Baby at Our Wedding?

My fiance and I are getting married soon.

We've made it pretty clear both verbally and on our wedding website that we don't want any children under twelve attending. We do have 3 kids that are under that age in the wedding party but they will be going home after the ceremony/photos.

We have two friends in our wedding party who have a baby. She is my fiances goddaughter. All three of them are like family to us. We would love to have the baby there but we have requested no children for a reason but I think our friends thought that didn't include their child and announced to a group of our friends and family that the baby would be coming so we felt put on the spot and didn't correct them. The baby is also teething so she's been crying constantly the past several weeks and is inconsolable. My fiance and I appreciate everything our friends have been doing helping with the wedding etc. We don't know how to tell them we don't want the baby there without offending them.

Such a request is unfathomable in my mind. Your finance's own goddaughter can't attend? I get she's too young to enjoy an open bar but it's a pretty big slap to the faces of his friends. I don't think there exists a way to tell them without offending them. But if this is something you insist on, tell them directly and risk them not showing.

I disagree with j.man a bit. I think it's perfectly reasonable to request no children at weddings for exactly the reason you described. It's your wedding anyway.

Pull her aside and express how much you love the entire family unit and offer up babysitting with your own children after the ceremony.

I wonder if there is some other way to work around this - is your wedding being held somewhere you can rent an extra room for babysitting? You can hire a babysitter and then the couple can leave the child there during the wedding. I wonder what if you say, "no baby" and then the couple decides not to go to the wedding because they can't find someone to watch the baby?

BTW, there was a member here a few years ago who was really against babies and children at her wedding. Despite her request, people brought kids anyway. There was a baby crying through her wedding vows when she watched the videotape, but said she didn't even realize it during her wedding because all her love and attention was on her groom.

I think they knew you meant their kid, which is why they announced it rather than check with you. And since you didn't correct her immediately, it's going to be harder to do so now.

I think mustlovedogs has a good idea about the babysitter.

I think they knew you meant their kid, which is why they announced it rather than check with you. And since you didn't correct her immediately, it's going to be harder to do so now.

I agree. People are smarter (read: craftier) than you think.

I'm sorry I cannot understand the no kids at wedding thing.. Once you have children and are told you can't bring them to a friends wedding you might understand how this might not go down too well... Babies cry, weddings are family events, Families have kids.. I had 4 children under 10 at my wedding and none of them caused any problems even though they were running around at the reception and falling down and crying at times it didn't take away the joy I felt...

Why don't you provide ask them to have a babysitter (perhaps a family member of the friend) so that if the baby does cry at a critical time they can be taken outside until they calm down or the vows or whatever is over.

I'm sorry I cannot understand the no kids at wedding thing.. Once you have children and are told you can't bring them to a friends wedding you might understand how this might not go down too well... Babies cry, weddings are family events, Families have kids.. I had 4 children under 10 at my wedding and none of them caused any problems even though they were running around at the reception and falling down and crying at times it didn't take away the joy I felt...

 

Why don't you provide ask them to have a babysitter (perhaps a family member of the friend) so that if the baby does cry at a critical time they can be taken outside until they calm down or the vows or whatever is over.

The main reason we don't want kids there is because the last family wedding, children were allowed and managed to cause plenty of damage to the venue and rental items at the bride and grooms' expense. A lot of the parents (in our circle at least) tend to see events like this as a night off and expect everyone else to look after their children while they get loaded.

If our friends could ensure that they could have someone there to take the baby out if she starts crying, I could probably get on board with that but when asked they gave me a very wishy washy response.

The main reason we don't want kids there is because the last family wedding, children were allowed and managed to cause plenty of damage to the venue and rental items at the bride and grooms' expense. A lot of the parents (in our circle at least) tend to see events like this as a night off and expect everyone else to look after their children while they get loaded.

 

If our friends could ensure that they could have someone there to take the baby out if she starts crying, I could probably get on board with that but when asked they gave me a very wishy washy response.

Maybe you should then offer to have the same person who is watching your kids take their kid as well?

Jeezus: Its a wedding and an excellent chance to spend a fun night out together WITHOUT THE KIDS so why would they want to bring a teething baby to the festivities?

I'd be putting it to them that way an suggest she get a reliable baby sister so that the baby's presence doesn't get you into trouble with all the other people that wanted to bring their kids too.

It really boggles my mind that they wouldn't want a nice night out together as a romantic couple.

Maybe you should then offer to have the same person who is watching your kids take their kid as well?

I don't have any children. Somewhere in the thread there must have been some miscommunication.

A couple things you did wrong here OP:

1.It is ok to have an adult only wedding. There is no ettiquette rule that hold rent must be invited to a wedding. BUT it is NOT ok to write on a wedding website or invitations that it's adults only. That is extremely rude. You never ever write who isn't invited on an invitation (i.e. Children).

When you send invitations out, the envelops address the people by name. That tells people who is invited. If you want to be very clear... On the RSVP cards, it should read something like "2 reserved seats for (coming or declined" (you put in the number)

2. Setting an age limit is very arbitrary and purposely can divide families. What if you invite a family that has two kids... One is 18 and the other is 8. So the parents and the 18 year old are invited, but the 8 year old son/daughter can't come? You will cause a rift here.

3. If you are going to have a child-free wedding, it must be across the board. Don't make exceptions for certain people while telling other guests who are parents they can't bring their child. It shows favoritism.

So don't write "adults only" or an age limit. People will think you are a bridezilla.

The baby is also teething so she's been crying constantly the past several weeks and is inconsolable. My fiance and I appreciate everything our friends have been doing helping with the wedding etc. We don't know how to tell them we don't want the baby there without offending them.

She was pregnant/had a very young child when you asked her to be in the bridal party. You shouldn't have asked her to be in your bridal party if a baby was that much of a concern.

Since she is in your wedding party, I think it's best to bite the bullet on this and let the baby come. Otherwise. you not only lose a bridesmaid, but potentially a friend after the wedding.

I don't have any children. Somewhere in the thread there must have been some miscommunication.

"We do have 3 kids that are under that age in the wedding party but they will be going home after the ceremony/photos."

I see - I thought maybe they were your kids but now I see you meant other peoples'. I would see if you can find a space for your friend to take care of the baby if it starts to get fussy. Again, not sure if the venue, but it might be as easy as booking a hotel room (if you're having the reception at a hotel) and requesting that your friend takes her baby there. Is your friend breast feeding?

"We do have 3 kids that are under that age in the wedding party but they will be going home after the ceremony/photos."

 

I see - I thought maybe they were your kids but now I see you meant other peoples'. I would see if you can find a space for your friend to take care of the baby if it starts to get fussy. Again, not sure if the venue, but it might be as easy as booking a hotel room (if you're having the reception at a hotel) and requesting that your friend takes her baby there. Is your friend breast feeding?

No, the baby is not nursing. They have left her with sitters for days at a time without issue.

Had a number of my friends request the same for good reason. The wedding was "adult time" if you will. Not implying anything sexual, just a night time event, drinking, partying - not really appropriate for young children to be in any more than taking your kids to a nightclub would be. The no young children was even on printed on their invites. Nobody took offence at that and if anyone asked why, they did explain politely that it's an evening adult party and would not be appropriate for young children and that's that.

Just be nice but firm with your friends and reiterate to them that young children are not appropriate to bring along to your wedding party and then maybe offer for them your own babysitter. Basically same treatment as for your own children so there is no resentment or added financial burden on your friends. If you put it nicely like that, you are putting them in a position where they really can't say no. If they get offended about that, it's already on them. They've already been rude about making the announcement rather than asking you. I kind of agree with the other poster that it seems like it was a pretty passive/aggressive way of imposing what they want to do on you while putting you on the spot where you can't quite protest. Ultimately, it's your wedding so stay firm with what you want. Your request is not uncommon or unreasonable at all.

"We do have 3 kids that are under that age in the wedding party but they will be going home after the ceremony/photos."

 

I see - I thought maybe they were your kids but now I see you meant other peoples'. I would see if you can find a space for your friend to take care of the baby if it starts to get fussy. Again, not sure if the venue, but it might be as easy as booking a hotel room (if you're having the reception at a hotel) and requesting that your friend takes her baby there. Is your friend breast feeding?

We didn't write who wasn't invited on the invitation. We addressed it to mr and mrs so and so and then put on the invitation/website that please only rsvp for the names addressed on the invitation. When asked about kids, we would let them no we weren't having them at the wedding.

We don't have any large age gaps with any of the parents we've invited so there would be no issue of one kid coming and the other one not.

I did ask about the baby before I asked them to be in my wedding. It was not an issue at that time. If it is now, that's fine. But it wasn't when I asked.

No, the baby is not nursing. They have left her with sitters for days at a time without issue.

I'd go talk to your friend directly about this (not text or email). Just reiterate that you'd like to have a child-free wedding and suggest she use that sitter she used last time. I don't know your friend, but do you think she will take this well or will she cause a drama? In a way, it is not fair if she gets to bring her kid and the other people left their kids at home and the flower girl and ring bearer didn't get to stay either.

I'd go talk to your friend directly about this (not text or email). Just reiterate that you'd like to have a child-free wedding and suggest she use that sitter she used last time. I don't know your friend, but do you think she will take this well or will she cause a drama? In a way, it is not fair if she gets to bring her kid and the other people left their kids at home and the flower girl and ring bearer didn't get to stay either.

And that's just it is now I'm going to have to invite everyone else's kids or I'm going to get a talking to from several of the other parents. I'm already at nearly maximum capacity for my venue so if I want to stay in guidelines I'm literally going to have to univite people so that I can accomodate all these kids.

The main reason we don't want kids there is because the last family wedding, children were allowed and managed to cause plenty of damage to the venue and rental items at the bride and grooms' expense. A lot of the parents (in our circle at least) tend to see events like this as a night off and expect everyone else to look after their children while they get loaded.

 

If our friends could ensure that they could have someone there to take the baby out if she starts crying, I could probably get on board with that but when asked they gave me a very wishy washy response.

Their answer should have been nothing less than "of course." Shouldn't be anything wishy washy about it.

I was spreaking for ceremonies themselves when I wrote. Obviously I don't think a church hall chalk full of belligerent drunk folks during a reception is a prime location for a baby.

Jeezus: Its a wedding and an excellent chance to spend a fun night out together WITHOUT THE KIDS so why would they want to bring a teething baby to the festivities?

 

I'd be putting it to them that way an suggest she get a reliable baby sister so that the baby's presence doesn't get you into trouble with all the other people that wanted to bring their kids too.

 

It really boggles my mind that they wouldn't want a nice night out together as a romantic couple.

Because people are crazy and take things personally. It's one day. Maybe a few hours. If there are ways you can offer childcare during the wedding/ceremony, people can spend a few hours away from their kids.

Not a fan of that bit. I think it's reasonable to not want a kid crying over your vows, but there are very easy things you'd hope a parent would do such as sit toward the back and take the kid out if they start crying. Shouldn't be anything wishy washy about it. Personally, I wouldn't be above tasking ushers with making sure of it.

 

I was spreaking for ceremonies themselves when I wrote. Obviously I don't think a church hall chalk full of belligerent drunk folks during a reception is a prime location for a baby.

Ya, the problem with our particular location is that unless the child is under constant supervision, it is not ideal to have them there. We won't be doing a church or hotel it's going to be basically out near the woods. It will be dark by the end of the ceremony. And with a lot of the kids being energetic enough to the point of having a history of causing damage to venues etc, I could imagine they might manage to get outside and suppose they get lost or hurt? The venue itself is not childproof and there are no extra rooms to rent as a daycare.

There will be a costume party and it's heavily horror themed. Several of the parents have requested I ban certain costumes that might upset their children. That could be any number of things aside from the blantantly obvious. Say, a clown for example.

In having children at this event, it just brings up a massive list of concerns that I don't have the time, the money or in some cases, even the control to fix. It's safer and easier just not to have them there. If all the parents could make a committment to watch their child at all times or have someone sober there to do so, this would have been a different story. But only the flower girls and ringbearers parents have been able to get a sitter (they don't want their children there the whole night anyway). Everyone else has either expected myself, my fiance or other random guests to keep watch or to arrange a babysitter at their convenience, meaning not at the venue but rather at their homes. I can't arrange babysitters for how many dozen children a lot of them being from out of town.

Again, I would love to have them all there but it's just not practical. If people can't come as a result of that and/or not willing to sit near the back, find a responsible adult or be the responsible adult, I understand, including my wedding party.

Because people are crazy and take things personally. It's one day. Maybe a few hours. If there are ways you can offer childcare during the wedding/ceremony, people can spend a few hours away from their kids.

The annoying part of all of it is that a lot of the parents don't WANT to spend time with their kids there. They see it as a free babysitting service where they can bring their children and pawn them off on other guests while they party. At least that's been the behaviour at all the past weddings/events lol.

Wait, so people are bringing babies/young children to a wedding in the woods that includes a horror based costume party and its going to be dark outside? Have fun with that...!

Wait, so people are bringing babies/young children to a wedding in the woods that includes a horror based costume party and its going to be dark outside? Have fun with that...!

Ya, really lol hence why we didn't include children on the invites. So, people are demanding to bring them anyway but expect us to change basically everything about our wedding that makes it our wedding.

not sure why people would even bring their children to a horror-themed wedding party in the woods...? I'd just say "no kids!" in that case. omg.