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Thread: Is he selfish or am I being too sensitive?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Waaaaay too sensitive. He should not have to stop his life because you have not finished your thesis. This is your deal. You should be happy he is having a good time.

    I'm sorry, but you sound a bit dramatic and selfish. Damn, he has even helped you with your work. If you do not change you attitude, you will lose a good guy.

    Four threads on this guy, and you haven't even been dating three months.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-12-2019 at 03:38 PM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    I think your heavy load right now has just clouded your rational ....Just remind yourself that this hard work is worth it and soon it will be you posting pics of your wonderful holidays to come ..in the meantime ..shake it away and just accept he is living his life .

  3. #13
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    i guess you are missing the point i am making.
    I'm not.

    It would be one thing if you were studying, heard a couple loud thuds on your door, went to check it out, and *BAM* dude kicks the door in because he's so excited to tell you how amazing everything was. But it's not. Guy's literally just enjoying himself and you're letting your stress turn into spite. Don't be that cliche.

    I remember when my wife was going through her residency and was working on getting published. Never once caught **** for doing something fun on my own. In fact, she was happy-- not just for me being happy, but because she had all the breathing room she needed to study. I didn't put a gun to her head and tell her to go into medicine. I'm doubting this guy coerced you into your studies. Owning and coping with the stress is the responsibility you take on when electively taking this step toward your development and future opportunities. It won't be the last time, so you'll want to work on that.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He "lacks empathy" because he posted a pic on social media of the place he's visiting?

    Did the pic include women hanging all over him or him whooping it up on the dance floor or something?

    Would you prefer he post or say nothing and have you questioning "Why hasn't he posted anything, what is he hiding?"
    Or maybe she prefers that he makes a post saying he's miserable or stressed so that she doesn't feel bad for him feeling happy and having fun in a beautiful place.

    I didn't mean to sound harsh OP. I commend you for your efforts on your thesis and all the hard work. I hope that this is because of the stress and that this is not how you generally react. This stress is just temporary and soon you'll be out of it. In the meanwhile let your boyfriend enjoy his life, be happy for him and don't demand him to wallow on your stress and feel stressed too or stop his life because of you.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    You're focused on the wrong stuff. You've devoted 5 years to get to where your thesis will lead you, and you're lamenting about a new guy's social media? REally?

    I'd decide that I'm a big girl and professional enough to pull this off. I'd put my eyes back on my own paper and get 'er done. Then you can go play wherever you want.

    Head high, and stop distracting yourself.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    In a healthy relationship, one partner's happy when the other one's having a good time, including when they're not together (assuming that it's 'appropriate' for someone in a relationship, and not going to lapdancing clubs or opium dens!). Speaking from experience, it's very stressful when your partner is demanding attention you just haven't got to give because you're working towards a deadline, so the fact that he functions well independently of you is also very healthy. It wouldn't be good for either of you if he was moping around waiting for you to become available again - at best you'd both be miserable, and you'd feel guilt-tripped and pressured.

    He's already expressed regret that he would be going without you, but - appropriately - he's gone anyway because it was a works do. He wants you to go there with him when the time comes. Why on earth do you think that him putting up a picture of himself means he lacks empathy? Do you really think that he should be feeling pressured and have no social life because that's the path you've chosen for the time being, or hide his experiences from you because you might not like it? You aren't able to accompany him because you've made the decision to study for a PhD; it's not as if he's pushed you out because you didn't have enough money to go, for example, where putting up pictures would be really rubbing your nose in it.

    In fact, one question you could ask yourself is "Who's really the one who's lacking in empathy here?"... especially because your real gripe with him is because he's not handling it the way you would. That's about control, expecting him to be a mind reader and then feeling resentful when he doesn't act according to your (unexpressed) wishes. He's already shown you plenty of empathy in his desire to help and support you in any way he can.

    So, for now, all this has to go on a back burner, put all your energies and considerable intelligence into your work - and remember there's plenty to look forward to when you come out the other side.

    Good luck with your thesis!

  8. 01-15-2019, 05:05 AM

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