HCI

Be strong. REMEMBER: What does not kill you make you stronger! We cannot expect to pass trough life like a vacation! I tell you. The one person responsible for your happiness is you. Think of it like this: Donn´t you think it´s crazy if you can only be happy if ONE person in the whole world feels for you what you want them to feel? Don´t let ONE person have that power over you. Or you could choose to have it like that. Actually you should. But make sure that person is YOU! I ask you one thing. Do you think that there is ONE more person out of everyone in the world that you could be VERY happy with. If you think hard about it and cast sentiment aside you will have a good answer. Take control of your life. Only you are responsible. BEst Wishes.

Why go to counseling with her? Go yourself if you want but why with her? When you got together for coffee, what did you talk about? How did you present yourself?

How is you contacting her going to affect you? If it sets you back in your healing process, don´t do it. Wait! You will be in a much better position to have any kind of contact with her when you are healed to the point where you won´t be emotionally affected. Since I decided to not have any contact at all with the girl that dumped me I have healed much more in one week than in almost two months. The fact that I know that I won´t be calling her and the fact that I changed my numbers temporarily does that I feel much more calm. I can´t call her and she can´t call me(I also don´t have to live my life waiting for her to call me and thinking "what if it is her" everytime the phone rings.).

Ofcourse it feels good to feel like your partner needs you to a certain extent. However, imagine having a girlfriend that NEEDED you to have a normal happy life. Wouldn´t you feel in a way that it is a problem? Imagine having a girlfriend that has a great life and is happy most of the time AND want´s to spend her time with you because she really enjoys it and feel stimulated by you. Make a point? Add to the equation: you are not in a relationship with this girl because she obviously doesn´t feel the same as you. Don´t be needy! I can explain to you the part where you didn´t understand how you could be 100% healed and still wanting her. Well, imagine a situation where you are out at a club or something. You see this nice looking girl that you saw 2 weeks ago but didn´t approach then. You go up to her and maybe dance and chat for a while and she makes it clear to you that she is not interested in having anything to do with you. Do you go home and cry? No? Why? Because you felt that you wanted that girl but you did not feel like you needed her. Same here, although it may take a month or so of putting real effort into healing. I´m worried as well about the feeling of always wanting a girl that dumped me. But, one month ago(one month after being dumped) I was devastated and certain that it was the case. Now, one month later it doesn´t feel that strong at all. Time does help. However, my greatest steps towards healing was when I realised that I can´t change the past. If I concentrate on healing and building myself to be a stronger person, the futire will hold two options: 1. I try to get the girl back and either succeed or fail. If I succeed that would be great and made possible only by me working with myself. If I don´t, well, I don´t. The thing that is certain is that I will feel alot better than if I had been sitting at home crying and doing nothing to improve. 2. I find someone else or realise that I don´t want her.

Go gradually to No Contact. Don´t tell her that you don´t want to speak to her. Just gradually stop calling her, if she calls you, answer but keep it short. After some time you could stop completely. When you are healed you could decide if you want to try to win her back or be friends or NC forever.

Do you know Ray? Ask yourself IF you want her back. If the answer is yes, ask yourself this: WILL SHE BE ATTRACTED by a wreck who broadcasts(maybe without conscius awareness) that he basically can´t live without her and that you NEED her to feel good? IS that attractive? If the answer to the first question is yes and no to the other question you CANNOT just go around and feel bad. REALISE that you WANT your ex, not NEED her. Huge difference. "Neediness" is repulsive. Go to the gym and workout. Read interesting books. Build yourself up! Only when you are 100% back and strong and no longer in "need" of your ex you can pursue her. If you get yourself together and realise that "getting on with life" is the only solution, you might be able to contact her i one month or two. Just don´t do it before you are 100% back. One tip during this time would be to drastically take away ways of her contacting you. The reason for this is that you seem to be quite a bit from 100% healed and I believe that maybe one single phonecall(hi, how are you, yada yada) could set you back bigtime. Plus, if she cannot contact you, YOU won´t have to go around and think "why doesn´t she call". Time to heal man! If you wan´t more specific tips on how to put up a workout regime that will make you better, pm me!

Maybe she is fat or she feels that she is fat because she could be a bit harder. I see people with low bodyweights all the time that are fat. You don´t have to be big to be fat. OR, your girlfriend maybe just want to hear you say that she looks good!

It is IMPOSSIBLE to target fatloss. You have to get your overall bodyfat down. Workout and try to eat clean. People tend to store fat a little bit different. I always have hardest with inside thighs and lower back. The only solution is to get ripped ALL OVER!

I think you have a shot, you just have to act correct. Do not throw yourself to her.

Carpe Diem!

Not much you can do when they are there. They will fade a bit eventually. What are they from?

I am saying that you could pretend to be a friend. Not for two years, but for a little while. Give, pull back.

I really don´t think you should be TOO eager asking her if she is seeing anyone. She might see trough you. And you are right about reminding her what she is missing, but I don´t think that you should beg for her back! You have to do your part, and she has to do hers.

This may sound a little strange but I´m almost certain that even if she infact broke up with you because of fear of getting hurt, you have to play a "game". With that I mean that you don´t tell her how much you miss her and so on and instead try to make her "open up" her emotions for you again, to the point where she wants you back. I recommend you that you search for posts made by Beec on this subject. The reason why I believe it´s impossible to tell her that you are sorry and misses her is that she probably liked you and felt bad about breaking up with you. To be able to do that she had to shut down her emotions for you. If she sees that you are still hurting and wanting her bad, she probably will feel guilty and it´s impossible to create a relationship with that kind of imbalance.