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Thread: "I'd rather die than be single"

  1. #41
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    Life is not pointless without a partner. You have been listening to "what society " says.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Hermes's Avatar
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    Yes, Saluk. You know I only heard about this "Twilight" thing relatively recently. Lol. Talk about a load of rubbish, but damaging rubbish, I agree. I watched a bit of the film to see what all the talk was about. Switched it off...just that expression of "I've got a constant lower abdomen cramp" on her face, all the time (is this some new style of acting?!).....

    As for Fifty Shades, I doubt very much if it was romance that was on the author's mind, but rather the huge money she made from that book.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    I'm against censorship but if I could wave my hand and have one story be removed from existence it would be Twilight. I'd get 50 shades for free since it was fan-fiction! But I really do think people gravitate to these stories because the ideas that they describe are already heavy in play making them easy to relate to for people of like minds.

    "The idea that the sure bad thing is better than the unsure possibly good thing." Too true. I think the unknown is at the top of most people's list of biggest fears, even if they aren't self-aware enough to know it.
    Yeah they are a symptom of the larger problem which is the message our overall culture sends which is that without a relationship you are somehow "doing it wrong". It's the same culture that tells people they have to get married, have to have kids, etc. etc.

    People get wrapped up in the concept that having a relationship makes you worthy which it absolutely does not and many will stay in bad relationships rather than risk being alone. It's sad.

  4. #44
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    My son is exactly this way so it doesn't just affect girls. I think this is an age thing, and I certainly didn't teach him.

    He's settled down at 19 with a girl he knows he has no future with (he's said this, not me) and is letting himself go. It's really sad.

    Now, my wife and I have been together for 21 years, not all of them happy, so maybe he has been indirectly "taught" that you stay with someone, and you stay monogomous, even if you're not always happy. That's the only thing I can think.

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  6. #45

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    It's a social expectation, and I would venture as far to say that it affects men more than women...

    Google "Involuntary celebacy" or "incel"... Socially, it's largely ignored and misunderstood, it's scary as hell, and those affected are disproportionately male. Affected females are rare and from what I've seen often consider themselves asexual to start... The suicide rates associated with male loneliness is pretty significant (overall suicide rates are disproportionately male to being with), and seeing the "support" available to them, I'm not surprised such cases lead to tragedies or severely depressing lives...

    That's not to say that women don't face similar stereotyping if they're single... But I think there's more of a social recognition that they face unfair expectations...

    That said... as a species we likely don't come from monogamous roots... We share a lot of physiological traits that are indicative of adaptation to sexual competition... Sexual arousal from novelty, penis length, sperm viscosity, lack of hormonal fluxes that curbs our sexual attraction after mating... Coupled with the fact that there's relatively developed societies that still assume polygamy as the norm... For the record I see monogamy as a consequence of our highly-developed frontal lobe and think it's the highest display of respect to a partner... Though not a defining requirement... So, don't get the impression that I'm advocating total promiscuity, or challenging anyone's idea of a "healthy relationship"...

    At the end of it all, I think we all want to feel "average" (at least when we're young). If society thrusts dating and sexuality on you, and all your friends are engaging in it, of course you're going to feel as if you have to be like them... In such a society I would almost argue that it's necessary for personal health/growth... Basically, nobody benefits from being an alien in society.

    I think the real issue digs far deeper than any gender-specific messages... If I had to step over boundaries I would say the real issue is that we neglect social responsibility in the name of free speech in media... I think the sheer amount of gore, porn, and snuff that's readily accessible to anyone of any age is as close to evidence as you can get...

    Unfortunately, major social reformations occur over multiple generations, and as a parent I think you can only oppose society so much before a child begins to resent you for alienating them and leaving them ill-equipped to cope with the reality of their social settings....
    Last edited by Pixels; 06-12-2015 at 07:02 PM.

  7. #46
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    I used to be in this camp (maybe I still am, I don't know. Haven't been in a relationship in so long, I don't know how I'd react if things weren't ideal or even close to it), but thankfully, I've matured as I've gotten older... if only because I've seen the other side of the coin (being in a relationship that on the surface "seems" nice) isn't really that much better than what I think I have now. Additionally, I've had so much else going on in my life, career wise, family wise, etc. that dating is a fun diversion but not much more, and if I don't go on a date for a while, then so be it, because there's little I do other than work that I do on a routine basis anymore.

    What made me think of this again though, is one of my friends who I hung out with tonight. She used to accuse me of being too "girl crazy" and not wanting to do anything if it didn't involve possibly meeting a woman. I'm not like that anymore (plus she kind of exaggerated that to begin with although I was more obsessed) but now she's worse than ever. She's always been a little "guy crazy" but now it's to the point where she can't have fun ... at all... if there aren't some guys her age that she finds attractive somewhere in the building we're in.

    I tried to have fun with her tonight, just going to a karaoke bar and all she could talk about was how everyone was "old" and not hot and how bored she was because of that... I've been single for 3 years. I don't see any reason to stop being single unless it comes up. So, it's really discouraging to hang out with somebody like this who has a "boyfriend or bust" mindset when all I'm trying to do is have fun with a friend and look stupid singing some karaoke songs. It used to be something we did without fail, and now most things we do are bogged down by the fact that she's single and there's nothing I can do to cheer her up.

  8. #47

    The Opposite

    I am someone who thinks "being alone" is just fine is a crock. (Excuse my wording.) I have been with someone for 9 years (living together for 7.5). He bought a house, is slowly moving and is telling me we can go back to being friends and see each other once or twice a week. I have refused the demotion but am ready to do anything to avoid being alone. The most miserable time in my life was when I lived alone but let's be real here. I don't just sit. I am active. Bookstores, shopping, movies, museums, etc.My man dislikes being around groups and totally hates traveling so I was partially alone. Did that stop me? Each year I drove over 1300 miles to visit Wyoming, Montana, etc. For years I was with my son, but the last two years I was by myself. I actually camped for 28 days in a tent. I met wonderful people, saw beautiful scenery and animals - and cried each day. You can only watch so many couples laughing and sharing. You can only turn to point out something wonderful to an empty space so many times. You can only be placed in the back of a restaurant because you are alone so many times. You can only realize you are the one they are warning not to hike the beautiful mountains alone because of safety so many times. You can only turn the key to a dark hotel room or your own home so many times. Or you can be one of the pitiful joiners of tours of old ladies (I now am old enough to comment.) so many times - that miss thousands of places buses don't go or have to keep on going when fog covers what you came to see because you have to get back on the bus! (I've watched this over and over for years!). Great that they did something but most of what is said is because otherwise the hopelessness of it all would suffocate people who have no one and little chance of changing their situation. Give me a break. Although having a close woman friend is wonderful, we all know if some handsome, nice man asked us out during our life, we called our close friend who with true understanding rearranged a plan we had made. Being alone to do chores, read a book or just spiritually re-energize is nice and needed - but being alone most of the time is not the way a human is mean't to be. Honestly - it is horrible!







    Originally Posted by Cheetarah
    I too don't think this is something seen in teens...In fact, I say I see it more in adults.

    Even though we are trying to promote being okay with yourself, by yourself - I'm not sure how many people actually believe in it. Even when they're the ones saying it. I do think there is an idea that one is somehow incomplete if they are't paired off. Or that life doesn't really start until you find 'the one'. People work on themselves so they can finally 'be ready' for a relationship. As though there is no other good reason to work on oneself.

    I really don't have any theories...Just that I agree with you as well, and that I do think these ideas still run rampant as much as we promote independence.

  9. 04-10-2016, 01:04 AM

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