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I know that I should be communicating with my partner.. but after having lost both parent at young age and not having to spend enough time with them. I hate not being with my significant other. And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him but he acts like it’s not a big deal, or could it just be me over thinking it ?
The issues in my marriage stem from my husband was married to a horrific hideous obese woman before me and it made me feel like I lowered my standards being with him. Yes I know it is a mentally messed up issue all on me but it is what it is. In return the issue caused me to welcome attention from other men to boost my ego , even though it never went further than just flirting. That caused a sick cycle. My husband would get mad resulting in fights where he would scream, cuss & call me every name possible to hurt me for hours on end even though I would ball up in a corner begging him to stop. This became a constant cycle for years. Even though my flirting stopped and I purposely do not have friends, because I don't want to expose anyone to his fights they have progressively gotten worse to physical abuse. Now to make matters worse when one of his fights happens and he goes outta control, he will go and broadcast everything bad about me to anyone he can find to listen, even posting publicly on social media how awful I am. He has said he will stop and has gotten a lil better but the fact is he did it in the 1st place. When his fights happen, they ignite from anything and it's like he is another outta control person that I don't recognize. What do I do stay and try to help him or run like hell cause someone like this can't change!?!
I was dating my (now ex) bf for like a month, knew each other slightly over 2months. Recently I have been hit with another depression relapse - I told him I had this medical condition while we were talking bout our past relationships (before we started dating) So couple of days before we broke up, i was feeling kinda snappy. Got irritated by a response from cinema staff whom didn't respond to my question. So I got annoyed and my tone was pretty harsh when I spoke to the staff (bf wasn't there). Afterwards, I grumbled to my ex while telling him the whole conversation. So he mentioned that the staff may not have responded appropriately given the crowd size he have to manage etc; I agreed and wasn't sure why I had the sudden outburst at that moment. Afterwards, I apologised to my ex for overreacting and thought alls good since the whole date ended well as usual. Subsequently the next 2 days, I felt that the symptoms of the depression are getting more vivid and clear (loss of appetite, circling thoughts, low mood etc;) For my case, the doctor suggested mine could be case of chronic as few of my family members have this medical condition too. I started the medication again as soon I feel off. And rumination came: that mental condition is long term and will haunt me for life, I would have to live by medications forever. I started to get pretty demoralised but I sought help from my friends and ex to get through this..However I got the feeling somethings off with him..call me sensitive or what. But he was replying slower than before and for two occasions while sending him texts, he turned off his data. So that kind of got me concerned too if he started to doubt or is unsure about our relationship. I wanted to get my thoughts across to him as I felt suffocated.. So I met him nearby my house and told him bout my thoughts, about how he should consider if he wants to be with me in this, like he could still pull out now if he doesn't want to; I did mentioned that I felt better as compared to previous episode but the constant thought of it relapsing kept creeping in my head. So during the chat, he mentioned that he is still very new to this condition, he doesn't know how to help me or do, and can't say for sure if he can accept it or not. I told him he can take this time and episode to see but at any point of time he feels he couldn't handle or doesn't want to continue then let me know ASAP. I didn't want to find out we can't work out after a couple of years since we aren't young anymore. So the chat ended fine and we went back home afterward per normal. The next morning though, he sent me the text mentioning that he is not confident that he could take these situations of sudden mood change well with his temper at times (have not seen his temper yet) and he didn't want to waste my time so he asked if we can remain as friends. Disappointed and heartbroken by his response, I thanked him for his honesty and being decisive. There were times I find fault at him for forsaking our relationship so easily for leaving me when I need his support, and for being so easily shaken when he hasnt even try..yet at times I thanked him for being clear cut at least he cut this short which is good for both of us since we barely started out. Thinking back now, I recalled his previous relationship was due to the girl having mood issues which ended the relationship..i guess this sort of became his redflag or what.. It's the 3rd day now- I'm trying to come to terms with it while recovering from my current episode.. A double blow for me. I have been trying to convert my heart ache into anger so I could get him out from my head soon and feel better quickly...but one second I deleted our photos in a flash, the other I restored them and start looking through them again..really dislike this feeble part of me..
Hi I'm from the UK, in my early 20s and male. I've wanted to try and reach out about how I've been feeling for a long time now but never quite found the courage. The main feeling is just of a never-ending sadness and just feeling lost and lonely. My life has no direction, sure I have a career ahead of me and that's great but the rest of my life, the personal side, there's just nothing. I never have anything to look forward to, there's never anything exciting happening, I'm uninterested in everything and every conversation and I'm always worrying and worrying about the tiniest of problems and overthinking to the extreme where I fabricate social scenarios in my head that never will and never do happen. I'm agitated and upset when I don't feel in control of everything happening in my life, and I get upset when other people try to takeover things or reorganise things or try to tell me how I should do something. I've never been in a relationship but I'm in love with a friend but I don't even have the confidence to address my feelings with her. My confidence is rock-bottom I hate the way I feel and just seeing everyone else around me doing so well while I just struggle to keep up and I'm just so sick of feeling this way. I just feel like every time I try to be better I always fail. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right topic/forum but I wondered if anyone ever felt this way and got through it or maybe if anyone has any advice or comments. thank you.