batjokes92

Ok, now I’ve got everyone telling me I need to move to improve my situation. One step at a time please. I can’t handle all of these suggestions at once. My mind is spiralling I need to simplify my life right now not complicate it further. I don’t mean any disrespect. Sure, I’d like to travel and see the world but I don’t exactly have the funds make it happen right now. I am interested in travelling to UK someday, sure, I’ve never been over seas. I would not move there without a plan for protection first. I’ve asked my family what they think of me moving away and they said they wouldn’t recommend it I’ve got no one willing or help me pay for such a big move it would be all my own funds. I’ve looked up jobs in UK and there are some internships that sound nice but they cost so much money! That’s not really something I want to focus on at the moment that’s more of a long range goal like a year from now or something maybe. I’m just worried about getting myself in order here right now. I just need some solid and grounded relationship advice please. I really want a romantic partner and it wouldn’t be fair for me to look for that if I start to get ideas in my head about moving. I don’t want to make plans to move away then all of the sudden I meet the best guy for me here then I’m forced to leave and basically put myself in the same situation I’m in now just roles reversed. That would be a nightmare. Looking for some healing advice so I can feel better about my situation not worse. I don’t want to be stressed out thinking that the only way to improve myself is to move away just because that’s what this guy did. I’m not saying that travelling isn’t a good idea I just think that it’s a big step if I’m not prepared financially or emotionally. Anyways, back to the issue at hand. I feel like my heart is broken and my body is in physical pain from the longing that I feel for this person. I keep thinking that we could have been great together if he just didn’t get the call out to leave so suddenly after he revealed his feelings for me. Is it true that if it’s ment to be it will all work out in the end? I feel we have a strong connection but our paths have not aligned and I’m wondering if there is a reason for that or if it’s just extremely bad luck? I’m scared now to make any moves in dating because I fear that the worst can happen again. Two people could be right for each other, both want commitment and be compatible but other things get in the way and it’s just so unfair.. I tend to get emotionally invested in people very quickly too because I see the soul inside a person and I see the unique qualities a person brings into the world so special and there is no other like them. I have such big loving feelings but no outlet to express that love.

I’m trying to be strong and not respond to his messages anymore and I felt like I was doing a good job for a couple of days but it was his birthday on the 9th and I just felt like I had to wish him a happy birthday just to be kind. And now it’s like I’ve been pulled right back in. He told me that it means a lot that I wished him happy birthday and that it means I have a good spirit and that I whatever happens I should never change that.. now I feel like I’m back in the thick of it again. I feel damned no matter what I do. If I stop talking to him/ignore him I lose a dear person and I will be lonely left thinking of him and missing him but if I keep responding to his messages I will never be able to break free and move on. Honestly, when I first met him I only wanted to be friends first I didn’t want to rush into things but his lovebombing and the circumstances of the situation seemed to push me into it. I can’t get over the hurt of the night he kissed me and promised we’d have adventures together, only for it to all fall apart the very next day. It hurts me at my core and I actually have had troubles staying asleep though the night ever since that happened. (I used to sleep like a baby now I wake up at least twice every night I told him this and he said that I “should not see it as a bad thing” but it hurts knowing that I can’t sleep through the night anymore because of what happened) his daily calls and messages make me feel good but it’s also a constant reminder of that night and a reminder that I’m stuck in a bad situation that I can’t seem to break free from. It would be easier if he would just stay in Alberta and never come back but he is coming back to see his son every month and I know I will be tempted to go over to his place and be with him when he comes home 2 weeks from now. I have no other friends/relationships right now and there are no meetup groups in my city, I live in a depressed area (recently saw some news that the city I live in is the 3rd unhappiest city in Canada, and I can see why. No one here is happy and everyone wants to move away. I’m not kidding, almost all of my high school friends have moved overseas) I’m afraid there won’t be anyone else who shows so much interest in me. This guy is probably one of the calmest people I’ve ever met, a lot of my past relationships were with unhealthy people who would always yell and degrade me, this man does not do that. He’s always kind and gentle with me. I wish he never moved out to Alberta, is it my fault I’m this sad? I feel like he doesn’t want to commit to me because I’m always in a bad mood because of what happened but I can’t control that. Am I the toxic one in this situation? I want to love him and be his friend and support him but I feel so hurt by what happened I don’t feel like I can ever be comfortable with him even as a friend anymore.

I don’t have much of a life. I had some friends before covid happened but they have all moved away scattered to different parts of the world now. Ive tried to make friends I was friends with this one girl for about 5 months but my brothers ex gf inserted herself into our friendship and ruined it. Now all I do is go hangout at my brothers home because I don’t like to stay in my basement apartment all day. I work on my oil paintings in a spare room he has for me. I have social anxiety so it’s hard for me to meet new people. A few days go I gathered the courage to go to a life drawing class but I didn’t realize it would be all older women when I got there. I try to join artist communities in the city but almost all of them are older woman groups. I have a steady job now which is nice but its a short staff and not enough to pay for me to get out of the apartment I’m in right now. I’m currently in the process of finding a good therapist but haven’t had much luck the ones I find seem to have self esteem issues of there own and they frequently cancel appointments on me I’ve signed up for cmha but I keep getting placed with a workers who don't fit my working schedules. I’ve starting going to church and that seems to be the best thing I have going for me now because the people there are very kind to me even though they are older. I’ll add that I met this guy though my brother. My brother knows that I have bad social anxiety and he told me that this would be a good guy who was quite popular and would help me get to know others. Too bad he wasn’t interested in friendship. These guys that I meet all seem to want me as more than a fiend but less than a partner.

Yes I do have low self esteem. That’s because I keep getting played by men all my life. They lie to me and say that they want a girlfriend. Usually they chase me for months treat me real nice then as soon as I start to feel comfortable that’s when they leave. How can I develop good self esteem when all my life I have had bad luck like this? I honestly don’t know what a good relationship looks like and I don’t know what good partners do for each other. I’ve had one long term relationship in the past at age 25 I met someone through work we were together for almost two years but he broke up with me to be with his next door neighbour so I assume he was cheating on me with her. All of the other men have only wanted one thing then whether they get it or not they end up ditching me anyway. That’s why it’s so hard to let this guy go. He makes an effort to talk to me every day and see me when he comes home (when he feels like coming home) but he can’t make the effort to get me out to Alberta. He says that I can come in July now but I’ve wanted to go in October and March and he was not able to make that happen! so why should I keep waiting? I feel so jaded now that I don’t even think I’d want to go on a trip with him the romance has dimmed in my heart quite a bit I just feel angry at him now. I don’t want to waste time anymore but I’m afraid I’m not attractive or interesting enough to keep a man invested in me. It’s hard to have good self esteem when relationships never work out. How can I develop good self esteem if I keep being treated this way by men in my life!?

I’ve had a crush on this guy since January 2022 when I first met him but every time I tried to set up a get together with him during the time of Jan-July he either didn’t respond or made an excuse like his phone died (this happened once when I showed up to an event he invited me to. I searched for him but couldn’t find him, the next day I asked what happened and he said his phone died, I guess maybe this should have been a red flag for me but I didn't take it seriously at the time) we only humbug out about 3 times between the months of Jan-July. In August he suddenly began to show interest and asked me to go out with him. He invited me out to a rave party and he told me that he loved me I was kind of shocked but I told him I loved him too. We spent the entire next day together and were talking back and forth for about a week or two. He kissed me on our first official date and I felt so happy like I was in heaven! He texted me that night and made a promise that we would have many more adventures together, but then.. the very next day he texted me saying that he finally got a call from a job he applied for. He was accepted for a job out in Alberta and he needed to leave in 2 weeks but he wanted to know if I’d be interested in a long distance relationship. I agreed and told him yes we should try it out. Looking back on this now I think I jumped in too quickly and I regret making this decision. We spent time together for 2 weeks before he left. Since then he’s been working for 4 weeks and comes back home 1 week a month to see his 10 year old son. It’s been 8 months now and he has no plans on coming back to stay he says he wants to buy land in Alberta and stay working out there making money for as long as he can. (He’s moved out to Alberta for work because he says he can’t make enough money working here, he still lives with his mom when he’s here and he says he needs to make enough money to buy his own place) When we first began our relationship he told me that he had worked in Alberta before but he only lasted 3 months and he told me that this would not be forever and that he’d move back home once work is done to be with his son. He keeps changing his mind on how long he’s going to stay out there, sometimes he says he doesn’t like the work so it will only be a couple more months than other times he says he really needs the money so he will be working there for years. It’s really depressing me, I cry almost every day because all I want is a partner who is here for me. I have no interest in other guys now and I fear that if I let go of this guy then I’ll never find a partner. I am 30 years old and I want to start a family but I can’t seem to find any man who wants the same. Deep down I feel like I’m wasting my time with him because I’ve noticed sure we have things in common but his priorities do not match mine and honestly the more I get to know him the more irresponsible he appears to me. He’s been working out there since September and he says he has almost spent all the money he made already! (He’s spending money on $1000 gemstones and crystals) and it’s causing me to resent him and it’s very hard for me to hide my resentment when he’s here visiting me. Back around Christmas time he texted me saying that he won’t be home for Christmas so I decided to end the relationship at that moment I told him that long distance relationships are not healthy for me but he insisted that he loved me and that he wanted to make this work. I’ve tried to end it with him again in March but right after I tried to end things he offered me a free plane ticket to come out to see him. I said ok let’s make this happen but when I tried to make solid plans with him to go out there he would stop responding, I could tell that he didn’t really want me to go out there to meet him and I don’t know why.. he didn’t even come home that month! He stayed out there for 2 months instead of coming home! When I ask him why he did that he just smiles and says something stupid like “no reason, it just happened.” This distance is hurting me and he knows it. I cry everyday when alone and wondering what to do. He says he loves me but he ignores my feelings says nothing is wrong and that I just need to be patient. He gets annoyed at me when I tell him how much it hurts and says that I should focus on the positives. I tell him I feel extremely lonely and misunderstood and he gets angry and says there’s nothing he can do. he says he doesn’t understand why I’m hurting. I thought I might mention that I don’t have a lot of relationship experience I’ve only been in one long term relationship before this. I’ve dated a lot of guys in the past but none of them wanted commitment. I’m afraid to leave this guy because it’s the first time in a long time someone actually wants to commit to me. He says he’s had a lot of relationship experience so this distance doesn’t really bother him and he’s fine with the way things are going.. I don’t want to waste time when he can barely even find the time to see me. What should I do? Is there any hope for us to remain friends after a break up like this? I’ll add a quick update, I tried to have a serious talk with him about it a few days ago over the phone. I asked him “be honest with me. Would you want me to move to Alberta and live with you?” There was a long pause so I said “is that a no then?” He replied “it would be kinda cool” I said “only kinda?” Then he said “no, it would be great”. Should I take that as a no? I’m trying to get get to the bottom of this and get him to be honest with me and tell me the truth about what he wants but I sense hesitation in him. I don’t know if it’s due to his own insecurities or if he’s just not that into me. It’s frustrating I don’t know what to do anymore. One of his friends I’ve met recently told me that “he gets in his own way” and that’s just the way he is.. I wonder what he means by that.