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Thread: Mom hates fiancé

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
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    No way would I marry a man like this.

    Your mom sees things you're in denial about.

  2. #12
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    Too bad the OP won't listen to our advice...they have left the building.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    honestly, the title should be "my fiance tells me i act like i have an illness and my mother does not want me to settle for being talked down to or abused". Saying "you act like you are adhd" is extremely disrespectful and belittling. And he meant it as an insult. The first rule is to never out down someone in front of their parents. Now, if you were sitting and having a heart to heart about ways you have been feeling and someone says "i heard some of those things are common with adhd. Have you ever been screened for it"?" that's care and concern.

    Instead of arguing with mom telling her he is not disrespectful, he should have said "i didn't realize it was hurtful" and stopped doing it.

    If i were your mother, if a guy talked like this to you in front of me, what does he say in close quarters.

    Maybe mom wasn't right to put the issue after she said her piece, but for a man to kick a woman out of the car like that??? Whoa. On the contrary, your fiance should be trying to impress mom! Or at least be polite towards her - show her that he respects her and is crazy about her daughter. If my niece was told to find her own way home by her fiance, there is no freaking way i would bless that marriage (if my niece was drinking, being belligerant, being physically dangerous in the car, i would be okay with him stopping and telling her to get out at the hospital or police station or at least walking around the rest area until she got her bearings and then could come back in.

    I don't know about your relationship with mom, but could your fiance be isolating you? If i said something about my parents that was less than steller or that i didn't want to be around them, my guy would be the first one to encourage me to connect - to set a healthy boundary but to tell me they did the best they knew how, and to push me in the direction of understanding and spending time with them.

    Mom's instincts have been correct. Listen before its too late
    this. Exactly.

  4. #14
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    • You have been *ON and OFF* for two years -- not good. What is causing the breakups? The relationship is too rocky.
    • Your boyfriend sounds scarily abusive -- claiming he puts a roof over your head as if it's permission to do whatever he wants, and abandons you when there is an argument.
    • Personal jabs -- People tease each other about being OCD and ADHD and "blonde" and any number of things...the difference is if it's a fun joke or an insult, and if the recipient of such jokes think it's funny, and if this line of jabbing can go both ways. If you said to your SO he's "so ADHD," would he laugh or have a tantrum?
    • Booting your mother from the car -- NO, no, no, no, NO. Six hours from home? NO.
    • Telling your mother you hate her -- that's a controlling, abusive act -- he wants to separate you from your support system. He already got you to move to Florida. That's the first step of emotional abuse 101: ISOLATION.


    Anyone that would kick your mother out of the car six hours from home is not a good guy. I'm glad you got out too. Then he left the both of you, stranded, because boo-hoo the poor baby didn't get his way and someone called him out on his crappy behavior. Anyone who could leave you like that is not worth keeping. The signs are there.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    This marriage won’t last. Good luck

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