Boyfriend does not want to tell ex about me

So here it goes.. after my boyfriend insists that I have gone mad, I need some neutral feedback so I can move on with my life.

We have been a couple since March 2017 and to make a long story short, we met immediately after he broke up with his ex of two years. They were friends a couple years prior to dating.

He broke it off with her and I understand that she was upset for a while and even sympathize with her. I also accepted the fact that they are still friends and frequently in touch (they live in different cities). But it has bothered me for a while now that he is not being honest with her about me. We see each other almost daily and are very close.

The more time passes, the more it bugs me and now I am bothered by the fact that he posts little hearts underneath her posts on social media. Yes, I'm a bit of a stalker. But I can't handle secrecy and I am really unsure what to think of it all. I have confronted him about it and he says, that he hasn't told her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.. really? !We had a big fight about it (what about my effin feelings?) and now he wants to go and see her in person (travel to the other town where she lives) and tell her about us. Guys, what's your take? It has been 1 year and a half since they split an supposedly she started seeing someone. What is this? Am I out of line for being upset about his weird behavior? Mind you, that we can't travel to a certain city in another country, because that is her hometown and he promised her to visit this town only with her. LOL Pleeease help!!

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's trying to get back with her.

he hasn't told her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. now he wants to go and see her in person

I would never be with anyone who stayed in touch with exes and retained a friendship. Some people are okay with it, but I'd rather be the only important female, besides his relatives, who he pours his time and emotional energy into.

He cares more about his ex and her feelings, than he cares for you. He likes having a little excitement of flirting on the side, apart from his primary relationship. And he's going to visit her without you? You'd be nuts to stay with him. There are men in the world who don't do this. Get single so you can find one of them.

I'm sorry but you sound like a rebound. He immediately got in a relationship with you right after they broke up. He had no time to heal or sort his feeling and properly move on. If you were his priority he would have no problem telling anyone and everyone about you. He is putting her feelings first which is not a good sign.

And he would NOT be going to see her. What!? If this were my boyfriend, I would drop him like a bad habit. They don't need to be "friends". He just wants to see her plain and simple, and don't think it's just as "friends"... That is ridiculous and completely unnecessary, just to tell her about you? Huh? Your feelings are totally valid, because he is clearly not over her. A year and a half is a LONG time to be kept a secret.

"Mind you, that we can't travel to a certain city in another country, because that is her hometown and he promised her to visit this town only with her."

This in of itself is telling you she is #1 priority to him. That is a ridiculous thing to say.

I'm curious though if he has social media and puts hearts on her posts, they are friends online. He hasn't posted about you or pictures or anything in a year and a half?

You are a secret. He is in love with her. It is unacceptable.

He wants to travel to her. Ridiculous.

Has he exposed you to family and friends?

Get rid of this guy. You have tolerated too much!

You are a secret. He is in love with her. It is unacceptable.

 

He wants to travel to her. Ridiculous.

 

Has he exposed you to family and friends?

 

Get rid of this guy. You have tolerated too much!

This^ not to mention the little heart emojis underneath her posts on SM?

Not sure what story you were telling yourself that made this all okay in your mind for so long.

To echo Holly, get rid!

Going forward, if you ever encounter this again with another guy, do NOT fight with him about it, just leave!

Self-respect and all that.

I don't ever update my past bf's on my current relationship status.

They can assume anything they want, but I don't feel inclined to report to them.

That just seems weird.

I would be more concerned about the little hearts on social media and the planned trip to see her. As much as it's none of her business, she might now need to know before hand so the expectation is set prior to their little rendezvous in the town that is exclusive to just the two of them?

Yah. . something smells.

I would agree that it seems very disrespectful to you and the relationship. But you can't undo what he's done and he's showing you his priorities. He isn't considerate to your feelings, yet is to hers.

Now the decision is up to you.

You are a secret. He is in love with her. It is unacceptable.

 

He wants to travel to her. Ridiculous.

 

Has he exposed you to family and friends?

 

Get rid of this guy. You have tolerated too much!

^ This! You need to dump this guy, he's not over the ex at all.

The other posters are correct. You know that he is not over her, which is why you're here. The situation is incredibly painful, I'm sure, but use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Learn the lesson that offering yourself as an emotional airbag when someone gets out of a serious relationship sets you up to be used. Ask yourself why you felt/feel the need to compete with his ex instead of walking away when your boyfriend is clearly mistreating you and has feelings for her? You teach others how to treat you, and you've shown that you accept his cruddy behavior by sticking around.

Let him go. Go no contact. Stop worrying about winning. He will be dishonest with her as well, and you can do better.

Lastly, expect much more for yourself. You should have been done with this guy, long ago!

My private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who's remained involved with an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. You're learning WHY.

I'm afraid to say he's going to try to get back with her.

There is no reason for him to lead her to believe he is single, much less go in person to tell her that he has a girlfriend. I would break up with any guy that dense and dismissive of my feelings, because the truth is, he is prioritizing her over you. You are right - your feelings are not important to him.

Sorry, OP, but this guy isn't serious about you whatsoever.

Harsh comments incoming.

You are a body that fills his needs. He doesn't feel for you emotionally.

Accept that you are a booty call to him or just let him go.

Another rule you should keep for yourself (besides the one that Catfeeder posts) is that you'll not be anyone's secret.

 

There is no reason for him to lead her to believe he is single, much less go in person to tell her that he has a girlfriend.

Seriously, he needs to see her in person to break the news to her? . .a year and half after they broke up?

That just doesn't make sense.

Maybe be the dumper before you get dumped?...