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Thread: Being with someone who is always negative!!!

  1. #1
    mizzterious

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    Being with someone who is always negative!!!

    I can't stand talking to my boyfriend of a little over a year anymore. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a complaint about something insignificant, terrible things about other people, how he hates his job. It doesn't matter what he is talking about - it is always in a negative way.

    I can't talk to him anymore, it's so hard to have a conversation with someone who can't say anything nice. I consider myself a pretty positive and upbeat person and he really brings me down.

    As his girlfriend I should be there for him when he needs to vent and get his frusterations out. But that is all he has to say ever! He can go on and on for hours without saying a positive thing. If I try to talk about something else he will always have something negative to say about it. Its depressing!!!

    I have asked him why he can't say anything nice but he just blows me off. I have no intrest in even taking to him anymore. How can I tell him what his problem is?

  2. #2
    kuiks8

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    You could try letting him know how it makes you feel when he is always negative. Stress to him how tiresome it is for you and that it is bringing you down and you don't want to put up with it anymore.
    Try an I feel statement
    When you are always NEGATIVE i FEEL stressed because I value positivity in life....something like that...
    name the behavior, say how it makes you feel and tell him why it bothers you...

  3. #3
    Mutley
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    My uncle is the same way. I'm going fishing with him tomorrow. Yesterday, I told him point blank...no talking politics. I will tell him again tomorrow morning.

    I can't stand that negative talk. It brings me down.

  4. #4
    CallingAllAngels
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    Wow, that's a tough one because he's your boyfriend. Reminds me of my exhusband...he was the same way. No matter what he said, it was negative. If I tried to put a positive spin on it, he'd just get angry.

    Sorry I have no answer for you. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

    ~Allie

  5. #5
    whes
    Platinum Member whes's Avatar
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    I have a friend like that, and it's hard to be around him sometimes. I feel like I have to work twice as hard just so I don't get into a bad mood too. It's so draining and I can't imagine if he were my boyfriend and having to deal with that on a regular basis.

    Not to sure if you can be the one to help him out of his negativity. My friend is almost chronically depressed and your bf sounds pretty similar to him. Everything just takes to much damn effort and what's the point, because I won't enjoy it anyway: his basic attitude.

    If I were you, I'd get out of the relationship, leave him to winge by himself, and be around people who are a bit more optimistic about life.

  6. #6
    Batya33
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    I too have experience with those kinds of people (not my bf, thank goodness). what I suggest trying is, after he rants, say "tell me something good that happened today" - and if you have to repeat it like a broken record, do so.

  7. #7
    Crazyaboutdogs
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    There are some people who are just constantly negative about everything and unless they are willing to change there is not much anyone else can do except limit the time spent with that person or learn to tune it out. Clearly talking to your boyfriend is not working...he doesn't see that he has a problem. Your choices are 1) tune him out when he goes on a negativity rant 2) give him x amount of time to be negative about something and when he starts rambling on and on say something like "Anyway..." and then launch into a different topic. 3) end the relationship and find someone you enjoy hanging around.

  8. #8
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Well, do you really want to work it out? If you do then tell him his negative attitude is a real downer and he could have therapy to fix that.I am more inclined to walk away from such people because I have heard it enough in my life and do not have the time of day for it. I guess it is if you want to work it out or no.

  9. #9
    lady00
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    I couldn't be with someone like this. Like you, it would drive me nuts. I have no advice other than to dump him. I'm not one of those people who thinks breaking up is always the answer but you have already addressed this and he blew you off. For me that would be the end of that. I would never leave a situation like this without first trying to talk about it. But if your guy doesn't want to hear it...makes me wonder what else in your relationship he refuses to hear you out about. Gotta have communication and people in relationships need to be able to share their views and have their input discussed and taken seriously. Otherwise, it's just a one-person show.

  10. #10
    charliebrown
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    i've definitely been there before... my ex could not ever see the good in anything. i felt like everything that came out of his mouth was always a negative...even when good things happened he had something to complain about.

    some personalities are just that way, there might not be a lot you can do to change his perspective. i would recommend pointing it out every time he says something you can't stand (yes, you might wind up doing it every time he opens his mouth for awhile).

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