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Thread: Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?

  1. #1
    kleptoz28
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    Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?

    I've been dating this girl for over a year. About 2 months ago, she mentioned wanting a tattoo and showed me the design she wanted. Tattoos are an extreme turn off for me, nothing wrong with a person having them, just a physical preference that affects my attraction. I can't explain or control it, but I wouldn't approach someone with lots of them as a romantic interest.

    I talked to her about it, and said it is her body and her decision. I told her I find large tats and sleeves extremely unattractive but I love her and want her to be happy, so if she wants a small one I can get past it and fully support what she decides to get. She told me it would be a small tattoo maybe 4" or so on her bicep and showed me the design.

    She had the appointment yesterday, and we talked before she went in. She assured me what she was getting was small and I have nothing to worry about. I got a text 3 hours later "It's done, but you won't like it". Apparently, the artist told her he couldn't get the detail she wanted in a small design so at the last minute she decided to let him do a full shoulder to elbow design. I wasn't told about it until it was done.

    I know some people will say I should accept whatever she does, but I feel slightly decieved and I feel like my opinion doesn't matter to her. I find it extremely unattractive, and it's not even something with meaning just a bunch of flowers she thought looked good.

    So now I'm not sure how to handle this. Someone I love now has something I find extremely unappealing. She says I'm being superficial and if I love her it won't matter. I think by doing this, she's placed wanting to change her appearance over the relationship. It also seems insanely impulsive and irresponsible to be talked into getting a much larger tattoo at the last minute. It's there forever now and I don't know if I can be ok with it. Any advice?

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    rosephase
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    It sounds like you are incompatible. You have different views and ideas. You both are figuring that out over this issue.

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    pippy longstocking
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    I don't believe her story for a second , tattoos are sorted before you go in , the timing is sorted out , the design , size and placement are sorted out , no way would a tattooist decide once a client was in that it had to jump from 4 inches to half an arm and the cost would be significantly different .

    I believe she spun this tale to try and appease you , she wants the body art , she knows you don't like it so told a white lie in the hope you would accept it . Doesn't make her a bad person , she was in a situation where she couldn't follow her desire for fear of upsetting you . It is your call if you can accept her body art .

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    yatsue
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    How do you deal? You love her right? Or have some level of feelings for her, since she is your gf. This is only skin deep. It IS superficial and she has a right to do whatever she wants to her own body, especially something as small as a tattoo. You are being controlling over her body. I suggest you stop, or you'll cause unneeded issues. This is such a non issue. Unless you really don't care for her much at all after a year, that some ink will influence how you feel about her? Attraction only draws you in, while the kind of person your partner is will make you stay. Is she, as a person, not good enough for you that this thwarts your perception of her so much? That's the vibe I'm getting from your post.

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    rosephase
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    I don't believe her story for a second , tattoos are sorted before you go in , the timing is sorted out , the design , size and placement are sorted out , no way would a tattooist decide once a client was in that it had to jump from 4 inches to half an arm and the cost would be significantly different .

    I believe she spun this tale to try and appease you , she wants the body art , she knows you don't like it so told a white lie in the hope you would accept it . Doesn't make her a bad person , she was in a situation where she couldn't follow her desire for fear of upsetting you . It is your call if you can accept her body art .
    I've changed fairly massive things about a tattoo at the last minute on recommendation of the artist. I wouldn't assume she is lying. But I would assume her body art is more important to her than her boyfriend's opinion. Which I personally think of as healthy. And it's a sign of a incompatibility in this case. He doesn't like the way she expresses herself. That's a pretty straightforward no go.

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    Sportster2005
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    You will likely always resent her for this. You can't have a meaningful relationship with someone you resent.

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    kleptoz28
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    I don't believe her story for a second , tattoos are sorted before you go in , the timing is sorted out , the design , size and placement are sorted out , no way would a tattooist decide once a client was in that it had to jump from 4 inches to half an arm and the cost would be significantly different .

    I believe she spun this tale to try and appease you , she wants the body art , she knows you don't like it so told a white lie in the hope you would accept it . Doesn't make her a bad person , she was in a situation where she couldn't follow her desire for fear of upsetting you . It is your call if you can accept her body art .
    They were having a flat rate special at the shop to bring new clients in. Part of this is apparently it was set up on Facebook. She had emailed the design in but had not went in-person to consult. It all seemed very poorly thought out, and I should mention she has BPD which I'm sure affected the decision making process here.

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    katrina1980
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    Quote Originally Posted by yatsue [Register to see the link]
    How do you deal? You love her right? Or have some level of feelings for her, since she is your gf. This is only skin deep. It IS superficial and she has a right to do whatever she wants to her own body, especially something as small as a tattoo.
    Quote Originally Posted by kleptoz28 [Register to see the link]

    Apparently, the artist told her he couldn't get the detail she wanted in a small design so at the last minute she decided to let him do a full shoulder to elbow design.
    In the OP's defense, a shoulder to elbow tattoo is no small tattoo!!

    Google it, you'll see for yourself.

    I also don't believe, as pippy said, she didn't know beforehand. Of course she knew, for the reasons pippy explained.

    However it is her body, and she has the right to do with it as she pleases.

    Apparently she didn't consider your feelings at all though (or did but dismissed them), plus she lied to you about it; I find that very disturbing, more so than the actual tattoo.

    I really don't know how to advise here; as a woman I happen to love tattoos on men, especially biceps and find shoulder to elbow tattoos extremely sexy.

    But I understand many men don't like on their gfs, especially a tattoo that large (you're not the first man I've heard complain about it), combined with the fact she essentially dismissed your feelings, then lied about it, tough call.

    Perhaps give it some time before making any decision. I know of a man who felt as you do, but then he met a woman he fell head over heels for who had many tattoos, and wanted even more, and he came to accept them and they are now happily married.

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    itsallgrand
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    Quote Originally Posted by kleptoz28 [Register to see the link]
    They were having a flat rate special at the shop to bring new clients in. Part of this is apparently it was set up on Facebook. She had emailed the design in but had not went in-person to consult. It all seemed very poorly thought out, and I should mention she has BPD which I'm sure affected the decision making process here.
    I would be reflecting on whether this is a good long term fit. I don't know what you are looking for - do you want someone to spend a long part of your life in a committed relationship with? Her impulsiveness and willingness to dismiss your feelings in this particular way would have me wondering too...is this person an actual good fit for you?

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  18. #10
    kleptoz28
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsallgrand [Register to see the link]
    I would be reflecting on whether this is a good long term fit. I don't know what you are looking for - do you want someone to spend a long part of your life in a committed relationship with? Her impulsiveness and willingness to dismiss your feelings in this particular way would have me wondering too...is this person an actual good fit for you?
    This is exactly what this has me questioning. The lack of consideration leads me to believe this won't be the only time. That's a bigger issue even than this tattoo which I'm starting to think will cause me to have some issues every time I see it.

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