Email from dumper after 6 months of NC

"I hope this finds you well. I've wanted to peek my head out and say

something to you for quite some time now, but I've always been

terrified of the thought. You told me I would reach out to you, and

that was a big reason I why I didn't until now. But it is a silly

reason, and I just would feel better if I sent you a line or two. I

don't have any expectations for this or hope to achieve anything

really. Best case I hear back from you, and worse case nothing happens

and I just waste my breathe. At least I now I'll feel better knowing

I've said what I've had to say, and hopefully you will too.

I hope you understand why things happened the way they did and don't

hate me for them. The situation had become toxic and something needed

to be done. And every time I think about it, I feel the same way, it

was the most difficult thing I've done in my life. But it needed to be

done, for the both of us. And I was right too, you know. I knew then

what I still know now, that I will never love anyone again. It will

never happen. And I told you that, I told you I would never have again

what we had. But things were bad, and I hope we've both learned a lot

about ourselves and about each other since then.

I do wish things happened differently. I really do hope you take the

time to read this, and think about all I've said, and not dismiss it.

That's all I ask of you. I don't know exactly where you are in your

life now, and if you'd rather not bring this up again, I understand.

Just know that I always think of you, and still feel you very much a

part of me. Your venom still courses my veins, just as it did when I

wrote that poem for you."

Are these just breadcrumbs or closure? I am left confused by the end of the letter because, for one, he says he didn't reach out to me because I told him all of the guys who have left me have returned but, as the email implies, he is not returning to reconcile anything with me or work things out, he is just reaffirming what he's said all along as we were headed towards our breakup. The stuff he said at the end made me furious because he it was so unnecessary especially because the gist of the email was coming from a selfish place--where he needed to absolve guilt for dumping me. I don't know...that's how I interpret it. Also, I could tell from all of the breaks in his sentences in the email compared to his reply to mine that he had written the letter in a different program and copied & pasted it into the inbox.

This was my reply back to him a day later:

"I agree that the breakup was for the better. I'm in a better place right now and hopefully you are too. Take care."

and this was his reply 10 min later:

"I'm very happy to hear you're in a better place. Hope things stay that way. As for me, well there's the good and there's the bad. Take care of yourself as well. I'm glad to have heard back from you."

Anyways, I'd like some honest feedback from you guys. The whole email was fraught with mixed emotions and signals. Does he want me and is too chicken to tell me? or is this just trying to make peace? Thank you:single_eye:

Sorry what bs. What nasty attempt at closure, or rather getting in some more digs and throwing out some more righteousness. Your answer was fine now go no contact. Don't let this poisonous saccharine affect you.

"Your venom still courses my veins, just as it did when I wrote that poem for you."

No idea. I don't think anyone can tell you anything from what he wrote. If you're curious, ask. If you don't want to and are content with the way things stand, let it go.

He doesn't want you. He feels guilty and wanted to know you weren't permanently damaged. But he also wanted to make sure you know he hasn't forgotten the bad either and maybe he hasn't really forgiven you for whatever reason. That whole "venom in my veins" line is a definite "Ouch, passive aggressive much are we?"

And maybe life isn't going so good for him and he also was poking around a bit to see if he could get a booty call or have you as an ego backup. Just sticking a toe out there to see if you'd beg him back after he essentially did a backhanded snark at you.

But this was most definitely him not wanting you back. I don't know why you'd ever think that. Now that you've answered him, block and delete and move forward.

Nothing has changed so much that any toxicity has died away and will never show itself again. He feels less guilty maybe for having reached out, but that whole poison line shows he's not forgotten and he's making sure you know he is not willing to go back to you.

Consider it done, his closure such as it was with a bit of nasty snark at you for good measure, and that's it.

Move on.

It reads like a sleazy combination of condescension and deference. I think it has manipulation written all over it. Your response was perfect.

This part is a hook to get you to ask about the 'bad' for me, well there's the good and there's the bad."

What a load of BS! He is probably feeling low about himself for whatever reason, and decided to see whether you are still pining over him and maybe even get an ego boost. Breadcrumbs, of the lame, pathetic kind. Your reply was perfect, and you need to leave it at that.

It's funny how such a long message can be so devoid of real meaning.

He doesn't want you. He feels guilty and wanted to know you weren't permanently damaged. But he also wanted to make sure you know he hasn't forgotten the bad either and maybe he hasn't really forgiven you for whatever reason. That whole "venom in my veins" line is a definite "Ouch, passive aggressive much are we?"

 

And maybe life isn't going so good for him and he also was poking around a bit to see if he could get a booty call or have you as an ego backup. Just sticking a toe out there to see if you'd beg him back after he essentially did a backhanded snark at you.

 

But this was most definitely him not wanting you back. I don't know why you'd ever think that. Now that you've answered him, block and delete and move forward.

 

Nothing has changed so much that any toxicity has died away and will never show itself again. He feels less guilty maybe for having reached out, but that whole poison line shows he's not forgotten and he's making sure you know he is not willing to go back to you.

 

Consider it done, his closure such as it was with a bit of nasty snark at you for good measure, and that's it.

 

Move on.

The venom part is just laughingly dumb on his part because he wrote a poem consisting of "venom" and vampirism at an attempt to be poetic once in the early stages of us dating--when no drama was involved yet. So it's not as much a snarky remark as a dufus one lol. He's a science major and doesn't know how else to put it. Haha

In fact the whole thing was "laughingly dumb", don't you think? Just a whole lot of hollow pompous pontificating. Was he always this arrogant?

The venom part is just on his part because he wrote a poem consisting of "venom" and vampirism at an attempt to be poetic once in the early stages of us dating

His e-mail is completely meaningless pointless bs where he is mostly patting himself on the back for dumping you as being the right decision....what the...like what kind of an a hole even says that 6 months down the road?! The last bit was just a stab in your back. The whole thing is just about as nice and as welcome as if he had dumped a truckload of manure in your driveway with a note that said "thinking of you, hope you enjoy the stench".

Your response was perfect. Don't say anything else or speak to him again. Ever.

It's bs, similair thing happened to me a few weeks ago, that's all just a plain bs.

Hope you've allready moved on.

It reads like a sleazy combination of condescension and deference. I think it has manipulation written all over it. Your response was perfect.

Agreed. His message was pure ego-serving drivel, and your response was perfect. Honestly, I take this as a closure letter that was also for attention-seeking purposes. He's hit a rough point in his life and just wanted to see if you still cared. Resist the temptation to respond further.

I'm proud of you for taking the high road with your response.

His letter six months later was a lame attempt at redirecting the blame and guilt off of him.

Good riddance I say!

Lisa

He doesn't want you. He feels guilty and wanted to know you weren't permanently damaged. But he also wanted to make sure you know he hasn't forgotten the bad either and maybe he hasn't really forgiven you for whatever reason. That whole "venom in my veins" line is a definite "Ouch, passive aggressive much are we?"

 

And maybe life isn't going so good for him and he also was poking around a bit to see if he could get a booty call or have you as an ego backup. Just sticking a toe out there to see if you'd beg him back after he essentially did a backhanded snark at you.

 

But this was most definitely him not wanting you back. I don't know why you'd ever think that. Now that you've answered him, block and delete and move forward.

 

Nothing has changed so much that any toxicity has died away and will never show itself again. He feels less guilty maybe for having reached out, but that whole poison line shows he's not forgotten and he's making sure you know he is not willing to go back to you.

 

Consider it done, his closure such as it was with a bit of nasty snark at you for good measure, and that's it.

 

Move on.

Why would i think that? maybe because he's alluding to and mentioning romantic things? Thanks anyway. His email was pointless nonetheless and he contradicted himself in every sentence. lol

you handled the situation perfectly. I think some of what he said were to try to get under your skin and to try to get a reaction from you. Good for you for not giving it to him!

you handled the situation perfectly. I think some of what he said were to try to get under your skin and to try to get a reaction from you. Good for you for not giving it to him!

Thank you this email has set me back however...i was nearly over him completely and then this happens.

so F'd up.

Him:

1. I'm writing this for me.

2. I was right to dump you.

3. You suck and need to grow up.

You:

Thanks, you were right.

Him:

You're welcome. Glad you realize that.

There is absolutely nothing there about getting back together or wanting you. In every way, it's basically belittling you and being condescending. I would be done with him if I were you and block his number.

I personally would not have responded in any way to such a ***ty message.

Quote 'and I just would feel better if I sent you a line or two'

It was all about him absolving guilt but in a really crappy way. You should have blocked him when you broke up, you should certainly do it now.

Him:

 

1. I'm writing this for me.

2. I was right to dump you.

3. You suck and need to grow up.

 

You:

 

Thanks, you were right.

 

Him:

 

You're welcome. Glad you realize that.

 

 

There is absolutely nothing there about getting back together or wanting you. In every way, it's basically belittling you and being condescending. I would be done with him if I were you and block his number.

haha! I loved her reply. He def didn't get what he wanted & I bet he feels more miserable now.

I disagree with some of the other responses. While I'm not sure of his motive, it seems he really cares about you and for some reason felt the need to tell you that albeit in a strangely-worded way.

Sometimes people who are in love need to break up because unfortunately love is not enough to keep a relationship together sometimes. I'm not sure about the specifics of your breakup, but this might be the case with you two.

Your response was perfect and I hope you're healing well. Sending lots of good vibes your way!

I'm with regretgirl on this one. I read it completely differently from the rest of you. To me, it seems he's feeling things out to see if they could maaaaaybe reconcile - he may be unsure if he wants to jump back into it, but he seems to be thinking of the possibility. At the same time, he's very much being cautious and hanging on to his ego. He doesn't know if she'll be open to reconnecting, so he's feeling her out to see where her mind is, where she is in life, etc. He was going for low risk of rejection, because he's not putting it all out there. He was also hanging on to having been "right" during the breakup. So I'm not saying she should have responded any differently. Just saying that I read his intentions differently from most here. He's been thinking about her. As for all the sentence breaks, if he typed it elsewhere and copy/pasted it's because he took his time writing and editing it.

JMO.

My second guess would be that he was recently dumped by someone, so he's reaching out to the OP as a sort of rebound. I know that's contributory to my previous post. But I think maybe if it was known whether he's had a recent breakup, it would say a lot about his intentions. My ex has an ex girlfriend who he would always call any time he had a breakup, and he did this to her for years.