Dating someone that's been to prison

[Jibralta]

You can judge by his present and not by his past, but DO make sure to judge. It's unfortunate but you MUST: because so many people who go to prison first do so at a young age. And even though it is a complete TRAGEDY, they do tend to become institutionalized and disenfranchised. Only the strongest character can overcome that. Strong character is pretty rare.

[Stillsingle3]

Bat, I could be wrong but I think she may have been referring to making snap judgments about his character, what type of person he is, without knowing anything about him other than he's been to prison.

 

Not a snap judgment re whether or not she should meet a stranger who's been to prison, or maybe it's the same thing, who knows.

 

In any event, the OP hasn't returned so it appears she's gleaned all the info she needs and has made the right decision for herself.

 

I have read all the replies and I agree with most of them, I had never agreed to meet him or had any plans to do so, it was simply a question asking what people would do if they found out that a guy you thought had potential to be dating material revealed he had spent time in prison.

some of the responses raised some questions that I just had to ask, more for my own curiosity if anything as I'd already decided that he wouldn't be what I was looking for.

Hed never been in trouble with the law before.

I found out that it was a shooting, he wasn't the one that pulled the trigger but was there so played a part. He didn't do 10 years he did 20.

I got his full name and the victims name but there's nothing on Google.

I wished him well in his search and ran.

[Wiseman2]

Smart choice to run. Everything is a lie to use people to their own ends when it comes to criminals/sociopaths. No one needs to give these people "a break" or the benefit of the doubt when it comes to dating. They can "get a break" through parole officers and post prison employment programs. Dating is to find an equal partner. It's not to volunteer or provide social services to anyone.

He didn't do 10 years he did 20. I wished him well in his search and ran.

[Batya33]

I have read all the replies and I agree with most of them, I had never agreed to meet him or had any plans to do so, it was simply a question asking what people would do if they found out that a guy you thought had potential to be dating material revealed he had spent time in prison.

some of the responses raised some questions that I just had to ask, more for my own curiosity if anything as I'd already decided that he wouldn't be what I was looking for.

Hed never been in trouble with the law before.

I found out that it was a shooting, he wasn't the one that pulled the trigger but was there so played a part. He didn't do 10 years he did 20.

I got his full name and the victims name but there's nothing on Google.

I wished him well in his search and ran.

 

Wow he lied about the length of his prison sentence? I'm glad you're not going to meet him (even if he hadn't lied).

[Annia]

20 years wow! You made the right decision.

[itsallgrand]

I'm very glad you chose not to get involved with him.

 

I've never quite agreed with 'the past is the past' nor 'only go by what you see in the present'. For me, the whole of a person is important when considering if/how I'd like to be involved with someone. I don't think it's quite as linear nor simple as some people seem to advocate.

 

Also, the reprucussions after a crime don't necessarily stop after someone has been in jail. That's true. Not only for the offenders, but for the victims too. It's complicated. Of course our systems of justice aren't perfect. Nor are systems of support.

I don't agree with the emphasis on sadness for the offender that he/she may not achieve full integration back into society. My concern leans much more towards prevention of these crimes, and rehabilitation for families and society when they are impacted by them. I think it's pretty crappy actually that that aspect only gets a footnote, while tremendous resources go into supporting offenders. There are privacy laws to protect offenders. People who have been personally impacted walk around with the knowledge the person who took the life of someone they love walk around all around you knowing that person walks freely and is living a life. There's a family living with that every day because of this man.

[MissCanuck]

I found out that it was a shooting, he wasn't the one that pulled the trigger but was there so played a part. He didn't do 10 years he did 20.

I got his full name and the victims name but there's nothing on Google.

I wished him well in his search and ran.

 

Good heavens. I still think you're not getting the full story from this guy, and as others have pointed out, privacy laws in your area might prevent you from finding much on the internet anyway. Depending on how you got his full name, you might not also have his real name either.

 

I am glad you decided to stay away. This has bad news written all over it.

[Sportster2005]

This is how a lot of people end up back in prison.

 

They can try their hardest to be decent honest loving people. But society won't have any of that. Judge them, and judge them harshly. We are better than them. Let's all push to get to the front of the line to cast the first stone. Deny them unemployment, deny them a chance at a loving relationship. With no income or hope they return to what they know. And then people scream .. SEE THEY DON"T DESERVE A CHANCE, LOCK EM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.. And the cycle continues.

 

Must be a lot of privileged people here that have had it pretty good.

[Batya33]

This is how a lot of people end up back in prison.

 

They can try their hardest to be decent honest loving people. But society won't have any of that. Judge them, and judge them harshly. We are better than them. Let's all push to get to the front of the line to cast the first stone. Deny them unemployment, deny them a chance at a loving relationship. With no income or hope they return to what they know. And then people scream .. SEE THEY DON"T DESERVE A CHANCE, LOCK EM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.. And the cycle continues.

 

Must be a lot of privileged people here that have had it pretty good.

 

Yes -all that can be done without dating or being romantically involved with a person with that type of history and who lies up front about how long he was in prison. Certainly if she knew him in real life and asked whether she should help him get more resources, etc I'd be all for it. I know of several people who do that either for work or on a volunteer basis or just to help out a friend/family member. Whether those people "end up in prison" or make bad choices really has nothing to do with this thread -whether to date/be romantically involved with someone in that situation. I did enjoy the latest season of Serial which is on that topic!

[itsallgrand]

This is how a lot of people end up back in prison.

 

They can try their hardest to be decent honest loving people. But society won't have any of that. Judge them, and judge them harshly. We are better than them. Let's all push to get to the front of the line to cast the first stone. Deny them unemployment, deny them a chance at a loving relationship. With no income or hope they return to what they know. And then people scream .. SEE THEY DON"T DESERVE A CHANCE, LOCK EM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.. And the cycle continues.

 

Must be a lot of privileged people here that have had it pretty good.

 

Did you read the whole thread?