spiritualtraveler

Okay, I told you how he would react before he did- I didn't read your post until just now. I knew he would behave in a jealous manner. Please trust me; he is manipulating you. I also think he is a bit unstable to be calling someone 6 times in one night. Not telling him about the other guy was a grown up thing to do, but he is not treating you with the same respect. And seriously,... behaving like he wouldn't marry you because you have slept with someone else... please. He is trying to make you not sleep with anyone else in the hope he leaves his wife- yuck. He's such a pathetic baby.

In my second year of college, I started dating a guy in the dorms. We dated until I went away to grad school. He broke up with me to date a bartender! Two weeks later he showed up at my doorstep- by then I was back with another ex. I called him three times in four years, just to catch up, never trying to get back. I finished grad school, moved and got my first real job. I saw how bad it was out there and knew he was such a good guy. I called him, hadn't seen him in 4 years, invited him to stay the weekend. We have been happily married for about four years. Could not be happier. We've discussed the whole scenario and both of us think that the reason it worked is because we broke up. One caveat though, neither one of us believed we would get back together, so we conducted our lives accordingly. So... if you want to move on you need to let her out of your mind. If you want it to work with her later.... you need to let her out of your mind. Got it?

Okay Heatrae, I have a new way of thinking about this one. Love is not just an emotion, I have been happily married for about 4 years and I'll tell you- love is an action too. In fact, the emotional part is probably only 10% of the equation. Love is a choice you make every day. You choose to make love, you choose to say "please" and "thank you", you choose to buy him a gift, and you choose to not be with other men. He does not love you! He may feel he loves you, but his actions show that he does not. You are right, he will never leave his wife. Don't believe his BS that it is for the kids, he's lying. It's for himself- for whatever reason- he doesn't want the messiness of divorce, he likes being catered to by a submissive woman, he is afraid to be an equal with you,.... whatever, don't try to fix that. What matters is that he will never show his love by committing to you. I know you've heard this before, but if he did marry you, you would find yourself in the same situation as B. You two would NOT walk off into the sunset and be happy- his behavior patterns prove that. In my studies of psychology, the only indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Researchers have been trying for years to find any other way to determine someone's actions, but to no avail. Don't think you can fix this man with the love of a good strong woman. Okay, now onto you: Girl, it is Friday. Get your pretty little butt in the shower, put on sexy makeup and a sexy outfit and go OUT. Get your hair done- apply self tanner at night after exfoliating, workout. I know your therapist will have a hissy if you tell her/him I said this, but it is totally true- you won't move on until you are thinking of other men. Go to link removed; go to link removed; go to link removed- put yourself out there. When you are dating, passing him in the hall will not be torturous. Warning: When he discovers you are seeing other men and are happy and strong- he'll try to come back. It will just be so he can prove to himself that he can have you any old time- DO NOT FALL FOR IT! Do not hug him. Do not have long conversations with him. When you do this, you are strenthening the neural pathways that yoke you to him. I'm glad you are not having sex with him, they don't call it "making love" for no reason. However, you two are still being unfaithful. When in doubt, imagine how B would feel about your talks and hugs- not to make you feel bad, just to let you know that it is still cheating (albeit not as bad). He's using you. He probably has no idea that he is, but he is. You are the drama and "love" in his life. Seriously, this man has the stability of a wife and this romanticized notion of love on the side. Unfair to you. Sorry such a long post. Please keep me updated. [/i]

I am a 30 year old married woman, so I know a thing or two about how girls feel. I went to my high school reunion two years ago and found out there were several guys that were too shy to ask me out. I thought they were cute, or intriguing. We missed the boat because of their shyness (and my not even knowing they liked me). Don't be sorry at your reunion dude! If she doesn't like you at least you can move your attentions to someone else.

If you can sleep together, you can bring up the fact that she is engaged. You must find out how she feels, if she is planning to break off the engagement, why, etc... I think she owes you this information and knows it, but she's hoping you won't call her on it. Call her on it. If she plans to remain engaged or "just isn't sure what to do, [she's] torn", run for the hills and forget all about her!!! There would just be much more of this in your future and the next thing you know Montel Williams has invited the three of you on to tell your story- and believe me my friend, he'd give you the whole hour

I have been abused too. I think part of the reason it is so bad is that this man was supposed to be your father, the one man you could trust. Anyway, it doesn't matter why you are having a harder time with this particular incident, you have every right to be upset by it! The only thing you should keep in mind is that not to take away from the importance of the abuse but... men usually have stronger sex drives than women. Some of it may be the abuse, but some of it may be natural. Hang in there, you're doing the right things.

You guys may be able to be friends one day, but not now! You are obviously too caught up in each other still, but do remember she has moved on. If you think of getting in touch with her, just picture her in bed with her new boyfriend, and remember that she may miss you, but not enough to give up her boyfriend. My husband and I broke up and got back together 4 years later. The 4 years were necessary, we did not think we would get back together, but it took that time and being apart for it to work. Stop now, move on.

You're right, his mom is pretending he is grounded. It is a bad sign that he got his mom involved to help him. Honey, you are addicted to this man. Like any addict, you need to take it one day at a time. Don't call him today. Distract yourself, do whatever it takes. Tell yourself he'll want you more if you play hard to get, just do not make any attempt to contact him. Focus on another guy if you have to. The only way to stop this loop of addiction is to quit it. Every time you call him, you are fueling the fire. Back off now and don't waste one more day of your youthful good looks on him. Please! I am glad you at least realize it is a problem. That is the first step. Let me know how you do.