could have done herself). I also had a colleague sighed out loud in frustration when I told him I didn't see this document he supposedly saved in a folder for me to work on. When it turned out he had not saved the file after all, I just laughed (tried to make it sound like a suppressed loud laughter). I don't care how he took my laughter. My boss keeps training me the same stuff so I finally just told her I know this because you have told me a number of times and so I am wondering did I ever do it wrong? She said "no.. just that I don't want you to forget." I said "ok, then I think I can handle it form here but will have you look at the last product before I send it off." It was like okay you guys think I'm meek, I will show you I'm not. And surprisingly ! These people have responded better to me. I don't know why but it scares me that these people respond better to me when I am being a cold-hearted u know what but it does feel good to let people know I am no doormat.

Sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels to be with a company you care and work hard for but they ignore you every time you express or address your concerns/aspirations. I posted my work issue on here (2 yrs ago). Also my old boss was notorious for not reading my emails too 😒 If I brought up I emailed her a few days ago, I got this look from her like "I don't monitor my inbox because I'm so busy." You feel valueless, slighted, and hopeless! Like everyone told me, I had to stop taking things at work personally - I get it. But it was hard to separate work from me. What I found out was that I am just one of those people who care a lot their job and my work ethic is strong and working with inconsiderate and lousy bosses was bad for me - mentally and emotionally. I hated going home crabby no matter how much I love my home. Some people can compartmentalize their emotions, but I just can't. My only option was to leave. So when I started searching for jobs, I was low-key about it. I didn't tell my boss or my coworkers (they're all friends of mine) and even though I was going in to interviews, I was trying to get a feel for the interviewer by asking what kind of boss are they and if I had an issue, how would they like me to present it. As much as we all have our work style, writing style - people also have their own boss style. I've worked with a lot of bosses so I had an idea what worked for me. I say when you go to the interviews, don't be afraid to ask questions about the management style there. Gives you an idea what to expect working under the person. Do what's right for you. If you want to hold off to gain some more skills to buff up your resume, great. Patience is a virtue. But don't overstay. Usually this type of work environment does NOT get better when its from top to bottom. I know I overstayed but it worked out in the end. I got an offer to a higher paying job with upward mobility every two yrs (I didn't have that at my old job). My new boss is exactly the boss she presented herself to be at the interview (supportive, open communication, ethical and diligent). Now my old coworkers want to leave and they're still working at the dungeon office while I'm enjoying WFH! 😊