Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 41

Thread: Friend said you've lost yourself

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,808
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by LSL
    how long has it taken you to get over a long term relationship?
    When Iíve been in a lot of pain Iíve found comfort in hearing others answer these questions, so here you go:

    My last long one (3 years) took about a year to get over, though I was in pretty solid shape after 6 months, meaning Iíd stopped thinking about it all regularly, felt strong and confident and accepted not just that it was over but that it being over was 100 percent the right thing. The early days (what youíre in) are invariably tough, but they can also be pretty rewarding.

    I kind of think the key, aside from just being kind to yourself and letting whatever you feel move through you, is using what is invariably a temporary kind of raw energy productively. Thatíll be different for everyone, but it basically means living your life, fully. Might feel a bit forced for a while, but the hard truth is that itís hard to be too bent out of shape about the past and future when youíre satisfied in the present. Breakups offer a potent lesson in this.

    Inhale, exhale. Youíre doing well, by the sounds of it. Feel, reflect, and live your life. Healing will come from that on the timeline meant for you.

  2. #22
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    897
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It means that your behavior changed significantly and not necessarily for the better. Maybe you became more isolated, or stressed, or less social, or depressed, or maybe you dropped your friendships. If you want to know specifics, then ask your friend to explain exactly what changed.

    Some relationships bring out the best in you, others not so much. Sounds like this past relationship was the latter and your friend observed that.
    ^^^ This, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. You probably adopted her behaviours to some degree (which are apparently different than yours), thus losing some of your specific personality traits. It's important to maintain your own identity and love who and what you are. Don't change to please someone else. I imagine that's what you did, whether consciously or subconsciously.

    I've known several people who did just that. When they were not with their respective girlfriends, they were fun, carefree, happy, etc. But, when they were with their girlfriends, it seemed like they were walking on eggshells and, at the very least, afraid to be themselves, lest the gf was not happy.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    118
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    When Iíve been in a lot of pain Iíve found comfort in hearing others answer these questions, so here you go:

    My last long one (3 years) took about a year to get over, though I was in pretty solid shape after 6 months, meaning Iíd stopped thinking about it all regularly, felt strong and confident and accepted not just that it was over but that it being over was 100 percent the right thing. The early days (what youíre in) are invariably tough, but they can also be pretty rewarding.

    I kind of think the key, aside from just being kind to yourself and letting whatever you feel move through you, is using what is invariably a temporary kind of raw energy productively. Thatíll be different for everyone, but it basically means living your life, fully. Might feel a bit forced for a while, but the hard truth is that itís hard to be too bent out of shape about the past and future when youíre satisfied in the present. Breakups offer a potent lesson in this.

    Inhale, exhale. Youíre doing well, by the sounds of it. Feel, reflect, and live your life. Healing will come from that on the timeline meant for you.
    Thankyou so much that means alot to hear you think I'm doing well. I remember the advice you gave me 7 weeks ago when I was in a bad place and just thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. And I am trying to change my mind set and try tell myself my self worth and that I deserve better than the way I've been treated

  4. #24
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    118
    Originally Posted by goddess
    ^^^ This, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. You probably adopted her behaviours to some degree (which are apparently different than yours), thus losing some of your specific personality traits. It's important to maintain your own identity and love who and what you are. Don't change to please someone else. I imagine that's what you did, whether consciously or subconsciously.

    I've known several people who did just that. When they were not with their respective girlfriends, they were fun, carefree, happy, etc. But, when they were with their girlfriends, it seemed like they were walking on eggshells and, at the very least, afraid to be themselves, lest the gf was not happy.
    Yeah I did feel I was walking on egg shells sometimes with my bf

  5.  

  6. #25
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    897
    Originally Posted by LSL
    Yeah I did feel I was walking on egg shells sometimes with my bf
    Ooops, I am so sorry. I used the wrong pronoun. I didn't realise you are a female. I did too with my ex, so I totally understand the feeling. I didn't like the person I became when I was with him.

  7. #26
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    118
    Originally Posted by goddess
    Ooops, I am so sorry. I used the wrong pronoun. I didn't realise you are a female. I did too with my ex, so I totally understand the feeling. I didn't like the person I became when I was with him.
    That's ok dont worry haha, yeah I didnt even realise they thought that

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    22,081
    It is very fresh, and it was a long relationship. It takes time.

    It sounds like this this guy was comfy just coasting along. When you meet the right guy, he will want to make that commitment, not just talk about it. I think it might also be good that you are not still tied to someone still living with their parents. Doubt he will grow up any time soon. At 30, he should be on his own, unless it is a cultural thing.

  9. #28
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    118
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    It is very fresh, and it was a long relationship. It takes time.

    It sounds like this this guy was comfy just coasting along. When you meet the right guy, he will want to make that commitment, not just talk about it. I think it might also be good that you are not still tied to someone still living with their parents. Doubt he will grow up any time soon. At 30, he should be on his own, unless it is a cultural thing.
    Thank you just having a down day today but I suppose not every day is going to be like this, yeah I hope so just want to find someone that actually wants to be with me and love me for who I am.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,475
    Gender
    Female
    . Obviously it had a big impact on you and your self. The residual melts away over time. Everyone has their own way of grieving the loss of a relationship and some take longer than others to adjust. You are lucky that you have your friend's support :) isn't that what counts?

  11. #30
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    118
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    . Obviously it had a big impact on you and your self. The residual melts away over time. Everyone has their own way of grieving the loss of a relationship and some take longer than others to adjust. You are lucky that you have your friend's support :) isn't that what counts?
    If I'm being honest I have surprised myself at how well I'm dealing with it, I didnt realise I'm stronger than I thought I was. Yeah my friends and family are getting me through this and have been so supportive.

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •