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Thread: Just need some advice

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2020

    Just need some advice

    Iím 18 year old male whoís been dating his girlfriend for 4 years suddenly the relationship is like walking on egg shells. This Is because Iíve made mistakes in the past, nothing violent or cheating I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as sheíd put it, However to me Itís my way of telling her how I feel, Iíve struggled a lot when growing up with being able to speak my mind and itís often led to me committing self harm. So to feel like I canít tell her what upsets me without an argument is killing me inside, I literally canít even ask her to not call me names like ďidiotĒ or constantly calling me a child because she doesnít agree with something I say? Surely this isnít normal for someone to think this constant name calling is okay on the basis that I have made my own mistakes. She also likes to hang our relationship Out to dry like itís nothing, for example if we have the smallest bicker over something as small as where to meet and what time she will literally saying something like ďI wish Iíd have fully dumped you youíre such an idiotĒ.
    I just want some advice, I feel absolutely drained and confused. I love the girl and donít want to even Want to think about separation but how the hell can I go on feeling worried to say whatís on my mind, how can I get my point across without her calling me names or not taking me seriously? Does anybody read this and feel she has some control over me with this grasp she has on our relationship? Knowing I wonít step out of line or sheíll dump me? Threatening me with it.
    My final issue is how she holds my past against me even tho she hated me when I was at my peak of doing this due to jealousy, but now as I said if I do something minute that she doesnít agree with she wonít just say ďoh thatís what upset meĒ sheíll say ďoh well this thing from months ago that I threatened to dump you for is happening againĒ when it isnít and I change my ways and ensure I mould to be the man she needs

    Many thanks. Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Callum98; 05-22-2020 at 07:19 AM. Reason: Random letters have appeared in my text?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I think you need to end this relationship.

    You two have a seriously unhealthy dynamic and it sounds like you outgrew each other a while ago. It's time to move on. This doesn't have the legs to last much longer.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    You are in an abusive relationship. End it and get help for anger and communicating.
    Originally Posted by Callum98
    I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as sheíd put it, However to me Itís my way of telling her how I feel

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I just get jealous and lose my temper, throwing a tantrum as sheíd put it, However to me Itís my way of telling her how I feel

    Do you actually realise how wrong that is????

    You JUST get jealous??
    Yes people experience jealousy within relationships, but they reason logically and DONíT lose their temper.
    And thatís how people deal with their jealousy when they love someone. They will then calmly say that a certain situation made them feel jealous and be open to the fact that the jealousy may or may not have been warranted. And proceed from there.

    But you JUST got jealous and yes lost your temper , yes she is correct about you throwing a tantrum but you still believe that itís simply your way of telling her how you feel?
    Have you ever once thought how she received your ďmessageĒ?

    Basically she was the one walking on eggshells. When is he going to get jealous? When is he going to lose his temper? And for what reason?
    If a guy chatted to her , did you get jealous? Was that her fault that a guy chatted to her? And she simply politely responded with a hello but didnít flirt with him for example?
    You certainly havenít given examples of your jealousy tantrums so I can only assume they were not anything she did wrong???

    But now you are starting to feel like she felt back then?
    You do nothing wrong and you get berated for it. Right? Perhaps thatís just her way of telling you how she feels??

    You both are as bad as each other and bad for each other.

    Time to let this relationship go , because itís not going anywhere anyway.

    Have you however learned to self reason , analyse logically , removing emotions? Think before you act ? Etc

    She can threaten to dump you all she likes. But itís you that chooses to stay with her!

    Simply tell her how her threatening to dump you makes you feel. And tell her if that happens again you will consider it a break up and walk away. But donít be surprised if she callls you a hypocrite.



  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    She belittles you. That's verbal and emotional abuse. Losing your temper is not good either but use it like a litmus test. If you find someone triggering annoyances in you and tension, ask yourself why. It may be your natural reaction to someone unhealthy, rude and negative.

    Why do you feel jealous? Has she purposely betrayed your trust, flirted with other men or have a track record of making others feel more important than you?

    Don't date or be around someone who belittles you or encourages a lesser version of yourself. It's a two-way street, always.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    From 14 to 18, you two are no longer the same people and that's why this relationship has run it's course. You both need to go your separate ways and explore the dating world. Of course there will be an adjustment period where it will feel weird without her, but man right now you are missing out on some good times.....break those chains bud....see others and have fun! Get busy with some strange.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    I think you should both end this and spend some single, maturing and developing.

    Teenagers do not have the emotional maturity to navigate romantic relationships. I know that's probably not what you want to hear.

    Someday, when you are in the 30's you'll look back at this and understand. Ask anyone that's been through it.

    You are changing exponentially from being a teenager into adult hood. Though what you described is pretty toxic, the rockiness is almost to be expected.

    My sons had their first girl friends at around 20 and though it wasn't this bad, they didn't handle them in the best ways, learned the valuable lessons it taught them and went on to have better relationships when they were older.

    I had a high school boyfriend from 15 to 18. I wish my parents would have intervened. We were pretty toxic in our own ways. It was all so unnecessary.


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