Onion555

Thank you so much for this advice. As simple as it is, it's very helpful and insightful. I believe you are right. I love her, truly. but I do think our values on a lot of stuff, more than just this instance are too different

Thanks man, I appreciate the advice a lot. Unfortunately I think you are right

I do have morals, dude. Counter productive to place a blame in a situation like this. Feelings are rarely black and white. Sometimes it can be hard to tell what you actually want. I'm human and still figuring things out. I have never cared for someone as much as her. Hence why I didn't realize i should take that as a red flag. When I first heard about it, it sort of bothered me, but i was able to change my focus and not care. But now that we are super close and I have very strong feelings for her, it does bother me. I did not know in the beginning that it would bother me this much. If I did. I would have handled our relationship very differently in the beginning.

Great insight, thank you very much

I will look Into it, thank you

Well. I'm sorry that happened to you. The issue I'm having is more so the fact that she told me all these stories at different times when I didn't want to know them. I've never shamed or questioned her or made her feel bad for her sexuality whatsoever. I love and respect her. These are personal feelings that I grapple with. It has never affected her in any way. I'm just trying to figure out how to go about these uncomfortable thoughts and memories.

Thank you for the feedback. We are exclusive. I have asked her many times when we first started dating if she is okay with never being with a girl again and she said absolutely. We are both incredibly loyal to eachother and there are no wondering eyes or anything like that. We are very committed.

I agree. Thank you for your feedback

Thank you. My plan was to see a therapist and try and figure it out myself. But due to financial reasons that may be months away. I'm to the point where I don't feel like I can wait months. Right now I am torn between repressing it until I can talk to a therapist or just telling her everything. I feel so guilty keeping it from her, but I know this will really damage our relationship if i dont handle this right. And like I said. I don't know if I have a few more months of this left in me. Because at the end of the day it's my own problem and she hasn't done anything wrong.

Yes. Her morales align with mine now. But that definitely wasn't always the case. I don't think it was quite one off. She had similar stories that also make me wrench to think about. She is an amazing person now and I love her very much. But I struggle so much with her past showing up as impulsive thoughts that start looping in my head, and I won't be able to think about anything else for days and days. It's horrible but I wonder if it would be a grave mistake to throw the relationship away just because I can't stop thinking about her past.

I am a man. And you are right, as much as I hate to admit it the bi side does bother me. I know there's plenty of dudes that are unphased by that. I just don't like the thought if it and get horrible impulsive thoughts of her in these acts then start to ruminate on them. I have never shamed her or made her feel bad. That's who she is and I love her. But the whole mom thing (along with some OTHER stories shes shared) is like... I feel like that's a huge difference in morales. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. Her morales and values are aligned with mine these days. But it still bothers me that they weren't always. Idk if I'm just expecting too much and it's unrealistic or what.

Thank you for your feedback. It's nice to know there are long term couples who haven't had that issue

That's a great point. We are both 24. I think years ago our morals would not have aligned at all. I would have never done something like that. Now we have very similar morals and values. But it still bothers the hell out of me that she didn't always have them I suppose.

This is a great point and thank you for the feedback. To clear some things up: it has always bothered me. I told her I don't ever want to hear about things like that a few days after she said it because it was bothering me so much. She has been respectful of the boundary. It has bothered me for the duration of the relationship. I just try not to think about it. But a lot of the time it comes as an intrusive thought. My intention for dating has always been marriage. But the more I think about her story the more I get repulsed by the idea. Everything else in the relationship is great, but this is still really bothering me.

That's a great point. Honestly I liked her so much I was just willing to overlook it. But it's been weighing ya know?