LootieTootie

Sorry ma'am, you're not fooling anyone 😁

Oh girl... Red flags all around. He pushed for you to quit your job - cutting out your financials meaning you are financially dependent on him. He goes thru your phone - he has no respect for your things. Make comments about you being around guys - when you have never showed any signs of unfaithfulness. You need to really get out while you can. I'm not saying dump him, but don't live with him. Can you move in with someone until your boyfriend is willing to talk to you about his insecurities?

how old are you guys?

I am going to be really judgy about your girlfriend because as a dog mom of ONE high energy dog, I meet a lot of dog parents like her who will just adopt any dog at the pound because they have a bleeding heart and think all the dog need is love. Like spinster mentioned, dogs need more than just love, they need space to exercise daily, socialization, consistent discipline and a strong authority figure. From your posts, your girlfriend has 3 dogs in a small apartment, doesn't groom and bathe her dogs (grooming can prevent shedding - that's why I use a vacuum grooming tool which works wonder), doesn't want to train her dogs not to be at the table when humans are eating, doesn't want to train the dogs not to bark incessantly, and pretty much is not an authoritative figure where her dogs respect her - if they did, they wouldn't be barking like crazy or trying to get scraps of food at the table....and I'm sure I'm missing more... What it tells me is that she slacks off big time as a parent and she has no intention of changing her ways. She thinks she is a good dog mom but she doesn't take care of her dogs. Letting your dogs go 2-3 months without grooming/bathing is just neglectful. Especially when dogs are with each other, they slobber on each other during plays and grooming rituals (licking each other) - so homes with two dogs or more tend to have a dog odor (if they don't clean up after their dogs - its worse). Thats also why we have one dog because I am sensitive to smell, on top of that -dogs are a lot of work. In addition, she doesn't even seem to consider how bringing 3 dogs in to your space is compromising your health. If this isn't code for super self-centered person who is only looking out for their own interest - then I don't know what is. This should be the BIG RED FLAG for you. She just wants you to save her and her dogs by giving them a bigger living space, who cares what it will do to your health. If she is already disregarding your health now, don't be surprise when she disregards your feelings in the future.

Echoing other responders here. They made their choice as grown women. They picked freedom instead of fear at the end. Good for them!

Instead of caving to peer pressure, maybe you should speak up and tell these "friends" to stop joking because you don't find it funny when they speak negatively about your boyfriend. They might not know that you or/and Dean don't like these comments that Dean is not in your league in looks wise. They will say "its just a joke" - but if they keep bringing it up when you and Dean have not done anything but be yourself, then don't be afraid to speak up for you and Dean. You'll see who really is a friend when you speak up.

Yoda, friends come and go. As Kwothe mentioned, this friendship has run its course. If he ever wants to be your friend again, let him reach out. You just never know what people's hang ups are even if they've been your "friend" since childhood, or they seem like such a sweet person... Just remember that people are fickle and they can be your bestie one minute and next thing, they are acting like they don't even care about you. All you can do is not take it personal and when it's hard and you find yourself taking it personal, just do something to preoccupy your mind and then sleep it all off. You'll feel better the next day - I promise.

I think you're doing everything right for someone in your shoes. I really commend your efforts in protecting your unborn child even tho you're not carrying her. There's really great guys out there! Can I ask you if you know what the outpatient program entails? My SIL has been 'sober' for 2 months and 'was' a fentanyl user (we really don't know if she has been clean because she lives on the other side of the US even tho she claims she has been). She attempted multiple rehab stints, was clean for 7 years then went back, also attempted an outpatient program. For her addiction, I think outpatient was worse because she really needed to be monitored and because she wasn't 24/7 she just didn't seem to have the support system to stick with it. Her last rehab stint, we thought she was doing well. Writing to us, sending videos of her, talking to her. Well, she then they kicked her out of rehab because they found her using inside the facility. *sighs* Its a tough road for loved ones who have to deal with a family member who is addicted. I've seen how it's affected my husband, my MIL and my SIL kids. My SIL was always the life of the party, sharp as a whip, and her spunk - everyone loved her! Don't think we will see that again, and if we do, it'll be a miracle.

Oh hun, you shouldn't be drinking with weasels like this guy. They will take advantage of you because they know you aren't thinking straight when drinking. If a guy keeps pushing for sex and you've said no to them plenty of times, kick yourself next time to tell yourself "hey this isn't a good guy."

Sorry my mistake. It was another post you had posted not being invited to a bachelorette party where you hardly knew the the bride. I love what Batya said and she said something I was thinking about. I read your posts and I always think you're either being self-righteous or just petty. You're becoming your mom. I'm not sure if you and your mom are super close but I recommend therapy or find other avenues that can help you grow out of the wanting to control, dictate or/and judge situations/people that you have no control of. I think if you did some deep self-reflection, you might be able to see there some flaws in your thought process and ways to correct it so next time, you're not getting all bent out of shape over things you can't control. It's so important to a person's growth when they find healthy ways to deal and manage their emotions without projecting on others.

Go... with... the... flow I mean, I can't imagine this being any fun or enjoyable worrying why the bride and MOH both know nothing or isn't looping you in. Accept that they aren't keeping you appraised and all you need to do is show up early for the wedding, and if you get an invite to the bacholorette party, great, if not - oh well, go and find something else to preoccupy your time with.

Also I'm sorry your mom was terrible to you today. You don't deserve that. No one does. My mom is the same way when it comes to weight and will make a lot of weight commentary to topics of discussion and me and my sisters just roll our eyes. We aren't big girls but medium-sized but from her country, we would be considered big bone and plus size females and that's not attractive in her country. I recalled thinking how sad to grow up and believe there is only one way to be an attractive woman.

Alex, when you're on the phone with someone and they're insulting you, just hang up. If they call or text you and lash out - just block them. People, especially the people we love, need to know you aren't going to stand by and just take their abuse. I learned this lesson at a young age... not sure if you consider mid-20s young ha. But when I was in my mid-20s, my older sister picked me up for work - we carpooled every morning to work. I don't know what was her problem that morning, but she's always had some days where she just had to take all her on frustration and anger and direct it at someone... I was her target that day. I was stuck in the car with her for 40 mins, she was driving and going on and on about how much of a failure and disappointment I was in life. I was balling. When she got to a red light, I should have just stepped out but instead I sat there crying, letting her belittle me - literally just knock me down for things I've done wrong since I was a teenager. I went in to work with puffy eyes and a terrible sniffle from just crying hard for 40 mins. After that incident, I never carpooled with her again and she never did apologized. I realized that people you love will always be a certain way and you just accept that. What you don't accept is emotional abuse from anyone, and when they knock you down but try to spin it as "just being honest" - you hang up/leave or you try to find a way to navigate it so you don't have to hear their insults but still maintain a relationship. My navigation was to not carpool with my sister again. Next time your mom does this, hang up or just cut her off and say "Lets change the subject." However, what I think you really need to do is just don't talk to your mom about something you know she will judge you about because you have clearly seen she doesn't like that you gained weight. This is a her problem and not yours.

I'm with the crowd that says see a divorce attorney and get your ducks in a row. If you've already tried to make it work, and that hole is still there, then it's time for you to accept that and bow out. Your wife will probably cry her eyes out but she will thank you later. Who knows? She might actually meet someone who loves her for her, and same for you. Your kids will still love you regardless, and you will still be part of their lives. I think you been dragging your feet because you want to protect your children, but also something tells me you are the type to go thru the motions because you're afraid.

Wow this has gotten to be the most absurd post I've seen here (as mostly a lurker). Wait- there has been a few but this is up there for sure. OP, be conceited and delusional all you want. At least, be a decent human being and let this poor boyfriend go. You don't deserve him.

Well, you shed more light and yea, I wouldn't feel comfortable with her at all. I also agree your husband needs to step up and be more direct and assertive. He has to be able to physically block his mom from entering your house, not just hands up, side stepping and acting "nothing I could do" attitude.

Personally, I would be upset and dump her. But I am really one of those people who will never tolerate any kind of cheating (emotional or physical). The reason why is because I would feel like not only did she lied for 7 years, she wasted 7 years of my life, because I would not be/put up with a cheater- ever. Too much pride for that. So it's up to you. You've already forgiven her for sexting him and maybe you can look at it that it was something that happened long time ago when she was "young and misguided." But truth is, she was selfish and horny.

What kind of person uses their knees to squeeze other person's knees?😆 She sounds like a weirdo. Don't date weirdos.

Take a deep breath and try not to beat yourself up because you haven't messed up. I'm also with Rose. Wait til the internship is over and then ask for a coffee date or something.

Red flag. I would also keep an eye and see if she follows thru.

I hope you don't take this harshly, but I think you focus way too much on 'what so and so did and what I did, what I think and what I feel because I did x and y and I would never do x and y like so and so, so I'm not sure why so and so doesn't act a way I would act...." I get it, you ladies have a lot of history but you need to let it go and stop expecting. Like someone said, it's making you resentful, and you come across like you're entitled to be more well-like than the other gals. Truth is, all your 'friends' aren't friends and not only that, now one of them is just looking for someone to bankroll her baby-shower. Real lame. The minute you decide that these gals arent your friends, you're going to feel better and you will stop expecting them to act like real friends. Start looking into making new friends and exploring new interests.

She's using you as a rebound, but if you really want to keep investing on someone who is emotionally all over the place, and super flaky, that's on you.

I think when people's lives change, people re-prioritize what's important. However, that doesn't change that they were all kind of a-holes about your brunch, except Raquel. I'm sorry but you need to make new friends or you need to preoccupy yourself with other hobbies. Like others have said, you over invest in to your friendships, and these people aren't really your friends. They've become acquaintances at best, except maybe Kelly. Have you thought about joining meet-up groups with shared interests? are you attending or interested in local single events? are you religious (there might be some groups you would like to look into)?

This is the reason why it doesn't work out for most people who meet online. I met my husband online and we are aware that we are probably the 2% of couples who met on an online game and actually clicked physically and got married When you meet someone you like online, make sure to lessen the long distance ASAP. The more you drag yourself in an online relationship, the longer you live in a fantasy. Truth is, you never know someone until you are with them physically. Good Luck and try to remember that there are local guys.

I read your OP, lavender, and wow... unnecessary drama. First, don't keep reaching out to someone you don't even really know just because you want an explanation after they have ignored your calls/messages. It makes you look desperate even if you are just 'curious.' You gotta be able to take the hint. & if they circle back to you wondering why you didn't follow up with them, you just smile and block them. You gotta show them you got standards. Secondly, just because someone say they're serious or looking for a serious relationship, remember that words are cheap. Pay attention to their actions. People will say anything sometimes to keep you wrapped under their fingers, but remembered you have eyes. Watch their actions to see if it matches what they say. Third, if you don't know if you want a serious relationship, then don't get in to one thinking 'well, this man might change my mind?' No, hun, only you can make that decision for yourself. Because when you go in not knowing what you want, you are setting yourself up to be unhappy/unsatisfied in that relationship/situationship. Because if you know what you want, you have intention and you are wanting that person to know your intention and understand it. They either accept it or decline it. When you don't have this, you're pretty much taking what you can get. And you are too good for that. This guy say what a lot of people say on online dating platforms "I'm serious. Looking for a serious relationship. Not here for drama. Blah bLah" - The thing is, you have to be smart enough to weed these people out by paying attention to their actions too. Good luck, and if it's any consolation - looks like this guy was an emotional unstable a**hole any way and count your lucky stars you dodged a bullet.