Stillsingle3 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 As the title says really, what would you do? He seems nice enough, was up front about it and told me right from the beginning. He's went to prison when he was 28 and got out at 38, he's now 43. I really want to meet him, I mean we all have a past but I've never been in this situation before. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Well... what did he go for? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I would not meet him - he's a stranger and it's not like you two have mutual friends where you can find out information from sources other than him (and a background check). If he was in for 10 years then obviously it was something serious and also will affect his employment opportunities, etc. We "all have a past" makes no sense - it depends what is in the person's past and what your level of interaction will be - you are thinking of potentially dating this person and having him involved with you in your life, romantically. Why take the chance? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Yep... I suppose it would depend on what he had to serve 10 years for? Murder/rape/spousal abuse or he had an ounce of weed discovered on a random traffic stop. Link to comment
JessicaAllen Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 10 years in prison? Sheesh. Yeah, we def need to know what he did 10 years for. Domestic violence, I would run. People can change, but I would tread very lightly. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 If he was in there for such a long period, he did something very serious. Is the man supply so low in your area that you want to date an ex con? I would not go forward with this. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It would depend on what he served time for. If he killed someone in a car accident for example and served time for manslaughter (max 20 years, 10 years out on parole), to me that's forgivable. Murder, pedophilia, no effing way. There are people who have really turned their lives around in prison, become educated, read lots of books, done a lot of introspection and self-reflection and actually come out better people than they were before serving time. So I wouldn't rule it out, again it would depend on many factors. OP, can you provide more context? Link to comment
limichelle Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Be very cautious and don’t meet him. Ten years in prison I don’t think is a light sentence. Theres other guys that have no criminal record to date. Don’t settle for someone who just got out of prison. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Without sounding harsh, youÂ’re not that desperate, are you? Find someone who hasnÂ’t been in prison for the last ten years. Link to comment
Stillsingle3 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 I would not meet him - he's a stranger and it's not like you two have mutual friends where you can find out information from sources other than him (and a background check). If he was in for 10 years then obviously it was something serious and also will affect his employment opportunities, etc. We "all have a past" makes no sense - it depends what is in the person's past and what your level of interaction will be - you are thinking of potentially dating this person and having him involved with you in your life, romantically. Why take the chance? Yes it was serious. I totally get what your saying. But why tell me his past, if he hadn't I would of been none the wiser. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Yes it was serious. I totally get what your saying. But why tell me his past, if he hadn't I would of been none the wiser. What does it matter! he did hard time. C'mon woman, why are your partner expectations so low? What did he do? Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 At minimum, get his conviction records without telling him you are doing so. Compare those with what he tells you of himself. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 I totally get what your saying. But why tell me his past, if he hadn't I would of been none the wiser. Because maybe he's one of those people I described in my post -- who has turned his life around, learned, grown, evolved and is a better person now, than before entering prison. As such, he wanted to be HONEST and forthright with you. I actually think that's quite admirable and reflects someone, should you choose to continue dating him, you could trust. Link to comment
Stillsingle3 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 I would not meet him - he's a stranger and it's not like you two have mutual friends where you can find out information from sources other than him (and a background check). If he was in for 10 years then obviously it was something serious and also will affect his employment opportunities, etc. We "all have a past" makes no sense - it depends what is in the person's past and what your level of interaction will be - you are thinking of potentially dating this person and having him involved with you in your life, romantically. Why take the chance? It would depend on what he served time for. If he killed someone in a car accident for example and served time for manslaughter (max 20 years, 10 years out on parole), to me that's forgivable. Murder, pedophilia, no effing way. There are people who have really turned their lives around in prison, become educated, read lots of books, done a lot of introspection and self-reflection and actually come out better people than they were before serving time. So I wouldn't rule it out, again it would depend on many factors. OP, can you provide more context? It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. Uh yeah, no. The only way he'd be put away for 10 years for manslaughter is if he was an accessory. Blaming it all on his friend. Nice. So many guys to swipe right on.....swipe left on this one. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. No way. I'm sure it was also pleaded down. He probably told you, because you would find out anyway, through friends etc.... Do you usually go for losers like this? Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. People who get convicted of manslaughter and after 10 years tell you essentially it wasn't their fault, generally are not to be trusted. Pass. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. Forgivable, imo. Even if he was the driver would be forgivable (for me), assuming he had learned, grown and evolved from it, and become a better person. And the fact he told you about it is a big plus in my book (see my last post, no. 13). That said, I am not the one dating him. How do you feel about it? That is really all that matters. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 It was manslaughter, not him personally but he was with a friend who killed someone and he went down for it as well. Right. Do you know that from him or from a background check? He obviously was involved more than just being a witness. He didn't "go down for it" - he committed a felony that involved someone dying and he served many years for it. If he was innocent and wrongly convicted he would have told you what he did to try to make things right. But he didn't -and most likely because he wasn't just "there". If you've never met him and do not know anyone who knows him well I would move along and stay away. Not worth the risk. At all. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 If he was in there for such a long period, he did something very serious. Not necessarily... do you know how many people have been locked up for having weed? Weed is legal now in many places (and IMO no worse than alcohol) and there are still people with sentences longer than those that have killed someone. Is the man supply so low in your area that you want to date an ex con? I would not go forward with this.I probably wouldn't either unless I too spent time in prison and it was clear that we were "birds of a feather." Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Not necessarily... do you know how many people have been locked up for having weed? Weed is legal now in many places (and IMO no worse than alcohol) and there are still people with sentences longer than those that have killed someone. I probably wouldn't either unless I too spent time in prison and it was clear that we were "birds of a feather." This guy was involved in a murder. I cannot understand anyone getting involved in a situation like this. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Not for 10 years, unless they were a major dealer. This guy was involved in a murder. Yes, I read that he was up for manslaughter. Heck if you cheat on your taxes in a big way you can get more than that. There are lots of people who have gotten 10 years or more for far less than murder/manslaughter. My point was based on what you said "he must have done something serious to have gone to jail for 10 years." Link to comment
Jibralta Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 But why tell me his past, if he hadn't I would of been none the wiser. Because you have to invite the vampire in, so to speak. That way, down the line when he's making you tear your hair out with his bad behavior, he can turn around and say, "You knew what you were getting into when you met me." And you will have to admit he is right. At minimum, get his conviction records without telling him you are doing so. Compare those with what he tells you of himself. Agreed!! Link to comment
Stillsingle3 Posted January 10, 2019 Author Share Posted January 10, 2019 I would not meet him - he's a stranger and it's not like you two have mutual friends where you can find out information from sources other than him (and a background check). If he was in for 10 years then obviously it was something serious and also will affect his employment opportunities, etc. We "all have a past" makes no sense - it depends what is in the person's past and what your level of interaction will be - you are thinking of potentially dating this person and having him involved with you in your life, romantically. Why take the chance? It would depend on what he served time for. If he killed someone in a car accident for example and served time for manslaughter (max 20 years, 10 years out on parole), to me that's forgivable. Murder, pedophilia, no effing way. There are people who have really turned their lives around in prison, become educated, read lots of books, done a lot of introspection and self-reflection and actually come out better people than they were before serving time. So I wouldn't rule it out, again it would depend on many factors. OP, can you provide more context? Because maybe he's one of those people I described in my post -- who has turned his life around, learned, grown, evolved and is a better person now, than before entering prison. As such, he wanted to be HONEST and forthright with you. I actually think that's quite admirable and reflects someone, should you choose to continue dating him, you could trust. It's a tricky one. He could of easily not told me. He still has to go for a probation meeting every 6 months and this is the last year, I think I need more details on exactly what went on. Link to comment
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