Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?

[IAmFCA]

This is a boundary discussion. She likely considered his points and made her own choice.

 

In a relationship, this sort of disagreement is not uncommon - haircuts, beards, clothes, weight, friends, etc - all of these personal choices can be counter to our S.O.'s taste.

 

We stay together longer and have less chaos when we learn to say, "That's him/her and not me" and let it be. We choose one another for their particular way, and therefore it will certainly show itself in certain details that we wouldn't choose for ourselves.

 

Knowing he would leave over it made it more clear for each of them. Notice how much better it is when we respect the other person's authority over themselves: If he were half out the door, then she made the right choice to get the tattoo. If he would have stayed no matter what, then she would have been right to put more value on his likes and dislikes and skip the tattoo.

 

His value of his wishes for her over her wishes for herself were proof enough that she made the right choice for herself.

[IAmFCA]

End it because you don't want her anymore and weren't that committed in the first place. Not because she acted against you; she didn't.

[kleptoz28]

End it because you don't want her anymore and weren't that committed in the first place. Not because she acted against you; she didn't.

 

There's no need to continue attacking me in this thread. I was never "half out the door" as you say. People have personal preferences, I happen to be so turned off by large tats on a woman that I can't be physically attracted to a woman with them. I wouldn't date someone who has them.

 

And I wasn't dating someone who had them. The problem is , with that knowledge, she has chosen to to alter the dynamic of our relationship. So I believe the correct statement would be she was already half out the door and not committed to me.

 

I'm seeing a lot of the viewpoint "do what you want without regard for your partner" in this thread. Lots of forever-single people on the internet, so maybe not the best place to seek advice.

[IAmFCA]

There's no need to continue attacking me in this thread. I was never "half out the door" as you say. People have personal preferences, I happen to be so turned off by large tats on a woman that I can't be physically attracted to a woman with them. I wouldn't date someone who has them.

 

And I wasn't dating someone who had them. The problem is , with that knowledge, she has chosen to to alter the dynamic of our relationship. So I believe the correct statement would be she was already half out the door and not committed to me.

 

I'm seeing a lot of the viewpoint "do what you want without regard for your partner" in this thread. Lots of forever-single people on the internet, so maybe not the best place to seek advice.

 

who is attacking whom?

 

I am not attacking you whatsoever. you two are incompatible. tattoos are a non starter for you and a tattoo is something she wants. if you each value your preferences equally, then there is no common ground.

 

I AM saying that the degree to which you are incompatible makes her choice more logical.

 

note that your argument is reflexive; you end up single (which is not a bad thing or a criticism) because you are rigid about this particular point; she ends up single as well. Neither of you is doing something for the good of the relationship. Yes a smaller tattoo feels like a compromise to you, but not to the person who is getting a tattoo - that person has a vision to articulate.

 

Neither of you is wrong; you each are right. It's an incompatible point that is more important to each of you than is staying together. And that is okay.

[Seraphim]

Ok, you can be not attracted to tattoos perfectly reasonable but don't say it's your body do what you like because you love her and would try to get over it because that's not what you meant. You just want someone without tattoos.

[kleptoz28]

Ok, you can be not attracted to tattoos perfectly reasonable but don't say it's your body do what you like because you love her and would try to get over it because that's not what you meant. You just want someone without tattoos.

 

I was willing to accept what she said she was getting. What it ended up being was more than I can handle.

[figureitout23]

I was willing to accept what she said she was getting. What it ended up being was more than I can handle.

 

If it's more than you can handle it's probably best to just end it.

 

I think you may have some control issues going on here. I say that because you two are not married and you've only been dating for a year, A YEAR, after that short of time there is no guarantee you two will be together in 6 months, it's still way too soon and you're saying she must change what she wants to do to her body because of that? You simply don't have the clout to back up that sort of demand. Husband? Yes, I'd take your opinion into concideration. Dude I've been dating for a year? Psh...

 

It doesn't sound like you're compatible. Maybe you need a more submissive partner. There's nothing wrong with that but it may be helpful for you to start being honest about what type of partner you want. There are women out there who will mesh better with your...ways...

[Seraphim]

But, it is your body, is not really what you meant. It is ok not to like tats btw. But people DO change. I have never had tattoos but want them. My husband doesn't particularly like them but he did say it is entirely my choice and my body and nothing would ever detract from my beauty, but he MEANS that.

[katrina1980]

If it's more than you can handle it's probably best to just end it.

 

I think you may have some control issues going on here. I say that because you two are not married and you've only been dating for a year, A YEAR, after that short of time there is no guarantee you two will be together in 6 months, it's still way too soon and you're saying she must change what she wants to do to her body because of that? You simply don't have the clout to back up that sort of demand. Husband? Yes, I'd take your opinion into concideration. Dude I've been dating for a year? Psh...

 

Huh? Where in this thread did he "demand" she not get a larger tattoo?

 

I didnt see it, can you show me? The post wherein he demanded this? Or demanded anything?

 

In a nutshell, he doesn't like tattoos. But nevertheless accepted her getting a small one. Which was her original plan, a small tattoo. All is well.

 

She ended up getting something significantly larger, a half sleeve.

 

Knowing full well his aversion.

 

Of course she had the right to do that, it's her body, she can do with it as she pleases.

 

The result: not only is he unhappy with her decision which includes disregarding his aversion to it (which is not "ridiculous" or "absurd" - he's entitled to these feelings without being called 'controlling' or otherwise being shamed), the tattoo itself is unappealing to him and turns him off. Nothing wrong with that either.

 

There is no wrong or right here. They are just different in how they view committed relationships.

 

Agree to chalk this up to incompatibility and call it a day.

[figureitout23]

Huh? Where in this thread did he "demand" she not get a larger tattoo?

 

I didnt see it, can you show me? The post wherein he demanded this? Or demanded anything?

 

In a nutshell, he doesn't like tattoos. But nevertheless accepted her getting a small one. Which was her original plan, a small tattoo. All is well.

 

She ended up getting something significantly larger, a half sleeve.

 

Knowing full well his aversion.

 

Of course she had the right to do that, it's her body, she can do with it as she pleases.

 

The result: not only is he unhappy with her decision which includes disregarding his aversion to it (which is not "ridiculous" or "absurd" - he's entitled to these feelings without being called 'controlling' or otherwise being shamed), the tattoo itself is unappealing to him and turns him off. Nothing wrong with that either.

 

There is no wrong or right here. They are just different in how they view committed relationships.

 

Agree to chalk this up to incompatibility and call it a day.

 

Katrina, based on what you've stated in posts recently and your typical stance it seems you view women in more submissive roles and men in a more dominate, decision making role (dom/sub). That's your normal. Nothing at all wrong with that, its your relationship dynamic so that's what makes you happy. Not everyone is like that though, I'd even go out on a ledge and say its not the 'norm'. I'm sure you've gathered from my stances and my posts I have a completely different mindset, its not the 'norm' either, but its mine.

 

I do feel what he gave her was a 'demand'. It was thinly veiled as a 'request' but it very much was a demand.

 

Heres an extreme example:

 

Request hon, when you do the laundry can you use less fabric softener, the smell bugs me.

Demand: You need to stop using that fabric softener, It bothers me and I don't like it.

Demand veiled as Request: Im not ok with you using this fabric softener but if you use 3/4th cups I'll be ok.

 

*uses 1 cup instead*

 

 

Request I asked you not to use this fabric softener! Ugh, next time can you make sure you use less? I'll just wear something else for now.

Demand: I TOLD you not to use this fabric softener, you didn't listen, I cant believe you did that, its over.

Demand veiled as Request ASKED you to use 3/4ths cups and you didnt listen, this relationship isn't working for me and its your fault. I cant believe you did that!

 

People aren't committed to requests, there are no expectations attached to requests. If it was truly a request and not a demand, hell, let be real, ultimatum, he wouldn't be ending the relationship. By definition, his reaction just doesn't fit.

 

It is most definitely a compatibility issue, but what he did, ESPECIALLY after only dating her for a year, was overstepping, shes chose to do what she wanted with her body, its her body, she doesn't 'owe' him anything when it comes to HER body. They aren't married and hes ready to walk out because of a tattoo, because she didn't comply with his demand, so lets call a spade a spade, this wasnt exactly on a very strong foundation to begin with. They most likely are headed for a breakup. What hes doing here, in my eyes, is trying to fault her for it and possibly alleviate any guilt/realization of control issues he may be feeling (Look at how frustrated he gets when a poster doesn't agree with him) and, in my humble opinion, that's just not the case. If what shes doing to her body is a deal breaker for him, that's his issue, not hers. Compromise doesn't give a dude I'm DATING autonomy over my body, that's my view, yours is different and that's ok, but again, shes not wrong for choosing what to do to her body. Mutual respect is of course important in relationships, your talking to someone who believes mutual respect is important in all aspects of life as Im sure you've gathered, but there's a limit, to many, including her probably, the body is a limit.

[Abee86]

This whole incident goes deeper than the tattoo I believe. I agree with all the reading into this. The whole last-minute situation with the tattoo artist not being able to make it small enough... that's a bunch of bullcrap. A skilled artist can do anything, any size, anywhere.

I wanna share a short story, it's been told many times (especially on ENA) but I'll tell again. My ex-girlfriend. 6~ years ago she talked me into taking her on a long-ass drive to the other size of the city to a tattoo shop to get a big tattoo across her chest with song lyrics on it. It was a very spur-of-the-moment thing out of nowhere. At the time, I thought "whatever"... I was 21, I was gonna get to stare at my girlfriend half-naked getting a tattoo on her chest and I thought it would lead to other things that day. Well, it didn't lead to anything but a lame "thank you" followed by her dumping me some two weeks later because she turned out to be a closet lesbian. And I was devastated, and to this day it has screwed up my head and was a big thing that has happened to me in my life. I was hurt because I was really falling for her and I thought we were super compatible and everything. I wanna add in, that I did not like nor support the tattoo idea, but it was her body and everything.

 

The tattoo, it was just a catalyst to the lesbian confession. Tattoos, they are one of those things. They say something about people and who they really are that get them. And often it seems that people that get them... it is either inspired or followed by some psychological change going on with themselves. The feeling that they need to permanently change their bodies in a stupid way to make a public statement that no one cares about. I wanna add in, I'm not a superstitious guy, but to me, tattoos are bad luck.

This may sound rude/judgmental, but I'm gonna say it. I'm 27 years old. And I think almost every single person I have ever met/personally known that has a tattoo of any kind has had some kind of issues. Very nice women I was interested in years ago had small ones on her wrist. Turned out to have some kind of PTSD from the military, ended up getting knocked up on one drunk night by a loser. Another woman I was interested in that also had wrist tattoos lied to me for months about wanting to date me and things. A close friend of mine I knew since a teenager got tattoos on his legs, ended up having severe depression. Another great guy I know, doing well and has a kid/happy wife, but his life wasn't always peachy perfect, having messed up his college career and got thrown out of a fitness club for something to do with giving alcohol to minors... also has tattoos. Lastly a childhood friend I got that got tattoos also turned out weird, has marital problems, etc.

 

It seems like everyone I've ever known or met that has had them has had issues to some degree. I just question the mentality of anyone who feels the need to put stupid permanent ink on their bodies. I totally don't see anything wrong with you dumping this girl over the tattoo ordeal. Just think; you're going to have to see it forever if you stick with her. Every time you go out shirtless, to the beach, swimming, when you're intimate, that tattoo's going to be staring and laughing in your face. Think even longer... wedding photos with tattoos, first kids, etc. That tattoo is gonna be part of the story. If it bothers you now, it will only get worse down the road, and what's stopping her from getting more? First is the shoulder, then the arms, then the wrist, then the back, then the tramp stamp, then one on the foot...

I've concluded for me, tattoos are a deal breaker. And I'm a hard-rock/metalhead guy, I love metal music and things, write music, you think I would be "OK" with that lifestyle. But, I'm not OK with tattoos. It's permanently ruining a beautiful body. The wrist tattoos, sleeves, I hate it all. It's sickening. I'm just so weary of anyone that has tattoos, I feel like I'm instantly incompatible with someone who likes tattoos. I don't like it. I wanna say lastly, I think it's wrong she did this without your feelings in consideration. I don't know, if she thought of you as true "future husband" material and you really mattered to her, she may have second guessed getting this stupid ink. She didn't .

Dear writer,

 

While it sounds like you have had a tough go in your previous relationship in which your partner left you after discovering her sexuality had her attracted to women. Certainly there are people who choose to get tattoos and regret them while there are others who love them and feel they are an artistic expression. If walls can have paintings, why can't arms/legs/chest, etc.

 

However, while you are well within your rights to express your opinions, please refrain from stating that all individuals with tattoos have mental illness. Not only does this create stereotypes, but it also adds to the stigma of mental illness. The OP's girlfriend may have had mental illness, but that should be neither here nor there when discussing another person's choice for what choices they make for their own body.

 

As a woman with tattoos, I am very proud to report that I adore all my art. I was of sound mind when I had them done, have never dealt personally with mental illness, AND I have a professional job.

 

Please understand that my post is not intended to shame or insult you. I would just like you to please re-examine your thinking after educating yourself a little further on all areas.

 

Best wishes.

[mustlovedogs]

I can't empathize with the OP because tattoos don't bother me. I don't particularly care for them, but I don't hate them. I'm meh.

 

However, be mindful of how this carries through to your next relationships. I would be leary of a guy who dumped a girl so easily over a personal decision. It would make me wonder if he would use emotional blackmail to try and get me to do what he wants or leave me high and dry if I did something he didn't approve of.

 

Not saying this is what you're doing - just throwing that perspective in.

 

And remember, too, you hate this tattoo more than you care for her, and that does say something.

[kleptoz28]

Katrina, based on what you've stated in posts recently and your typical stance it seems you view women in more submissive roles and men in a more dominate, decision making role (dom/sub). That's your normal. Nothing at all wrong with that, its your relationship dynamic so that's what makes you happy. Not everyone is like that though, I'd even go out on a ledge and say its not the 'norm'. I'm sure you've gathered from my stances and my posts I have a completely different mindset, its not the 'norm' either, but its mine.

 

I do feel what he gave her was a 'demand'. It was thinly veiled as a 'request' but it very much was a demand.

 

Heres an extreme example:

 

Request hon, when you do the laundry can you use less fabric softener, the smell bugs me.

Demand: You need to stop using that fabric softener, It bothers me and I don't like it.

Demand veiled as Request: Im not ok with you using this fabric softener but if you use 3/4th cups I'll be ok.

 

*uses 1 cup instead*

 

 

Request I asked you not to use this fabric softener! Ugh, next time can you make sure you use less? I'll just wear something else for now.

Demand: I TOLD you not to use this fabric softener, you didn't listen, I cant believe you did that, its over.

Demand veiled as Request ASKED you to use 3/4ths cups and you didnt listen, this relationship isn't working for me and its your fault. I cant believe you did that!

 

People aren't committed to requests, there are no expectations attached to requests. If it was truly a request and not a demand, hell, let be real, ultimatum, he wouldn't be ending the relationship. By definition, his reaction just doesn't fit.

 

It is most definitely a compatibility issue, but what he did, ESPECIALLY after only dating her for a year, was overstepping, shes chose to do what she wanted with her body, its her body, she doesn't 'owe' him anything, ESPECIALLY not when it comes to HER body. They aren't married and hes ready to walk out because of a tattoo, because she didn't comply with his demand, so lets call a spade a spade, this wasnt exactly on a very strong foundation to begin with. They most likely are headed for a breakup. What hes doing here, in my eyes, is trying to fault her for it and possibly alleviate any guilt/realization of control issues he may be feeling (Look at how frustrated he gets when a poster doesn't agree with him) and, in my humble opinion, that's just not the case. If what shes doing to her body is a deal breaker for him, that's his issue, not hers. Compromise doesn't give a dude I'm DATING autonomy over my body, that's my view, yours is different and that's ok, but again, shes not wrong for choosing what to do to her body. Mutual respect is of course important in relationships, your talking to someone who believes mutual respect is important in all aspects of life as Im sure you've gathered, but there's a limit, to many, including her probably, the body is a limit.

 

All of your posts in this thread have been very aggressive. You are entitled to your opinion on how a relationship should be handled, but stop attempting to force it on others.

 

You keep throwing out terms like "absurd" "controlling" and "submissive" to attempt to shame or degrade anyone who disagrees with you and invalidate their opinions. "Absurd" is comparing this to fabric softener.

 

I'm not replying to any more of your posts here

[kleptoz28]

I can't empathize with the OP because tattoos don't bother me. I don't particularly care for them, but I don't hate them. I'm meh.

 

However, be mindful of how this carries through to your next relationships. I would be leary of a guy who dumped a girl so easily over a personal decision. It would make me wonder if he would use emotional blackmail to try and get me to do what he wants or leave me high and dry if I did something he didn't approve of.

 

Not saying this is what you're doing - just throwing that perspective in.

 

And remember, too, you hate this tattoo more than you care for her, and that does say something.

 

If I hated it more than I care for her, I wouldn't have posted here looking for advice. I was looking for similar experiences and advice on how to get over it to try to continue being with her.

 

I got some solid advice from a few posters about trying to give it a chance, and a lot of attacks from people who seems to have the "me first" attitude a lot of people have now.

 

While I'm not sure that will be possible, that was the goal. I saw her in person last night for the first time since, and while we had fun together, it is distracting and I do feel negatively about it.

 

She has offered to cover it up when I'm around and says it means everything to her not to lose me over this. However, I am concerned she would come to resent me over this. And confused why she would get it if she wants me around so badly.

[figureitout23]

All of your posts in this thread have been very aggressive. You are entitled to your opinion on how a relationship should be handled, but stop attempting to force it on others.

 

You keep throwing out terms like "absurd" "controlling" and "submissive" to attempt to shame or degrade anyone who disagrees with you and invalidate their opinions. "Absurd" is comparing this to fabric softener.

 

Isn't what you just ranted exactly what you're attempting to do to me? I realize you don't know me, but I'm not the one, dude.

 

You don't want advise that differs from what you want to hear, don't ask for advise.

[kleptoz28]

Isn't what you just ranted exactly what you're attempting to do to me? I realize you don't know me, but I'm not the one, dude.

 

You don't want advise that differs from what you want to hear, don't ask for advise.

 

Read my reply to the poster above as well. I came here looking for advice on how to save a relationship, not to be attacked for having an opinion that's different from yours.

 

Was there any advice in your posts for that? Or just long explanations on why you believe I'm "controlling" and any woman who takes her bf's feelings into consideration is "submissive"?

 

Again, done arguing with this one.

[mustlovedogs]

I didn't attack you. And I gave advice.

[katrina1980]

I could be wrong, but I really doubt it was some sort of accident that the tattoo ended up so large. I think she was operating under the "It's better to seek forgiveness than to seek permission" model.

 

Here's what it comes down to: you don't like tattoos on a woman. You got involved with a woman who didn't have tattoos. That woman then made the unilateral decision to change one of the terms of your relationship--a term which may have never been spoken but a term nonetheless. She did this when she went from being your preference of a non-tattoed girlfriend to a tattooed one. Absolutely, 100% within her rights.

 

Now, you simply have to decide whether or not having a girlfriend with her entire upper arm covered in ink is a deal-breaker. Also with the understanding that she likely isn't done getting inked. If it is a deal-breaker for you then so be it.

 

By the way, you were in no way wronged. We all agree that she has the right to do what she wants with her body, but some may feel that it was wrong for her not to take your feelings into account. I disagree. If this is something she really wanted to do then she should have, regardless of how you felt about it. However, that doesn't change that SHE wouldn't be in any way wronged if you dumped her as a result. She made her decision knowing that it may make her significantly less attractive to you to warrant your leaving her, and that's a chance she chose to take.

 

Krankor, not sure how I missed this^ earlier, but I just read, and I agree with you.

 

Well said!

 

For the record, I do not think she was wrong. It's not how I personally would have handled it, but we all conduct our relationships in different ways.

 

And as I've said, I would have considered my boyfriend's feelings (his dislike and aversion) and abided by our agreement for a smaller tattoo.

 

That doesn't mean I think she was wrong per se, and I never said or suggested she was.

 

My only stance was understanding the OP's position too. Because it seemed he was being unfairly judged, criticized and attacked.

 

Like I said, there is no wrong or right. They simply have different views on how to interact within the context of a committed relationship.

 

He feels she should have considered his feelings (and aversion), abided by their earlier agreement, and she doesn't. They're incompatible.

 

@figureitout. I do not consider myself "submissive."

 

Sexually I prefer a dominant man and tend to attract as such. And two of my relationships were dom/sub in "that" regard.

 

But I have a mind of my own and have no problem voicing my opinion (as you know

 

My bf's and I have disagreed on many things, and I might defer to him IF at the end I believe he's right. There have been times I haven't, which is okay too, we embraced the differences.

 

Differences are good, opposites attract.

 

The fact I consider my partner's feelings before embarking on something that will impact him (whether directly or indirectly) has nothing to do with this. It's just how I was raised and what *I* believe to be fair.

 

And IMO getting a half sleeve tattoo would impact him as he will be looking at it day in and day out and making love to me. I presume he would prefer to be physically attracted to the woman he's making love to.

 

As I would prefer it too!

 

Sure we can all say well IF he really loved me, he would overlook the half sleeve and maintain his attraction regardless, and perhaps some men could, but IMO that is unrealistic.

[figureitout23]

Read my reply to the poster above as well. I came here looking for advice on how to save a relationship, not to be attacked for having an opinion that's different from yours.

 

Was there any advice in your posts for that? Or just long explanations on why you believe I'm "controlling" and any woman who takes her bf's feelings into consideration is "submissive"?

 

Again, done arguing with this one.

 

Yes, I saw. I'll keep my thought on it to myself.

 

 

I posted here twice, I gave you my advise. The post you're quoting is one where I was responding to another poster. You can angrily huff and puff, but realize you are asking for advise. You cant control what opinion one gathers from what you post, my advise is quite similar to others who posted here, you got angry at them too. You literally got angry at any and all advise that didn't say what you wanted to hear. That's on you.

[figureitout23]

 

@figureitout. I do not consider myself "submissive."

 

Sexually I prefer a dominant man and tend to attract as such. And two of my relationships were dom/sub in "that" regard.

 

But I have a mind of my own and have no problem voicing my opinion (as you know

 

My bf's and I have disagreed on many things, and I might defer to him IF at the end I believe he's right. There have been times I haven't, which is okay too, we embraced the differences.

 

Differences are good, opposites attract.

 

The fact I consider my partner's feelings before embarking on something that will impact him (whether directly or indirectly) has nothing to do with this. It's just how I was raised.

 

And IMO getting a half sleeve tattoo would impact him as he will be looking at it day in and out and making love to me. I also would presume he would prefer to be attracted to the woman he's making love to.

 

Sure we can all say well IF he really loved me, he would overlook the half sleeve and maintain his attraction regardless, and perhaps some men could, but IMO that is unrealistic.

 

My mistake on your stance.

 

My response to the rest... they've been dating a year... a compatibility issue arose, that often happens at this point. She chose her stance, he chose his.

 

The OPer has to decide if this is something he wants to continue to pursue. IF she has a 'my body, my choice' mindset, well, like I said , incompatibility issue.

 

In my opinion, she shouldn't have to compromise what she wants to do to her body for a man she's been dating for a year. Like other posters have said, many feel very deeply about tattoos. Its a highly personal decision, it's not a haircut, it's a permanent choice one makes, its beyond 'pleasing/displeasing' your boyfriend and if you have a real connection with someone you're going to be attracted to what's on the inside as well as what's on the outside and the inside should always outweigh the outside. But that's simply my opinion. To answer the OPers question: The only thing he can do to make things work is accept what she did cause it can't be taken back.

[kve1987van1]

If you don't accept her for her awesome tattoos then leave. That's who she is and she's not gonna cjnage. Find a girl who doesn't like tattoos

[katrina1980]

My mistake on your stance.

 

My response to the rest... they've been dating a year... a compatibility issue arose, that often happens at this point. She chose her stance, he chose his.

 

The OPer has to decide if this is something he wants to continue to pursue. IF she has a 'my body, my choice' mindset, well, like I said , incompatibility issue.

 

In my opinion, she shouldn't have to compromise what she wants to do to her body for a man she's been dating for a year. Like other posters have said, many feel very deeply about tattoos. Its a highly personal decision, it's not a haircut, it's a permanent choice one makes, its beyond 'pleasing/displeasing' your boyfriend and if you have a real connection with someone you're going to be attracted to what's on the inside as well as what's on the outside and the inside should always outweigh the outside. But that's simply my opinion. To answer the OPers question: The only thing he can do to make things work is accept what she did cause it can't be taken back.

 

I think we're pretty much in agreement for the most part.

 

In thinking about this a bit further though, while of course it's her body and as such she's free to do with it as she pleases, where I disagree with how she handled is her making the agreement with OP to get a small tattoo, and then breaking the agreement without letting him know.

 

Not asking permission, just letting him know the original plan changed.

 

This shows respect, IMO.

 

To me, when you make an agreement with your partner, no matter what it is, that should mean something.

 

I mean why agree in the first place if in the end you're just gonna do what you want anyway?

 

Ideally, it would have been best if she had not agreed to anything and left it open ended.

 

That would have been more fair and honest, imo.

 

All that said, OP as many of us have said, give it time, you may come to love it.

 

Or at least accept it better.

 

I know that's a stretch, but I've seen it happen.

 

Don't know what hers look like but have seen some really beautiful tattoos on women.

 

Best of luck!

[IAmFCA]

If I hated it more than I care for her, I wouldn't have posted here looking for advice. I was looking for similar experiences and advice on how to get over it to try to continue being with her.

 

I got some solid advice from a few posters about trying to give it a chance, and a lot of attacks from people who seems to have the "me first" attitude a lot of people have now.

 

While I'm not sure that will be possible, that was the goal. I saw her in person last night for the first time since, and while we had fun together, it is distracting and I do feel negatively about it.

 

She has offered to cover it up when I'm around and says it means everything to her not to lose me over this. However, I am concerned she would come to resent me over this. And confused why she would get it if she wants me around so badly.

 

I am about those who offered advice how-to deal with it. My advice derived from my experience with someone who was categorically unattractive from a physical standpoint. His character was exemplary. i wanted to love him, so I taught myself how.

 

If you want to deal, you cannot use concepts like hiding it etc. Acceptance is required of you.

[IAmFCA]

I am about those who offered advice how-to deal with it. My advice derived from my experience with someone who was categorically unattractive from a physical standpoint. His character was exemplary. i wanted to love him, so I taught myself how.

 

If you want to deal, you cannot use concepts like hiding it etc. Acceptance is required of you.

meant to say

I am AMONG those...

[kleptoz28]

I didn't attack you. And I gave advice.

 

Comment wasn't directed at, or in response to, anything you said.

 

Also,I haven't actually broken up with her. As a few here have suggested, I'm trying my best to make it work.