I think my friend's BF is abusive. But this could definitely be a result of subjectivity. I need some additional perspective. I don't want to say anything to her if it is not truly warranted.
My friend met her BF online. She was instantly attracted to him. They are really from two different worlds: she is very family-oriented, but he never sees his family; she has an MBA, but he barely graduated high school; she has a very solid, good job and zero debt; he goes between jobs and is drowning in debt. A few months into their relationship, she started joking around--saying "he might as well just move in already; he is always at my house." A few weeks later, he had "officially" moved in (and by that, I mean that he told her he did not renew his lease and was going to move his things in to her house).
He has two ex-wives. And two domestic violence charges. He has a son that he sees once every three months or so (because it is easier to just not mess with his mother). She had a party at her house and he became black-out drunk, starting crying and hid in the bedroom so long that she had to disappear from her own party and convince him that he was not an awful person.
Here is where I have a hard time: my friend is extremely social. She normally has social activities every day of the week, is always with her friends, travels a lot, and is always up for an adventure. She is a great friend. Lately, she is not available. She misses social activities with her good friends because he thinks she is gone too much. A few weeks ago, we took a girls' trip and he refused to talk to her because he said that she was purposely abandoning him and that she never spends any time with him and he feels like she is always choosing other things. She excuses this as him being unconfident.
Twice in the past month she has simply not shown up for stuff. And last night, she canceled something that we had planned for this weekend. Her birthday is this week. He asked her to cancel her plans for Saturday. He said "are you ever going to let me do anything for you?"
He served in the military and suffers from PTSD. He refuses to seek help for this. But he pities himself nonstop and will tell her how awful he feels all the time and that she never helps him with anything.
He pays for nothing. Nothing. No help with her mortgage, no bills. She pays for everything. I think he pays his car payment, but that it is. She takes him on trips.
At the party where he hid in the bedroom, he also groped another of our friends.
He often gets very loud and will argue with anything that anyone says. Instead of listening, he literally says "you are wrong. you are wrong." His arrogance is incredible. Several of her friends refuse to be around him.
I need advice: do you think I am reading too much into this because she is in a new situation and is finding herself committing to a new person instead of her friends? do you think that he could be actually abusive? should I say anything about my concerns to her?