jmh1216

I have never had a problem climaxing with self-masturbation, but when it's someone else doing it, I might find it a little more difficult (especially if I'm not excited to begin with). That's because I masturbate in a particular way and I find it's hard to teach someone the subtleties of how to do it. You have to be really sensitive and it can take a little while to learn what makes it feel good. Otherwise you might just be making it tickle, and that sort of gets in the way! If it doesn't work for him, you don't have to give into anything. Ask him to self-masturbate. You can turn him on while he's doing it (I like making out or having my nipples sucked) and IMO it's just as fun! It's not quite the same as doing it yourself -- when someone else does it, you can relax, and just be receptive -- it's different, but self-masturbation *can* be just as good.

Nope. I don't really like tans...

I really like that. But what if it's been three years or more and your heart still tells you not to give up. Should you listen to it? What are the *benefits* of listening to your heart, anyway?

She has every right to be angry at me. I'm sure she still is at some level. But she didn't sound angry. She just sounded sad. She sounded like she was trying to and wanted to have a good conversation with me. (And she wouldn't answer the phone if she didn't want to talk...). She was trying to bring up good topics to talk about... she just seemed to find it difficult. There were pauses. Not much flow. But she was trying... and she just sounded a bit sad.

We were extremely close and loved each other very much. I've never seen anything so passionate, actually. It was a dream for both of us... for a while. Then, well, I was dealing with depression and a sleeping disorder, and I wasn't at all myself. It made me extremely grumpy and irritable. She was very delicate, and I hurt her. I said some things I can't imagine ever saying to anyone now, especially not . That's pretty much what broke us up. A lot of negativity towards her, and bringing her down... which was too much for her... especially given how much she loved me, and how I had vowed to always love and respect her... That's all in the past now, though. It's something I've dealt with, and learned from. It doesn't seem like me anymore.

That really means a lot to me. Thank you. At least I was prepared for the conversation. She had no idea I was going to call. If she had called me out of the blue like that, to be honest, I probably would have let it ring and called back later.

I know she's been through a lot. We both have. She broke up with me, and at the time, for months even, I felt it was killing me. I didn't seem so bad for her. She was able to be happy long before I was... I guess I just assumed that, if I could look back on the good times and carry on a happy, enthusiastic conversation right now, maybe she could too...

I just spoke to my ex-fiancee on the phone. We hadn't spoken in five months, because we've both been very hurt, and it's taken us a long time to heal from this... however, I called, and she answered the phone. We talked, and she seemed kind of... sad. She didn't get very excited about anything, like she usually does, and the conversation was interrupted by silence a few times (luckily, I had it under control... she's the one that seemed a bit awkward). She was nice. Didn't talk about anything deep, and I could tell she wasn't quite herself... but we actually talked. She seemed like she really wanted to try talking to me... So... could it be a GOOD thing that she acted this way? Could it mean that her feelings for me aren't completely gone? She DID answer the phone (and knew it was me). She could have easily ignored me. I guess I expected a happy and enthusiastic conversation. It wasn't sad or anything, but it wasn't what I expected or hoped it would be. Maybe it was a *good* thing that she seemed sad. I feel like beating myself up over it, but what can I expect from our first conversation since the break-up? Maybe I'm expecting too much and should just give it time. The more time that goes by, the more I realise I can live without her, yet also... the more I realise she was probably the only princess that will be in my life. I don't hurt like I did before, but she's still on my mind... she's still number one.... and I know what we had was worth it. I know THREE girls who have crushes on me right now. I just don't feel it for them... luckily, at least I have people in my life right now I can fall back on, who can support me. This attempt at reconciliation could be difficult. But it's nothing like the break-up was... and in my heart I feel it's worth a try.

The only thing I can suggest... there's a Shamballa mailing list on Yahoo! groups. There are over 200 subscribers, so you should be able to get Shamballa information through that. I don't know why there aren't more websites or books about Shamballa!

It's hard for me to believe it, even now, and I've been doing it about a week, experiencing all kinds of miracles! (I managed to heal my grandmother of hot flashes, dizziness, and a pain in her leg in just one session.) The thing is, if you don't believe in it, all you have to do is try it... and then you'll *know*. I've never heard of anyone giving it a chance and getting nothing out of it. If you give it a chance, you'll see that it's powerful enough that it couldn't possibly be psychosomatic. I'd look for a Shamballa class, if you can, because it's usually much cheaper than traditional Reiki (and more powerful). There are FAQ's and information about Reiki on link removed. Just do a search and you'll find lots of other websites, too. Just ask anyone who's tried it and I'm sure they won't deny it. It's a little harder to find anything about Shamballa, though... Even more difficult to believe is that you can send energy over a distance to anyone who needs it. I'll tell you what: give me a time when you will be quietly relaxing, and tell me your name, birthday, and where you are (a name and a photo might actually be even better, if you have one -- send to email removed) and I'll send some energy your way. It's probably not the same as a hands-on healing, but by the end of the session, you should feel quite relaxed, and you might feel the energy passing through your body.

I know some of you are probably so heartbroken that you're willing to try anything: anything to make life a little better right now, a little more hopeful. I really searched after my breakup for something that might do that. I found it: in just one week, energy healing has changed my life. I took a Shamballa class (you might want to look into Reiki since Shamballa practitioners can be hard to find). For those who doubt, it's worth a shot. You don't have to wonder whether it's working; it really works miracles, and in such a short time. I wish I had this after the breakup... You can heal yourself and others, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You can send energy to situations and relationships (which might be good if you're still intent on getting back together with someone... but at the same time, it will heal your pain). I'm sure if I was reading this post a year ago I would have dismissed it... but if you've never heard of such a thing, do some research, see if this might be what you're looking for... Before today, I knew this was very good for me... but this morning, I realised that it was *really* purging and curing my emotional wounds... I was doing Shamballa to myself, for about an hour, while I was watching a movie (it's that simple). After a while, I started feeling quite relaxed, and even a bit euphoric, especially in my legs. I started to feel very light. As I relaxed with my hands over my heart chakra, I slowly started to feel a centre of pain -- not physical pain, but emotional pain -- coming out of my heart. It was the sort of feeling you get when you 'lose your stomach,' except it was in my heart. That centre of pain came from a point and started getting bigger, and bigger. There was a part of me that wanted to stop, but I kept going. That point continued to expand until it completely surrounded me. I became the emotion. I would describe it as extremely orgasmic, in its intensity, and in the way the emotions completely surrounded me. I felt incredible sadness and joy at the same time. The emotions were not about anything; that is, they weren't connected to anything I might feel joyful or sad about. They were just emotions. I felt like I could cry, and crying would have felt so beautiful, but I didn't. Now, it's over, and I'm not quite sure how I feel. I definitely feel relieved in some sense, and exhilarated. There's a sense of 'newness' but I don't quite know what that means. It feels as though I have shed my old skin. It feels like summer after finishing an incredibly stressful school year. I don't know what that was, but it was very amazing, and quite spiritual. I am lighter and free of all the junk that was clouding me after the breakup... so much baggage was healed in a matter of minutes. I've never felt anything like it before. I just... wow. Maybe we're most open-minded when we're desparate. Maybe this will encourage you to look into something like this... or at the very least, to keep searching...

When I broke up with my ex, one of her best friends was there to help me through it, and I was very grateful to her. She always told me that she would not judge and would be a friend to both of us... but sometimes I get the feeling that she doesn't really like me or care about me as a friend. I was feeling bad last week, and called her to let her know I could really use someone to talk to... but she wasn't there, and she never called me back. I let her know today by email that I felt really bad about that, and that it would have just been nice to know she cares... I almost wanted to say, "If you don't really care about me, then just say so... don't pretend to care when in reality you just don't want to hurt me." I guess I could say something like that, in a nicer tone -- but then, if she does genuinely want to be my friend, that'll just make her think I don't trust her. Last time I talked to her, I was in New York City, and coming home that night. She asked me to call her when I got back to let her know I got home alright. That seemed a little overmuch... but the least she could do is let me know she cares when I really *do* need her. How do I know whether I'm just wasting her time, and she's just wasting mine? Is there anything I can say or do to make it clear that I don't want to be treated like that? I don't want anyone to feel they have to be my friend just because I was really vulnerable when we met... and I surely want anyone who *is* my friend to care enough to want to help me when I ask for it (and I don't ask for much).

I get to the stage where it's alright if I never see her again... and really, I don't *want* to talk to her or be with her right now... but just a few days ago, I was incredibly depressed over her, and would have given anything to have her back. The memories come back, sometimes, and I have to deal with the pain all over again... *every* memory was painful... I had to cry over that. I had to feel horrible about it. Then I had to be okay with it, and distance myself from the pain. I think a lot of purging is still necessary. I think if I really had someone I trusted to talk about this with, and who could hold me and encourage me to cry, it would really help. It's just a long process...

I've hardly read a thing since my breakup 4 months ago. Can anyone recommend some good books (novels, etc)... hopefully books with the humour, optimism, and good spirit to keep me company and help me heal?

You guys have really comforted me... if only in your understanding and helping me to know that I'm not alone! I'll try to think positive, but I don't see too much to think positively about right now. I don't know why it's been so hard lately. When everything is so incredibly beautiful, your love for each other so pure, that you know you couldn't be anything *but* soulmates... and then, suddenly, you realise that's changed, or *something* happened... and it's gone.... how am I supposed to feel? How can I possibly move on from that...? I'm almost positive she did love me, very much so, but that just confuses me even more. I can't imagine trusting anyone or giving myself to anyone like that, ever again... even though I want to... Sometimes I feel that she's better off, because her feelings have changed, and she doesn't seem to mind that they've changed. I, on the other hand, want to feel what I can't feel, and want to believe what I can't believe.

It's been 4 months since we broke up (and since we've spoken to each other), 7 months since we've seen each other (and since this pain started), and I still have no idea how to get over her. Sure, I think about other girls sometimes now, I try to force myself to do that. It still seems wrong, sometimes. And I was doing better for a while, but now, I don't know what happened... I was in Boston today, feeling completely hopeless and alone, projecting my pain onto everyone else in the city, experiencing my surroundings as a blur, as though I were on the pain-inducing equivalent of laughing gas. I bet someone could write a great book if only they knew my current state of mind, I thought. I was Holden Caulfield mumbling into the air curses that no one heard. I semi-seriously considered jumping in front of traffic, or convincing a police officer to shoot me... and I am not suicidal. I don't know what it is. I just feel so screwed up. As screwed up as I felt when we first broke up. I feel that love is beautiful and powerful beyond expression... I feel that love makes all possibilities real.... yet, I am so disillusioned by love. She was my soulmate, I knew, with a feeling that went beyond certainty.......... so how am I ever to trust or believe again? It's because I care so much, isn't it? It's because I would give my life to make this one person's life a little happier. Because I had so much love to give, and now I've given everything I could... because I promised her that I could never do anything but love her, and I really meant it, despite my screwing up so horribly. Because I knew I would love her forever, and I believed she would love me, too... and now I am keeping my promise, and must keep it, to my misery and detriment. If I stopped loving her, I don't think I'd be worth loving... and intellectually, I know better. I'd stop loving her, if I only know how, but I just don't. I am a hopeless romantic. I still believe in fairy tales, and I couldn't be anything else... yet, I guess it's more accurate to say... I can't believe in fairy tales, but it's even more impossible not to believe in them... I'm in flux. There's nowhere for me to go. I am not me, if not a romantic. I am not me, if not an idealist.

I met my ex online, through a mutual friend, and we were both immediately attracted to each other. She wanted to talk to me on the phone, and I was totally scared, because she was like the perfect specimen of a person to me. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I had a bit of alcohol before our first couple phone conversations, and it loosened me up enough that I could talk to her and enjoy the conversation. We broke up, and we've both been through a lot of pain, so it's probably going to be even harder to talk to her now, especially knowing that she probably feels so negatively about me right now. I need to act friendly and casual, and if she tries to turn to conversation bitter, I need to be able to keep it light. So, although I don't really think drinking to achieve something is a good idea, I also don't think it's a good idea to talk to her again unless I have a couple drinks in my system. I want to make a good impression, I want her to feel comfortable talking to me, and at least for the first couple conversations, I think that's the best way... No, I won't come out and say something stupid because of the alcohol. It'll just help me be friendly without being nervous or overanalysing. I was just wondering what other people thought about this. Is it totally ridiculous, or what? Everyone says to recreate the conditions that brought you together in the first place... well, were it not for the alcohol, I'm not sure I'd have had the balls to talk to her!

freeben321 -- I keep an online journal because it's a lot easier to keep in touch with certain friends that way. And it's not public -- I can allow or disallow anyone from reading it -- the question is just whether I should allow her or not!

Should I allow my ex to read my online journal, and see that I've been happy, and spending my time in a fulfilling way.... or should I try to block her from reading it, and only tell her the things contained in my journal when (and if) we talk on the phone? I feel like so much of what I want to talk to her about is also in my journal... and if I allow her to read it, I won't have so much to talk to her about when we talk. I really want to have things to talk about with her, but at the same time, I think it'd be nice if she knew how well I'm doing... and she might take my not writing in my journal as a sign that I'm still miserable.

You don't really mention her reasons for breaking up with you. It seems from your post that things were great and then she dumped you completely out of the blue. If that's what happened, how can you look back on this girl and remember all the good times you shared? How can you look back fondly without feeling extremely angry, resentful, and confused about this girl who led you to believe that your relationship was great one minute, and who ended it the next? I would feel so confused and untrusting if such a thing happened to me... and I just don't know how you did it. You'll get through it, I'm sure. You'll find happiness.

I never had a committed relationship before I met my first love. I met her about a month after I finally decided to stop expecting a relationship to come into my life... when I started enjoying the single life... when I accepted that whatever would be would be. We did break up, which is why I began posting on these forums, but I certainly thought at the time that she came into my life because I was ready... because I accepted where I was at the time. I don't think it's too crazy to think that maybe she (or even something else) will be back in my life when I've accepted once again where I am now.

I feel so *stupid.* I just talked to one of my ex-fiancee's best friends today (I like her very much), and she told me to give her a call back to let her know I got home safely from NYC. Well... when it comes to leaving voice messages... I'm just a blabberer, and there's no telling how many circles I'll talk myself into before finally getting to my point. Anyway... after leaving the voicemail, I started thinking about how horrible it sounded... and then... second guessing myself to the extreme.... I thought.... Oh NO, did I just call her by my ex-fiancee's name? It's been four months since we broke up, so I would have noticed if I screwed up like that... right? I would have caught myself... but still, the thought nags at me -- what if I did use her name? What would she THINK of me? I didn't... I couldn't have... it has to be. Using her name evokes certain feelings that I did not feel during that conversation... so I'm hoping it's nothing more than paranoia. Stupid paranoia. I can be pretty absent-minded, though, and I fear this is one of the things I'd do... Not too long ago, I actually did call one of my friends 'Crystal' in a very emotional moment, but I immediately noticed what I'd done... and was really surprised by it...

I totally agree. I already said I wouldn't want to do anything overtly romantic, and I would include poems, songs, etc in that category. I do think she'd perceive any of that as manipulative. I was just thinking about ways to be romantic without being romantic,' if that's even possible. Whatever it is would have to be way toned down, and she'd almost have to fail to notice it on a conscious level... because the more she *notices* it, the more she will analyse it. She'd probably have to assume that it's just part of who I am... (and that's not being manipulative, because it really IS part of who I am). I don't know exactly what I'm getting at. Maybe there is absolutely nothing I can do except be nice, listen to her, and appreciate her. And maybe that would be 'romantic' enough...

If your ex fell in love with you partly because you were really sweet and romantic, and then you make some mistakes... and lose her... she's not going to believe that romantic stuff again, is she? She'd probably interpret anything romantic I say or do as an indication that I'm weak and unable to move on. Or else, she'll just think it's nonsense, because we've been through all that romantic stuff before... I've been thinking about this, and wondering if there's a way around it. Can I be subtly romantic in a way that wouldn't lead her to assume that I was *trying* to be romantic? Just really friendly and sweet, and not expecting anything in return? Are there any gestures I could make that wouldn't come off as romantic (or even sucking up...) I read about a lot of people who want to send their exes flowers -- that's out of the question for me -- I want whatever I do to come off as natural...

I feel like being defiant. My ex left me six months ago, but only now am I really becoming angry about that. I still love her, but now, I want to get back at her in some way. I don't want to hurt her -- No, scratch that -- I've sometimes wished bad things on her, and I feel bad about that. Really I just want her to see what she lost. I want her to see that she might have lost part of herself.... but I'm strong, and I'm still here. She seems to have given up on romance and true love, at least for now, even though that was so central to who she was when we were together. I won't let myself give up on love, though... I'll let her see that I'm as much of a romantic as ever, and I'll try to believe, even though I don't really, that there's another girl out there who I can make as happy as she once was. She was perfect for me. She's a wonderful person. I want her to know that I care about her more than anything, but at the same time, I'm moving on. I'm strong, and happy, and doing the things I need to do in my life. I'm the person she wishes she still had... That's how I want to get back at her. And it's not out of spite, really. I don't know what it is. I do want her back (even though sometimes, in my anger, I don't). I do love her. So why would I want her to feel bad when she sees how well I'm doing?