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Thread: On the right track?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    There really is no motivation for her to reconcile, especially when she can have access to you, on her terms, at a reduced capacity.

    You've admitted these get together's set you back and you suspect you are helping her wean herself from you slowly. I would listen to that voice.

    Add in your mention her losing interest due to some possibly neediness on your end. She will lose respect for you if you continue to see her on her terms. She knows how you really feel.

    For your own sake, I would end the friendly get together's. Tell her that you need to move on and if she ever considers reconciliation, she know where to find you.

    You'd respect yourself more and so would she.

  2. #32
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    For your own sake, I would end the friendly get together's. Tell her that you need to move on and if she ever considers reconciliation, she know where to find you.
    Yes. Thank you. I would do that tonight but she's out of the country for the next three weeks. And I know when I eventually see her face to face it'll be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to look her in the eyes when I tell her what has to happen. To tell her in writing would be easier and undoubtedly more articulate, but also extremely cowardly.
    Last edited by SixOfOne; 09-03-2019 at 09:18 PM.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Nothing coward about the letter. What better way to get a jump start on your own emotional well being with her gone. Send her a respectful email, wish her well and say goodbye.

    Don't fool yourself into thinking you need to spend another month of your valuable life waiting to say good bye and move on. If you do. I'll tell you that you're lying to yourself in an attempt to stall.

    After all, she's moved on and taking care of herself. It's about time you start doing the same

    if she wants you she knows where you live and she wouldn't have risked losing you to begin with

  4. #34
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Yes, I've been lying to myself quite a bit these last few months. I do appreciate your insights.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    Yes, I've been lying to myself quite a bit these last few months. I do appreciate your insights.
    It's ok. We've all done it. Hang in there

  7. #36
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    Well it’s done. Rather than email her I asked her to stop by on her way home from work. It was cathartic, as we cleared the air of much that was left unsaid during our time together. And I told her I’m still in love with her, that it’s too unhealthy and painful for me to pretend otherwise, and that I couldn’t see her any more as a ‘friend’. I told her that if she ever considered reconciliation, she knows where to find me. She cried, I cried, we hugged, she left. It’s over, and now the world has changed.

    Re:her being out of the country for three weeks, she leaves in the morning actually.
    Last edited by SixOfOne; 09-04-2019 at 06:54 PM.

  8. #37
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    OP it might not feel like it but you've done the right thing and took the first step towards healing. Good on you.

    I hope you feel better soon. Give yourself a break the next week or 2. You will be up and down but that's normal.

    Now you can focus on you. All the best OP.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SixOfOne
    Well it’s done. Rather than email her I asked her to stop by on her way home from work. It was cathartic, as we cleared the air of much that was left unsaid during our time together. And I told her I’m still in love with her, that it’s too unhealthy and painful for me to pretend otherwise, and that I couldn’t see her any more as a ‘friend’. I told her that if she ever considered reconciliation, she knows where to find me. She cried, I cried, we hugged, she left. It’s over, and now the world has changed.

    Re:her being out of the country for three weeks, she leaves in the morning actually.
    You are very brave. Though it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment but you need to give yourself some very much do credit for speaking up on your own behalf. Good on you.

    I think most people would give their right arm to have their ex leave the country for a few weeks while you immerse yourself into the ugly part of grieving.

    You'll be ok.
    Come here and vent if needed. We're listening.

  10. #39
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    I was right about this, unfortunately: it was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done.

    Thank you so much to all of you, for your great advice and your continuing warm and loving encouragement.

  11. #40
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
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    So now I’m lying awake in the middle of the night, wondering if I’ve blown the only chance I may have had with her. Wondering why, after making it clear that I hoped for another chance for us someday, her only response was to say ‘I know you do.’ And wondering why I didn’t ask her directly if there was any reason for me to continue hoping, or not. Wondering if it’s too late to ask her that question and still maintain a shred of self-respect, wondering if she even knows the answer herself, and wondering which I fear the most: the truth of a simple yes or no, or the uncertainty of ‘I don’t know’.

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