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About 11moreweeks

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  1. Three and a half years. A lot has changed. Of the many holes in my heart, the one left by you is probably the cleanest now. I still feel the presence of the hole, and I've begun to accept that I always will. My time with you showered me with light, from both inside and outside of my body, and while the light would sometimes shine through the holes in my heart, it still did more than I think you will ever know in illuminating me -- I hope you recognize your strength in that context. There was of course the downside that the light would produce such a strong, snowy glare that the holes were
  2. I always wonder if you're trying to get in contact with me whenever you're around the corners. If you are, then just e-mail me or something. You only have a few months left before my life changes in such permanent ways and I sever what little ties you can even access me with. Speak now or forever hold your peace.
  3. It was nice talking to you today. I'm pretty afraid, though. I don't know what I want. Do you?
  4. @RayRay63: maybe I will do that, but we'll see how it goes. I don't really have many feelings left about how it all went down, and I'm not thinking about the relationship much, but that's usually when these things sneak up on you. @Catfeeder: thanks! Yeah, I likely will seek therapy again during graduate school, though I did get a real effective period of therapy for 9 months after my breakup. More healthcare is always good in my book. I feel rather confident that the relationship-focused issues have been resolved for quite a while (over a year), it's just seemed more like the regular motio
  5. It's been about a year and a half since my breakup, and although I keep doing better and better, I am still healing from it. I've found myself ruminating and being nostalgic a little this last week or two, so I figured it would benefit me to make a thread to remind myself of where I came from and where I'm going. To begin with, the relationship had some serious issues and she was not good to me. No matter if I miss her at times, I need to remember how the relationship was hurting me and how it ended. With anecdotes like an instance of cheating early on while I lost my relationship with m
  6. Yeah, it's probably not a clear case of her pulling away and him wanting something more fruitful. With that said, it is also possible that this guy only agreed that they "both" weren't ready as a means to be agreeable to someone he wanted to be with, which could be dishonest on his part regarding his own feelings. It's worth it enough for the OP to think about the possibility that she was stringing someone along and potentially grow from that behavior. Either way, though, there was no relationship here, and regardless of which part[ies] were "pulling away", the dynamic has been effective
  7. Nah, let it go. She's choosing to be immature with the financial situation in the first place, perhaps not letting go of the past to move forward. This is her battle to face. Focus on yourself. She is not your girlfriend. Her financial well-being, emotions/baggage (even if caused by you), and any of that other stuff is not your problem. If she wants to have a serious conversation or solution with you, then she should have to contact you about it in the future. Her financial decisions with you at the moment, in my opinion, offers enough evidence to think she'll continue to screw you over.
  8. I'm looking to get into getting my master's in hydrology or a related field. I've had desire to date again and I've been a little unhappy being single, and that's why I'm choosing to still not date. I did get some interest from women after my initial weight loss, but I'd rather be fully healed before I risk my or anyone else's feelings getting messed up. Good luck with your therapy! I found it pretty comfortable myself, as if I was in control of my own healing while getting some professional guidance.
  9. Thanks! Most of it took years of effort, the progress of which I couldn't express due to continuing home issues (I felt like I had to wait until I managed to leave my home until it was all able to be shown). The breakup acted as a catalyst to bring my improvements out of me, then all my home issues being fixed last Summer acted as a kind of cement for it all. I did receive therapy from November through August of last year, which did noticeably help me in reaching me mental/emotional goals, which included a lot of cognitive-behavioral therapy. I'm currently intending to make some graduate sc
  10. I totally managed to get past PTSD and a long-term condition of depersonalization, recovering the personality I used to have before facing a lot of traumas in my life during the course of the relationship. I've greatly improved many of my other interpersonal skills as well, and I've massively improved my emotional and mental self-management. I've greatly increased my self-esteem and senses of self-worth and self-respect, and feel much more confident in my ability to form, build, and maintain healthy relationships in the future. I developed some new routines, habits, and interests that h
  11. So close to my birthday. Will this be the first time since 2009 where you weren't a part of my birthday? I do hope I hear from you, I really do. I'm afraid of being hurt and of what comes if we speak again, though.. I hope you're doing well.
  12. This person's post hit the nail on the head, and this exert itself is a golden nugget. It's important to not confuse the short-term, drug-like sensation of a dopamine rush that comes from a fresh relationship, a honeymoon phase, temptations, or other things like that with the actual value in a mature love and relationship. Life will not always be thrilling, and depending on the circumstances, life might not always be all that fun, but the point of a long term relationship is to transcend these short-term feelings. Ultimately, what you will have to do is what you think you will have to do, b
  13. For myself, I'm currently in a third phase, with each phase being better than the last. During the first two phases, I was receiving regular therapy, though I had to stop after I entered the third phase because of lack of insurance. The first phase, I was in absolute and total agony, and this lasted for about 3 months. During this phase, I spent about 3 hours a day crying, maintained contact with her (and thus kept getting hurt by contact with her, especially when the suspicions that the "it might be someone else" turned into "it was someone else"), and completely tore myself down (and rebu
  14. I really hope we can have a conversation again, sometime soon. I feel like we can be friends again, although admittedly I have these unresolved questions about what you do or could mean to me.
  15. About 15 months after my breakup, I would say there have been no actual benefits to my breakup. I've seen a lot of things improve in myself and in my life, but those all had to do with outside forces or were things that would have happened regardless of my relationship status. I'm still dealing with a lot of the consequences of the breakup, though, but perhaps not for much longer. I'm pretty sure I will always look back on this (and my late relationship) with sadness and disappointment, but that doesn't mean I won't carry on.
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