Ex married his rebound

10 months after our breakup and broken engagement he marries this new girl. Similar stories anyone? Ps. I was the dumper.

It truly sucks when an ex moves on while you’re still hurting. I don’t have a marriage story but I do have an ex who overlapped me and got the new gal pregnant within 6 months of our breakup. It hurt deeply and took some time but I did get over him. The best advice I can offer is to stop following his life entirely, including asking friends not to give you updates. Hang in there.

If you dumped him then i wouldn't have thought it bothered you much? Whenever i have dumped somoene and they have moved on i have been happy for them as there was no room for them in my love life. Unless he cheated/was abusive/lied etc of course. Not an attack but just interested to see why you feel bad about it.

Ummmm... you dumped him... unless you did it as a bargaining chip it's odd you care...did you expect him to be a mess and crawl back to you? I won't lie your post confuses me a bit . I'd be happy someone I didn't want to be with found happiness.

Was a toxic relationship that i had to end. Not due to lack of love. Just tough seeing him move on so quickly. I have a long history here on ENA

If you dumped him then i wouldn't have thought it bothered you much? Whenever i have dumped somoene and they have moved on i have been happy for them as there was no room for them in my love life. Unless he cheated/was abusive/lied etc of course. Not an attack but just interested to see why you feel bad about it.

If it makes you feel any better, I seem to have these magical powers where - for a lot of the guys I date - I am the last girl they date before marrying the next one. I’m not even kidding. It’s happened, like, 6 times. I’ve come to expect it now. I’m either THAT good or THAT bad. Lol!

I hear ya. For one of my exes I spent 6 years saying everything was perfect if he could just gain a little stability in his career, etc. We eventually broke up, he did that, then married the next girl. YES, I was happy for him but yes, it also stung a little.

Anyways, he ended up calling me 10 years later after his divorce saying he never really forgot about me, etc.

Things are not always what they seem. He found happiness - that’s great - but don’t worry about it. It’s not a competition. You will find yours too. Just focus on yourself and remind yourself why you broke up. Have faith. Life will turn out as it should.

My ex of 15 years met someone 4 months after we split up and moved in with her 6 months.

I was the one that left but only cause he refused to work on things. So essentially he was the one that ended it.

If anything know he is the same with her that he was with you. Pity her.

If it makes you feel any better, I seem to have these magical powers where - for a lot of the guys I date - I am the last girl they date before marrying the next one. I’m not even kidding. It’s happened, like, 6 times. I’ve come to expect it now. I’m either THAT good or THAT bad. Lol!

 

I hear ya. For one of my exes I spent 6 years saying everything was perfect if he could just gain a little stability in his career, etc. We eventually broke up, he did that, then married the next girl. YES, I was happy for him but yes, it also stung a little.

 

Anyways, he ended up calling me 10 years later after his divorce saying he never really forgot about me, etc.

 

Things are not always what they seem. He found happiness - that’s great - but don’t worry about it. It’s not a competition. You will find yours too. Just focus on yourself and remind yourself why you broke up. Have faith. Life will turn out as it should.

I hope this doesnt sound rude but its not a fluke. Seriously google it, they did research on this phenomenon, I cant remember what they said it was but its something you're doing that prepares men for marriage. Not necessarily a bad thing.

It's pretty normal to be hurt when an ex moves on, regardless of who ended the relationship. Just because he married someone does not mean he is happy or any different for her. Treat the egoic emotions with compassion and cut off the source of information about him if it's setting back you're own healing.

Once the breakip occurs, everything your ex does is about them and not you. Maybe he rushed it, maybe she's the "one" for him, but either way using the information to make you feel worse is unproductive at best and self-destructive at worst.

Your ex is no longer the person you once knew. Breakups are very pivotal experiences and some other woman married the person he has become. You don't know who or what she's married into, nor who or what he is like now. Try to think of it as if they are strangers getting married, because for all intents and purposes, they pretty much are.

Thank you all for the kind responses. I am still very much working on my own feelings and determined to keep moving forward- it's just mind boggling to hear how he can just marry the girl he met online immediately after our breakup. Just curious if others experienced a similar scenario.

Toxic situation involving infidelity and verbal abuse. Was addicted to the drama and it took the most courage i ever had to leave the situation. Hurts to watch him move on while i still feel in heartbreak from the loss

Sorry to hear that, you did the right thing for yourself though, well done. It hurts now but it will pass with time althoguh i know its not as easy as its written.

Thank you all for the kind responses. I am still very much working on my own feelings and determined to keep moving forward- it's just mind boggling to hear how he can just marry the girl he met online immediately after our breakup. Just curious if others experienced a similar scenario.

Cocooning yourself in the comfort of other people bashing him and his new relationship isn't healing so I hope no one comes to give you stories. It won't do you any good.

What you have to do is remind yourself YOU left because it was a toxic relationship and you two weren't a match. You either did it out of necessity or as a bargaining chip hon. If it was out of necessity remember it was and remember you two were not a good match.

It doesn't matter if his new relationship is successful or not and it really bugs me when people jump on the don't worry it'll fail bandwagon. How is that healing advice? What if it doesn't fail? What if they're happy for the next 30 years? You're setting things back when you tell someone it'll fail because that person now has hope and will probably sit around that much longer waiting for things to fail so they can feel better, a person self worth must be completely removed from their exes day to day life. You can't bathe yourself in the healing power of your exes misery. Don't get me wrong it's awesome, but the opposite of love isn't hate it's apathy so hoping an ex fails means you're not over them which is the goal so my advice isn't to think "they're going to fail" isn't to think " why her and not me" but to remind yourself you left because you two were a bad match.

Trust me I battled the "what if he treats her better than me" anxiety after leaving an abusive relationship, you gotta let it go. It's not easy, it take a lot of time and work, but it is the only way to heal fully in my humble opinion.

I wish you luck

Natasha you're making an assumption that many women make, that marriage means he's somehow 'fixed' or reformed or settled down or more faithful or less abusive, which it doesn't.

Any idiot can go down to the courthouse and get a marriage license and that alone doesn't mean he's a different person. Maybe he married her because he needed a place to live or he'll live off her income or he was drunk or who knows why. The point being you're thinking marriage means she's better than you or he's turned into a romantic prince charming when he's the same old person who cheated on and abused you. He is who he is and you should feel sorry for her that shes yoked herself to an abusive cheater and may not know it yet, but will.

Let him go.. really put him in the past where he belongs. Who cares if he married some poor girl? He'll mess her around just like he did you. Find someone who is worth your time and energy and heart.

Toxic situation involving infidelity and verbal abuse. Was addicted to the drama and it took the most courage i ever had to leave the situation. Hurts to watch him move on while i still feel in heartbreak from the loss

He's her problem now. I doubt he's changed one bit and she's too codependent to get herself away from him. Good on you for having the love of self and the confidence to get yourself away from a disturbed and dangerous situation.

Be glad he's out of your life. Don't let it hurt you but rejoice in your freedom from him. Know, without a doubt that even if these two never break up that the marriage will be a failure regardless. He's still the deranged individual he's always been.

Don't ever let a persons ugliness make you question yourself. I struggle with that myself. Thank your lucky stars that he is no longer your problem.

Cocooning yourself in the comfort of other people bashing him and his new relationship isn't healing so I hope no one comes to give you stories. It won't do you any good.

 

What you have to do is remind yourself YOU left because it was a toxic relationship and you two weren't a match. You either did it out of necessity or as a bargaining chip hon. If it was out of necessity remember it was and remember you two were not a good match.

 

It doesn't matter if his new relationship is successful or not and it really bugs me when people jump on the don't worry it'll fail bandwagon. How is that healing advice? What if it doesn't fail? What if they're happy for the next 30 years? You're setting things back when you tell someone it'll fail because that person now has hope and will probably sit around that much longer waiting for things to fail so they can feel better, a person self worth must be completely removed from their exes day to day life. You can't bathe yourself in the healing power of your exes misery. Don't get me wrong it's awesome, but the opposite of love isn't hate it's apathy so hoping an ex fails means you're not over them which is the goal so my advice isn't to think "they're going to fail" isn't to think " why her and not me" but to remind yourself you left because you two were a bad match.

 

Trust me I battled the "what if he treats her better than me" anxiety after leaving an abusive relationship, you gotta let it go. It's not easy, it take a lot of time and work, but it is the only way to heal fully in my humble opinion.

 

I wish you luck

I also disagree with the "it will fail" or "they'll be miserable" advice. For some ego reason it can make one feel better at the time but it's not what's going to make a person really heal.

If I was expecting my exes to break up or something with their women after me I'd still be waiting miserable. Don't rely on that. I have two exes who almost immediately of us breaking up met and married "the one". What you have to do is stop focusing on them and do everything in your power to ove on by yourself.

Quickly finding a new victim and "moving on" are two different things.

Toxic situation involving infidelity and verbal abuse.Hurts to watch him move on while i still feel in heartbreak from the loss

Quickly finding a new victim and "moving on" are two different things.

According to her history this has been going on since 2011, she has wanted out since 2011. I'm not dismissing his verbal abuse but this seemed to be more of a codependent relationship than an abusive one. SHE cheated on HIM a couple of times with exes/close friends. I went through all the posts, their relationship was a breeding ground for codependency. She spoke of him changing via therapy a couple of times, whether or not that stuck, Im not sure. I got the impression the straw that broke the camels back was drug use/ refusal to set a wedding date, not the verbal abuse. It's my humble opinion the post is shaped a certain way that if you don't read all the other posts it appears to be completely one sided, but it was pretty codependent and toxic on both ends.

The fact of the matter is the OPer has wanted to leave for 6 of the 7 years but stayed hopelessly attached despite friends family and this board telling her to get out. That to me is a HUGE indication that the issue will be solved when the OPer looks within to figure out why this occurred.

ETA - hope I didn't come off like I was attacking your post. Not my intention.

If it was such a codependent relationship that has last for almost a decade, then in the big spectrum of things it's even a good thing that he married to another woman, because it leaves less chances of the OP being drawn to him again and makes him less accessible to her codependence. However, it has to be the OP to work on herself so that she doesn't fall for this again not with this man or with any other man in the future.

Thanks for the replies - i appreciate perspectives. It was codependent for sure. My question was more just looking to hear of similar situations so i could relate and know im not alone. I'm definitely working internally to keep moving forward and have gone strict NC. Mutual friends and social media made it impossible not to find out when he married. Doing my best. Like I said, it took strength to leave and i do not want to be with this man. But it is a bit of a mind spin when someone tells you that you are soul mates for 7 years then conveniently meets his true "one" and puts a ring on her finger in 4 months. Just wanted some comfort of knowing that these things happen.

Natasha, you're asking the wrong question. You're asking for people on a forum to give you comfort, knowing that they, too, have had exes who found someone else right after them and married that person. I betcha 90% of us on here have had that happen. So, there's your answer to that.

The questions you should be asking are so much deeper, though.

Here is your first post on this loser, June of 2011. 7 years ago:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=385969

Yes, Natasha, you've been asking questions about him for 7 years. 7 years of your life have been spent trying to figure out why he smokes so much pot, why he's so mean to you, and now, why is he marrying someone else.

You need to be asking yourself this one question: Why does this consume you so much? It may take deep dive therapy to get to the bottom of it.

I suspect you are in your 20's, given your discussions of school? Natasha, if you don't get to the root of YOUR why, and soon, you will be a woman in her 50's, still churning through a-holes like this.

Thanks for the replies - i appreciate perspectives. It was codependent for sure. My question was more just looking to hear of similar situations so i could relate and know im not alone. I'm definitely working internally to keep moving forward and have gone strict NC. Mutual friends and social media made it impossible not to find out when he married. Doing my best. Like I said, it took strength to leave and i do not want to be with this man. But it is a bit of a mind spin when someone tells you that you are soul mates for 7 years then conveniently meets his true "one" and puts a ring on her finger in 4 months. Just wanted some comfort of knowing that these things happen.

7 years of back and forth, on and off, highs and lows. I have no doubt you feel like the floor beneath you has completely disappeared. I'm sorry for that, I know it must be hard. You cant put your focus on him, or whether or not its real, or whether or not hes happy. That line of thinking will keep you fully entangled in your codependent relationship even though the other party left, you'll get stories of hope and you'll just use that to remain stuck. Its my humble opinion you need to sit with this discomfort and pain. I know that sounds incredibly mean to say that, but hear me out:

For 7 years you've been on this roller coaster, it was very much an addiction for you and every time you walked away, the second you felt that empty hole, the second you started fiending for your addiction he was there for you to get your hit and now hes not. Like another poster said, the best thing he did for the both of you is actually ending things, you may have broken up wih him, but he ended the cycle, its over now, you're free. Its going to feel uncomfortable, you're going to go through the pain, you're going to go through withdrawals. Work through it, talk to your friends and family, post on here, but I wouldn't seek stories of hope, its my personal opinion that it'll be counter productive.

I got out of an abusive marriage and its my understanding he doesn't abuse his new girlfriend. I of course haven't the slightest idea what truly happens between them behind closed doors but I promise you the best feeling in the world is not caring. I'm not going to lie it took a bit to get over myself and my ego and deal with those feelings of, 'why was I treated like this and she isn't', but the truth is that line of thinking was about me not her, and why would I wish abuse on any other woman? What helped me get to the point of indifference is working on my issues and working to heal. Was far from easy and took a long time, but one day at a time, you will get there.

You two were toxic to each other, but that doesnt mean you arent fully capable of having a happy and healthy and fulfilling relationship. 7 years you wanted out, youre free! Tell your ego to stand down and just let that sink in, you wanted it to be over and now it finally is