Is he blowing me off?

I will try to make this question short.

Met a guy on tinder....Turns out we have a ton of mutual friends and run in the same social community but have never met.

We met for dinner and drinks, ended up having the absolute best time, both of us did. We closed down both places we went to because we just non stop talked.

He was kind texted after the date that night and the next am. Then I did not hear from him for over a week. He texts saying he was sorry and asks to make a plan to go out again. We go out the following week, again have the best date ever! That date lasted all night into the next am, we even laid in bed talking for hours in the am before I left. He sent me the sweetest text shortly after that thanking me and telling me what an amazing time he had and fun and easy being together is..looking forward to seeing me again. FF another week before he asking me out again. Well I was going to be out of town so it would be aother 2 weeks until I could make a date. The date time comes and he ended up having to cut it a little short because a schedule conflict with one of his kids. But again we sat at the kitchen table for 4 hours latughing and non stop talking. Held hands, kissed and made plans to see eachother that coming up wednesday. I left, all was well and he called me 2 min after I left to tell me how happy he was that he got to see me and how great it was that we could have great conversation with out us having cocktails :)

Anyhow, question is this. After that call, I have not heard from him since. He never followed up about the date...the day came and went (I did not follow up either) here we are a week later and we have not spoken since.

I really enjoyed this guy, we have so much in common and great connection. But my one complaint is that he is sporatic at contact to say the least. I will text him and it takes at least an hour and at times over a day to reply. So I have become very anxious about reaching out to him.

Please advise, do I let this thing go???

Did you have sex in that bed you talked for hours in?

I don't know but it sounds like he's in for casual sex and he has you on rotation with other chics that like to talk for hours in bed too.

How come you never contacted him to follow up about the date?

FWIW: Tinder isn't exactly famous for two people coming together for a lifetime but rather for a funtime.

What should you do? If you want sporadic sex with him then set it up. Call and see when he's up for another 'funtime.' You've already told him in actions that you're up for sex (if you did have sex) so if you want more, call/text him for a booty call. If you want more, I think he's not too interested in that or he would be all over you looking for the next get-to-know-you-better type date.

Unfortunately, I think you may be correct.

Yes, we slept together the 2nd night, did not even attempt to sleep together the 3 meet up.

Oh well, I am disapointed...but moving on I am looking for the right guy and this doesn't seem right :(

Unfortunately, I think you may be correct.

Yes, we slept together the 2nd night, did not even attempt to sleep together the 3 meet up.

Oh well, I am disapointed...but moving on I am looking for the right guy and this doesn't seem right :(

In what capacity are you looking for the "right guy?" Are you meaning someone that could be your lifemate or someone that just wants sex but is willing to give it to you more.

I don't want just sex. Especially with someone that I have feelings for...

I am 40 been divorced for 4 years and have had plenty of fun in that department...ready for a long term relationship...

I don't want just sex. Especially with someone that I have feelings for...

I am 40 been divorced for 4 years and have had plenty of fun in that department...ready for a long term relationship...

Then can I suggest that you get off of Tinder (where most are just looking to get schtuuped by anyone willing) and you get on some other more reputable site. when you do get a date off of that more reputable site, don't jump into having sex like you did in this case. Get to know who you're going to do and see if they are interested in you enough to keep up the pursuit when you're wanting to go slow in the sex department.

Also, maybe sign yourself up to some meetup sites like meetup.com or meetmarketadventures.com (if there is one in your area) and date the old fashioned way where you meet in person and get to know someone rather than meet on line, garner superficial feeling of knowing someone better than you actually do and then meeting.

Anyway: Disappointment is fleeting unlike an incurable STD. lol. Hope you asked him to wear a rubber and he did.

Cheers... better luck in your next adventure in dating and you will have it if you date up your dating M.O.

Sorry this is happening. After two or three dates, no matter how intense or intimate, you are not exclusive and everyone is still meeting others. In general, people can be flaky at this stage. How involved is he with his ex/child's mother? Try to slow things down. He knows how to reach you.

We go out the following week, again have the best date ever! That date lasted all night into the next am, we even laid in bed talking for hours in the am before I left. The date time comes and he ended up having to cut it a little short because a schedule conflict with one of his kids. But again we sat at the kitchen table for 4 hours latughing and non stop talking. Held hands, kissed and made plans to see eachother that coming up wednesday.

Cheers... better luck in your next adventure in dating and you will have it if you date up your dating M.O.

Why did you not contact him?

Yes, it is possible that he got his "booty call" and he's just not interested in pursuing something more serious...he'll reach out when he's "in the mood." If you're okay with something casual like this, enjoy, but if you want something long-term and serious, this guy perhaps isn't the one. It might help if you reached out to him a few times instead of waiting on him. Also, have a talk about what he wants. If his actions don't match his words, you'll spare yourself a lot of heartache and worry if you just move on. The kids will be a priority, but there has to be a way to prioritize you, and if he's always too busy or occupied, the question is how long you're willing to wait for him to have time for you, and if his availability does not change, move on.

I don't know if he's blowing you off or not, and maybe he's just dating you when he has the time; maybe seeing other women, but one date every couple weeks or so with no communication in the middle is probably not what you want.

He's a good dad and very involved with his children...he and his ex are not on good terms. We both have children the same age and the same kid schedule. We are both busy people...

Additional information: He knows my ex husband (we are on good terms) and has actually already met my child, not with me but with him. We are in a small bubble of people. On our second date I asked him that we keep our relationship on the hush hush for a while until we got to know each other better. He understood but told me he was not worried about my ex knowing he was seeing me. Even mentioned that if we became serious that he would have a conversation with him (my ex).

I truly thought we had some really good stuff to build on, and I was/am also seeing others but he is my favorite of them all :)

 

I truly thought we had some really good stuff to build on,

and I was/am also seeing others but he is my favorite of them all :)

I am not someone who gets attached because of sex, I have had my share of casual sex without getting bent out of shape about it...I was simply really enjoying the fun and laughter that we shared together.

No I am not currently sleeping with anyone else.

And I thought we had good stuff because of really great conversations about our lives etc. That's all...meaning I wanted to keep getting to know him. Better.

Thanks for clarifying.

If he had as much fun as you then he will probably contact you again. Just be aware the he's not anywhere near emotionally connected to you so you keep yourself NOT "bent out of shape" if you're going to agree to seeing him again.

Personally, as much as *I* would probably want to see him again, I would hope I had enough sense not to because he has very low interest it would appear.

I think the problem here is you created something in your mind and made huge assumptions based on only a few dates. He didn't - he's acting like someone who is interested in hanging out with you casually, once in awhile. Which is fine for him but not for you

I agree the Tinder app is known for casual hook ups... So keep that in mind if your looking for a relationship.... but!

Is contacting him out of the question?

Is it always up to the guy to make the date? (I'm seriously asking anyone that wants to chime in)

You said he didnt follow through, but neither did you...

Couldn't you just sent one text... like...

Hi! How have you been? We didn't get together last week, maybe we can this week? I'm free on Tuesday. What's your schedule like?

You like him, you've had sex, don't get shy now. Maybe if you guys get together in person you can talk about what you're looking for.

Be prepared for him to say some version of "just sex." Don't kid yourself about what he says.... you can't change or fix him.... but it might be worth one text....

You should have slowed down on the sex. A good connection does not mean you jump into bed with a guy straight away. Taking your time getting to know someone creates a better foundation and guys tend to appreciate it more. Respect is something that follows.

RED FLAG! RED FLAG ! RED FLAG! RED FLAGS!

He is using you along with other girls. It is VERY common for men with low morals, which is a large % on these apps, as they feel like they can get away with it because it's 'cyber'! The simple fact is he is not contacting you afterwards until weeks after and now has more or less ghosted you. If he was a genuine guy and genuinely cared for you he would be texting/ringing you regularly and treating the communications and you with respect and dignity. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This happens to so many girls (and gay men) by men.( Sometimes girls play this ghosting type game but to a much lesser extent and for different reasons. )

I would move on asap and restore your well being.

Well I think unless it's obvious that someone is only looking for sex and you just met them, then it's probably not the worst thing to have sex on the second date. I mean ideally might be better to wait a bit longer but it also depends how long you'd been interacting with that person. E.g. If you spent many hours with him on both the first and second date and also contacted each other in between.

I would not necessarily say that he's completely disinterested but maybe at this stage he's not head over heels for you or anything. I think yeah maybe he's not like super smitten so he's not texting you constantly. I think some people like to take it slow or are not big texters. The other thing is you did actually ask him to keep it quiet until you got to know each other. So do you think that maybe he took that as that you wanted it to be more slow and casual?

I think you don't 100% know that he just wants sex at this stage. I mean if you like him you could try giving him one more chance. If it starts to look like he only wants to meet you for sex then you could end it with him.

RED FLAG! RED FLAG ! RED FLAG! RED FLAGS!

 

He is using you along with other girls. It is VERY common for men with low morals, which is a large % on these apps, as they feel like they can get away with it because it's 'cyber'! The simple fact is he is not contacting you afterwards until weeks after and now has more or less ghosted you. If he was a genuine guy and genuinely cared for you he would be texting/ringing you regularly and treating the communications and you with respect and dignity. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This happens to so many girls (and gay men) by men.( Sometimes girls play this ghosting type game but to a much lesser extent and for different reasons. )

 

I would move on asap and restore your well being.

Maybe I'm just jaded but I don't think he's being a massive jerk or anything. Maybe my standards are too low lol I mean if they're not serious or exclusive then he can still see other women. He actually might be seeing other women and that's also why he's busy. But that doesn't mean it's actually wrong. Many people date a few people at the same time until they become invested in someone and agree to be exclusive.

Maybe I'm just jaded but I don't think he's being a massive jerk or anything. Maybe my standards are too low lol I mean if they're not serious or exclusive then he can still see other women. He actually might be seeing other women and that's also why he's busy. But that doesn't mean it's actually wrong. Many people date a few people at the same time until they become invested in someone and agree to be exclusive.

Yes... that's what we have basically been telling the Op... In otherwords, she shouldn't put too much stock in becoming "invested" in this guy because it's not looking like he's "invested" enough to become exclusive.

So, Op: in the interests of you not grasping onto enabling dialogue I will say: Don't ignore that he's not showing you value if he basically goes radio silent until the next time, weeks down the road he calls you up for a redo of the second date. Someone who is interested in actually getting to know you past the horny would never go this long without contacting you and they certainly would not just let a planned date go unconfirmed. You know that though. I'm confident that you have the self-worth and confidence to know when you are, or are not, being valued

Honestly, it sounds like you're not the only woman he is "seeing". I would guess he has at least two of you on the go.

This guy is playing the field and the "dates" you are having with him, he no doubt is sharing with other women when he is nowhere to be seen.

Be honest right from the start and make it very clear that you are wanting a boyfriend and to be dating seriously, so there are no misunderstandings.

This guy is not someone who is interested in anything more than casual sex.

Edited: I read your age. You know better. This guy isn't as into you as you hoped he'd be. It's more than obvious. You're a side dish not a girlfriend.

I agree . He is having his cake and eating it too. Of course society approves of this casual sex culture now and even with the ghosting, not taking into account the wake of painful emotions and subsequent mental health issues created by these men who are greedy for what they can get sexually. He will only care about one thing and it's down below. (sorry tried not to be crude.) IF he is open about it from the start and says (maybe not in these exact words ha --'i am in this for quick sex to satisfy my lust and i am with several other women (and men at same time too-possible!) and i will discard you after i've enjoyed myself regardless of how you feel, also, i'm likely to just block you or dissapear and never contact you because i don't give a **** about how others feel after i've had my way' l' THEN fair enough, at least you will know where you stand and due credit to him for being upfront :)

'I am in this for quick sex to satisfy my lust and i am with several other women (and men at same time too-possible!) and i will discard you after i've enjoyed myself regardless of how you feel, also, i'm likely to just block you or dissapear and never contact you because i don't give a **** about how others feel after i've had my way' l' THEN fair enough, at least you will know where you stand and due credit to him for being upfront :)

That'd be a heck of a dating profile, lol.

Well wow...jeez lots of opinions on what a user he is...from my interactions with him I don't think he's a big old douche using me for sex...if that were the case he would have tried to sleep with me on the 3rd date at his place while we just hung out and talked.

I just really wanted to know if it were better to leave him alone in this weird inbetween of dating multiple people...and let him do his thing as opposed to reaching out.

So do I reach out or not?

Are you OK with him sleeping with other women in addition to you?

If so, use protection, insist HE use protection and enjoy the sex and companionship without expectations.

If the idea of him having sex with other women while he's having sex with you icks you out, then some clarification from him is needed. You can reach out and ask. It's your health, so no reason to hesitate to ask.