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Everything posted by SixOfOne

  1. Yes, that's what it would've been. So I told her I couldn't do it, she suggested the FWB thing, and I, having never done that before, said yes. No avoidance, no fear. I agree but that just wasn't the case here. I think I protected her too. And myself, for that matter. I easily could've dived into a relationship from the start instead of being open with her. Not good. I treated her as well as I knew how under the circumstances, but I get your point. Very true. Thank you so much. I believe that too. And hey, we had a fantastic year of fun and friendsh
  2. I could not agree more. 👍
  3. I wouldn't either. I know some folks think 'second choice' here, but I'd be happy to see her again just as a friend. So that really isn't relevant to me. Oh no worries about that! This was the first and last time. Thank you!
  4. We took a road trip together in mid-October. That's when I felt the shift in me. She told me about the other during the last week of November. I had no clue. Not sure I completely understand your question. I couldn't have the kind of relationship she wanted at first, but the passing of time changed that. No fear of any kind, just awful timing. Oh I totally accept this. Lesson learned. Agreed, except for the not being honest with myself part. No wallowing going on here. I posted originally because I respect the opinion of you guys, and was wondering
  5. That's how I see this, too. I believe all will be well, one way or another. I'm really not committed to a specific outcome, just a bit untethered currently. Absolutely. She does not lack self-esteem, that's for sure. I rejected that possibility at the time because I knew it wouldn't be more than a rebound for me, and she deserves more than that. I do celebrate having met her and experiencing this. I've learned a lot, such as 'no more FWB' for me.
  6. Funny, because this is what I told her shortly after we met, that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship like she wanted. So she suggested the FWB thing with that understanding. Lately I've dated casually and infrequently; not trying to jump into another relationship, not misleading anyone, not using anyone. So yes, I do agree with you, thanks.
  7. Thank you kindly, wise sir. 🙂
  8. You seem very bitter. Are you OK?
  9. Thank you, but I don't think you're understanding my original post. ✌️
  10. I'm not waiting, but gaining momentum has been a challenge.
  11. That's exactly what I said as soon as she told me about the other guy. So now we're keeping our distance, and I'm moving towards the moving on. Very difficult, though. I miss her friendship more than the benefits, honestly. Her personality can't be replaced.
  12. Thank you. That's my thinking, as well. I'm working on it.
  13. My FWB and I agreed to stay together until and unless either of us met someone else. That was clearly understood. We were genuine friends and enjoyed each other’s company in every way. But after several months I found myself in love with her at just about the same time she informed me that she'd met someone else. I told her how I felt and she said she wanted to explore this other guy and see how she felt about him. Said she didn’t want to lose me, that she needed some time to figure out what she wants, but that she also didn’t expect me to wait for her. She’s been completely honest and up fron
  14. Mariane, you’re on the right track regarding your understanding of your situation. I experienced a relationship with a person that shares a similar, if not identical, psychological disorder as your ex. It doesn’t matter whether he’s labeled a narcissist or not. He treated you very poorly in the same way a narcissist would, and that’s close enough. But I would suggest that you also have a personality disorder, one that perfectly dovetailed with his. Call it codependency if you like, but it’s basically a lack of love for yourself. It originates in the very early stages of childhood developme
  15. Are you familiar with attachment styles? I’m thinking, in your case (and mine), specifically of avoidant-dismissive and anxious-preoccupied attachment styles and how they interact in romantic relationships. If you’re not familiar with the topic, I encourage you do some online research and bring yourself up to speed. You’ll be glad you did. There’s a bazillion online sources on attachment styles, including YouTube videos, some better than others. Here’s a place to start, if you like: http://jebkinnison.com/2014/08/04/anxious-preoccupied-stuck-on-the-dismissive/ You might also consider stu
  16. Day 84 OK, I'm finally accepting that it's over. No more grief, no more anger, no more denial. I'm learning to truly love myself and to understand on a gut level that I deserve to be happy without compromise, without giving myself away for nothing in return. Not looking forward to these upcoming holidays, the first since the breakup, but this too shall pass. Hang in there, y'all. It really does get better.
  17. Going to a street party tonight. That should help. Thanks.
  18. Fighting the urge to break NC. To recap, my gf broke up with me in June but wanted to remain friends. I said no but that only lasted a week, maybe. So we saw each other occasionally on a friendly basis for the next two months, but it was torture being with her as a ‘friend’. So then one day she told me she was going to begin dating, and that seemed like the time to tell her I can’t see her anymore. So I did. That was four and a half weeks ago, which I realize is less than a blink. Even so, I miss her so much I can hardly stand it. My thinking was that she broke up with me, so if anyone
  19. I’m sorry you’re faced with what’s ultimately going to be a very rough road for you. I know this because I was in a very similar ‘situationship’ until recently. We were together for two and a half years. We had so many things in common and loved spending time together. We had fun, we laughed a lot, we enjoyed one another’s company immensely. She introduced me to her family and her friends, and they all loved me and welcomed me and I felt like one of them. Our sex life was beyond anything I could have ever expected or hoped for, and she felt the same. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve eve
  20. SixOfOne

    Red flags

    After she dumps you for being so needy you'll wish you were getting any response from her at all, ever, to texts or anything else. You should pay more attention to your own self-respect and her respect will follow. She can't make you feel insecure about yourself; only you can do that. Back up and take a good look at yourself if you want to continue to have this person in your life.
  21. You deserve so much better than this. You’re not being silly to break up with this guy. Break it off with him completely and don’t ever doubt yourself, don’t ever look back. You don’t have to settle for anyone that treats you this way. There are many more good times ahead of you with someone else that cherishes you and appreciates your value in their lives. Best wishes for you.
  22. Sorry to hear you're hurting too, James. Thankfully, there are mostly good days, and even the bad ones are getting better. Reminds me of this old song: Thank you for your empathy, friend.
  23. Thank you, TD and bolt. I appreciate your kindness.
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