thedancer98 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 We have been talking since late May. We're both 22. We have the same humor/personality and also going through the same situation. We met about two weeks ago and hung for 5 hours. It was so fun. I was being myself and he made me laugh a lot. After the mall closed, we went to a park. I asked him a lot of questions. He said that he likes me, he likes our vibe, and im hilarious. BUT what scared me is he kept saying he doesn’t know if I can handle him, that he may be too much for me. I told him I was celibate btw and he said he was indifferent to it. Then…we kissed and made out. He also mentioned that he would communicate soon what we are. Btw, I didn’t say I liked him back even though I do. And I regret not asking what does he want between us. I wanted to tell him I want to make sure we’re on the same page. I’m looking for something exclusive. When I asked when we would see again, he said with due time, but he’ll see me again. I should let him initiate right? It will be two weeks on Thursday since I saw him. We’ve been texting since. I've been keeping distance, but he mostly hits me up first. And the thing with him is he replies late sometimes or ignores. He’s been single for 6 months after being in a long distance for a year. I found his Twitter after we hung out (I asked him for him it, but he brushed it off. Guessing he didn’t want me to see what he posts. Like he posted “I need something… I know what I need now 😈” I’m guessing he found someone to hook up with. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 If this guy liked you he'd be asking you out. Instead he prefers the electronic attention and feeding you breadcrumbs. Have you been celibate or do you practice celibacy? His stating that you couldn't handle him could suggest he sees himself as being very sexual. (in the context in which you shared your discussion with him) If you are indeed celibate, then you aren't compatible. You seem like a very nice person and he likes you enough to chat with you but probably not enough to date you. This doesn't mean you should change your value. You should just hold out for someone that agrees with it. I am sorry. Anything other than a yes, is a no. Link to comment
thedancer98 Posted July 11, 2019 Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 If this guy liked you he'd be asking you out. Instead he prefers the electronic attention and feeding you breadcrumbs. Have you been celibate or do you practice celibacy? His stating that you couldn't handle him could suggest he sees himself as being very sexual. (in the context in which you shared your discussion with him) If you are indeed celibate, then you aren't compatible. You seem like a very nice person and he likes you enough to chat with you but probably not enough to date you. This doesn't mean you should change your value. You should just hold out for someone that agrees with it. I am sorry. Anything other than a yes, is a no. Yeah I'm a virgin. Told him until I'm in a committed and trusting relationship. And should I just stop replying to his texts? Like I sent him a message last night and still nothing. I just want to distance myself. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I think saying you are celibate may be the problem. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I think saying you are celibate may be the problem. Well. It's not a problem and I'd be careful telling her so. It's just a difference. Neither right or wrong. Just different. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Should you respond? That's up to you. If you want to continue communicating with him knowing the likelihood that it won't go any further, then go ahead. If you feel any sense of disappointment, then just stop responding or dial it back until it fades. Or, tell him that you sense that the two you are looking for something entirely different. Wish him and well and say goodbye. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 He says he's indifferent to your celibacy, but I would bet any money he is not. This was his way of letting you know that he probably doesn't see you as a compatible match: "he kept saying he doesn’t know if I can handle him, that he may be too much for me." If he wanted to see you again, he would have let you know by now. I think you are going to be better off finding a guy who doesn't preface everything with the bit I bolded above. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Maybe it is a language barrier thing. but to me, stating that one is "celibate" has a completely different vibe from stating one is a "virgin." Celibacy implies a lifestyle. Virginity just means you have not been intimate -- yet. So, which is it? Was this guy you've known all of 2 months and change aware of what your situation is? I'd say that it is fair to say that in such a short period of time that he might have been put off about your stance (which is unclear) more than he let on. Link to comment
thedancer98 Posted July 11, 2019 Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 Maybe it is a language barrier thing. but to me, stating that one is "celibate" has a completely different vibe from stating one is a "virgin." Celibacy implies a lifestyle. Virginity just means you have not been intimate -- yet. So, which is it? Was this guy you've known all of 2 months and change aware of what your situation is? I'd say that it is fair to say that in such a short period of time that he might have been put off about your stance (which is unclear) more than he let on. Meant to say virginity. But he asked my experiences and I told him. I've been in two serious relationships and dated in between. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 He's not interested enough to want to date you. I don't hink taking about celibacy is a good topic for a first date. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Unfortunately he doesn't seem ready or willing to go out more. There are a lot of one-and-done dates, no matter how long they were or how well they went. If he texts, suggest meeting up. If he keeps stalling, move on. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 The vibe is super off and weird. Don't waste any more energy or time on this person. I understand you connected and all at the park etc but it shouldn't be this difficult to see someone. Six months is a short time to recoup for some people. Take things in your stride and chalk this up to experience. You seem a bit nervous and out of your league, to be honest with you. If you're a bundle of nerves this early on, try asking yourself why this situation is causing you to feel that way. And those cryptic social media messages...not cool. He seems brain fried. You may want this to work out but it might not be a good scene for you at all. Listen to your instincts. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Meant to say virginity. But he asked my experiences and I told him. But did you clarify that you used the wrong word? Because he may now think you intend to remain a virgin forever. As Jimthzz said, celibacy is a lifestyle. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Did he try and sleep with you on the first date? Is that why you told him you were a virgin? Once you told him that it sounds like he's backed off, and you probably won't be going on a second date. He also told you that he might be too much for you to handle so I think he's done you a favor by keeping away. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Yeah I'm a virgin. Told him until I'm in a committed and trusting relationship. And should I just stop replying to his texts? Like I sent him a message last night and still nothing. I just want to distance myself. Yes, stop all contact. From here it looks like you're not even in the same book, let alone on the same page. Link to comment
thedancer98 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 Did he try and sleep with you on the first date? Is that why you told him you were a virgin? Once you told him that it sounds like he's backed off, and you probably won't be going on a second date. He also told you that he might be too much for you to handle so I think he's done you a favor by keeping away. As we made out, he tried to unbutton my pants and I told him no/held on to my belt. His excuse: I want to see how it looks. & I didn't even intend to bring up my virginity. He asked and brought it up. Then asked my past sexual experience. That's all. Link to comment
thedancer98 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 Started no contact yesterday. Sent me a pic of him saying he was off of work. Didn't reply cause he most likely sent it to multiples. Mad bc my phone accidentally video chatted him on Snapchat last night. Told him just now it was an accident & left it at that Link to comment
saluk Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 It almost sounds like he was trying for a one night stand unfortunately. Keep your values intact - when you are ready to lose your virginity go for it, but don't let anyone badger you into it. Don't let his behavior bring you down though. You were able to be yourself on the date, and have a good time. One of these days you'll do so with someone who will wait for you to be ready to take the next steps. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 He wanted to see how it looks... not nice. That is not a conversation you should be having with a person you don't trust. Good for you for maintaining your stance and I agree with Saluk above. Be true to yourself and wait for the right guy. Get out of this mind space where you're dating people like this also. It's not good for you. You are old enough to have clear opinions on how you view your body and you should be forming a good idea of what you like and don't like in terms of dates but you may still be shaky or unsure about your limits. Be more selective in your dates and observe people more. You'll learn a lot by observing and doing less. I think you are on the right track. Be careful around people like this and if you don't feel good about anyone or any situation, exit and block/delete. Don't entertain any of this. It's a waste of time, space and energy. Pick better people around you and better things to do. Once you get into the habit of enjoying the company of people who respect you and your choices (and vice versa), you'll start to realize you won't settle for anything less. Also, it's a lot less confusion to look forward to. Onwards and forwards and let go of this person completely. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Don't date hungry wolves, date guys who respect your boundaries. Make better dating decisions and when things get ugly, leave asap. As we made out, he tried to unbutton my pants and I told him no/held on to my belt. His excuse: I want to see how it looks. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 He sounds full of himself, and he's jerking you around. You're 22, not 12. Raise you bar, accept that most people are NOT our match, and use dating apps to set up quick meets with lots of people to find simpatico with a GOOD match. Move on from anyone who doesn't want what you want, and skip anyone who plays games with you. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 As we made out, he tried to unbutton my pants and I told him no/held on to my belt. His excuse: I want to see how it looks. This guy is a pig, OP. You don't appear to have the experience just yet to identify red-flag behaviour, but this would be a prime example. You don't want guys like this asking you out again. He doesn't have the same intentions you do. Link to comment
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