lonly112000

i dont know that it would be stress because ive been under alot of it for a long time but its not like this little quiet voice its like somthin that is like so loud its like this thing and then the screams are like every night and i was thinkin well its just the same thing but every night its diffrent like if ive been feelin happy its really bad until im sad again and if ive been sad then its just enough to keep me sad.

I've got somthin to ask and i hope someone knows the answer it normal to hear voices (not normal but is it just somthin some people do) and second is it normal to like hear screams in your sleep not just like bad dreams but just people screaming and like horible screams like so bad that it makes you not want to go to sleep at night (yet again not normal like every one but like just some people do it).

19 advil wont kill him believe me been there taken more than that but he is gonna be sick for about 6 or 7 hours and probly get a little dazzed but thats depending on the person like weight and imune system and stuff

i cant wait ive been waitiin for 13 years and i still aint got nothin and i cant see me gettin anything because i know that no one here is gonna ever forget about what i did and what i said and any where i go my mind is gonna fight me all the way cause i got somthin that aint finished in this town i got to tell everyone the truth and i try but they believe what they want and not what is true all these people are like mad because i live in their town and i do what i do and now im going to end it i can see it in my head its like im seein my life in a movie and i see myself die and it plays over and over and i see myself losin everything and i see me on my bed lookin at this blood stained knife i can feel it this is for the best so i lift it to my throat say a little somthin and then i lower the knife somthin stops me its like ive been fightin off this water thats been risin ever sense i started feelin bad and ive finally given in and i walk into the water its at my knees then my waist then my neck and slip under the surface i start to fade away then i see this hand break through the surface i grab it and im pulled out i see this man standin there and he says you dont have to do this i cant tell who it is through the water blurin my eyes then the blur is gone i see who it is i cant believe my eyes its god

ok great now my parents are mad at me im not alowed to go to my dads house anymore and its all for somthin i didnt even do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!God this life sucks!!!!!!!!!!

i agree with empty people think i should get help because i try suicide well thats just me and its always gonna be part of me and the way i see it if you dont like it dont talk to me although that could be the reason that i have no friends

everyone is tellin me that things will look up but i been hopin they would for 2 years and they havent and frankly im ready to give up its not as if any one would miss me everyone in my family ignors me and tries to pretend i dont exist yeh sure if i killed myself they would look sad but who would truly be sad no one and for that one second when im cuttin even though its not me doin it i cant control it but for that one second of pain every thing else is gone and then the thing is after ive cut i feel worse and now i got nothin after all thats happened in the last few days i feel like my head is gonna explode like ive sunk lower if thats possible sunk to the level to where now i dont really care about myself like if i die or kill myself then oh well the only thing thats gonna be difrent is that i wont have to see all these faces starin at me as i walk bye and maybe just maybe i wont hear all those screams and if im lucky then i wont have all these problems to deal with

I dont try to hurt myself its like just somthin i do its not really me doin it its like there is this voice in my head tellin me to end my life tellin me that life isnt that good tellin me i cant win and then i think to my self why not i should do it as if any one would notice and then i decide to do it i look at this blood stained knife and i can feel it this is for the best i lift it to my throat say a little somthin and then i lower the knife ive done it it feels so good and then theres pain and in my sleep i here these voices or more like screams and i tryed to get to them at first but now im one of them one of them screamin on the inside someone help me but on the outside im just the kid in town that pops pills and cutts and smokes and all the parents tell their kids stay away from him hes just trouble well im troubled on the inside and no one sees it cause they are to busy stayin away from me to even know what im about i know that it aint normal but i aint goin to know institute were every oine is so druged they dont even know theyre in the world but hey im like that half the time so whats so bad about this life you ask that would make me want to do this well people and the fact that i aint never got anything all the stuff i have i worked for and now thats been yanked out from under my nose so well maybe this will be goodbye

well ive got artificial mucels in my whole calf on my right leg and i was gonna play soccer for my high school until the urine test but that aint no reason to kill your self i have a valid reason a medical condition isnt

hey we are the same age and i can relate sorta to what your sayin but as im in "beez" shoes right now i can tell you if she want help she will come to someone makin her go to a shrink or somthin aint gonna help like i got some problems i got to work out myself right now give it some time and then maybe she will be ready to talk to you or someone else.

it apears that you never have truly felt the pain of wanting to end your life but the fact that you havent makes me cheer up a little to know that you dont have to feal that pain every day so good for you but the things you said about god do not aply to all i needed god and he wasnt there i cryed out to him for help and he sat on the sidelines while i was gettin kicked around in this stupid world then i tryed to get him to end my life for me told him that if he did i would truly be his for ever and he wouldnt do it wouldnt give me this one little favor but thats ok because now i have the ability to do it myself so now im not worried about him listenin cause i dont want his help he aint payin me no attention just givin more and more chances to people that are gonna thow them away

i just dont understand like every one has got a chance at makin somthin of their self and i havent its like so stupid and gods so good and loves every one...yeh right what about the guy that comes back from the war and he aint got a house to live in and then the government oh god their even worse the guy comes back got no house and they deny him benifits the guy in iraq is on a secret operation and dies his family is also denyed benifits for what our country aint got the money yeh right

i cant beileve that all yall care that much to actualy keep answerin me so first off thanks but i mean i got two tings to ask yall: have you ever been hated by someone not justthem sayin it but knowin they truly truly hate you?And second you ever hated someone not just sayin it but truly truly hatin them?Now take that pain that you feel when you know they hate you then take that pain that they feel when they know you hate them now multiply that by about 500 times and try to imagine feelin that pain all the time even in your sleep.What would you do?

im going to ask you two things have you ever been hated by someone not just them sayin it but you knowing that they truly truly hate you?And,have you ever hated someone not just you saying it but truly truly hating them? Now take that pain that you feel when you think of being hurt by that person that hates you and take the pain that that person that you hate feels and multiply it by about 500 times and try to imagine thinking about that pain and feeling that pain all the time.What would you do?

im fed up with tryin as someone told me why dont i give in im fed up with puttin all my strength into fightin it im gonna lay down and let my self sink slowly into it i mean how do we know what it feels like to die and the way i see it death is the most wonderful gift of all you have nothin left to worry bout nothin but time and darkness and well thats pretty much what i got now cept for it aint always that way when i see people lookin at me weird because i aint dressed just like them or when i hear someone cuss me under their breath or when the one person that i thought would always be there for me left me to be alone why oh why would i chose to stay here why cant i except the fact that i aint never gonna have nobody that will stay on my side and then i could just move on to what had to be done like all these people around me wouldnt have to look at me anymore and they wouldnt have to tell me i dont belong in their town i could leave now but i cant run for ever i got to stand tall and face them but then i get kicked out of another school because once i start i take out all the pain trapped inside and i cant stop i hit them and i dont mean to keep hittin them but i cant stop till my arms get tired and feel like bricks and im afraid one day i will go to far and this voice inside of me is tellin me to do it end it it aint nothin to it you got what you need pull it to your throat and let it slide let all your problems end why not there aint nothin stoppin you and then i tell it to shut up and ill pass out and wake up feelin worse and all this pain all the screams i hear in my head they actually make me give up all hope of ever livi a normal life and i see the light at the end but every time i take a step it gets dim tell me is this hell were livin in if so hevans got to be better but if were hell bound whatever it dont matter

i guess so but all the people around here that do know me have told me to my face it would be better if i wasnt here and well i guess they are right and ive got a ninja (motorcycle) and if i get enough money im packin my stuff and im out of here i know i could do better on my own even if i was livin in a card board box

i chose to live and yet i die i chose to try and yet i fail i chose to end my life and yet i still cant bring myself to do it i kow if i do every one will remember me as the suicide guy and i aint got a problem with that but then when some kid comes along and hears about it he says ill try it and does and i dont want this to hurt anyone else but i know it will and then every one would come to me even though i aint there and say why did you do it why couldnt you just let it go why did he have to do it he wanted to be just like you and he was right up until his last breath and i can see my funeral now in my head its just a empty hole no ones there my mom stagers up and leaves after a couple of minutes my dad dosent even know it happened and then ... its over

im not gonna say i thnk you need help cause im in that suicide state now to and if you wanted help you would have got it befor now

why do people think im like weird because i want to kill my self all these people hear about me tryin it and they think its supid but the thing is i dont want to kill my self and yet i still try its like i aint got a choice i know its bad but i still do it after all i been through all the things ive seen and done i here this voice tellin me i should do it and now i see why not after all ive said and done how could any one ever forgive me or beleiv me even if i do get beter what are they going to just up and feel difrent about me and i try church i walk in the door and all the heads swing towards me and look at me funny cause i got my ear peirced and my pants saggin why so i dont go back i dont even stay i just get up and leave that aint me i mean god aint what i need i needed him and he wasnt there and he still aint and then i go home and write in my little book its like i can talk to it cause i know my pen and paper aint gonna got tell any one what i said so i tell all of the people readin this cause i know they dont know me and prolly never will.

thanks to all of yall and i mean i know that i need to srop and it aint easy but i mean i just cant see it if god is so good how come he gives all these people chances that just waste them how come he gives some one a chance to make somthin of there self and they just throw it away and then he gives them another one and i aint never got my chance i aint never had the chance to make somthin of my self.

yeh well some people may think that but it dont matter to me

why shouldnt i just give into this pain that drags me back down this little voice in my head tellin me im not good enough to be here tellin me that i should cut my self but it aint never gone that deep and i know it will one day i can feel it growin stronger i know if i try to fight it ill just lose it aint somthin you can fight off it lives and breaths inside me and i can feel it just growin deep down in my soul its like its waitin for me to give in and when it thinks i should give up and i dont it tells me to cut myself and im afraid that if i dont then somthin worse might happen like the accident.

im like in a time wave every things dark all i see is blood runin over my eyes and then im fallin to the floor i need someone to help me i try to scream but i cant this knife is sained by my tears and blood and now ive gone one step to far im so sad on the inside and yet im perfect on the out side and no one sees it.Hey i need somone to talk to please answer.

hey i know how bad you feel and i feel the same way but you can get your self into some real trouble with this stuff like cuttin i mean ive been to a shrink and they will put you in a place you dont want to be