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Thread: Devastated and lost..

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    DMK... If you ever feel like you just HAVE to contact her, post here instead, or send us a PM. We will help you thought it!
    Yeah honestly I don't know how to begin to respond to everyone. But this post has been very helpful to me, and I truly appreciate everyones input. If anyone wants to send me a PM, I will be happy to explain more details.

    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Nobody who is decent and truly loves you for real reasons would be asking for money. It's as simple as that. If anyone asks for money, whether they be overseas or in your own city, they are up to no good.
    Yes. I just felt comfortable sending her money because we were engaged, and its in my nature to want to help those I care for. I guess I thought she actually loved me.

    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Oh, I am about to be evicted! My heat is being turned off tomorrow! My mother needs a kidney transplant! I haven't eaten in 2 days! Then they sit back and wait to see which of their marks will take the bait.

    These scammers are so good they get their targets to believe it was their own idea to send money.

    But I agree...NEVER send money.
    Yep. Every month there was some mysterious new financial problem that came up, and each month I helped her all I could. To the point of denying myself things I wanted, so she would be happy. She even bacame angry with me when I couldent send the money when I said I would.

    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Here's a good way to get her to stop contacting you with crumbs like "I miss you" that mean NOTHING.

    Tell her that you want her to repay the money you gave her for the plane fare to Rio since she's reneged on the reason to give her that money. I'm pretty sure she'll quickly disappear and stop tormenting you with empty platitudes.
    I feel horrible every time she contacts me, when she said I miss you I got filled with false hope, and felt 1,000 times worse the next day. If she continues contacting me and being cold this will be a good solution, as hard as it may be for me. I just want to feel better. The pain I am in feels like I have the flu, I just want to be better and soon. Something has to give.

    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Financial needs of a child you have full custody of? So you phoned in the rest? You mentioned several times you were willing to move to Brazil. How does that benefit your daughter?

    I am sorry all this has happened but you need to take some responsibility here. You let this go on too long and you seem to have lost control over this. I get it hurts right now, but you need to buck up and straighten up at some point. You have a daughter who needs you and you can't be falling apart over a woman who yanked your chain and took your money.

    The isn't going to change and you aren't going to have the fairy tale you were hoped for.

    So the quickest way to the other side is block her entirely. No more checking her instagram and no more emails.
    And I suspect everyone that tells you she will contact you aren't telling you that to make you hopeful. It comes as a warning.
    She will contact you. She loves the money and the attention. Time to stop the crazy train and get your life back.

    If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter.
    Bro you seriously told me what I was needing to hear. I thank you for that, because you helped me see this for what it is. I I need to focus on the bigger picture. I am in agony every day, and she is already with another guy. Why should I be crying for a woman that clearly doesent love me. I definately was used, and she never cared for me like I cared for her. I try to hate her for the pain she is putting me through, but I keep remembering the good times we had together and I cant get angry.

    Mornings are terrible. As soon as I wake up I start crying. At night I feel better, because by then I already spent hours thinking of her, and I feel better. But every day I wake up the agony starts again. Each day I say to myself, stop crying, be a man, but I keep thinking of how she made me happy, and I fall apart.

    I just cant stop hurting. I wish I could press a button and stop the pain..

  2. #22
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    The hardest part is, I keep remembering all the plans we made together. 4 days before she broke up she was talking about going to new york city, and after that going to disney with my daughter. We planned the kind of apartment we would share. I bought her a winter coat because the plan was for her to arrive here in January. It came in the mail today and I just stared at it blankly.

    I am starting to realize she really must be emotionally unstable. She has always been cold towards me when I was in the US, as I said she broke up with me countless times, but when I was in Brazil she was different. Almost overly affectionate towards me. That's what is killing me so much, the good memories and the things we planned.

    She took all the effort to be approved for the US visa, took passport photos, went to medical exams for vaccinations, printed hundreds of documents with her own hands, and she breaks up with me AFTER we are finally approved? I spent countless hours stressed out and working on the visa so we would be approved. And she gives up NOW? It is so rediculous I can't even begin to comprehend. It is unbelievable. Like a cosmic joke.

    I suppose I am learning a valuable life lesson, and as painful as it is. I need to remember who I was before I met her, and be strong enough to let her go. It just hurts so much when I think I will never see her again. Thanks everyone for taking the time out of your day to help me

  3. #23
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    I guess there are many lessons to be learned here. If you're 30 and getting easily scammed like that, you may want to check why you're so prone to "helping others", especiall when those others are out there to f*** you. There's a book called "No more Mr Nice guy" or similar name, you can read it online. You should have a look.

    The things you're writing here make me believe you're a very easy target for these people. I mean, it was plain clear that she was just using you, you realise that, and still want her back. I'm no psychologist but you may have some very strong attachment issues going on and therapy might help you figure those things out and why you're like that. Your behaviour is not "nice", it's just plain unhealthy.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    And at some point putting a stop to ruminating about is helpful.

    As much as you seem to take in all the advise I can't help but think you play that endless loop tape over and over long enough, it just gets that much harder to move on. Constantly breathing life into something that has long passed is just another way to keep it alive.

    It becomes an active choice to thought-stop. Now might be as good as time as any.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Morello

    The things you're writing here make me believe you're a very easy target for these people. I mean, it was plain clear that she was just using you, you realise that, and still want her back.
    Can't say I disagree. In my mind I was helping my fiance, financially, emotionally... helping her every way I could, because she someone who wanted to be with me. So I guess I was blinded by that lie. Besides the heartbreak of loosing her, I just feel betrayed, used, not valued or appreciated. I am now starting to feel anger, but it doesent last long. Anger at her, and myself for not protecting my heart ... I will check out that book you suggested, thanks for your reply.

    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    And at some point putting a stop to ruminating about is helpful.

    As much as you seem to take in all the advise I can't help but think you play that endless loop tape over and over long enough, it just gets that much harder to move on. Constantly breathing life into something that has long passed is just another way to keep it alive.

    It becomes an active choice to thought-stop. Now might be as good as time as any.
    I cant stop feeling sad. I have cried every day for 1.5 months. I am noticing though, I am crying less every day. Some days are horrible, especially the mornings. It's like every day I wake up the pain is refreshed.

    Its been 15 days of no contact. I stopped sending her emails. Emailing her is getting me nowhere. I installed a email tracker on my phone, and I noticed yesterday she was reading the old emails I sent her. Also someone tried to access my instagram, I guess it was her. It made me feel good that she was thinking of me at least.

    The no contact is hurting too much. It's really hard not knowing if she is okay or not... like, I care for her as a person as well, it's just so painful that she is dissapearing and I know nothing about her now. I miss talking to her. I miss telling her about my day..

    After talking to her and hearing her voice EVERY day for the past 3 years, it is such a emotional shock to no longer communicate.. I loved her accent when she spoke english. I keep hearing her voice in my head.

    I just feel so much anxiety not hearing from her... I keep checking her instagram page, as painful as it is to do so. It makes me feel some connection to her, viewing a tiny piece of her life. She is posting photos of herself in some random house I have never seen before, smiling, looking beautiful. She added text to her instagram profile" busy, in love, and loving".

    Why am I crying over someone who clearly does not care about me, and is probably dating someone already? I keep getting love songs stuck in my head we used to listen to together, makes me incredibly sad.

    I think what I am sad about is just the feeling of being in love.. like, the pain is actually not from her, but I am mourning over "love" that I thought was real. I don't know.

    One of her last emails to me (21 days ago) she said she really likes me, that I will always be in her heart, and she wants us to be friends.

    I am thinking about emailing her and accept being her friend, so at least I can know how she is doing:( The no contact is killing me. I think maybe if I can at least talk to her maybe I can build her attraction for me again. I miss her so much...

  7. #26
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    No, no, no.

    She'll hit you up for money the minute you agree to be "friends". After all, friends help each other out, right? Except, you won't be doing it to be "friendly". You'll be trying to buy her love.

    Just like however many other men she has tricked into giving her money.

    Please stop all the self-torture...the Instagram viewing, the email tracker. And please consider therapy. I worry about how present and effective a parent you can be when you're so obviously emotionally consumed by this scam artist.

    Want to hear a sad story? I was dating someone who treated me poorly. He'd announced he was moving his ex into his house because she got kicked out of her home and had nowhere to go. He asked me to stay away while she was living there because it would be "awkward" for him. That same night my kids excitedly announced they wanted to take me out to dinner. They'd saved their allowances and wanted to treat Mom to dinner. Well, I couldn't even eat my burrito because I was so consumed with sadness over that stupid guy! To this day I'm furious that I allowed myself to let that idiot ruin the dinner my kids had been so proud and excited to buy me. Never again.

    Please don't make the same mistake.

  8. #27
    Member BurtReynolds's Avatar
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    She will contact you again.. FOR MONEY!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I am thinking about emailing her and accept being her friend, so at least I can know how she is doing:( The no contact is killing me. I think maybe if I can at least talk to her maybe I can build her attraction for me again. I miss her so much...
    I think that the only reason you need to contact her is to ask for your money back. Her response to that will help you to move on from your obsession to her.

    Don't let her hold your personal power in her hand for a minute longer. Time to face reality and stop giving so much importance to a woman that more likely than not, went out of her way to tell you the things you needed to hear and what she knew you wanted to hear in order to get money sent to her that she probably did nothing with but put in her own bank account or under her mattress for that matter.

    Did she ever show you any receipts for any of the things she needed to pay for in order to get her visa to come to you?

    I'm very sorry that you're feeling the way you do and I hope that you get the strength to stop idolizing her and instead get to the stage of anger so that you can move on from the stage of denial. You don't need to keep her in your life for a lifetime of crumbs that do nothing to help you move on from her. Do yourself a favor and don't consider no contact as killing you but rather the exercises you need to go through in order to walk again as if you just had a knee replacement... painful at first but help you to fully recover as quickly as possible.

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