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  1. Thank you for your supportive replies. He did say that his happened when he was 19 and the girl had a yeast infection. I've had it before and had obvious symptoms. But not since dating him. I can take a treatment just to be sure. I do believe that this is his truth and is what turns him off. But I also believe that my body is doing what its supposed to be doing during sex. In my previous experience, these things arent supposed to be pretty and get messy. The passion and lust usually takes over and those things dont matter. I'm definitely not keeping a romantic relationship with this man. Even if it is honesty, I did not feel compassion or support that usually comes from a lover. Weve been dating for 14 months and sex has been an issue from the start. He said he didnt say anything because its awkward. Fair. But man, how did he let it go this long? I believe it was just another convenient reason to not have sex because he doesnt desire it.
  2. Hey all, I've been writing on here periodically about the lack of sex drive in my partner. I finally got the nerve to ask him about this and he coldly responded that it's a hygiene issue. He says when we have sex, he smells my vagina and that it makes his parts itchy right after. I am humiliated. I have not been having any medical issues down there and shower daily. I have had previous partners tell me they enjoy the natural scent... I don't know what to do or say. The passion never felt natural with him and something doesn't feel right. Is this REALLY the issue?
  3. This made complete sense to me. Thank you. I agree that I am ready to let the past be just that and move forward- but I need to be clear about what I need and want to feel fufilled.
  4. I spent a solid year and a half alone after the breakup and worked really hard with educating myself and took advantage of some online counselling as well. I thought I had worked through a lot of the abuse and honestly felt very ready to date. But this relationship didn't excite my soul and catch fire the way I expected or wanted. I definitely have some issues with suppressing my own feelings and needs for the sake of others. Working on self love constantly, and still read and listen to a lot of podcasts related to "narcissistic abuse". I really want to heal fully but there's something about the way my ex replaced me and just married into bliss... just really hit me harder than I thought.
  5. Thanks to everyone for the great replies. Hollyj, you are right. It's the same issue that I noticed 8 weeks in and it's pretty unreasonable to expect someone to change. I stayed because I saw brief improvements here and there that were unfortunately temporary. I guess a part of me is just trying to push aside the needs I have when it comes to sex and passion because I felt I shouldn't be valuing that highly as I am. I am sexually open and adventurous woman and I probably can't change the fact that this great guy is more vanilla than myself. I guess I have to figure out if it's truly a deal breaker. My unhappiness and unease would tell me it might be - I had a lot of trouble leaving my last relationship too. The "people pleaser" in me hates the thought of making someone else uncomfortable and sad. He really is a great person. Just maybe not my best match. Thank you all for the insight. I have learned so much about myself from this forum.
  6. The sex and lust was intense from the very beginning before any fighting ever started. The sex kept me longer than it should. I simply miss feeling attractive and desired by someone. I miss them actually wanting to kiss me and touch me.
  7. Doing everything I can to move on. We were engaged and it my first love- I've been working very hard for over 2 years to keep moving forward. But I cant deny it is difficult- especially when my feelings for a new great guy just dont compare with what I felt in such an unhealthy situation. And I do reflect on why I "pine" for the last guy. It is because of the attention, affection and passion he showed me when things were good. I'm not saying the relationship was ideal or that I want HIM back, but there are definitely aspects of that relationship that I would like to share with someone new.
  8. Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry about your situation as well. It can be very disheartening when all you want to do is express the love and attraction you have for someone and they seize up. The current boyfriend has stated outright that he doesnt think tongues belong in kissing. Nothing more than a peck. I'm finding it very hard to emotionally connect and attach on a deeper romantic level.
  9. I havent read that book in particular, but I have done reading on love languages in general. I ty to be grateful and understand that he does show his love for me in other ways. He cooks beautiful meals, shovels the driveway... acts of service I guess they would call it. But these acts of service are not carried into the bedroom.
  10. I definitely dont miss the hot and cold of the toxic relationship. But I do miss the burning fire of someone missing me while I'm away, deep passionate kissing, sexual desire that involves touching and telling me I'm sexy. My ex was hot and cold.... but I cannot deny our chemistry in bed was incredible and I could feel my stomach flip when he looked at me a certain way. This new guy is very muted when it comes to expressing emotion in general and I'm finding it very hard to fall hard and deep in love because nothing else is 'hard and deep' hahaha
  11. Hey there ENA. Been a while since I posted, but I still read almost every day :) Quick Recap: I am 2.5 years out of the toxic relationship that brought me here to ENA. Ex married within 10 months of the breakup - I am in 'no contact' and working on healing. Last January, I met a new guy and we are soon to celebrate our one year anniversary. I need the advice of this forum again because I am feeling a lack of passion and intensity with this guy. It is a healthy relationship compared to the last. I will admit the communication could be better. But the major issue is our sex life is not what I would like it to be and I do not receive any words of affirmation from him besides the routine "I love you" before we part ways. If I can use the word 'spark' here, I simply do not feel it with him. He has mentioned before that he believes I am desperately trying to recreate the emotion and intensity that I had with my last partner. I can agree with this to a certain extent... but I am a passionate, loving woman who appreciates when a partner makes them feel wanted and beautiful. Physically and emotionally I feel unsatisfied- but I enjoy his company, we laugh together and we have made many memories on countless adventures. My question is would you stay in a relationship if this spark,lust,chemistry (whatever you want to call it) isn't there? I realize that this eventually fades for most long term relationships, but we never had it from the beginning - will this become a bigger issue as time goes on? I worry that I am placing too much value on the bedroom, physical chemistry and loving words. Almost feels like a best friend. I do not feel he desires me and when he does, it is very robotic (we have never kissed passionately and I miss that SO MUCH). However, he is loyal, helpful, funny - and clearly likes having me around. Sorry to ramble but I would love to hear some experiences and thoughts on this. Great group here and I appreciate reading every day. TIA!
  12. Hey- nope he is no longer medicated for the condition. He did mention before that when he was on SSRIs he had troubles with that area.
  13. My story: 7 year relationship and broken up 2 full years as of today. I'm STILL HEALING. He was married 10 months after the breakup. Be kind to yourself and realize it's not linear and everyone is different.
  14. Ps. I tried flirty and dirty texting but he usually responds with shock and laughter.... like "omg hahaha" or with a simple kiss emoji. Sighhhhhh and I'm soooo physically attracted to him. But I'm started to feel unattractive.
  15. HELP! Update! still seeing this guy and for a short while the sex improved and became more frequent. It's been a full week now with no sex. He left for the weekend today and he refused my advances last night. He has now offered information that he suffers from episodes of mania followed by depression. Could this explain the wavering libido? I'm so frustrated- he has many great qualities in a boyfriend but I just dont know if I can live like this with zero passion. I dont feel like I'm falling in love. [emoji58] to me sex is what differentiates a partner from a friend. He is my best friend at this point but I want so much more.
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