Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?

[boltnrun]

Many people think overweight people are gross. And it certainly is difficult to lose weight, not to mention there are often permanent stretch marks from the weight gain (I still have some on my hips from the "Freshman 15" and that was a long, long time ago!). Stretch marks are often a result of pregnancy too, and how many women have struggled to lose weight post-pregnancy?! And how many men are turned off by their wives post-pregnancy? I would imagine it happens more than one might think.

 

I think, bottom line, that the OP has the right to end the relationship if he feels he was misled. It might mean he no longer trusts his partner's word or feels disregarded. What we would or would not do is irrelevant, it's entirely his right to react however he feels.

 

Side note that may or may not be helpful...I had to have major, life-saving surgery that resulted in a large scar on my abdomen. My boyfriend at the time's best friend told him, right in front of me, "You need to break up with her. No way would I stay with a chick who was scarred". Fortunately, my boyfriend made the decision for himself that he was happy I had the surgery because the alternative would have been losing me permanently. Now, his best friend had the right to be turned off by a large scar and end a relationship because of it. It would just mean that he and I would have been incompatible because he valued physical appearance over my health. Fortunately I wasn't dating him!

[LaHermes]

Er, these scars are not self-imposed (as tattoos are). Operations, birth, weight loss etc.

 

If a man loves his wife so little that he is "turned off" by her post-pregnancy, well there is a name for men like that. Also, is he some sort of Adonis!!! A real man would love his wife even more at that time.

 

There seem to be more and more air.heads around, or am I imagining it.

 

So a spouse returning from say a war zone with bad scars just needs to be shoved on the scrap-heap! I mean, people, what kind of world are we living in!!

[katrina1980]

Removal also results in scarring sometimes, or leaving ghost images of the tattoo.

 

I would never do it, but get the appeal for some.

 

I think love and acceptance is key.

 

Allow me to share a story; not sure if it will help the OP, maybe it will, maybe it won't.

 

I dated my ex for six years, and when I met him he was a very lean 6'1" conservative looking guy with model looks.

 

Best looking man I had ever been with actually.

 

Throughout the years he went through some major transformations.

 

When we met, he was a conservative looking Director then Vice President at a major financial corporation.

 

He HATED IT despite him earning in excess of 200K a year not including bonus.

 

So he quit and began working as a "building engineer" which is essentially a glorified maintenance worker. Blue collar.

 

Learned the trade and became very good at it. Pay at first was about 35K a year.

 

He also bought a Harley and became a full fledged biker guy, gained 25 pounds, grew a beard, hung out with bikers, attended biker conferences, the whole nine.

 

Became a first class cook!

 

He also started losing his hair, so needless to say looked like a completely different man from the man I had met 3-4 years prior and fell in love with.

 

As for me, didn't care!

 

I accepted all these changes and loved him regardless.

 

Honestly, I embraced the changes.

 

I didn't change much physically, accept once I did chop my hair short (to the chin, a layered bob) which he said he liked but know he really didn't and preferred it longer.

 

What he did embrace were all the changes I went through mentally and emotionally which was no easy feat !

 

I guess my point is that when you love someone, truly love, you accept them, with all their quirks and foibles, different looks, and other changes.

 

Change with them (your attitude), grow together.

 

Relationships like that have the potential for lasting a very long time, barring other things happening that can totally mess it up.

 

As is what happened in our case, unfortunately. Which is another thread altogether.

[BritterSweet]

That is what I am getting at. Removal leaves scars, not to mention the cost. So why bother in the first place. Usual copycat stuff I suppose. Rather sad.

 

Other people inking their skin is None. Of. Your. Business.

 

You are aware that there are people here with tattoos who may be reading what you typed, right?

[LaHermes]

I honestly do not care what you think Britter.

 

This is an open forum and I was merely expressing an opinion, as others do. Why not attack them!

There is no need to be so rude.

[boltnrun]

Well, I am tattooed and I didn't "copy" anyone. I plan to get more.

 

And yes, I did get mine after I was married. Husband kind of shrugged and said "whatever".

 

However, I don't like neck or face tattoos. I wouldn't date a man who had either. Meh, personal preference.

 

And I could see myself ending a dating situation if the guy decided to get a neck or face tattoo. Not because I felt "deceived" but because I just plain don't like them.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

[LaHermes]

Quite so. Each to his or her own. I would not date anyone with a tattoo. I just cannot stand them.

 

Some people don't like red clothes, some don't like black, some don't like green. A preference. I don't like tattoos. What am I supposed to do. Apologise because I don't like them!!

 

What the h*ll has got into people here recently......

 

Can't even state a preference.

[katrina1980]

Well, I am tattooed and I didn't "copy" anyone. I plan to get more.

 

And yes, I did get mine after I was married. Husband kind of shrugged and said "whatever".

 

However, I don't like neck or face tattoos. I wouldn't date a man who had either. Meh, personal preference.

 

And I could see myself ending a dating situation if the guy decided to get a neck or face tattoo. Not because I felt "deceived" but because I just plain don't like them.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

 

Oh forgot to mention, ex tattooed up too. In a major way.

 

Not his neck or face though, gotta admit "that" may have been a tough one to embrace! lol

[BritterSweet]

I honestly do not care what you think Britter.

 

This is an open forum and I was merely expressing an opinion, as others do. Why not attack them!

There is no need to be so rude.

 

You were judging people, calling them copycats and looking down on them. Just saying "I'm not a fan of tattoos" is an opinion on tattoos. Going, "Why bother in the first place? Usual copycat stuff I suppose. Rather sad" is condescending to people who get them. I was reacting to your rudeness.

[Seraphim]

You were judging people, calling them copycats and looking down on them. Just saying "I'm not a fan of tattoos" is an opinion on tattoos. Going, "Why bother in the first place? Usual copycat stuff I suppose. Rather sad" is condescending to people who get them. I was reacting to your rudeness.

 

I agree my life's sufferings and my ways and others ways of overcoming and displaying our overcoming is not copy cat. They are tangible visual reminders that inspire us to keep going forward.

[journeynow]

No comparison Journey.

 

.....career, weight, diet, house style, days off, music, pets, etc.

 

They are all CHOICES, LaHermes, that a partner may have strong feelings about and not want their significant other to change. My significant other's career choice, diet, etc, can impact me when we are in a long term relationship, living together, building a life together. They are compatible, IMO.

[kleptoz28]

That is what I am getting at. Removal leaves scars, not to mention the cost. So why bother in the first place. Usual copycat stuff I suppose. Rather sad.

 

Some will disagree with me,but this is exactly what it was. Nothing original or personal, she just had to have one all of a sudden and literally flipped thru images online till she found one that was "pretty".

 

I suppose I would be more accepting if there were some deep personal connection she had to it, instead of just random ink.

[LaHermes]

Geeze, Journey. Age changes us all, an accident can change a person, an illness can change a person, (scars, amputations, etc.). Can't be helped. NOT a choice.

No one chooses to be ill, to have scars, to be injured in an accident. These events are not self-imposed. A tattoo is self-imposed.

 

It is a sorry state of affairs if a spouse/partner bails out because the other becomes ill, is scarred in an accident, or ....due to pregnancy.

 

Where am I not being clear. L.

[pippy longstocking]

LaHermes, in all fairness as someone who got a tat the day the op made this thread , haha we talked about this in the shop ..some tats are indeed a fashion statement ... a phase ...when I was a girl , it was a teardrop under the eye and dots on the knuckle , then the whole lower back tats , now its the chest and neck ...

[journeynow]

Geeze, Journey. Age changes us all, an accident can change a person, an illness can change a person, (scars, amputations, etc.). Can't be helped. NOT a choice.

No one chooses to be ill, to have scars, to be injured in an accident. These events are not self-imposed. A tattoo is self-imposed.

 

I was responding to your response to me and THESE THINGS: ".....career, weight, diet, house style, days off, music, pets, etc." which are mostly choices, are they not?

 

No comparison Journey.

.....career, weight, diet, house style, days off, music, pets, etc.

[LaHermes]

Thanks Pippy.

 

I know what you mean.

 

Top to toe. Again, if someone wants to do that, let them. I just think they are frightful.

[LaHermes]

Never mind. Forget it all of you. Calm down.

 

I'll never mention the T word ever again. Promise.

[pippy longstocking]

Thanks Pippy.

 

I know what you mean.

 

Top to toe. Again, if someone wants to do that, let them. I just think they are frightful.

 

As someone already said ( maybe you ) different courses for different horses . This was my 10th tattoo , but you cannot see the other 9 , at a push if I wore a loose vest top you can see the top of the tiger on my back . This time though I had it on my wrist , quite a big one . I was more contentious earlier in my life because of career stuff , so always played it relatively safe . Now I am 50 I am going for it

[katrina1980]

They are all CHOICES, LaHermes, that a partner may have strong feelings about and not want their significant other to change. My significant other's career choice, diet, etc, can impact me when we are in a long term relationship, living together, building a life together. They are compatible, IMO.

 

journey, the things you mention are superficial.

 

Yes they will impact you on some level, but when there is love and commitment, you embrace the changes and work through them together. My opinion of course.

 

Like let's say he lost his job, which of course would impact you.

 

Assuming you love him, would you leave him?

[LaHermes]

It's OK Pippy. No attack was meant. Merely saying what my dislike is/was.

[BritterSweet]

Some will disagree with me,but this is exactly what it was. Nothing original or personal, she just had to have one all of a sudden and literally flipped thru images online till she found one that was "pretty".

 

I suppose I would be more accepting if there were some deep personal connection she had to it, instead of just random ink.

 

Again, it's not your call. A sudden random ink on a whim is still completely within her rights. She doesn't need your approval, and she doesn't have to justify it to you because it's all on her.

[journeynow]

journey, the things you mention are superficial.

 

Yes they will impact you on some level, but when there is love and commitment, you embrace the changes and work though it together. My opinion of course.

 

Like let's say he lost his job, which of course would impact you.

 

Assuming you love him, would you leave him?

 

I would not, no. Love and attraction are bigger than that, for me. Some people would, based on posts I've read over the years on ENA.

 

Now if the tattoo my SO got was a swastika, I might seriously reconsider the relationship. Or if my SO ran for president.

[katrina1980]

 

I would not, no. Love and attraction are bigger than that, for me. Some people would, based on posts I've read over the years on ENA.

 

 

I hear ya.

 

Here in southern Cali, this may be the number one reason why the divorce rate is so high, much higher than in other parts of the country.

 

Disagreements and arguments over the superficial. And cheating.

 

I don't think love and commitment even exist around here.

 

People talk the talk but don't walk the walk.

 

I plan on moving out of state later in the year.

 

Probably back east which is where I'm from originally.

[boltnrun]

I would not, no. Love and attraction are bigger than that, for me. Some people would, based on posts I've read over the years on ENA.

 

Now if the tattoo my SO got was a swastika, I might seriously reconsider the relationship. Or if my SO ran for president.

 

OMG...LOL

 

I wouldn't leave if he legit lost his job. But a friend of mine moved a guy into her house on the 2nd date (no kidding!) and he mysteriously "lost" his job immediately after. He never did manage to keep another one (only lasted a week or two until he "lost" the next one and the one after that). He was content to let her support him financially.

 

My brother lost his job years ago, which was terrifying (wife and three children) due to the company suddenly closing. He hit the pavement every single day until he found a new job.

 

Two totally different situations.

 

Anyway....I still stand by, one's deal breakers are individual and should only be dictated by the individual him- or herself. Period.

[kleptoz28]

Again, it's not your call. A sudden random ink on a whim is still completely within her rights. She doesn't need your approval, and she doesn't have to justify it to you because it's all on her.

 

Tell me again how angry my having an opinion makes you. Did I say she needed approval?

 

This whole topic seems to have hit a nerve with a few of you.