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Thread: My boyfriend was told that he is a father now from his abusive ex.

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What kind of drugs do he and his friends use? Is this a crack-house they all live in?

  2. #32
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    Good you're moving on. I would hope you go get yourself tested for STIs as soon as possible. A promiscuous drug-using man as a BF has put your health at risk.

    Good luck.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by sgtpepper
    I expected so much from him and I overloved and thought he was the one to spend my life with....
    This is a lesson to take with you moving forward. 2 months is nowhere near enough time to really know a person, much less know if you are compatible enough to spend your life with him.

    I would remind yourself to keep some healthy perspective in the future. Take your time with a new guy, and don't assume that sharing your deepest traumas is a true bonding agent so early on. Evaluate who that guy surrounds himself with. Ask yourself what choices he has made that have led him to wherever he is in life. Remember that people are generally on their best behaviour in the early months of a relationship, and when drama starts to bubble up even in those stages, you need to take a hard look at the guy in front of you.

    In other words, don't place a desire to be loved ahead of your own well-being by investing too much too soon, especially with someone who has red flags on him from the get-go.

    You deserve someone who can adds joy, serenity and emotional security to your life. This guy? He was never going to be that person.

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    He said that he had a history of doing cocaine, meth, crack, shrooms and I believe that's all. But that was like years ago. And he's been going to his yearly check up and got blood work done and it all came back normal.

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  6. #35
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    I went to the gynecologist about 2 weeks ago for my yearly pap smear and get blood work done, NOT BECAUSE HIM, but I have been paranoid to get HIV/AIDS for about a couple of years. I was sexually assaulted and every since then I have been paranoid that if I had contacted something much worse than chlamydia. So I have been getting blood work twice a year to double check. But I haven't gotten my results back and I'm stressed out to not knowing if I'm okay.

  7. #36
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    It's because I tend to come out strong and i am an impatient person. So I meet someone, I like them, I see them, I hang with them and I have feelings and it happens so quickly that I don't know how to slow it down. I even tell them that if we can take it slow because it was overwhelming with emotions and in the end I break it off because I feel not good enough or insecure and tell them that they deserve so much better. I don't know how the pace should be or what do do if I find the right one. Because I want to get married and start a family of my own...I see my niece that is 2 months old and I start to feel sad because I want babies. Yeah I know it sounds crazy because it's a huge responsibility and stressful. But I find comfort in it somehow. So yeah it was 2 months in, but was just so much we shared and I wanted to be there for him. He grew up pretty bad...abusive father and alcoholic mother and witnessing divorce on his birthday. Getting sexually assaulted and abuse as a young kid. Jumped from house to house for shelter. Ended up breaking in and stealing stuff from public schools. Spent 5 years with abusive ex. Moving to different state to work, coming back and having to deal with more drama and leaving to escape it, but the past coming back and now he's caught in trash. So yeah that is his life so far. Or what I know so far I guess...complete chaos.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some people use sex to self medicate. Ask your doctor about it.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by sgtpepper
    He said that he had a history of doing cocaine, meth, crack, shrooms and I believe that's all. But that was like years ago. And he's been going to his yearly check up and got blood work done and it all came back normal.
    Please, take everything he says with a huge boulder of salt. Unless you have seen the reports from his doctor with your own eyes, you have no clue if he's telling the truth.

    Do get yourself checked now for STIs and HIV. I wouldn't trust that he's never done some of these drugs intravenously, nor that he is responsible enough to protect himself when he has sex. Actually, you already know he has unprotected sex. You are at risk here.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Some people use sex to self medicate. Ask your doctor about it.
    Self-medicate?

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Please, take everything he says with a huge boulder of salt. Unless you have seen the reports from his doctor with your own eyes, you have no clue if he's telling the truth.

    Do get yourself checked now for STIs and HIV. I wouldn't trust that he's never done some of these drugs intravenously, nor that he is responsible enough to protect himself when he has sex. Actually, you already know he has unprotected sex. You are at risk here.
    Uhhh I just said in a comment that I did go to a gynecologist appointment about 2 weeks for a pap smear and blood work to see if I am okay in general. NOT BECAUSE OF HIM, but for myself. But I still haven't got my results yet because it takes about 2 to 3 weeks for the results to come back.

    Update: Everything came back negative except for having BV which is something that goes away quick.
    Last edited by sgtpepper; 04-01-2020 at 04:55 PM.

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