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Thread: Mom hates fiancé

  1. #1

    Mom hates fiancé

    So my mom met my finance about 3 months ago . We have been together on and off for 2 years. But i recently moved my whole life down here to Florida for him . We recently got engaged . The 3-4 times they have met my mom thought he was too perfect . Yesterday we went to see my mother and while we were driving ,my fiancé made a comment about me acting like I have ADHD. My mom got upset and said she didn’t like that why would he say that . Not to talk about me like that . He tried to explain and my mom told him he shouldn’t talk to me like that and it’s disrespectful. He said he didn’t think it was that i act like i have it . My mom didn’t like that and told him to stop saying that . My fiancé got mad pull over to the side of the road and told my mom to get out the car . She got out the car in the rain and so did I . They continued yelling at each other . He said that he is the one who takes care of me and puts a roof over my head (mind you I’m 25 he wanted us to move into together for our relationship ) . He also told me mom that he’s the reason i ever see her and that i hate her and want nothing to do with her . my mom told him he’s a piece of trash and that he’s crazy for ever have a suicide attempt . And then she said that she wanted to be taken home and that we need to get out of her house that he isn’t welcomed. My bf then said we are done and sped off leaving us on the side of the road . Mind you we are 6 hours away in another state and he told me to find my own way back home . I called him and after 30 mins waiting he came to pick us up . In the card ride home they both apologize . We got to my mom house i grabbed our stuff and we left . My fiancé thinks he did nothing wrong and my mom now believes i hate her . She said she wants nothing to do with me if i stay with him, she won’t come to the wedding and to never bring him around her ever again . I am not sure what to do ? Who is in the wrong ? Should i stay with him or not . How do I show my mom I don’t hate her . I hate feeling like I have to choose .

  2. #2
    Member wasabi196's Avatar
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    The reality is that, within a relationship, I don't think there should ever be choosing between your family and your significant other. Unfortunately, for regular people, having a perfect relationship is a difficult thing to achieve.

    What you need to begin to consider is, what both of them are doing. It is ridiculous because now you're the one that is hurt, yet both sides never considered how their actions would affect you. There's no right or wrong, because it is important that people are entitled to their own opinion, but if both of them did care about you, it should be a no brainer that both of them would work in a way to wanting you to be happy.

    Now before this goes any further, I'm not saying that you lash out at the both of them for not considering your feelings, because that's not something constructive, but the fact that the both of them are acting in this manner for sure would show that there is something else going on that isn't very clear. Something like a personal resentment, for example.

    Since you are the one that is connecting the both of them, I think it would be in your best interest to see what's actually going on. Something as simple as making a comment shouldn't warrant such a big fight.

  3. #3
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    Honestly, the title should be "my fiance tells me i act like I have an illness and my mother does not want me to settle for being talked down to or abused". Saying "you act like you are ADHD" is extremely disrespectful and belittling. And he meant it as an insult. the first rule is to never out down someone in front of their parents. Now, if you were sitting and having a heart to heart about ways you have been feeling and someone says "i heard some of those things are common with ADHD. Have you ever been screened for it"?" That's care and concern.

    Instead of arguing with mom telling her he is NOT disrespectful, he should have said "i didn't realize it was hurtful" and stopped doing it.

    If I were your mother, if a guy talked like this to you in front of me, what does he say in close quarters.

    Maybe mom wasn't right to put the issue after she said her piece, but for a man to kick a woman out of the car like that??? WHOA. On the contrary, your fiance should be trying to impress mom! Or at least be polite towards her - show her that he respects her and is crazy about her daughter. If my niece was told to find her own way home by her fiance, there is NO freaking way i would bless that marriage (if my niece was drinking, being belligerant, being physically dangerous in the car, i would be okay with him stopping and telling her to get out at the hospital or police station or at least walking around the rest area until she got her bearings and then could come back in.

    I don't know about your relationship with mom, but could your fiance be isolating you? If i said something about my parents that was less than steller or that i didn't want to be around them, my guy would be the first one to encourage me to connect - to set a healthy boundary but to tell me they did the best they knew how, and to push me in the direction of understanding and spending time with them.

    mom's instincts have been correct. listen before its too late

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yikes! Run.
    Originally Posted by Confused93
    My fiancé got mad pull over to the side of the road and told my mom to get out the car . She got out the car in the rain and so did I . My bf then said we are done and sped off leaving us on the side of the road . Mind you we are 6 hours away in another state and he told me to find my own way back home .

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  6. #5
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    He's an abuser, who most likely comes from abuse.

    You really don't know him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's in the wrong.

    He has no right to diagnose you. Yes, he was being belittling and I agree with your mother, he shouldn't be talking to you or about you like that.

    Then he further goes and dumps you and your mom off in the middle of nowhere, and what had you done to deserve that? Your mom and he had words, so why did he feel it was necessary to punish you too?

    I agree that he's abusive and it will only get worse. Your mom was looking out for you and she was in the right.

    Dump this jerk, he had no right to treat your mom or you this way.

  8. #7
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    Dude left you on the side of the road, in the rain, hours from home.

    That's really all I need to hear. I've been reeeeaaaly mad at my wife before, but would never do this. And lying to your mother about you hating her etc.

    Sorry but this doesn't sound like someone who's mature enough for marriage.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He's wrong.
    I can't imagine my bf saying anything derogatorily, teasing or not in front of my mother, of all people. Your mother spoke up on your behalf and told him it wasn't ok. From there your bf lost his shyt and the wheels came off.

    Someone kick my mother out of the car in the rain and that would be the very last time they ever lay eyes on either of us.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If my husband left me on the side of the road hours from home he better keep driving.... jus sayin....

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    It scares me that you needed to start a thread about this.

    When someone can treat you poorly like he has, someone who you have been on and off with in a measly two years, whether you THINK you love him or not... you do NOT stay with a person that thinks so little of you that he could leave you in the rain miles from home.

    Get out and be grateful that you have your mom to support you through this.

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